The Break Up

She wants to tell you that she's breaking up with you. Insert stunned silence and an expression of pure WTF?! Those are the words that my lil 5 yr old decided to say to him this morning. After he was nice enough to buy her a donut lol.

Oooo I felt sooo sorry for the poor guy. Who gets broken up with by a 5 year old? Im sure that there is some kind of woman out there that would use her kid to do it lol but I'm not one of those lol. Id for sure tell him to his face that it was over.

Fortunatly in between bouts of russian hands and roman fingers there was chatter. During the chatter I told him about my mom and how she just cant let me be happy. She has to be thinking stupid shit and saying shit to me that just drives me nuts. So i said to her on the phone yesterday that I was just going to have to break up with him then since he was an issue between me and her. That she was just so whatever that I couldnt deal with it and maybe I should just break up with him so the pieces you keep saying youll have to pick up are there to pick up. Noo noo no thats not what im saying lol but damn sure sounded like she was lol. So i told him about it and how i said that.

Not even an hour later there is Mae telling him that I want to tell him about breaking up. Ooooo good lord lol. I looked at him and said....not something you expected to hear today huh lol. This is being said while we are both pouting about not being able to see each other til next monday NIGHT! Also said good thing i told ya about it earlier huh lol. He was all like yeah!

I dont know if it was a fight or just growing pains; but im really leaning towards growing pains. He was in a mood this week and my mom just latched onto that to use as a well if hes this way now blah blah. I was like mom he had a fucking bad week, it happens! Well you said he was bitchin and moanin about so n so, Mom everyone bitches about so n so, well whats he gonna be like...mom we are only 3 weeks old...no your not , yes we are, no your not, yes we are...laid out the time frame...ooo, yeah ooo let us be lol, we are very new. I have to get used to having a boyfriend i havnt been with a man in years! And the ones i hung with if they got in a bad mood i could just leave. Give me a chance to get used to being with someone else. Oooo and btw we already talked about it. We discussed what to do when he has a mood, and blah blah. You know the stuff youre supposed to when your new. All because i said to my dad that i was mad at him was why i decided to cut the grass. Yeah he was irritating me cuz he was in a mood and it was coming across in texts. how do you be evil and bitchy to your man when he's like that and your annoyed? you cut the grass so he cant use the riding mower. DUH..but mom was all over it and jesus swear to god that woman cant handle this. Cant handle that hes not a bad guy. That im not making excuses the truth is i have been single for way longer than ive been with him lol i have to get used to a lot of things.

Growing pains...it happens!

Next Tuesday will probably be the blog that all it says is Sore be back later lol. We have a routine going and this week its all screwed up with the holiday and Mae going to the clinic in iowa city, and our work schedules. Since I work on Thursday we wont get to see each other then. Unless he comes into my work for supper lol. And then I cant guarentee that Ill have time to talk to him. Whenever you get visitors at work it gets busy lol.

Anyways time to go beat the child until she makes her bed lol. Ok i found a way to watch tv lol. Discipline the girl! She is 5 and can make her bed. So every day she has to make her bed and she cant come out til its made. If it takes her 3 hours to make it thats on her cuz I said make the bed and then come out. Not my problem if she wont make it for 3 hours lol. Ahhh the joys of being a parent!

Anyways I think some tv time while the kid is occupied is in order...all i have left to do today is vaccum, so im going to veg out!

Sabotage?

You know how we all worry about sabotaging our relationships? I don't really have to worry about that. My mom is busy doing it for me lol, though its only in her world lol.

Because of the ex's that I have she is really really worried about having to pick up the pieces lol. Today she told me she wondered if there was another girl. I was like wtf really? If there was another girl I really feel sorry for her because he is constantly texting me, talking to me, stickering me lol and turning the car around cuz im turning into a lil horndog lol.

I have no fear of him cheating. We have covered that topic several times already and we both agree that it's best to get out before hand. Anyways lol it was funny that she said that because I was just on the site we met and his status lol was partly miss and love my girlfriend. Told my mom guys who meet girls online and cheat dont put that stuff up there especially when the girlfriend has a pic of the two of them as her profile pic. Other bitches dont stand for that stuff especially if they are the i dont care that hes yours kind of bitches lol. They live for that drama lol.

So heres to not having to worry about self sabotaging it lol.

Ooo and i think he is really getting to like the whole taking care of your man thing it may be my turn to have created a monster lol.

Spank you very much

Oooo i am such a bad bad girl lol. Oooo sooo bad that the non spanker is threatening me with a good time err spanking lol. I can not help it that he called me and i just had to tell him that i was sitting here drippy, wet, and half dressed.





