I had the most awesome night! I had sooo much fun and even took pictures!

Oh i love my friends so! And some how i ended up not buying anything but one beer lol. I was going to be nice and buy my friend an irish car bomb, but then when they said 5.50 i said um no! love my friend but not that much lol. Went back and told him and he was like, well id have bought it. Told him how much it was and he gave me money to go get him one lol.

There is no way EVER that i will consume one of those. There are not enough drugs, alcohol, brain damage, or whatever ailment renders me fucked up to get me to drink one of those. Even I know my limits. I dont even want to imagine what it would be like to drink one of those. Luckily for me after seeing my friend lol i know that i was right in my NEVER EVER on drinking one of those lol.

I had to work tonight so it was a bit after 10 that i met up with people for cocktails. I love my Friday nights! I go out with my friends and we just have a great time! Tonight was no different.

I had a drink with my friends and then we went to have drinks with another friend. After that it was just a blast, with a few minor issues.

I met my friends friends and then we ended up at the friends house for a house party. We had oooo so much fun! It was like hanging with Shawn in that one little room. Hell it was even ironic that the friend of my friends name is also Shawn. LOVED IT!

BUT you know theres always an issue lol. So the friends friends girl was kinda stranded out in CF. Maaan not one of us was going to get her lol. We were enjoying ourselves and driving to CF is not a trip anyone wants to make unless someone is literally dying on a friday night. So we arrange for a cab. But i have to call from her mans phone. Oooo she tried to go all bitch on me. I diffused that so fast it was awesome. Got her all straight and a cab ordered.

Then i was a nice friend and told them all that when she got home it wasnt going to be pretty. Yea i was right. She was all you have seconds to get out of my fucking house lol. Yea we got out lol. Though i was already on the way out when she was throwin people out lol.

I was the smart one lol i stopped drinking way before. LOL..yea im not stupid lol. Got my friends home and stopped in for a minute. Yea that was fun but there were issues there with my ex.

Im not being conceited but my ex has issues with me. Im not sure if its wanting me or trying to figure out how come he couldnt control me. he actually said the word control. I was like...well some people can. It was quite awkward. Because while i may not have Someone, when i go out with my friends, did i mention their all guys and they are all kinda alpha maleish lol, i get to let the subbie girl out a little bit. You know fetch, serve, pay attention to, build up...i know cheap thrills right? Maybe but i dont think so. Theyre my friends and we all get things from our friends, thats why were friends. And if i can get my lil whatever when we go out, have a good time, and not hurt anyone...im going to enjoy the lil drop i get. BUT my ex who was watching all this...just didnt get how come he couldnt control me.

When we were driving to the other bar my one friend said wow how come your listening to what hes saying. And i didnt realize how strange it actually was. Never once did i listen to what my ex had to say to me or anything. But my other friends they dont even have to ask i just kind of anticipate their need and i get it done.

I dont know but its not my hangup. I just have to figure out how to keep successfully moving the conversation to neutral topics and not fall into the trap of well this happened this long ago lol.

All in all though.... i had a most awesome time. Im not all drunk, but i had a great time. I had fun with my friends, i just had a really really great time and yes im going to brag about it.

Heres to bragging about how great a night you had!

Thank you H1N1 for altering Halloween plans! Before that bitch popped up i had planned on asking the kids dad if he wanted to go with us. Well then as you know the bitch popped up and had to insert drama where there hadnt been any.

Well thanks to H1N1 now we will be trick or treating from the dads house. Yay im so excited about spending time with him. Yes that was sarcasm. As we all know together we are toxic.

BUT because of the stupid H1N1 my plans had to change. I hate that ill be spending any amount of time near him, BUT, im sure Mae will enjoy it. All for the good of Mae. That will be my mantra on Saturday.

Seriously thank you H1N1 for putting me near the idiot!! Oh well i can do an hour right? I am strong enough to resist the button pushing he is fond of. I am strong enough to resist the comments that come out. I am strong enough to let all his bullshit roll right off my back!!!

Heres to the fucking H1N1...may they eradicate you like the other fuckers!

I dont know why i do the things i do. I dont know why i let myself get my hopes up time and again. I dont know why but i guess its my life and as long as i can look myself in the eyes im doing ok.

Yea its wednesday, and it kind of sucks. I got an email instead of a text or phone call. Yay me! Im stupid! My friend is trying really hard to understand how i tick. She gets some things and others she just sighs lol. But shes being a good friend just by listening. And hey its nice to have someone face to face to talk and bitch with lol.

Today is kinda of bitchy. Mae was in some kind of foul mood this morning. I swear to god im so done with that girl its unreal. Im tired tired tired of all the crap thats going on with her. I know i know its my job and obviously im doing it. BUT seriously...i am sick of the drama queen crying and acting up.

