Sometimes you do good and nice things because of what it will get you. This is a story of doing something because it's the right thing to do, it's the nice thing to do, it's something you would appreciate being done for you. And because you want the credit and the warm fuzzy feeling you will get when the person gets what you have done for them. That's what this story is!

You know I have mommy issues. Big Bad Scary Ugly Mommy issues. Put your ass on medication mommy issues. Never forget though that I love my mother very much and it would kill me if something happened to her. See...psycho scary mommy issues.

Anyways, my mom and dad are staying in town tonight. She took the sheets home with her a few weeks ago to wash them and brought them back Sunday. They didn't stay Sunday night but are staying tonight. The bed wasn't made. I was in their room talking to my dad a little bit ago; bullshitting and getting shit from him; a good time ;) And I looked over and saw the bag of sheets.

My mom and I are in a honeymoon period right now in the abuse that is known as our relationship. And I would have done it anyways. I wouldn't have done it the "right" way, but I would have made my moms bed for her.

Today though, I made her bed the "right" way because I love her and I know she would appreciate that and it would make her like me for another day lol. No seriously, not sarcasm lol.

My dad said he didn't want to do it know, he'd wait til later. But like with that stupid driveway when you go to clean a path, you're already out there might as well do the whole drive. I figured I'd do the bed the right way.

Thanks to a little help from my dad the bed is made the right way. He helped me put the sheets on, the underskirt thingy and then was out of there lol. He came back a few minutes later and was like your still fighting it lol. I just wanted to do it the right way.

Sometimes it's the real little things that make your day better. I know my mom is having a rough time with Grandpa and then her boss at work, his dad just died. So I'm pretty sure that my mom is at some place on the emotional scale that I don't even know about and should probably steer clear of. This is the time to show my mom I love her and do something nice lol.

The significance of making the bed "right" is that mom has a way of making the bed. You can make the bed all day long; doesn't mean that it's right! I know how to make a freaking bed. Let me tell you what! And to make the bed "right" you are only fast at it if you do it all the time. It took me like 20 minutes to make the damned bed lol. But I made the bed "right".

Put the underskirt thing on, even made sure it was all straight and nice. Now that was fun times with Dad lol one of us holding the bed up while the other one straightened it out. Then got the sheets on and got them on the right way so when you see the little decoration thingy. I don't know I just know that Dad had to show me the right way because I had that lil part messed up . So the bed is a big deal.

Hell with the sham thingy I even put a pillowcase on the pillow inside that so you could take the sham off and have a pillow.

I better get a fucking hug is all I have to say lol.

And in the doing things for others catagory lol I also made a very nice lunch for my Uncle Larry. I made meatloaf with onions for him. Heated up some leftover fideo and served that on the side. It was nice having lunch with Mae and my Uncle at the table. Then Dad came back and I made him a plate.

I'm telling you sometimes you have to do nice things for other people to make yourself feel better because you know that it was appreciated. Yup, I am that kind of person lol.

People are coming over here soon! My house is clean. I know it's clean. But my mother is coming over. I can feel the anxiety starting. It's pretty bad!

So my mom calls me to tell me something and I had to stop her and explain to her all about how her issue with the house effects me and how any tone or whatever she thinks she hears in my voice its not what she thinks it is. That my anxiety was going up that here was the reason, that she wasn't at fault for my feelings because she can't control those. And that I was going to have to take a pill lol.

It actually went really really well. Because I'm telling you this medicine Im on is working. Don't ask me to explain because I can't, I just know its doing its job.

And my mom is almost ready for meds herself. She needs them lol but SHE is almost ready to think about it. because her reaction or action disorder i can't remember what she says its called, she can see it turning into depression now. I told her take the prozax, it works. take the anxiety medication, it works! Hell I'm all mellow now that I took part of a xanex lol.

I needed it because I could feel myself getting wound up. And to top it off the vaccum stopped working. It worked Friday when I vaccumed but today nothing lol.

People are here yay!

Everybody has a story that proves God is a funny man. That He does things for reasons we don't know and then there are the times we know it is just so He can laugh his ass off at us.

Here is my God really loves me (yes that was sarcasm lol) moment.

