I have 5 hours to get everything DONE! I still have the bathroom to clean, laundry to put in the dryer, living room to vaccum and pick up, food to cook, have to go to walmart with my list, and then pray to god that the rain stays away for good!

I got up this morning and sat out on the deck under my pink umbrella. Trying to smoke and cover me, my smoke, and the ashtray lol. Also the margarita bottles have multiplied lol. Now we have a full one and two half full ones lol. Wooo it should be good. But my fridge looks like a frat house lol. Inside the drinks and hot dogs, and on top mac n cheese lol.

I picked Mae's room up, half assed, but you can see the floor lol. Though that leaves me with a HUGE tub of clothes to sort through and hang up..uck! Downstairs there are two baskets plus a third waiting that can be hung up right away. Did I mention i have a party to set up for lol.

I also have to scrub off the tables outside. Yea the rain this morning didnt help me as much as Id have liked lol.

So real soon we are off to WalMart and hopefully I dont over spend because maaaaaaaaan this turned into a production lol. Talking to Brigitte earlier she said you wanted a small event. I quickly corrected her and said no i wanted nothing to do with this lol but it was to be a small gathering which turned into an event which turned into a production lol.

So I'm going to steal the theme from Dawn's blog, but only because she got her blog out before I got mine out lol. Soooo say it with me....PRODUCTION. Yes, this party is growing. And as the party grows so does the heather-do list.

What started out as 4 people has turned into a bunch of people. Now my mom is bringing over another table that I need to clean up and set up. The fun part is she is bringing her bag game. Soo we will have entertainment.

My friend Brigitte is now bringing walking tacos. I knew, just knew, that this would become a party. You can't just invite people over with just a bag of chips. Ok so you can, and it can be fun, but come on..who doesn't want a party lol.

I was talking to my friend Brigitte on the deck earlier and I figured out that I'm damn lucky when it comes to my core group of girlfriends. The 3 of them all get along. There are no issues between any of them or the kids, or the significant others. That's something hard to come by. I'm real glad that they get along.

So this party, production, driveheathercrazy monster is only going to be slowed down by one thing....RAIN. Here's hoping for no rain and that the extra hour of sleep I'm giving myself doesn't come back to bite me in the ass lol. Thankfully Tammy is coming over early to lend me a hand....

We are going to have a good time! Margaritas, bag, walking tacos, hot dogs, cheese dip, veggie tray, and birthday cake.....Breathe in Breathe out...relax your a big girl and you can do this!

There are alot of blogs out there about the horrible evil biomom, well ya know what, it cuts both ways! There are biodads out there who are no prize winners! Hell I sometimes think that if my ex would get a girlfriend or something he might be ok! He might be able to understand that calling me a bitch and telling Mae that her mom is being a bitch again IS NOT OK!

Welcome back to the on again off again saga of uber dick! Today we were supposed to go to a memorial for a guy I used to work with and who the kids dad worked with until the guy got too sick to work. I was a grump on the phone this morning. I wasn't a bitch, I wasn't attacking, I wasn't psycho crazy woman. I was just grumpy.

I had a long bad night last night between nightmares and Mae, add to that I had to work with the new girl(who i just found out quit after night1 lol) the alarm going off at 8 am was not a sound I was into.

I apologized for being grumpy! Like the second he got into my car. I apologized because I knew I was snappy and didn't want to deal with any bullshit drama today. We made it all the way to the grocery store and that was it. I guess I yelled at Mae...give me a fucking break...yelling is about the only thing that gets her little butt into gear. He started telling me what was what. I told him do not tell me what to do. It's not his place he needs to just shut it.

He continued and I was not dealing with it. So I didn't! I told Mae to get back in the car we were leaving. I WAS going to drop him off...then he dropped the bitch bomb. He looked down at Mae and told her let's go your mom is being a bitch again. Um hello?? Do you not remember the last time you called me a fucking bitch to Mae?? Obviously not! And after the tone of his voice and his yelling at me...I left his ass in the parking lot!

No I will not feel bad about that! I know this man! I know what he is capable of. I know the last time he was like that with me I got fucking hit while driving, he turned my car off, and hit me again. I am not his girlfriend, fuck buddy or anything that would give him the right to do anything to me. I was not giving him the opportunity. My opinion is he got comfortable and forgot to be on his good boy behavior.