Yesterday we got movies and 2 out of 4 of the brand new movies dont work. Its like i went to my old place of employment and grabbed the discs. So before i go get Mae from school ill go ahead and beg them to give me new movies. Hell i spent 15 bucks in movies yesterday the least they can do is work lol.

Im thinking im not going to like the Orphan but i started watching it and would like to see it lol. Ice Age 3 skipped and stalled and id like to see that one too lol. Seriously is it too much to ask that a movie works.

Still waiting for the 6 dollars i asked the kids dad for. I mean he wont pitch in for gas he better pay for the picture. I wont have any problems turning into uber bitch and keeping the picture for another family member.

Ahh its fucking wednesday! My week doesnt start till Friday. Not a lot of alone time for me this coming weekend. Picking her up Saturday for Halloween after work. Cant trust the asshole to take her the proper way. The one time he took her he took her to 2 houses. Yea better leave it up to me because at least i know it will be done right. Then i think she may go back there. Not sure yet, but since gas is tight she may have to just stay home with mama.

Ahhhh another bitch another rant i think its time to chill with a nap...oh wait i ran out of time lol

I think my next tattoo will have to be Forever the Stupid Girl. Yea i think that would look nice. Arched on my ass. Some light reading to keep the mood.

I swear if i hadnt just got done with my period i would think i have pms. I dont know i think im just deprived of calcium. Ive been craving milk like crazy. Then today the urge for big hunks of chocolate came over me. If i could get away with it id have me a tub of chocolate frosting and a spoon!

Being the stupid girl i keep falling off the wagon. I dont know why because the drop isnt all that fun. Thankfully your not always just dropped in the shit lol.

ive had two girl afternoons the last two days. i tell you what its been nice. sometimes you just need to have your girls with you.

Mae is doing pretty good. shes driving me crazy but shes so funny it makes up for it lol.

heres to breathing deep

Always searching always yearning. Feeling the insecurity and the hurt. I wont give up hope that there is someone for me. I wish i knew how to go back to what i once was. But that wont ever happen because doors were opened before me and i willing walked through.

Not understanding that once walked through there is no walking back.

The journey is just that a journey. There is no gurantee of a good time, a smooth road. Its just one of those things that you have to go with.

Heres hoping that the journey will be paved smooth more than ruts.

Well after getting the stink off Mae i was able to get her fever down rather quickly. I am THE MAMA!!

Half a bottle of gatorade, a popsicle, jello and a lil loving and she is sleeping with no fever! Lets just hope that it stays gone. I swear it has to be all that breast milk she had as a baby helping her fight all the sickness going around.

We watched a movie and a half and then we all, those who matter in my life, came to the conclusion that the only reason my 99% potty trained daughter would just sit there and pee all over the chair is because she had 2 days where she didnt have to go to the potty.

Its seriously frustrating sending that girl to that mans house. If she didnt have a need and desire to go there. Trust i would not send her. I think all my friends and family would agree that while the ass probably isnt the best for her, since i made the ass the daddy,and let her be part of her life from the begining that i know have to live with it.

Im just sooo tired of a dirty girl and all the crap that i wish i could just be a royal cunt and stop all visitation. BUT for her sake i cant. I know my mom would give me at least one weekend a month where i could be Mae free, but that doesnt solve Mae needing her daddy.

So its been yet another crappy sunday where i had to breathe the foulness that was the asshole. Seriously...cologne isnt to hide the body odor and the fact that your too lazy to give your child a bath. Please brush her hair more than once...and um yea a toothbrush is a good thing!

Now that im done ranting lets start another rant lol.

DAMN YOU MSNBC!!!! Im a true crime serial killer buff. Ok just to be honest....that does not explain a lot about me lol. I just like true stories. Ive always been fascinated by how these people's minds work and what happened.

Well its been 6 hours of true crime today. I watched part of Dahmer. At least once he was caught he was open and as honest as he could be about what happened in his interviews. Like he said nothing he can say will help, but at least the victims families have some idea of why it happened.

Then it was Charles Manson. I dont know why but thats one i always watch if theres stuff on. I still think that when the lady was dying from brain cancer and clearly not a danger to anyone they should have let her out so her family could pay the medical bills instead of the state.

Now im watching the tail end of Jonestown. This is the second one ive seen. It makes me cry everytime. The one on CNN, i think thats where Solidad is at, really made my heart hurt. In their report you could hear the children crying. Almost begging to not have to drink that stuff. Ive read things about this one before and the two shows ive seen have given more information.

I dont know how you dont realize that your being screwed over. I dont know how you dont listen to your family. But then thats brainwashing for you.

Im looking forward to this week. At least im hoping that there isnt some change in plans and i get to enjoy a couple hours for me before the weekend.