You know that website people of walmart? Where you can see some of the most outrageous freakish things, people out there. At least there you can whip out your camera phone and take a picture.

Yes, I know it's not right to make fun of other people. BUT ALOT of US out there do it and do it with guilty unabashed pleasure. Yes, I have issues lol.

So today I go to church with my Aunt. It's a whole different experience to me because it was so short. Anyways in comes this man with the most horrific toupe on his head. It was a OMG there is no way, let me take a picture kind of bad.

It looked nothing like the hair that you could tell was real, it had outside clips, I thought it might have been a hat, but no it was a bad bad toupe. Like if you saw him at Walmart you would be required to take the picture and post it online.

THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO!! BUT God loves me(yes sarcasm) and put it in front of me at church. In his home, his place of worship, the place I wanted and needed to be at today, the place where todays message hit home...God gives me this poor man to totally crucify(pun intended) and I can't do it.

There is no way I could go to church and do that. Like God's watching all the time, but if you go to his house you know he's watching. So yea God has a great sense of humor. But then again maybe that's the message that I shouldn't be so judgmental and stuff. Hmm something to ponder.

BUT the reality is .... It was so horrible I really really wanted to share and this is all I could do and if I could do it, I'd get that man some new hair because noone should be allowed to go around looking like that...some people would actually say something to his face instead of randomly blogging. Sigh...thanks be to God ;)

Money makes me happy. Yes, I am that shallow. I do know that money won't keep you happy but if you have no money and you get some unexpectedly it really makes you happy. If you have ever been broke you know what I'm talking about.

I don't know how or why, but this year Christmas shopping wasn't stressful. Not like last year where I didn't know how I was going to do anything or get anyone gifts. This year the money has just worked out right. Before the holiday season really kicked off I ended up with some extra unexpected money.

I bought Mae some Christmas gifts. Then I came into another bit of extra unexpected money; and bought Mae more Christmas presents. This time though it was the one that HAS to be under the tree or her Christmas will end up sucking for her lol. Then I got the bills under control and paid in advance and had a chunk of money I wasn't expecting to have.

I went shopping that day and finished off my shopping for everyone. Oh and I did put about 41 bucks on my mom's toys r us charge. That doesn't have to be paid til May; thank you tax money!

Then I got my bonus at work and I spent that on getting Mae her picture with Santa. Thank you to my boss because without his bonus I wouldn't have been able to afford it!

Well this week started with money being really REALLY tight for me and for my friends. Tammy who does my daycare had enough gas to get home on Monday night but not to get over on Tuesday. Tips really have been shitty lately. Monday night people were really generous. So I made enough in tips to get a pack of smokes and give her about 7 bucks for gas.

Should have been no big deal! Should have been an easy fix because Tuesday is payday. Checks didn't come in on Tuesday. I had no money. Ok I did I had about 4 bucks between two bank accounts. I texted Tammy to see if she needed a ride and she did. There goes my gas faster.

We decided she would stay the night last night so Mae didn't have to get up and we could just get my check today and I'd take her home. Well at this point we are both broke and have a total of 8 cigarettes between us. I told ya lol I've been going without. So fortunatly I made enough in tips and with the help of the credit card was able to get us into smokes til today when I was supposed to get my check.

Well when we got home yesterday I checked my mail. There was a christmas card for me from my cousin. And it was in the shape of one that is a money holder. You know the ones I'm talking about you just can tell that's what they are. But I wasn't expecting anything, I got hopefull lol but wasn't expecting anything.

Inside they told me how they appreciate me and Mae taking their mom to church on sundays and that they know she likes the company. And to have a merry christmas; oh yea, and by the way here's a check for $40!

Oh my! I was literally in shock and didn't know what to say. I go to church with my Aunt because I want to, because I told my dying Grandpa that I would start going to church, because church is helping me a bit. I don't go to church with her to get anything. Ok again I lie, I like how it makes me feel when I go to church with her. I like being with her. Sue me! I don't do it for gas or anything. But they wanted us to have something a little extra! So I took that money that in the memo said Christmas and went out and bought Mae a present.