It is sooo not my fault that a uturn was made lol. That car has a mind of its own lol.





Yayyyy he came over lol. I got luvin and loving lol. Poor fella lol he finally did admit to me being evil lol. I told him that I never denied that one lol.





Maybe we should have waited for the quickie for tomorrow lol but hey he was in town and i just couldnt let him leave town unhappy lol.





Ok i need to stop lol i am turning into one big fuckin hormone lol. Between the luvin and loving lol i might not make it lol.

Too Much Thinking

Waking up at 6 am isnt always a bad thing. Sometimes it gives you time to think. And ive been doing way to much thinking lol. Its a good thing though. I had to have this time to think of what I was thinking.

The whole keeping it honest thing helps me think of other things. Like the joke ive been making about getting a trailer together, i need to stop that. I realized that it might make him uncomfortable and he may not take it for the joke it is. Also sometimes i over use a joke lol and it gets annoying.

So because of that joke I had another thought. This one was serious. He has to be ready to live with US. Not us being ready to live with him. Going beyond boyfriend/girlfriend is a big step. I need to back off with the joke because shit we arent at that stage yet. Were still at the almost 3 weeks official and cant keep our hands off each other stage.

Hell I have to learn how to, I think this is what it is, make love and not just have sex, or fuck. I am a good one for skipping steps and there are a lot of steps in this relationship that ive never even seen before. So why rush it. Learn and grow into it.

I also figured out its a good thing he has a legit excuse for missing my moms party. Work and the hours that he works. Its going to be a long weekend. We wont be in constant contact with each other. I can only imagine the shit I would take if I sat on my phone the whole time. Plus we wont have seen each other since maybe Thursday...ooo maybe he can come over Friday before we go to my moms...that would be nice.

Omg horndog city over here. So sorry, maaaan i have it bad, he has it bad and thank god we have to keep it honest lol.

Whewwwwww

I just cant sleep lol. Its like a fucking drug and Im coming off it lol. Had a hard time falling asleep last night and i was totally exhausted from the weekend. And then it was a phone call from my mom from the next room at 5 am wanting to know when i was getting up lol.

I went to bed an hour later than i planned and then had trouble sleeping. So i finally took a pill going on midnight and reset the alarm for like 520 lol. But with the phone call lol i was up by 10 after lol. Which was a good thing because Mae was up right then lol.

Surgery went well. My kid is awesome lol. She bounced right back from being gassed lol. She came out of recovery and you could see just a lil bit of the anesthesia left. By the time we got home she was ready to play. Up at 5 out by 930 lol and then she spent 2 hours at the park.

How the hell do you not let her go out lol. I know she probably should have rested but there was no resting for that kid. All it did was bring out the whiny brat that she has down pat lol. So i let her go to the park and outside to play.

It was a freaky day too because a long ago friend just popped up out of the blue wanting to know if i knew where another friend was. Um nooo and wow what the hell lol. Then my other friend came over with my paycheck and i went to cash it and left my laundry in the living room. She asked me if i knew my mom had someone coming over and i was like um no. So lol my friends cleaned up the small mess in the kitchen while I folded 3 big huge baskets of laundry lol. It was a team effort and my stove got cleaned lol.

I forgot what my friend was like but shes got some issues that i dont need to be around so this visit was nice, lets just not make it too many visits in a row. Not sure i want to reconnect because of life choices that she has made that i choose not to make anymore.

Did a lot of texting and confessing insecurities lol. My poor boyfriend he gets all these fucked up texts from me spilling out all this insecurity and shit that goes on in my head lol. I know im a bit crazy lol but im the good crazy lol I just hope he can deal with all the other crazy that comes with a girl like me lol. So far so good lol, God I really do have it bad lol. Bring on Thursday cuz then I get to hump his leg lol

Sex

Holy crap! Did you know that sex can boost your happiness level lol. Turn you into a blithering idiot lol. I thought I was happy with the guy; add sex to the mix and Im out of my mind with happiness.

It's a good thing we have conflicting schedules and can only see each other when we do. No sex Thursdays lol and All Sex Weekend lol. Its keeping us honest lol. We can only move so fast right now lol.

July he moves! Then I have to find a way to squeeze two days off in a row and gas money lol. It is hard enough to have him leave lol but to be somewhere that you have no reason only responsibilties that you have to leave for lol.

Maaaaan thats when the new will get worn off but until then there will be some mind blowing sex!

We are at the stage of we cant keep our hands off each other. BUT we have to, THANK YOU MISS RYDER MAE!! If she wasnt around this would be moving way faster than it should lol. We have to have "family" time before we get to have mind blowing sex!