The journy is hard and the road filled with bumps and holes. But im trying and i dont know what i think of it. But i can tell you this....i think im enjoying it. If anything at all at least i will have had another notch of experience added to my meager belt.

Heres to having a good week.

Thank god its Sunday! That means Mae is home with her mama where she will be well taken care of. I swear to god how do you not know how much medicine you gave a child when you gave it to her less than 5 minutes after i called to say i was coming to get her?

I dont know but thats how some people roll.

Also just in case anyone didnt know but needs a refresher...Cologne and perfume should enhance you NOT OVERPOWER! My car and my child both stink like a french whore. Some people choose to bathe in perfume instead of soap and water.

Let the fun begin! Time to bring down a fever and doctor my girl back to health.

Oh yea and at 3 yrs old....they repeat what they heard and share what they did with their time.

Heres to being the mama...Sometimes shes the only one you have!

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Do you remember the last time i ranted and raved about the asshole exclusively? Like devoted an entire blog to nothing but the asshole? Neither do i. I was looking for exclusive asshole rants and i said screw it after i was into early september and didnt see any.

That tells me something. It tells me that i was doing so very well in getting over the assholes stupidity that i was letting it all go before i got a chance to hit the keyboard. That it didnt matter how fucked up things were because it wasnt getting worked up over. Especially because the asshole was never going to change. Never going to do it the way it should be done. So i just let it irritate me and then it was gone. Hell i havnt even bitched to my friends. Thats how good ive been doing in not letting his bullshit bother me!!!!

I dont know how many times i have had to say this but ill say it again. I have moved on from the asshole. i have learned that it doesnt pay to dabble in that game. it doesnt do any good to bitch and moan. Ive moved on, grown. Left the asshole alone. I dont know if or where he blogs. I dont have access to his yahoo stuf. I dont have him on any websites im on, that i know of, because i havnt looked. Hell the one time i did see him on a shared website i think he deleted himself because i never saw that profile again. The only time i have to deal with the asshole is when it comes to Mae.

Lucky for me i dont have to do that except twice a week. And only for 5 minutes at a time. Im happy with that! Im all good! I know he has people over. I know he still lies about it. I have to trust that he isnt introducing her to people who are all about drama and bullshit and whats not best for her.

I have to trust him. i cant trust him. i try i try i try and when i get to a point where i think i can trust him WAAAAM fucking bullshit drama pop up!

Im not even going to go into all the little things that have irked me about the asshole. i dont need to because i cant do anything about them except hurt Mae and not let her go over there. I bring Mae home today and im checking my email on collarme and its this chick named maranda.

i know i'll probably get bitched at for this but how's everying between you and daniel? how's you daughter? she's pretty cool. and yes, i'm maranda. i was just checking on ya cause i know ya'll two(you and daniel) don't always get along so great. i wish you luck in getting along for the sake of the child.

Thats what i had to come in contact with. Why o why would she come to me? What does she have to gain by driving a wedge further between two parents who she admits to knowing have a hard time getting along. and why would she need to say and yes im maranda as if i should know who she is!! But she has met my child! The asshole has introduced her to a drama queen. One who has some motive that isnt about Mae!!!!

Why the fuck and who the fuck and seriously??? AND THEN!! When i called the asshole and said so whos Maranda...HE FUCKING LIED!! Said maranda who, i dont know a maranda....and then i was like um this is what she said and has met my fucking kid!!! He fucking backtracked like his lying ass always fucking does....oooo well that must be this friend of coops who came over and blah blah blah!!!!

Get a fucking leash for your friends! And then expect to not be held accountable for this woman trying and succeeding in pushing my buttons. Knowing enough history about his history that she would do that to him and mae. WTF who needs enemies with friends like that. Its like the other fucking cunt all over again!

I dont care if hes fucking her, fucked her or whatever. i do care that she was/is around my daughter! the asshole isnt from here so any friend he has or makes has happened within the last 3 years!! The friends i have...lifelong friends if not into decades as my friend. BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE!!! And this person just wants to cause drama.

He denies her so obviously she isnt that important and it makes me wonder if she wants to be involved in his life so bad that she started with me. I dont know...all i know is i have been doing my own thing.

Trying to get my life to where i want it. Searching hard for someone for me that is good for me and for Mae. Its hard work and i dont want just anyone around my girl. But the asshole obviously just doesnt give a shit!!!

Seriously...it was a good sunday until the asshole and his followers happened. Thanks!

Heres to this being the last bullshit rant i have to do over the asshole and his drama queen!

**Oh and to make this day even sweeter! I started my period yesterday and am in the middle of a big set of grouchies and ouchies!! Oh yes thank you mother nature for picking this time to drop bullshit into my lap!