When I got to work last night the Toys R Us ad was out and it had a toy that was like half off called Splatster. I hadn't ever heard of it but it looked really cool. You use a wand and can paint on the tv. 29 bucks and some change! I saw it and I showed it to Tammy last night and decided that the money was going to get Mae something cool.

Roll around to today and it just seems like all I've done is been on the go today. I wanted to go to church today because I don't know when services are where I will be at. So I asked my Aunt if she wanted to go and we went. I had Tammy keep Mae and when my Aunt got in the car she was all where's the little one, I wanted to take her out for lunch.

Maaan lol that sucked lol. We got to church and Wednesday service is different. It's shorter and it feels rushed. BUT today what they had to say was what I needed to hear. It was about how its the unexpected that we have to deal with and how we deal with it is how we shape ourselves. Something like that. I just know that when I sat there and listened, it made sense. It was what I needed to hear.

We ended up going out for lunch anyways. I had Tammy get Mae ready and we ended up at Pizza Hut.

It was a nice time, I like watching Mae and my Aunt together. Mae is a very likable young lady lol. While we were eating my phone rang and I hadn't taken it off silent from church and it was a call telling me that nope checks still werent in.

I had a quarter of a tank of gas, I needed to drive all the way across town in 3 directions, 2 of them twice, I had a friend waiting to get paid, and money to give my mom. NOT GOOD!

Well somewhere along the line it got decided that we were getting Grandpa Christmas money. OOOOOOO ty ty ty Grandpa! I got gas in my car, paid my daycare, and will have enough for a pack of smokes. This also means that when I do get my paycheck I will be able to buy my brother and nephew a gift certificate to my work and pick up a piece of crap gift bag for his girlfriend.

Money makes Christmas so much better! I had a lot of nice unexpected things happen to me. And I'm greatful because I have to have a good time for Christmas. I have a love hate relationship with the holiday anyways, and this year I wasn't so sure about a lot of things. But somehow it has all worked out. I really think this was my gift from Grandpa. Being able to keep trying and going even though I don't want to and doing my best to live up to my responsibilities.

I'm ready for Christmas....just not looking forward to the Christmas Drop!

Well I got all worried for nothing; but at least I was prepared lol. My Aunt called me yesterday and told me we weren't going to church today because she has shingles and the doctor said to not be around kids who havn't had chicken pox. Guess what thats us!

So I figured today I would do my normal house cleaning and skip the mopping. Oooo my wonderful daughter had other ideas for her mama though. Just as I was getting my groove on to clean, she comes out of the bathroom no pants on. She had an accident!

Well guess what, no skipping the mopping of the bathroom. Then I got to thinking well since I've got the mop out I might as well do the kitchen. Soooo the mopping is done.

In hindsight I should have taken the laundry downstairs first so I could do the vacuming. So the vacuming will have to wait til the kitchen floor is dry so I can take the clothes downstairs, put the chairs back and then finish the cleaning.

Lucky for me I've kind of been keeping up on it. So all I really have to do is vaccum, clean the bathroom toilet and vanity and shower. Oh yea and that pesky laundry. But I don't think I'm doing to bad.

But damn I wanted to be lazy today lol. Oh well, it just means I don't have to mop tomorrow. And then Wednesday the cooking will begin and Thursday I think will be the day to wrap presents.

Mae can help with everyone else's gifts and then when she goes to bed on Thursday I'll bring all her presents out and wrap them.

It's going to be a busy busy week and it's going to fly by. 2 days of work then the rest off. My friend asked if I was going to try to pick up any shifts. I told her not this week, if they call and you can watch her then I'll take an extra shift but unless they call I'm not doing anything lol.

Now to keep Mae off the wet floor and then to just enjoy the rest of Sunday.

The pica is back. I was pretty sure it was, but I was trying to live in the land of delusion. It worked for a minute.

I got home from work tonight and talked with my friend for awhile. When she left Mae got up to go "potty". Well good Mama that I am went to tuck her in. She was chewing on something.

Lately I have been finding wads of toilet paper wadded up and wet. She is chewing/eating(?) toilet paper.

When she went on the Concerta for the add/adhd she stopped eating things that weren't food. It was a very happy day.