I am wanted! Not just for sex or a body to use. We are being forced to keep it honest and thank god because if we werent I dont think it would be working like this. I am getting what I want! I am having all my needs met. I feel safe, secure, happy, confident, loved....this is the very first real relationship ive had that it feels like the last.

I love tha we cant keep our hands off each other, i love that we can watch a movie on the couch together, we can sit with Mae on the couch together and watch a movie, we can eat dinner together, this is where I want to be.

We are talking and communicating about everything. Its so strange to have almost no fear. There is always that small fear that your happiness will burst but you push it back until its either gone or you sabatoge it lol. But again having to keep it honest lol sucks but is really working in our favor for a good happy healthy relationship.

Can you tell Im stupidly in love and dont give a crap lol. Im so happy there should be a we hate happy people club with my picture on it lol. Anyways back to texting lol god im glad i have unlimited texting lol

And in all this

Mae...what a kid! I havn't really blogged much about her so I figured I should probably tell some Mae stories just in case anyone thinks she's been left behind on this journey.

Tuesday is surgery to remove her tubes. The doctor is going to put a paper patch in her ear to see if that helps and she doesn't need a fourth set of tubes. Girls a little hypochondriac lol so surgery is just what she needs to boost her lil attitude of im just a little girl lol.

We spent the Thursday afternoon outside playing in the pool. That girl stayed out for four hours and went through three sunscreen applications and finally said Mom i wanna go inside lol.

Her, me, and him all sat down for dinner the last two nights. Im trying to teach her to slow down when she eats and to keep her mouth closed lol. I've taught her to use her spoon and fork together so she doesnt slurp off the plate lol.

We spent a couple days last week curled up on the couch watching movies. She's done a lot of lap sitting lately.

Tonight lol I had her up in the air. She was on my feet and I lifted my legs and her up. Fun for her good exercise for the mama lol.

Today she said her favorite part of the day was going to the cemetary to see grandpa cuz we miss him. Sooo very sweet but i also think possibly manipulative to try to get something she wants because its pretty much what i said to her earlier so who knows. She is 5 after all, they all have issues lol.

We went to church the last couple sundays at 8 and then today we went to church in Oelwein. We sat with what would be her Great Great Aunt and then went to the cemetary together. We fixed the flags and Mae helped tape the flags and flowers. Then Mae took the invitation quick to lunch lol. I have no money, Im broke. So now I have to figure out a way to return the favor lol.

I found out earlier from my Aunts daughter that she really enjoyed being with me and Mae. That she told her all about the lunch, the things i was trying to teach her. She was even surprised when Mae started saying the Our Father in church today. Truth be told so was I because she usually wont do it in church. Then, thank you lord jesus for giving me a brain lol, my Aunt says to me something about her learning the Hail Mary. I laughed and told her we were actually working on it lol and she knew some to most of it.

It was a sad but good day. I really enjoyed it. The only bad thing was that he ended up working a 14 hour shift. He's not real happy. But Im a good girlfriend and I have a towel ready in the bathroom for him, a plate ready to throw in the microwave, and then there is always my charming self lol.

Well hell guess he's right, keep yourself busy and the time goes faster. Time to heat up some dinner I think.

Texting

Ok so as I sit here blogging and texting my teeny tiny brain had a thought and of course you know I have to share it. I am so freaking happy and in love it's unreal. If I knew this was what it was like to have a nice normal guy for a Man, I'd have done this a long time ago. No he isn't perfect and neither am I. No we havn't had the first fight yet. Yes, he said he loved me first!

We were talking in bed earlier and he said something to the effect that it was kinda like love at first sight when we first met for him. Of course the smart ass that I am lightened the moment by saying yeah cuz i had my sexy clothes on lol. Which I looked hot that night! The one time I dont have a picture lol but the picture is in his head where it counts lol.

Back to the point of the blog: texting. We are texting like mad. There has been a couple of the texts that were suggestive but the majority of them are just talking like you would in an instant message. (heres the tmi) As I'm texting with him I'm missing him and wanting him lol. I mean WANTING him lol to the point of wet panties lol. And that got me to thinking about Brenda and her situation.

And then I got pissed off for her. Because I totally get what the problem is and how he doesn't see that his texting no matter what kind is WRONG. If you are going to be texting someone and your attached you text the person youre attached to. Texting if used properly, im finding out, can make you closer, make you realize that you miss the person, realize that you want to be with that person and when you get to be together it makes it better. Because in texting; like in an instant message, you are able to be more free and say things you wouldnt in face to face conversation for fear of a look or something that would make you feel stupid or uncomfortable. If you have conflicting schedules like we do texting helps us stay connected to that feeling we have when we are together.

