short sweet cuz it hurts totype too much.



bottom line surgery tomorrow night which may include an over night stay for iv antibiotics.



will do a better blog job when all better. but im ok just freaked the fuck out about having surgery when noone said anything about it when it happened thursday,



anyways off to chill with the good drugs!

hopped up om pain killers and finally able to relax. cant be on computer much because it hurts my hand. dr apptmnt tomorrow at 1 and then making apptmnt at occupational health to appease my boss.

sorry boss but im getting the best help i can get sorry you have to pay the bill but ya know even i know that i needed an er not a clinic.

anyways pills all kicked in wanted to mini update. Monica i want to read and comment on your blog. I dont know why it wasnt showing up because im a follower. So ill try catching up with everyone as soon as my finger allows more than this lol.

walking wounded

well i have gone and done it this time. forgive the typos as i am basically typimg one handed.

today at work i sliced my finger open on the slicer. blood everywhere and im on apercocet and ativan from the er right now so one handed plus one finger typing sucks and i know the pain meds will be wearing off soon.

so if its a lil scarce on here this is why. wheww typing that was a workout...ooo ye and i tried ti slice through a nail on the other hand joy o joy.

and our annual hotel party starts tomorrow lol well this is karma catching me on something i guess lol

I am just in no moood let me tell you lol. I only have one mood and it's so psycho that it hasn't picked a name lol. Poor Mae isn't doing anything wrong but she is driving my anxiety through the roof! My mom who is on me about every fucking thing is driving my anxiety through the roof. My dad not being on me but being on me in that way he does is driving my anxiety through the roof. And on top of the ever present sometimes not so much present Grandpa issues....ta da!!! Mother Nature decided to show up in force!

It does however explain the need to eat as much as I can and to be so damned horny lol. I don't have a problem with not getting any. Except when I'm about to get my period. Then I want to hump anything that moves lol. Thank god that even though I would really love another baby I was smart enough to not take the hints about sex a couple weekends ago. The thought I kept having when fooling around was...this guy is fertile. He makes babies, he has 4 kids! I know i get pregnant when Im on a regular cycle schedule and I know that if I would have been irresponsible a couple weekends ago Id be sitting here blogging about being pregnant in a few weeks.

God I want to be irresponsible but I can not do it and I will not do it. Even though it would be so very easy to just give in. BUT on that front....I think that I've got my friend tamed down to remember that we are friends and that I can come over to his house or be around him or text him and it not mean ANYTHING lol. I have a feeling he's going to end up thinking that I'm out looking for dick because he's so stupid that he plays some stupid game with himself when it comes to me. Personally I could care less if we never kiss again, I just want to keep my friend lol. Because that fucker is funny!!!

Ok so I think I've gotten a bunch of bullshit out of my head and I'll be able to deal with reality a bit better. Made some room in there for new stuff to fill it up lol.. Like the big hotel party this weekend! There is so much work to do for the party and just day to day housework that Im feeling overwhelmed. That and my other feelings are all intensified because of my period.

Well I had something else I wanted to say but I had to get up because Mae set her alarm off. She had to go and make the biggest poopoo tower...her words lol and now she's all back in bed and I'm going to chill for the night and enjoy the fact that yes karma will be coming to bite me in the ass and even God can't get me out of this one lol.

Follow up to Still Pissed Off

Obviously when we blog stories that happen in our life we don't include every single conversation or word spoken about. It would be too time consuming and who can really truly remember every single word that was said. That said...part of this is about the original conversation.

When my mom said she would try calling the ex I explained to her how the situation went down the last time we tried talking. I also told her look he is going to make this all about him. What he doesn't know, doesn't get, doesn't like, whatever the hell wrong I have done to him. It's just how he is. He can't own up to what he does.

And just as I predicted to my mom when she did call him he tried to make it all about him, tried to have attitude with her, he started to pull all the shit I said he was going to try doing. And of course we laughed about it.

When you have someone as predictable as him walking around, you learn your lesson your you call yourself fool for not.

Anyways mom totally missed my point yesterday when I told her that I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING that has to do with him. I am not capable of holding a civil conversation with him. I have tried, and after so long you just can't hold it any longer. Especially when its brought back around to things that should have been done and over with.

Here's the thing we decided awhile ago to use an alarm. We only used it a few times because things seemed to get better. My dad had to shave part of the door off so we could continue to use it because Mae hasn't been doing so well at night. What floors me is that an alarm is a measure that is employed by all sorts of people with all sorts of problems. The kids dad tried to get into a snit about his kid having an alarm.