Sooooooooooo now I am the psycho. I need to call the psych doc for me, I need to be medicated, I need to I need to I need to...all while he was blowing up my phone. Yes I hung up on him everytime because he was screaming at me. I wasn't screaming I was fighting off a freakin anxiety attack. He kept blowing up my phone and then when he did apologize the next thing out of his mouth was how I'm crazy and I never heard the rest because I hung right back up.

AGAIN he decides that my MOTHER will be his ally, his friend, his whatever. One of these days he will realize that the minute after he hangs up with her she is on the phone with me. COMPLAINING about him calling her! She wants ZERO to do with him. She DOES NOT want to help him in any way shape or form! What she does want is for him to stop calling her!

He thinks that we spend our time talking about him and bad mouthing him to Mae. Here's the thing...WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT HIM! When you aren't obsessed about someone, not in love with someone, not in like with someone, you don't talk about them or worry about what they are doing. Ooo wait I forgot we did talk about him a few weeks ago BUT we actually weren't talking about him we were talking about another friend of mine and his name was brought up because he is the other person not welcomed at my mom and dads lake house. Ooooo and guess what? Mae wasn't even around for that. But the bottom line is we don't trash talk him around Mae or not around Mae. The only time we bring his ass up is when he pulls some bullshit like today!

I don't know....I just wish he could get his shit together enough to be able to stay in Mae's life. As it is I had to explain to Mae that I left her dad because he was calling mommy nasty names and being disrespectful. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID...no more no less.

Now that I have that out of my system...I am on to enjoying my day off with Mae. We have movies to watch and fancy schmancy for supper. Tomorrow will be a real busy day with getting the house cleaned up so we can have our deck party. The booze is bought, the cake is ordered, the cheese is in the can, the hamburger is thawing....Wooohooo a nice Friday night....as long as the rain stays away lol.

Do you recall me saying that when my mom does something it's a production from the last post? Well guess what?? It's turned into a big production! I knew it would, she said no it won't. I KNEW IT WOULD...can you hear the frustration??

Sooooo as far as I can tell at this moment in time, before the phone starts ringing for the day, and it starts getting bigger we are at 12 people so far. That's confirmed....12 people! Unconfirmed are 4 to 6 other adults, several kids, and 1 maybe. That is not a little get together!

THAT IS A PRODUCTION!! My mom is going to string white lights now, which I like but really? seriously!, she is maybe bringing the kiddie pool, buying a different deck set(possibly she has Lowes credit), we are now having brats on the grill(which I have to purchase), I'm making the cheese dip, I'm getting a birthday cake for my friend Tammy's son. I've known him his whole life, it's like Aunt Heather ya know?

But he is going to be 15 and needs to have his birthday awknowledged! Mom is going to get some beer and a veggie tray, and bring hopefully a couple of chairs.

I knew this was going to turn into a big fucking production. AND my favorite! You need to clean the house up. LIKE I DON'T ALREADY DO THAT!! Like we are still not in a state of fuckedupness because of the fixing up of the house. Poor Mae's room is still a disaster, the living room is worse, and I'm having a hard time keeping the bathroom and kitchen up to her standards.

Did you know that the ants my Grandpa has been getting in the house for ooo say the last 15 years, every single year....ARE MY FAULT!!! That the two empty soda cans, and the capped 3 empty soda bottles are what has brought them in?? That a garbage can that has empty cans in it it, in sacks is garbage that needs to be changed, EVEN THOUGH you can clearly see the garbage can for the garbage is empty?? Thank you Dad for stepping in on that one to set her a little straight. BUT the ants are still my fault!

Thank god my friend Kimmi who is coming is taking Mae to her dad's after our shindig because I think I may need to drink the bottle of margaritas lol.

My mother is going to be the death of me. She drives me insane and now I'm living under her roof.

She doesn't see her behavior no matter how many people call her on it. She doesn't want to hear what other people have to say, but then tells me to treat her like a customer. Um hello don't I already bow to her will enough?