I can not believe that he doesn't understand how wrong he is and how much he is hurting Brenda. I think that it is absolute crap that he has so little respect for her that he acts like that.

That in turn makes me pray hard that she can get out and find the nice guy. Maybe this is all because Im happy but I really truly honestly understand now where she is coming from in her hurt and anger over texting. I want to shake that man until he gets it because that is in my opinion as bad if not worse than actually committing a sexual contact act. There is more of an emotional connection. And then as im pissed off for her, im pissed off at the girls who just dont get what hes doing, and then pissed off that these girls are so fucking stupid.

Sooo heres to everything working out the way it should and karma finding the right home for ooo say a couple years. I love you karma dont come bite me lol

Friday Night

So technically its saturday morning lol but when I started drinking it was Friday night lol. My cheap ass wine was on sale today and my mommy bought some for me lol. I drank 97% of the bottle the other 3% my friend drank. Ok so maybe I drank 99% of it lol. But that happens lol.

And as usually happens when you drink you get sentimental and you get real with yourself. I love that man. I am glad I foun him. Im glad that he wants me and my kid.

Yup Im a bit fucked up but i didnt drunk dial him lol or drunk text him lol. He will be here tomorrow and all will be right in our world for a couple days.

Brenda....thank you for your comments. Its hard to be happy and going with the happy I have had to make a couple decisions that I kinda hate.

Ive decided that I should probably in the best interest of this new relationship drop a couple friendships that I have had for years. Not because I dont like them anymore but because they will try to ruin my happiness. I really like this guy and not being friends with these two people anymore doesnt break my heart. It hurts that I cant be friends with them because they wont like my happiness but i like my happiness and Im not going to jeopordize it.

Its really really scary what im going through and as much as i dont want to fuck it up Im doing everything in my power to fuck it up lol. I figure if he wants to leave do it sooner rather than later because that way im the only one who is hurt.

We are addicted to each other. He's addicted to me and Mae and Mae and I are addicted to him. Soon we will find ourselves spending a few days together in his place just us. Im afraid we wont want to leave.

Sooo lol my drunk ass is going to go to bed and hopefully dream of all the possibilities that could be.

Sigh.....why must i be a girl lol

Ohh the differences

I am so happy about all the differences from other relationships to this one. I have to stop comparing them because when I was with them there were reasons and things i liked about them that kept me there. But this guy is soooo not any of the other guys. Everyday it just keeps growing and I am greatful.

Tonight I thanked him for doing someone else's job and not minding. Letting my girl sit with him, hug him, talking to her, hell he even learned quick that if you misplace something the first person to ask is Mae lol.

It hit me as we sat outside tonight that Mae hasn't seen her dad in almost a full year. If you ask him its because im a big mean bitch. But reality is that his smoking and drinking are more important that him using that money to take a taxi to pick his kid up. I have the emails saved that show exactly what he needed to do to see her. In a year he has CHOSEN to not see her. To only do take responsibility through his child support.

In the almost two months that he's been coming around the house he has been way more of a dad to her than her actual father. I told him tonight that I appreciate it. He doesn't understand how if I told him how to see the kid why he chooses not to see her. He even offered to go with me to take her over, but to be honest after all the bs that has come from him Id be afraid he wouldnt let me get her back if we went and did that. I would much rather wait for late night fun then have all day fun because she isnt here. She is the priority and always will be. He gets that! Thank god he does or else this wouldnt work.

He told me today of some places that are hiring in his town and I dont know if I can actually commit to moving there lol. I need to check it out and as soon as he gets into his place it looks like I may have to take a few days off work to go stay with him. While were there we can visit my family, the cemetary, and the park. He can get used to us being there lol cuz im difficult to live with lol.

But he said it! He was afraid to say it and said he knows its early but its how he feels. He told me he loves me! And its not the sex or the cooking lol because that didnt start til after we became an item lol. Go me lol the only self control I had lol.

I really really am happy and I even bought him a Fathers day card and Ill write a little note in it thanking him for the moments of "daddy" joy he has brought to my girly!

I cant believe i found him. I cant believe he loves my crazy ass and is ok with my family. Heres the funny thing...im not worried about being so crazy for him. This just feels sooo right! And he said it first lol so um yay i get to be in charge roflmao. Naaa its a 50/50 kind of thing. I almost didnt go out with him, now im really glad i did because I would have missed something special.

Heres to taking a chance!

Keeping Us Honest

The best thing about our relationship is the time we are forced to spend apart. It keeps us honest. It sucks but we have to spend time apart. We dont want to but it just makes it all the nicer when we get to see each other again.

We have all this technology but we have to work at this. We have to do it the old fashioned way. The way that worked for years and years and now doesn't happen that often.

