As I've written before I've been going to church with my Great Aunt Alberta. She has had more to do with me in my life then I have towards her. I love her very much and am very greatful that she lets me take her to church.

She has emphasyma, not smoker related, and mom said copd. Well I've noticed that she has trouble breathing. It seems to have gotten worse over the course of the time we have been going to church together.

One day at church we were talking and I was telling her to take care of herself. She looked at me and patted my hand and said not to worry she wasn't going anywhere. What a nice thing for her to say to my greiving ass. Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I'm not afraid now that all my old people are going to leave.

When we first went to church she walked the aisle to take communion. The last two times she has just stood up so they could bring it to her. I didn't know til the first time she stood that she hadn't been walking up because of her shortness of breath. She told me that her daughter had asked why she walked with me and not her. LOL I said that's because I need a shove lol.

Well last night my mom calls me and scares the beejeezus out of me. She was calling to tell me that my Aunt is in the hospital. She had shortness of breath and some chest pain. Forgive me for thinking the worst.

They decided to keep her overnight. One of the tests they did showed blood in her stool and that meant today she had to have a colonoscopy. I had my friend watch Mae today so I could go up and visit before work.

I get up there and my poor Aunt was stuck in the bathroom. If you have ever had a colonscopy you know why. While I was there I found out that tomorrow she is having a pacemaker put in.

The doctor described it like a car having 8 cylynders and she was only firing 2 of them. So the pacemaker goes in.

I know it's a very simple procedure and is fairly short. I just can't help but be a little worried because well it's only been 2 months since my grandpa died and 4 months since we heard the words will be better than before.

I know I know I know she is going to be fine, but that grieving part of me is scared as fuck.

I'm sure my cousins are scared to. So as I say my own little prayer for God to watch over her I get to wait for the phone call tomorrow from mom telling me she is ok. My friend is going to come over tomorrow and watch Mae so I can go up and visit her.

I really hope that they get the results the Dr is talking about. According to him once she gets the pacemaker she will be good as new and have way more energy and will just plain feel better.

I'm glad that it's nothing horribly serious and the colonoscopy didn't find anything more than a polyp.

It's just a lot to take with the grief I still feel.

But I'm going to go with her patting me on the hand and telling me she isn't going anywhere!