This fight with my mother has now reached beyond the heights of ridiculous. It is just so stupid the things that have happened. My not going to Christmas...IS NO BIG FUCKING DEAL! It will not be the first holiday I have not attended. I'm sorry that I wasn't going anywhere today until a certain time because I have to watch my gas. I wanted to do it all at the same damn time.

I wasn't going to take any of the crap that I have to take from my family. I'm so over taking crap! So in standing up for myself and my holiday. Because yes it is my holiday too. I took charge of my holiday and am placing myself in an environment that won't be strained or have any underlying hostility waiting to erupt.

Then I get the lovely text message from my sister. It's very nice to know that I'm not the only one who was shocked by its content and the message it clearly sent.

The absolute best part, THE BEST PART of this is that my mother, like others before her, called my friend and EXPECTED that she would take my mother's side. What is it that people don't seem to understand about the relationships I have with my friends? Despite what has happened with a very very small amount of people, I make lasting relationships. I may not be as involved as I once was, but I'm still talking to people I met when I first got online.

Then...THEN!! Not only did she expect my friend to help her out with this situation. THEN my mother, who is going to be 60 in two years, decided to try to play some bullshit game on FB. They keep accusing me of not acting my age, and then go and pull that shit? WTF?? Are we 12? Didn't I already go through this once with someone else? Now my mother is playing a stupid stupid game! It's a game I know how to play! It's a game that can inflict a lot of pain and let out a lot of secrets. I am soo like my mother it's unreal, why would you want to play with me? Why would you set out bait? Oh yea..so you can say see I was right as I happily take the bait and fly off the handle.

HELLO...am I the only one listening when I say I've changed? That I'm not out here trying to play some game. I'm not out here trying to see what I can get from someone. I'm not out here to do anything but live my life and have as good a time as I can while raising Mae. It's not that difficult to understand. For the life of me I don't know why it bothers my mother so much that I would rather not be in a situation that I have to work at controlling myself and worry about slipping and I would rather stay home away from it. I don't think that's a bad thing. Why should I ruin the day? It's not just my day.

So anyways she said on FB to my friend Brigitte(who I'm eating with for Christmas) Thanks for all your help yesterday. Wouldnt count on a pecan pie until it walks in the door. It might not make it like the promised dips.

Seriously?? You want to play that fucking game! My friend tried to stop it there and was like i didnt know why it escalated, sorry, hope it goes well.

You know I had to put my two cents in! And this time I took a moment to think before I worded my wonderful answer. *Shakes my head* And I'm accused of not acting my age.~ Then I went on about being afraid of the pie and blah blah. Saying nothing other than that one line. Now the conversation is onto when to make a freaking turkey lol.

What the hell is going on in Heatherland?? BUT I did the right thing. I offered Mae to her dad for Christmas. Told him not to change any plans he had made because I wasn't out to screw his plans up. I was only letting him know that if he wanted she was available.

I'm really really wondering how many years it is going to take before everyone in my life and on the fringes of my life understands and realizes that while some times I revert to old patterns and behaviors, but it's very infrequent. I have said it once and I'll say it again. I have made changes in my life that make me a better person. I am not responsible for whatever motive you think I have in the change in my actions. It's like sometimes I swear to god I'm being poked with a stick just to see if I will react. I know it's not the right thing to react. So I work very hard at not reacting! You can only be poked so many times though before you have to turn around and snap. It's that, blow up or some other form of horrific nastiness.

I guess I'm just going to continue to go with the opinions my friend's have about me. Yes, I have flaws and issues like the next person, but they aren't as bad as some would like them to be!

Ps.

Did I mention the fact that we have some bad weather up here. I had gone out earlier and scraped the first layer of ice off my back window. So I called my mother to tell her to be careful on her way into town, she lives an hour away, for work because I had just taken off that layer of ice. Then Theres that nice lil note on FB. So as the fuck up I was considerate of my mother, and also! When Grandpa thought it was a good idea for him to drive to his girlfriends who was the one who came up with a plan to get him there so he wasn't out driving in this crap! Yea I'm a fuck up all right! Oh and did I forget to mention for her to use her computer at home, which she did, she had to go to the closed off end of her house which is 50 degrees or lower. So she not only took time to try to do whatever, but she froze her ass off doing it. La la la la...Seriously!