Ive seen it all, Dawn im sorry your head is going to explode.

ChiaObama...and it has a commercial saying something like its way patriotic to have one and show your support.

Why o Why is there that much stupidity out there. I have bought 3 chiapets in my day. None for me. All for kids who were under 13.

Seriously....ChiaObama???

Definitly not a typical blog. In a former life, i miss this part, i was a huge NASCAR fan. Im flipping channels and theres a Dale Earnhardt special on.

Now im sitting here blubbering like a baby again. They showed his win at daytona and his death. Both no matter how many times i see them bring me to tears.

I really really liked NASCAR, even been to a few races. Have a big tribute to DE on my back.

Yea, its not a typical tuesday if im sitting here blubbering over stuff lol.

Heres to the good memories!

Woooo its the weekend! I love the weekends. Its when i get to not be mommy 24/7. I live for the weekends. Even when i have to work lol. Though this going in at 11 kind of sucks lol id like to sleep more. Thankfully last night wasnt about getting all tore the fuck up lol. Just putting little holes in it lol.

I had to close last night and about 730ish i sent out a text to my friends and to "Dawn". The only reply i got back right away was from "Dawn" and that said cant i have to work. I didnt truly expect "Dawn" to be able to come out, BUT i had to at least extend the offer.

Well it was close to closeing time and then the texts came in lol. But my cousin had called first and so she was the filler lol.

But again like last weekend my one really really good friend was strange. I think that hes going through something right now but isnt talking about it. At least not to me. Im begining to think ive done something to offend hurt or belittle him. Last weekend he gave me money to basically go away. I was supposed to follow him to another bar, so i did, and when i got there he was like oh your here now, i cant get away from you. WTF??? Yea hes going through something because last night he couldnt even hang with all of us. He was all i cant do this, im on the outside, all this crap. So i dont know whats up but hopefully soon he will snap back.

Then my other friend.....yelled at me in the bar. I dont mean HEYYYYY i mean YELLLED YELLED at me. Yelled so much after he was done he goes...Thanks and wow no one said anything but a couple looks. Did i enjoy being yelled at NO, did i sit there and take it Yes. After he was done yelling i should have told him im sorry for hurting your feelings. I didnt im slow and bad lol.

He had his reason for yelling and if i hadnt thought it was a good thing for him, id have had to bitch slap him. About 2 weeks ago i think, maybe a bit more, his ex and my friend totally now have a worse relationship then me and the kids dad. Didnt think it was possible, but it is.

She had to make a hard decision that parents make. My friend isnt the bio-dad, and her bio-dad has stepped up to the plate and they are having a hard time getting that father daughter bond. Well when shes calling two people daddy, no wonder shes confused. My friend was her daddy, and im sure she will always think of him like that. But shes 4 yrs old and her biodad and family are there for her. Want to be there for her. And arent bad people. Well my friend stopped the visitation with my other friend.

She was so upset about it that she asked me to ride with her to pick up Sid. It was not a fun time! It was horrible. I was good though i only interacted with Sid because either way i was screwed.

So basically last night i got yelled at for being there and the whole situation and basically he vented. He looked at me after and was like woah! i was like its ok, i understand! He was mad at me, yes. But was his yelling anger all for me? No. Would it have been wise to interrupt him and get mad? No. He needed to yell and he needed to curse and he needed to spew hate, and he needed me to know that he thought it was shitty but i think he kind of understands why i was there.

But its ok nothing that a trip to adult land to make it all good lol.

We did have fun last night, we did have laughs, we did have jeramiah weed's and we had lipstick lol

Avon has some funkyfied lipstuff. One of the people i know from the bar had it and she put some on this biker type dude. Oooo it was hilarious. I asked to see the tube and i got it on me. OMG it made your lips tingle and feel all funny. Soooooooooo being the funny girl i am i grabbed Ty planted one on him so he could feel it lol. OOOO it was funny the tingle transferred lol and the color wouldnt leave. Him or the biker type dude. The biker type dude tried to kiss it off on me lol it didnt work.

That was a first and last of its kind of kissing at the bar.

Ohhhh we had a good time! Maybe i deserve the Nobel!

Short blog time! And i think its a blog for one person, she knows who she is lol.

Are you fucking kidding me, are you serious? Obama got the nobel peace prize?

Dawn wanted to see my signature. But i dont have a great blog to share.

I guess i could tell all the women im subscribed to on here how much yall mean to me, and how much i enjoy hearing about your lives. But thats just cheesy and with the time that it is...i dont want to be accused of it being the alcohol lol.

Seriously...it was a crap day today and the least i can do is show Dawn my signature.

Thank you all for putting up with my ass.

Heres to all those things you keep inside even when you know someone could probably use the warm fuzzies from what you have to say about them!