When you tell her no I don't want to, she will badger you until you say yes. Then once you have given in and said yes she will badger you about not wanting to do it. Then get pissed off because your getting pissed off. I asked her what more do you want? I said no then I said yes. Why isn't it good enough for you. Or if you wanted to just tell me what to do....THEN FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Don't pretend I have a choice in the matter.

I know it's not a big thing but I was napping on the couch before work, which i should be getting ready for, and she calls. I am not the friendliest person when I first wake up. She already knows that I've been dealing with Mae issues all day, it's not like I've had the greatest day. She doesn't want to hear when I'm having a rough I miss my Grandpa day. So all that compounded she comes along and asks , hear me ASKS if I want to invite people over. My friends who she hasn't seen in a while. When I'm like no, she's like well you had Jen(my cousin) over the other night.

WTF that was just impromptu. When mom does something she wants to make it something. I know how it is! Just sitting around the deck can turn into a big thing.She will want it just so and just right. Ya know what...if you want people over to sit with you because Mae and I aren't good enough...YOU INVITE THEM!

So being the good obedient daughter that I am...I made a facebook event and sent the invite to 3 people. The other couple don't have facebook so I'll have to call them. Which means I will have to go and get something to serve as an appetizer and tell them hey its byob but your invited.

My mom taught me that if you ask a question be prepared for No. Well I am and I do, but she doesn't and it's sooo aggravating to be the bad guy when I say no. I am allowed to say no, arent I?

Joy o Joy, it's almost time to get ready for work. But we made it back from my sister and my mom's house so that's good.

It was ungodly hot down there! Just looking out the window had you breaking out in a sweat. Hell drinking a beer at the restraunt I began to wonder if I was sweating so much that it was going in my beer. It was a very large beer lol.

But Myah turned 1, we cried because Grandpa wasn't there, we at a huge amount of food. And Mae came home with the shortest hair she's had since birth.

If your on my facebook you can see the picture. My god it's short. And I will be getting my money back for having to get it cut. I have such a hard time finding daycare and then this happens. Mom wants me to quit but she doesn't understand that if I quit that I'm not going to find another daycare. It's just not out there for people who work like I do. Or at least the best available isn't available. Oh well she will be back in school soon so we will have other things on our mind besides ok what's going to happen at daycare next.

I'm doing ok, just feeling a little blah. Katie will be turning 16 next month. I guess we're having the party in iowa. Mom was like can you help, I was like no mom I will not contribute anything to her party. DUH, of course I'll contribute where I can.

All in all it was a nice visit, but maaaan....I tell you what...not being the driver was a wonderful thing!

Horrible Horrible Friday! And now it's time to drive to Missouri.

Let's just put it this way.. I did all the work, and then found out Mae had her hair cut.

Is it time for vodka?

I just found out that they are not fixing the AC at work. This is not a real good sign. There is a possibility that I will be out of work for a little while if the rumor mill is true. My friend says that our boss will definilty be opening a new location if they sell the building we are located in. That's why the AC isn't being fixed, we think, because the current owners don't want to sink any money into the place.

My Aunt had her pacemaker put in and of course you know my family, it couldn't just be simple lol. This wasn't bad or anything just not simple. They get her in there and find out her anatomy is a bit different so instead of going in the hole they made lol they have to go on the other side. She also had to have 2 units of blood yesterday because her hemoglobin was at 8. Your supposed to be at like 12. I went up and visited with her for about an hour. She was pretty tired so an hour was long enough.

Today I'm working and unfortunatly I'm working with the new girl. I have heard stories about how she works! It looks like I may have to unleash the beast because I am not, hear me I AM NOT going to be stuck at work til nearly 11pm. We should be out of there no later than 10:15. I especially don't want to be there late tonight because I have to drive to my mom's after work. That's an hour long drive, it's a dark drive, and there are the dreaded deer to look out for!

I switched my schedule earlier this week so I could have tomorrow off because we are going to Missouri for Baby Myah's 1st birthday party. I told the girl who is taking my shift that she caused a whole bunch of happy tears. The begining of the week my mom didn't know if my dad would be able to drive her. So I switched it up and we are going to a party! Yayy first birthday!

Though it will be a little sad because this is the first first birthday that Grandpa Max wasn't at. He was there for all the others. So this will be a bit difficult I think.