She had a wad of toilet paper in her mouth tonight. I'm very proud of myself. I didn't yell at her, I didn't spank her. But I did tell her that I was very unhappy. Then I told her what could happen if she keeps eating things that aren't food. That she would get sick and she goes I am sick *cough cough*. I told her not that kind of sick. I said the sick that they put you in the hospital and they stick you with big needles and you have tubes in you. She got quiet and said that would hurt me. I said I know and I don't want you to be hurt that's why you can't eat things that aren't food. Ooo this is not what I wanted to be worried about.

I don't know if she needs more medication or if they need to test her for something else, but the pica being back is not making me very happy.

On the other end of things; had a pretty awesome night at work. Tips were freakin AWESOME and the guy I worked with actually worked and did more stuff. I feel like I didn't do anything at work lol but since I know I worked I'm not going to bitch about it. It was a good night at work and I don't have to be back there until 5 pm on Monday.

There are books to be read, movies to be watched, hugs and kisses to be given and I'm going to enjoy them...even if I have to pick up little balls of chewed t.p.

Panic has set in and is on it's way out. Thankfully I was able to think quick. And now I ask you, if you're broke and you forgot to get someone a present, is it ok to give them a card with a picture of Mae in it?

I was sitting here playing a game and all of a sudden I realized that I didn't get my Aunt Alberta anything for Christmas. We have been going to church pretty regularly for the last 7 months. In all the shopping that I did, I didn't think to pick her up anything. How horrible is that? So then I figure I know I can scrounge up a Christmas card and I'm pretty sure I have a school picture of Mae. That can be a present, right?

Well it better be because that's what I've got to give her. And even though it was a late thought, at least I finally remembered.

Sheesh this holiday is going to kill me. I don't want to go to Christmas. I want to be by myself. But I can't do that to Mae and to Katie. The Katie part is what my sister added because I'm assuming that even though Katie has issues it would be a bigger issue if I missed both Thanksgiving and Christmas. And my sister says it's not an option. Sooo I'm going to go with the crowd on this one and bite the bullet and go even though I don't want to. Thank you anxiety medication!

Yesterdy was Mae's last day of school til January 3rd. This week we are going to have presents to wrap, food to make, and do our best to not kill each other lol.

I really do like Christmas. I bitch about it a lot but I don't hate Christmas. I just don't want to go to Christmas because I'd rather be alone and deal then be with everyone and deal.

Ok so Merry Christmas and falalalala I'm going to be happy it's Christmas because Mae is beyond super excited about Christmas and I can't be the Grinch who brings it down for her! Let the wrapping begin and the naughtiness begin. Because you know that the week before Christmas is always when the kids are the naughtiest lol

Jumped on the scale today and found a nice surprise. The scale says I'm down close to twenty pounds. No idea what happened, but I'm slowly losing weight. Which is a good thing because you're not supposed to lose a lot at a time. I had gained back a couple of the pounds for a few days and thought, oh well. But today was nice to see those plus a couple gone.

I'm still on a high from yesterday. I'm so glad I spent the money for Mae to have her picture taken with Santa. She is really taking it to heart this being naughty thing. She's about ready for xanex lol.

The pica has come back. She is now chewing/eating toilet paper. She knows that it's naughty. She knows that she should'nt do it. She ended up crying because she was on the naughty list and wanted to be on the good list. But knows that the toilet paper thing is naughty and that's what will put her on the naughty list. So she's about ready for xanex.

She's also been acting out a bit at school. They said that all of a sudden she's taken to running around the room. Doing laps and running into things. I have a feeling we need our medication adjusted a little bit.

But Santa and Christmas are what she's mainly focused on. She was so happy to have seen HER Santa. She is ready for Christmas. For her it's all about the presents. She's 4 sue her lol. When we got home yesterday all she could talk about was a stocking.

Where was the stocking, we had to get a stocking, we needed to put one out. Thank god I had already bought her one lol. I went to the Dollar Tree and got one that looks kind of like Santa's suit. She LOVES it. She was so happy when we put it up.

Then of course she went on about the presents that would be in it. I'm a good mama I have her stocking stuffers already lol. I got her a couple card sets to help with her numbers and such, two things of candy, and a little teddy bear.