With texts, phone calls, and the stickers we leave each other on the site we met, we get to romance each other. We get to appreciate the time we do get to spend together.

Its hard but its keeping us honest, if that makes sense.

It gives us something to look forward to, hell even if we were living together his work schedule would help keep us honest. He works a couple 12 hour days and maaaan it sucks, but when he gets back here its so nice.

This is all so new to me that I dont like keeping it honest lol I dont want to keep it honest. But life is making us do the work. He will be moving to his new apartment July 1st if everything goes as planned. He also is getting a couch that will pull out so that Mae and I can stay. I think I'm going to ask for a couple days off at work so that we can spend a few days together totally alone lol. No mom or dad to worry about, just Mae and shes part of the package so it would be what real life is like together.

I told him tonight though i dont know if im going to like staying at his place because there really won't be a reason for us to leave except for me to go to work. Hell he even said he would help me with gas so we can make the 45 minute drive to be with him. WTH lol I cant even get the kids dad to pony up gas money for her to visit and this man who also has child support to pay, and a car to pay for and insurance is able to and willing to pay for us to be able to be with him.

How the hell did this happen? Oh wait thats right! I DONT CARE! Because I deserve this! I wish I would have been smart enough to check out my other relationships online(well the ones where it was available technology lol) it would have maybe saved me some heartache. Ok who am I kidding lol i probably would have done it anyways. But this guy lol traffic tickets and nothing on the sex offender registry. Sweeeet!

I have a very bad feeling lol that once we start spending time with him alone alone, Mae and I wont be home very often. It just seems so right! It feels so right!

So because im greedy, selfish, whiny, and clingy lol I invited him over for supper after he gets off work on Thursday. OMG i have to fucking make gravy because he wants like a hot beef sandwhich lol. Maaan gravy is something I can make but I cant have lol. So because Im a good girlfriend lol Ill be making gravy for him lol.

Did I mention that he really likes my cooking lol. So much so that Monday he had an Al Bundy moment lol. Pants had to be undone and then he tried to nap in the chair lol.

Ok so it's late and tomorrow has already gotten here lol and there is lots to do tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing good and I will try to not be such a neglectful friend. So ill be texting or calling and leaving stupid messages Brenda Dawn lol beware lol Oh and my texts only vibrate the phone so you are welcome to text anytime you want and if i hear it ill answer if not lol ill get it in the morning. Thanks for your support and opinions on this because my girlfriends opinions mean a lot!

Are you sick of me yet lol

It was another great weekend. Seriously sucks when Monday rolls around and he goes back home. We have gotten really attached to each other. I know it seems quick, but after a good girl session with my friend...i know its ok. Sometimes it just happens like this and there isn't anything you can do to stop it. And for that matter you don't want to stop it.





I am totally loving the fact that I don't have any fear of him. I have never had that, I have never felt that my Man would stand by me, up for me, and not try to hurt me and tear me down. I know I'm a broken record but I really don't care. I am totally enjoying myself.





I do know that I did it right by not having sex with him right away. I think that gave us a little time to see that we can hang out, go out, and be together and have fun. It's not based on sex. Like he keeps telling me sex is the bonus. And the sex is pretty darn good lol. We are at that jackrabbit stage lol where you just can't get enough of each other. Wake each other up at 3am and pray that the dvd player doesnt stop working lol.





Mae is pretty happy with all of this too. So happy that he looked at me and said he didn't know who was more attached to him me or her lol. Last night we were all three cuddled up on the couch watching a movie before she went to bed. I sent her to go potty and she comes back and says hi mom, hi dad....he didn't freak! He said to her patience Mae lol and then we both went shes 5 she cant help herself lol. Hell she all but applauded today when we shared a kiss lol. She is benefitting from this short relationship as much as I am.





We have already worked through one issue and done it the right way. He was very flattered that I was jealous but appreciated the fact that I came to the right conclusion. Im surprised that I did lol because usually I let my emotions kill me lol. But the bottom line was whatever was going on in his life before me, is just that, before me! Its the after that I get to have a say in lol.





And I'm pretty sure he's half in love with me lol. He almost said it tonight before he left. We have been saying I like you to each other because well its more appropriate and way less scary to say. And tonight he went to say i like you and almost slipped. I think he was worried what I would think because its so soon.





HOWEVER as my girl session revealed sometimes this is just how it happens! You cant control it.





I just really really am happy. Im glad that i got to a place in my life that im happy with me. Im glad that I took the chance and asked him to meet me at the bar. Im happy that I said yes to going out on that first, second, and third date. Im glad that he is who he is. I have found what so far seems to be the most real man ever.