And just a little bit ago I figured out why it was so damned hot in the house, and didn't cool off after the air was turned on. My friend was here doing her laundry and totally didn't see that the dryer vent wasn't connected. Um hellllloooo it's going to be hot if the hot air is blowing right inside and heat rises!!

So we suffered yesterday because she just doesn't pay attention. I had to remind them too that since they don't do the dishes it's one glass for multiple uses. You know if you have milk, rinse the fucker out and put your pop in later. They live in what I call a hoarder house. You know that show on A/E? Yea that's there house. I've lived like that once and never again! As it is I'm hating my house because it's so torn up from fixing it that it looks like a dump.

Actually it looks the way my mom saw it through her eyes when everyone else saw it as clean. My friends would see it now and go damn it's dirty. But until we can put everything away the liviing room and poor Mae's room are packed full of just plain crap.

I need to get my ass in gear and pack our bag. Thankfully it's only a 2 day trip, but still I always over pack. You never know what you'll need or if someone will have an accident and need 30 pairs of undies lol.

Have a safe fun filled weekend!

As I've written before I've been going to church with my Great Aunt Alberta. She has had more to do with me in my life then I have towards her. I love her very much and am very greatful that she lets me take her to church.

She has emphasyma, not smoker related, and mom said copd. Well I've noticed that she has trouble breathing. It seems to have gotten worse over the course of the time we have been going to church together.

One day at church we were talking and I was telling her to take care of herself. She looked at me and patted my hand and said not to worry she wasn't going anywhere. What a nice thing for her to say to my greiving ass. Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I'm not afraid now that all my old people are going to leave.

When we first went to church she walked the aisle to take communion. The last two times she has just stood up so they could bring it to her. I didn't know til the first time she stood that she hadn't been walking up because of her shortness of breath. She told me that her daughter had asked why she walked with me and not her. LOL I said that's because I need a shove lol.

Well last night my mom calls me and scares the beejeezus out of me. She was calling to tell me that my Aunt is in the hospital. She had shortness of breath and some chest pain. Forgive me for thinking the worst.

They decided to keep her overnight. One of the tests they did showed blood in her stool and that meant today she had to have a colonoscopy. I had my friend watch Mae today so I could go up and visit before work.

I get up there and my poor Aunt was stuck in the bathroom. If you have ever had a colonscopy you know why. While I was there I found out that tomorrow she is having a pacemaker put in.

The doctor described it like a car having 8 cylynders and she was only firing 2 of them. So the pacemaker goes in.

I know it's a very simple procedure and is fairly short. I just can't help but be a little worried because well it's only been 2 months since my grandpa died and 4 months since we heard the words will be better than before.

I know I know I know she is going to be fine, but that grieving part of me is scared as fuck.

I'm sure my cousins are scared to. So as I say my own little prayer for God to watch over her I get to wait for the phone call tomorrow from mom telling me she is ok. My friend is going to come over tomorrow and watch Mae so I can go up and visit her.

I really hope that they get the results the Dr is talking about. According to him once she gets the pacemaker she will be good as new and have way more energy and will just plain feel better.

I'm glad that it's nothing horribly serious and the colonoscopy didn't find anything more than a polyp.

It's just a lot to take with the grief I still feel.

But I'm going to go with her patting me on the hand and telling me she isn't going anywhere!

I'm a junkie. I can't go without. I have to have it as many times a day as I can get it. God help me if it's a holiday! Bravo is defnitly my drug of choice.

I've been sucked into the Jersey Housewives and am loving all the crazy drama! I mean seriously you can't write this shit, but you can edit it lol.

Seems though my drama love has come back to bite me in the ass!

My friend of like 15 years has decided that he wants to be an asshole. Ok so be one to me and be obvious about it.

There are 2 people who are not allowed to go to my mom's house per my dad's order. He doesn't put his foot down much, but when he does....well it's done. The kids dad is one of them and my friend Kenny is the other. Well I didn't know it was my dad who didn't want him there so all of the blame gets foisted onto my mom.

Well this year Tammy, the friend who was with us for Grandpa, was invited. Her kids, her mom for a day in the sun. They had a great time. They aren't embarassing when they get drunk. Ooo wait, she's the only one who drinks. But when she drinks it's not to excess like he does. She is capable of having a couple drinks and then going back to a soda.