Mama has Christmas covered this year. I don't know how I couldn't do it last year, but this year it worked out. The only person I have left to buy for is my Uncle and he's getting beer lol. When you fly places its easier to give an edible gift so they don't have to take it on the plane lol.

It's Friday and I don't have to work tonight. Ahhh I'm going to enjoy my night off. I may even stop of and buy a little thing of lemonade and drink that one shot of vodka I have left lol. Drinks on a Friday sound good to me lol

One of the things I keep saying lately is I want to be irresponsible with the money. And trust me I really really want to be irresponsible with the money. With that said; I was irresponsible with the money!

And it feels really good to have been irresponsible with the money! Now to hope and pray that child support comes in on time even with the holiday lol. I may have shorted myself on gas for the car, and I have to stop smoking again, but I thoroughly enjoyed being irresponsible with the money!

After showing my mom what we got my Dad for Christmas, I decided I should hit the mall and get mom one of the 19.99 jobbies. Right outside of the jewelry store is where Santa is sitting. Mae knows this, and I know this because last month we were there and saw it set up.

Since then Mae has wanted to go. I used the money for bills, gas, food, and christmas presents. I didn't think I was going to have the money to get her picture taken. That Mall Santa shit is expensive! Doesn't matter where you're from it is EXPENSIVE!

Well life decided to take a small turn in my favor. We got a bonus this week on our checks. That was forty bucks I didnt have before. All I've been asking for is an extra forty bucks so I could get Mae's picture with Santa.

After paying bills, buying gas, and a pack of smokes I was left with $35 in the bank. I have a five dollar bill in my wallet. I had forty bucks! Today when I dressed Mae I put her in a real nice shirt thats red and the bottom is black with sparkles/sequin/some type thing on it.

She saw Santa from a distance and her face lit up and she screamed Santa! She wanted her picture taken, she wanted to see him, she was ready to tell him what she wanted. And it was a "real" Santa. Real beard and an old guy. She was soo good. She smiled real pretty. She told him what she wanted.

He was a good Santa. He told her she was on the good list and that she had a mama who loved her and he knew because his glasses were special and he knew she loved her mama. Oooo it was just a wonderful experience.

It was a little piece of joy that everyone should get to see in their life.

If your a facebook follower there's the picture of her and Santa. I got the cheap package and added the cd ended up costing me $28 and some change. Left me with enough for two gallons of gas or a pack of smokes lol.

Sometimes life decides its your turn to smile. Thank you!

While I was writing my last blog, all of what ten minutes ago lol; I had a thought. It was a thought that I found rather disturbing.

Now that I have seen my mom, hugged my mom, talked to my mom, interacted with my mom after like almost 20 days and only 12 words in those 20 days. After we would talk on the phone minimum three times a day almost daily. That was a long time to have no interaction with my mom.

I can have interaction with my mom. Just not a lot. Well as I was typing the last blog I thought, oh hell! My mom is going to think that now she can call me all the time again and stuff. Oooo I didn't like that idea. I really enjoyed not feeling all stressed out and whatever else I might end up feeling after talking to her.

I was sitting here and my phone rang. It was my mom. I ignored the call. I don't want to talk right now. Not that I'm mad at her, I just don't want to talk right now. I can call her back. Hell I can call her back on my way to work. But right at this moment I dont want to talk to her.

Then I go and read one of the other blogs I read and the issue on that blog was about a daughter and mother who cant go a minute without seeing each other. Oooo man I kind of left a long comment. I hope she understands my comment. But I get the insane need to be in contact. I dont know how it happens, it just does. And to everyone else it looks totally insane and maybe it is, but thats just how it is.

After not having any contact with my mom lately ive felt better than i was feeling. I know i have to start taking her calls, but i dont have to take all of her calls, and I can choose when. Its ok to not talk to my mom ALL the time.

It's a sickness I think and you just have to wait it out to figure it out to work it out to get to a place where its ok.