Hello douce bag! The alarm is for her safety. The alarm is so the adults can sleep. The alarm is not a bad thing. But he wanted to try to get pissy about it. Ya know what you don't get to be outraged or upset or anything. He took himself out of the equation by acting like a complete moron. I have always maintained I wanted my kids to know there dads. I know how important it is. But I also know that if either parent can not act appropriatly or accordingly around and with a child then they need to not be around that child. Your actions directly effect how the world reacts to you. And when what you have been doing all your life doesn't get you what you want, maybe it's time to actually do the right thing and act like a parent. It sucks having to put someone else first but when you have kids thats how it is.

Anyways I guess now my mom is going to try to take Mae to lunch with her Dad. My mom for some reason forgot that Im all for kids seeing their dads if appropriate. I just want nothing to do with it. I gave him the list of things he needed to do to see his kid. The list is not hard, or unattainable by any means. It may look controlling but c'mon when you have seen black counters at a house, a nasty bathroom, and sheets on a bed that havnt been washed for a long time....um yea I'm going to tell you to clean your house because Mae doesn't live in filth at home. Get her a ride to and from....not hard to do...if you save your money for a taxi. But some people just can't do it.

Mom for some reason also thought I had said no to this. I was like look as long as I don't have to do anything I'm good. I'm done doing anything that will help him. I know that makes me the bitch, but I do not have it in me to continue anything that has to do with him. If he wants to see my Mae like he claims well then he knows how.

Though to be perfectly honest lol the best part of all of this and the reason I'm going to hell....because everytime anyone talks to him I end up laughing so hard at him and just being mean. It's the same thing every single time and if you read the blogs after I've had to deal with him they are always the same! He really doesn't like when a woman is in charge lol and to have to cow to my mother just makes me laugh! It makes me giddy and giggly because I know how much he hates the way my mom is. So much that he used to try to piss me off by calling me my mother. It stopped bothering me a long time ago because my mom gets shit done. And if I have to be like anyone she's a good one to be like lol.

So anyways....he's still a jackass and my mom has decided to try to help facilitate a relationship for them. And I am doing what is expected of me and not interferring in that. I just want no part of anything where I have to deal with him personally. Yup I am that kind of bitch, but at least I'm not standing in the way of what my mom is trying to do.

Still Pissed Off

My life has been really really good lately. Ok so as good as it gets for me being really really good. As usual the only HUGE problem is Mae. She still has the pica, still has the adhd, and now has taken to taking BIG knives into her room. Why? We don't know but I'm betting I wake up one of these days from searing agonizing pain because she is trying to kill us! That's just my bet.

BUT what really pisses me off and I am still pissed off about goes back to the kids dad! Over a year ago, possibly going on 2 years ago I asked him what kind of problems his other two kids had and please find out. He threw a fit and wouldn't do it. THEN threw an even bigger fit when I told him I had contacted the mothers of these kids to find out. He in turn told them NOT TO GIVE ME ANY INFORMATION. I am pissed off! I wasn't rude to these other two women, I was merely asking for information!

As we all know the kids dad is notorious for not being on the up and up all the time! My mom today said maybe you should ask DJ and I said I did blah blah blah and this is what happened blah blah blah.

So my mother is going to call him today. If the phone numbers we have are right for him. This is how much he matters in our lives...we don't even know if the phone numbers we have for him are correct. I sent him an email months ago outlining the way for him to see his child. He still chooses to smoke and drink over spending the money on hiring a taxi to ferry him and his daughter. NOT MY PROBLEM!

Told my mom if he tries to say anything about not seeing her then he should refer back to my email. BUT knowing him convieniently he wont have gotten that email. Whatever!

My kid has some issues that none of the other kids in the family have! Which leads us to believe that parts of these issues come from her other half of dna.

Let's see if the kids dad does the right thing or turns this into something about him and not about the person its really about!

Please dear god help us help Mae! I pray that at church everytime I go and I'm hoping for some kind of help soon!

My dad though today is cutting the bottom of her door off so we can use the alarm. She knows what the alarm is and doesn't want it. But I'm tired of her not staying in bed, in her room, taking things she shouldnt, hiding them, lying about them. Mae has issues! Thank god she has lots of good sweet things about her or else we would have bigger problems!

Just enjoy the silliness lol

I havn't been blogging because I've been lazy and well I figured I would share a bit of the silliness that was a Saturday night with 2 of my greatest friends! Never fear there was a babysitter involved for Mae that night and in the morning lol.