I cant help smiling. This is the first time everything seems right, even if it is moving faster then we both wanted it to lol. He is someone i think who will help make my and Mae's life complete, who will be a helpmate and a friend. And i am soo in like that its bordering very closely on love.





Who gives a crap that its fast! Sometimes it happens and we were both lucky to be in a good place to find each other. And yes at church yesterday I thanked god for sending me this man and for it being a good man. My friend said maybe it was Grandpa who sent him to me and maybe it was. But whoever whatever I am greatful and thankful!





And to prove what a great guy he is lol he cut my grass in the backyard, appreciates the little things, and basically is pushing all the right buttons in the best way possible!

Sooo seriously Stupid lol

Seriously seriously I am stupidly happy! Its moving fast but damn we are still in the honeymoon phase lol. The middle is where you want to get to, put I dont think im in that big a hurry to get there lol.

We are so bad with each other! We just want to spend as much time with each other as possible gas prices be damned lol. His mom is starting to get on him about him having enough gas to get back n forth to work because he is spending so much time here lol and my mom is sick of hearing about him lol.

My friends are deliriously happy for me because I AM SO DAMNED STUPID! Hell Ive got a girlfriend coming over here in a little bit so we can be girly and stupid lol.

I know this kind of happiness doesnt last, it evolves into something different. But never have I felt this happy with a man. I dont have any fear he is going to hit me, he has money to come see me, and hell he genuinly likes my kid.

Yes I know I keep repeating myself but i just cant belive that after all the douchebags I was with, finally a good one has come out! AND that list of things I wanted in a guy...well he has them all.

Last night knowing he was going to be here waiting I was in such a hurry to get home I totally forgot to do the small safe at work lol. Then waking up with him, god really? are you supposed to feel this way? Am I supposed to feel this way?

This morning I totally shocked him, im pretty sure by his response, because I had his lunch and his morning starbucks ready for him to go. And by ready I mean all shook up and the cellophane off it. He told he didnt know what to think lol.

Well sorry bout your luck buddy but this is part of being with me. If I'm up then Ill help get you off to work. If Im not Ill tell you the night before where your stuff is. I think he's going to like being with me lol. Ok he already does but ya know lol.

Plus i think I may have also shocked him by having the housework here done and dinner going before noon. Hell the only two things Im not doing today are cutting the grass and completly cleaning the bathroom, otherwise everything is done but folding the laundry lol.

I told my mom today that maybe i had to go through those bad relationships to be able to just enjoy this one, whether its for another week or tonight, or forever. I like being in like! Though I think its working on the other L word lol. See what having a nice guy will do lol.

My mom keeps telling me to not twist him lol but hey he already likes to pull my hair and i think he's getting into the lil pats on the ass, and he is the one who brought up the handcuffs not me lol.

It is so weird having all my needs that a man can meet being met. None of the other ones met them this well. They met some of them but not all of them. I love that he wants to be with me, hold me, touch me, kiss me, and everything else. But i really like that he likes the whole package and that includes Mae.

My friend is here so Im off to be girly and stupid lol

Smile

I'm really enjoying this whole having a new boyfriend thing lol. It's nice to know that I get to be there for someone when they have a rough day and want to share. I went to the store today and since it's the weekend and he is supposed to be here two nights this weekend I bought some supplies for him.

I told him that I got him something and he was all you don't have to do that. I was like but it made me happy to do it and you've already bought me a pack of smokes, dinner and a movie, and driven me and Mae around. I don't think some starbucks and hot pockets are a big deal lol.

Mae is way head over heels in love! She loves it when he shows up like he did this morning, even if its just for a little bit. When she got back from running with my dad the first thing she said is Where is he? Told her that he had to work but he'd be back tomorrow. That turned her frown right back around.

She is also enjoying mommy's new relationship because she benefits from it. She gets to have a "daddy" again and he is wonderful with her. He's already come up with a day trip for the three of us and then a trip to the movies for us. AND i never asked him, he brought up the day trip and then when he found out I was taking her to the movies he said NO I'll take you guys to the movies.

I love that its the new stage but what i really really love is that he is NOTHING like any of my past relationships and I just can't get over how lucky I am to have found someone like this. He wants to be with me and my kid, he wants to talk to me, cuddle me, make me feel good just like i want to do for him.

I really hope this continues on the path its on because for the first time in my adult life I feel like someone genuinly likes me for me and not for any of the quirks that i have that makes me ooo soo fun!

Disappointment

I am sooo disappointed lol. And it really is my fault lol I jinxed it lol. We have kind of settled on a schedule of Friday Saturday and Sunday nights as possible sleep overs. The only time Friday and Saturday really don't work is if I have to work at night because he goes to work so early and for so long. Considering we are in the screw like rabbits stage lol having to work early and staying the night doesnt work if I work til 10.