Sooooooooooo my mom and dad came over yesterday. I hadn't spoken more than 12 words to my mother in almost a month. Literally only 12 words, I counted them one day. And you know what? While I missed my mom, I didn't miss the way I felt after some of the conversations with her. Was it wrong to not talk to her? I don't think so. I think it's helped me to not be in constant contact with her.

It was a lovely snowy cold day yesterday and my Dad; who is awesome, shoveled the drifts and the deck. Yayy!

Mom didn't say a word about the house and she took my birthday gift for my nephew to give to him.

Mom says she had a moment and that she has just been feeling sorry for herself and she doesn't want to be like she is anymore. Her doctor told her she has some kind of disorder and if it doesn't clear up soon then it will turn into a major depression. Um duh! I could have told you something was up. Oooo wait I did.

But at least she is going to make an effort.

I had to take my car in today and let me tell you what! -3 and walking about 8 blocks SUCKED ASS! It was sooo cold but I had on my ugly make me into a bobble head hat on and at least I didn't totally freeze. My friend watched Mae while I dropped the car off and walked to her house. My other friend came and got me lol and will be back later to get me to get my car.

I think I have to find another 20 bucks for Christmas presents. I think my brother is getting Mae something so I have to get something for his kids. I'm getting dollar general specials and I'm not spending more than 20 bucks! I don't care I have no money but I dont want Mae getting a gift and the others not. Soooo bring on the good tippers lol.

Ive got another 4 shifts this week and I was hoping to take tonight off but noone has texted me back...joy o joy lol.

My friend who got the house I'm afraid for her. Her bipolar anxiety ridden boyfriend is going to the hospital today, maybe to be admitted to psych. I dont know but I hope its not to serious because they need the income he has to pay for this new house. Its almost like he has decided he can't hold a job because of whatever so he goes with it. Well ya know maybe its time to go to work at one of the warehouses. BUT when you have drug convictions a lot of places wont hire you. Sooo I'm back to praying hard for them.

Other than that life actually isnt too bad. Oo except the heat bill was 150 bucks and i was a bit upset over that because we have been freezing in the house trying to keep it down. Mom told me she didnt expect us to freeze but when you only give between 200 and 300 a month that doesnt cover much more than the heat. AT least the heat is paid though. Now to go sit under blankets and watch tv and wait for the phone to ring telling me my car is done.

Today I made the call of shame. It's the biggest call of shame I could make and I made it. I stood in Kmart today and all but cried because I knew I would have to make that call.

Today of all days I guess it was very appropriate that I had to make the call of shame. 7 months ago today I lost my Grandpa. So today is one of those days that I am already wired. Then I had plans to go Christmas shopping because that was the plan.

Today didn't start off the way I wanted it to. I put my book on the kitchen table last night thinking Mae would leave it alone and the card I was using for the bookmark. WRONG because I moved it, I'm assuming, it was an easier target and my card is gone. It was a prayer card and it was just one that moved me and now I have no idea where it is and Mae isn't giving it up. I'm sure I'll find it another day. BUT I didn't scream at Mae or spank her or anything except tell her how disappointed I was and sad because that card meant something to me.

My car is having issues. It always seems to have issues at this time when there is no money because of Christmas. Well I called my brother and when he called me back I was shopping. Yes I know I shouldn't be spending money if I've got car trouble. BUT I did it anyway. Still no pictures of Santa and Mae but Christmas shopping is all done. So my brother is close to Kmart and stops out to look at the car.

My cousin Tanya the other day, over the phone, tells me its the water pump. But who wants to belive that lol. He comes out and looks at it and he's pretty positive it's the waterpump. He makes a call and they say $140. I don't have that; the only way I have that is if I don't buy Christmas and I don't pay my bills for a month. Ummmm....I have to pay my bills. The late fees on not paying my bills is not a good thing. Especially when one of them is car insurance and that would mean no insurance which you have to have.

So I agonized and angonized and tried not to cry. Then after a text from my sister telling me Dad was home, I made the call of shame!

I called my Dad and asked to borrow money to fix my car. It was one of the worst things I've ever had to do. I have never EVER asked them for money. I always paid Grandpa back with taxes or over time because he didn't judge. So like my dad said time to put on my ass kissing pants, because there is more news.