My friend on the other hand is not. He can be any shade of drunk you want. From happy, funny, sad, mean, loud, obnoxious, dangerous. Well who wants to run the risk of getting one of the bad ones? Definitly not me. I don't want to babysit anyone at my moms other than Mae!

Well we are horrible rotten people. To spare his feelings we didn't tell him Tammy and the family were coming down for 4th of July. We lied! OOO kill us now! But sometimes you have to lie to spare your friends feelings. Noone wants to set out to hurt anyone.

Well yesterday at work I got a really lovely, yes sarcasm, voicemail from him. Going off about how he didn't think he had beef with my mom and how he did this, that, and whatever. He disrespected me and my mother for leaving the voicemail he did. I was ANGRY. So angry that I was ready to end a 15 year friendship.

I had no intention of speaking to him until the urge to punch him in the face had left. Yes, I know violence isn't the answer. With him though, sometimes you have no other choice. The message he left was a message you would leave for someone you just hate. Oooo hell no!

I've got his back! I always have his back. And yes I lie to him sometimes so as not to hurt him. Well he wants 100% honesty. Boy is he going to regret that one!

So I chewed him out and explained, LOUDLY, that I am not his fuck buddy, baby mama, girlfriend, or anything. You want to call me family, you want to call me sister..well then you show some fucking respect. You want to fill my spot with another girl who drinks?

Fine go ahead. It doesn't bother me that you have friends! HOWEVER...do not ever mistake who is who in your life! I didn't see that chick having your back when you were about to get fucking jumped. I didnt see her follow after the guy was following you out of the bar. I dont see her standing there to make sure you got off ok and didnt get knocked to the ground when we left.

Don't disrespect me and pull some bullshit. Sooo yea now I have drama with one of my best friends. I'm sure it will get better, but i think I may have to punch him in the face.

Then he tried to pull some shit and say something about me coming over on the 1month anniversary of my Grandpas death to drink and hang out and just try to get through the day. Ya know what..i have never said shit to him about his mom dying. For fucks sake I was the one who drove him down.

Gawwwwwd don't you just love the drama!

Today I made it through church without crying like a baby. Had a couple tears squeeze out but I didn't bawl. Though I did feel better after communion because I passed a woman who was crying. Yes! I am not the only one who cries in church!

I should be blogging more but I just can't find anything to blog about. I'm not involved in any drama, except for my tv viewing pleasures lol. I don't have any men in my life. All I have is me and Mae.

I guess I could blog about work drama. But maaan after dealing with it all week, do i really want to go there now?

There is one thing I'm curious about. And I really shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth either lol, but just a little of that lol.

I'm supposed to be cutting the grass. I was going to do it today but the morning rained and well by the time church was over, lunch out was consumed, and a trip to WalMart I was done lol. I'll get to it tomorrow before work. Anyways...I wasn't able to get into the garage because they were building the deck.

Bill had all his stuff in the garage blocking the lawnmower. Well I called my dad to see if I had a path because the grass is getting long. Him and my mom both say well the front looks good and were going to tell me I did a good job. Only one problem. I didn't do any mowing.

Some lawn fairy came by and did the front yard. Now my question after being thankful is...um what about the backyard lol. If you could do the front why not hit the back. Obviously they werent concerned about trespassing lol. I don't know, I don't care really. I'm just happy I only have to tackle the backyard.

I'm working a lot of hours this week and had a shit load of hours last week. Even pulled a double. But I need to find a job and all I'm finding is rejection. My mom is starting to get on me again. It's not like I'm not giving her money. I just paid the water bill. She is on me on me on me! So I get to figure out how I can give her 50 dollars a week when after daycare I have gas money and then about 20bucks. This is going to be fun. So the work search continues and now I'm even broker then before. Ahhh the joys of having my mom for the homeowner. Welcome back 16!

A Laugh to Start Your Day

So yesterday was hotter than shit when in my car with no ac when I got off work at 4. So I had the windows down.

The other days it's been raining. Last night I was to LAZY to go out and roll them up.

6 am(ish) big claps of thunder and then pouring. I realize on clap two that my windows are still down.

Run outside in my underware and tank top to roll them up.

Now I am soaked soaked soaked lol...gotta luv being lazy lol