This Friday I have off..woohoo and he was going to come over watch a movie with Mae and me and then we would go to bed. Well now my dad has to work so boohoo no Friday night! But he decided that he would come over Saturday instead and be here waiting for me; asleep or not lol in bed so we can do the things we do. No not just sex lol.

I really wish that his apartment was going to be a 2 bedroom that way Mae and I could go over more often, but it's not. So we will have to settle for what we have. And depending on where things go who knows again maybe we will move to his town. I have lots of family there so it's not like we would be alone.

I told him the universe is conspiring against us to force us to slow down lol. But when you find someone you like its hard to take it slow. I am also loving the fact that its not a lifestyle relationship. While I made a nice lifestyle girl....this is actually a bit nicer because I don't have to worry about protocols, am i doing this right, will i get punished you know all the things that make a lifestyle relationship.

BUT lol i think he may be willing to experiment lol. Though I told him that Im not with him for all that. Im with him because he's nice to me and Mae and everytime we are together we just have a lot of fun.

So i am enjoying the hell out of our honeymoon and cant wait to get to the middle....dont want to rush the new off it too fast lol.

Random

You know you do all your best thinking on the pot. Well I was just there and I thought of something so completly fucked up but so true. I owe all my ex's a big hand for everything they ever did to me. Especially the last ex because he made it possible for another person who was dumped on by a woman to find out what its like to be the man in the relationship.

To have someone who does things for them not because they want them to do it but because thats how the person is.

My poor guy had a shit ex and that was pretty much what his mom told me when I met her. Well the poor guy is a little lost i think because I do so much stuff.

Not because i have to do it, but because its just who i am. We had the big talk about how i evolved into the person i am today. I showed him pictures of things that i had done and we had a good discussion about it. It may have freaked him out a little but i think that he was ok with it when i told him i didnt expect him to do that and that i wasnt with him because i wanted him to do that.

i want him to keep doing everything hes doing now. i want us to keep having fun. i want my daughter to see a nice man. And if it doesnt go anywhere at least she had someone to show her kindness.

i think we are moving a bit fast but i think we are both at a point in our lives where if you find a good fit why not see what happens. im sure there are going to be things that irritate me about him and vice versa, but hell so far my family is approving. They were a bit shocked with this guy because of the other ltr's i had and who i had them with lol.

But then again its hard to fake who you are when the majority of your conversation is face to face interaction. Ooo and i dont know if i said this before or not, but remember that list of things a guy for me would have to have? Yea well he has them all lol.

I know youre not supposed to brag about how happy you are but man im happy right now. I also think its funny that now that i have someone the guy from awhile ago who never would meet me as friends decided to try to put his 2 cents in about my vanilla relationship. Well ya know what my vanilla relationship is meeting everyone of my needs. In my lifestyle relationship the "sessions" were treats, they werent the day to day things. The day to day things was dinner, cleaning, being there for my guy....and guess what lol in the almost 3 months i've known this guy lol thats what ive been doing lol. like i said before hes not into the lifestyle, but its ok with me because he doesnt know it but he strokes all my submissive buttons and I dont have to be defined by a label and im thinking that vanilla isnt such a bad flavor...especially when i told him i dont break and if he ever feels the need to give into his animal instincts lol i was that girl lol. I must confess he has a mean hair pull lol.

Ok I better go to bed because Im starting to think naughty thoughts and he isnt here lol. BUT he found out what a quickie is and how much fun it can be!

4 Days Old....

Wow it's really been a big change over the last four days! I went from being single and avoiding sex to taken and fucking like rabbits lol. Well that's just because the new hasn't worn off yet lol. Him and I had a discussion about that and we both agree once the new wears off we will figure out a schedule system or something lol.

He said something that made my heart just melt yesterday. He took me to see my Grandpa and when I pointed out all the headstones that belong to us I did like a introduction to my Grandpa. And he said Nice to meet you Sir. Oooo i tell you what I just was all warm and fuzzy.