He may be getting a job here in town and that means him and my mom will be moving in sooner rather than later!

It has been one big day and I am ready for it to be over. I made the decision last night we are having pizza for supper and I am choosing to not be upset over the missing card. And I'm glad I chose that because I gave Mae her new outfit, her two new Christmas socks, and her countdown to Christmas chocolate calendar and she thinks they are all WONDERFUL!

So I'm going with Wonderful!

It's kind of like here's your sign. I've really been missing my Grandpa lately. I mean that bad miss, not the I'm working on ok and miss him, but the cry on the couch for hours miss him.

I've said things on facebook, I've told my friends and asked for hugs when I needed them, took a mental health day on Monday and found someone to work for me. I've been missing my Grandpa!

Brenda pointed it out to me and like the caption on my facebook says, it wasn't intentional, but Grandpa just seems to keep showing up at the important times. Something like that anyways.

The picture is of Mae in her new dress, standing in front of the Christmas tree and off in the right hand corner is THE picture of Grandpa. The one where he is smiling real big and you can see it in his eyes the person he was. Its the picture I talk to, its the picture all of us have of him. Its that one picture where he seems to follow you.

There was my sign that my Grandpa was with us tonight. That my Grandpa is still here. That he is showing up when we need him. I'm glad I ended up with that picture, even if it makes me cry a bit.

My cousin Tanya said isnt that cool. I should have replied beyond cool. I know that he was there tonight watching his baby, his chula, his amoure, and smiling that big smile of his. I know he watched with us and loved every minute of it.

Tomorrow is 7 months he's been gone from us and I needed a little Grandpa. I needed just a little bit. I just want a hug from my Grandpa....thanks for being there tonight Grandpa!

Facebook followers know that I just had the best hour in a long time. Tonight was the Christmas Program for school and we watched like 7 classes of kids. They only do 2 songs each so it doesn't take forever. It's preschool and they are all so cute and its always a good time.

My face hurt from smiling so much. Of course I had to run home and put it all on facebook lol. My girl is so funny. I wish I would have gotten this on the video but of course the really cute stuff happens after the recording is stopped.

As they were walking off the stage Mae turns to the audience and starts blowing them kisses, as she posed. Oooo my lord we have a Diva Star on our hands. It was so cute! I'm glad Tammy came with us so I had someone to share it with.

Mae had on her new purple dress that grandma bought her and she was all cute and curtseying in it. She kept asking if we wanted to see her modeling or something like that. Then she would pose and act like she was on a cat walk.

I can't lie that girl makes me smile. This was just what the doctor ordered and since I video taped it and put it on facebook I can have a quick 2 minute pick me up. This is why we don't eat our young~

Yay it's Sunday and that means a day off for me, from my job! The work has begun and mostly been completed.

We made it to church and the question I keep asking myself is...when do I get to pray for me? When do I get to, or is it appropriate for me to be asking God for things for myself? It would be so easy to go to church and when I pray to ask for a better job, better weather, a car that doesn't want to die on me, help with patience...you know that whole list of things you want to pray for yourself to have. Every week I go and I'm not complaining because what I pray for is what is truly needed.

I am not taking credit for this by any means! BUT I have been praying the last few times for my friend Brigitte. She is sick and has some mental health issues and the money for the medications for her health problems is staggering. So I've been praying for her. The other day one of her daycare clients gave her a Christmas card with a $1000 in it. She called me and told me that and we both went omg, what? The first thought we both had was she doesn't have to worry about her medication for almost two months because of this gift.

I have also been praying for my friend Kimmi who just moved into a new home and while she can afford the home, things are tight. I pray that her and her family will be able to find the way to afford everything they need.

Today I was praying for two of my customers at work. They are adopting a baby from Ethiopia and are just waiting to find out when they can bring him home. Ooo he is the cutest lil baby. He is 6 months old and they are over the moon waiting. Yesterday they said they weren't sure if it would be this month yet or maybe January for them to bring him home. I told them I would pray for them to get him home this month because lets face it, babies are always a good thing. So I prayed for them.

But when is it appropriate for me to pray for myself? Or maybe that's what Church is all about, being selfless and wanting the good of man over the good of yourself. Now don't get me wrong we aren't going without, but there are things it would be nice to have happen. But in the long run, it feels right to pray for others and not for myself.

After church we, ok I, came home and cleaned the house. I am a firm beliver that your house shouldn't take you more than an hour to clean. Unless of course you have a mansion and then thats not going to happen.

On my list of chores today I had sweeping,mopping, vaccuming, dusting, dishes, laundry, the bathroom, and something I'm sure I've forgotten lol. Well I've gotten everything done but the mopping.

I was going to be lazy and forget the laundry til that damned ol Facebook got a hold of me. My cousin's husband posted about how fun laundry is. Damn it to hell lol, if they could do the laundry then I could be unlazy and do the laundry. Sooo Ive got the laundry done.

I have decided though that the mopping is waiting for tomorrow morning when Mae is at school. that way I dont have to deal with her trying to walk across the clean floor.

So now that I have all my chores done I am going to enjoy the rest of my day reading, watching tv, and later a movie with Mae.

I love my day off, but damn could I get just one where it's truly a day off lol.

I love Facebook. My Facebook however isn't about collecting people. For me Facebook is for my real life. My family, my friends, and the people from the internet that I have "known" for a long time and are "real" people. I havn't met all of them, but I have had enough interaction over a period of time to know that they are "real" people and in the "real world" I would hang with them.

As we all know Facebook is about as juvenile as you can get and still be an adult. We play the games, we do the surveys, we tag the pictures, and we stay connected to family. Now we all know that families fight, we all know that friends fight, we all know that we sometimes put bullshit out there that is pure bullshit, that's meant to incite a reaction, and things that you just shouldn't put out there.

Compound all that with the fact that as human beings we are judgemental people. I don't care who you are but I will you call a liar to your face if you dare try to claim your not. It's in our nature to be judgemental. I will give a little wiggle room on that by saying there are different levels of judgment and while you may not be as judgemental as person B, you are still judgemental.

I sometimes do things on Facebook for my mom. She has added some people who she didn't want to remove because you know how it is, you delete someone and it comes back to bite you in the ass. Why did you delete me, you didn't have to do that, blah blah. You know what I'm talking about. Some of the people that she added she was sick of seeing their posts. I went ahead and just blocked them from showing up on her screen. They still show as friends, but she doesn't have to see their posts. In this instance it was a family member. Now in my opinion that's how you should handle it. If you don't like what they are saying, they are posting to much, you think they are childish...whatever the reason, just do that. Don't cause drama by deleting them.

Well tonight I did my best on there to not cause drama in the family. I was doing farmville and looking at everything people had posted and I came across something my family member had posted.

"I read a lot of non sense on this thing called FB, and I am so glad my two oldest kids have made great choices in their lives, I couldn't be more proud of them!!!"

It goes on to say that his boy is coming home for Christmas from the navy and his little boys are excited for him to come home. BUT that was written by my cousin. I know about the nonsense he is talking about, well at least some of it. BUT why would you write something like that?

There is only one reason, to hurt your family and to brag about your family. The thing is, while your hurting your family your showing what an ass you are. I almost commented on it. Because I know things aren't all rosey in his house! I go to church with his mom on Sundays, I've met his wife/girlfriend I don't know if they're married or not. BUT I know!

So common sense took over and I put my own lil facebook message out there. Remember the rule to live by is if it doesn't say your name then it's not about you and if you think it's about you then that's your issue because only the writer knows who it was really about. Yes I know that's what I should live by too, but I have a really good "idea" of who and what he is talking about and the way I read it, I'm going with my gut.

So I put out there Using facebook to hurt your loved ones is a shitty thing to do. Doesn't make you look any better than anyone else out there.

And I think that was the right way to handle it. Because when I read what he wrote I just wanted to smack him. We all use facebook to vent, to laugh, to cry, to hear bad news, to hear good news, to spread the word. Yes some of us say things we really shouldnt most of the time. Personally I try to keep my stuff pleasant, yes I have my days where my posts are not all roses and sunshine, but then what life is?

I just figured I should come over here and blog this before I accidently on purpose respond to his post. Yay for self control!