There has been one issue that really sucks....jealousy! He has some psycho who before we were anything other than dating who came after me via a message and then after we did the whole high school thing and changed our relationship status she came at me again. The funniest thing about the lies her psycho ass was spewing is that when she makes her claims he was either with me, texting me, at work, or leaving my house to go to work lol. I really think she hoped that I would end things with him because of what she said. The problem is, is that we are 4 days into a relationship that started out the right way. Communication is something that him and I have. When I got her messages I got pissy because noone wants to see what i saw. I told him the truth that I wasn't angry with him, I was irritated. We talked and then he let me rant and rave and apologize for my behavior lol and the bottom line of it all is that anything that he may have or may not have done prior to our actual deciding to have a relationship is still none of my business because we were only dating. Plus lol I'm such a bitch that I told the girl it was funny that he was doing whatever she said he was doing because we went and got a marriage license at the time she claims he wasnt where he should have been lol and that we are getting married October 18th lol. He saw me type that and about fell over laughing so hard. And just like I told him, she's psycho and by me pushing her buttons it would bring out more psycho and more bs that would show her for the psycho she is. And true to psycho form she went off and said all kinds of things on her page and I just laughed. Because I have the title of girlfriend, I'm the one getting fucked many many times and pretty darn good if i do say so lol.

I met his mom yesterday and she told him that he better not fuck this up because she liked me and Mae. So yay lol I have his mama's approval.

Now for the part that's really kind of freaky lol. We kind of have our own little family, for the moment, again the new hasn't worn off. But Mae loves LOVES him. She told him that I could be her mama and he could be her daddy. She holds his hand when we go out places, she wants him to play with her, she wants to sit on his lap. Hell she almost listens to him better than she does to me. She can't stop telling people who he is and wanting him to be here when she wakes up. The only problem is that he goes to work before she gets up lol. But I can't help but enjoy watching her with him. She has been without a "daddy" for a year because hers cant do the right thing. And here is this guy who willingly and honestly is showing her positive attention.

It's not love, yet! But I could really fall in love and enjoy this. He really is nice and though he has some issue with the submissive in me lol he thinks he can get used to it lol. As long as Im not asking for whippings and beatings because he doesnt hit women. Yea i looked online and he just has traffic tickets lol.

Then today he came over and we all three chilled on the couch together, had lunch together, and then he said that he wanted to talk to me about something. He heard the commercial for Adventureland and wanted to know if it would be ok to take Mae and me there. I was like hell yea cuz Mae wants to go there.

I know that we seem to be moving fast but it feels right. And we keep talking about the whole situation because our families are very interested in what is and isnt going on lol. But if things work out Mae and I may be moving out of Waterloo. Im not going to hold my breath but that is a possibility.

I have never EVER been with a nice guy before. Hell we were having sex and he slapped my butt and was a lil unnerved that he left a mark. Lucky for him i dont bruise easy lol. He likes me lol and we both agree that its like high school but like we said to each other...The begining is fun but its the middle you really want to get to! So im hoping to get to the middle. It looks like I may have found someone to love both me and my girl!

Heres to new found happiness, even if it took this long to get it lol

Updates lol

Thank goodness you guys are sitting down lol. Please don't stand up to continue reading just to see if I'm right about my news being something that will make you hurt yourself. So please stay seated and keep your seatbelt fasted; if you have a helmet put it on, protect your head lol.

I have a boyfriend! And it isn't a lifestyle boyfriend. For awhile I have been looking for a lifestyle partner and as much as i love my submissiveness the ex really did a number on me and I just don't see myself being able to be my submissive self with another man. That was the worst trust to break in me and I even let myself be almost all the way sucked into what wouldn't have been a good situation. I don't have to be an active to submissive to be submissive. Doing the things a submissive does even in a vanilla situation is still being submissive youre just not living the actual lifestyle. Is it really so bad to just be in a relationship? Does being submissive make it impossible for me to be in a regular relationship? No I don't think so. As good as the ride with the ex was, the ride was that bad. So I've decided that being submissive really is who you are even if you are not in a lifestyle relationship. I think I am going to eventually delete my accounts on other websites because i dont have to have the lifestyle...that is just a perk. Some men have women who are submissive and just don't know it and they are happier then pigs in shit lol.

So after a safe text discussion initated by him on wednesday or thursday about what would I say if he wanted us to be more than just friends. So I'm going to belive i just needed a good drunk lol and thats why I got so trashed friday night after i got out of work at almost midnight and should have been out by quarter after ten lol I had lots of drinks! And then I drunk texted, emailed, and called the guy at almost 4 am because I knew he was getting up for work and that I was lonely. I was fucked up is what I was lol. I don't want to like this guy but I like this guy lol.

I had invited him Thursday night to stay at the house Saturday so he could go to my friends benefit with me. Well by Friday night I hadnt gotten any conformation so Friday drunk night I emailed texted and called about him coming over for a pg13 night lol. Oooo good lord it was horrible lol. My poor friend Tammy kept trying to go to bed and I wouldnt let her, eventually she just kinda made me stay in my room cuz she was going to bed lol.

I passed out right after i called him because I didnt hear my phone lol. I called him when I got up because he left me a voice mail lol and the embarrasment began lol. He said something about stopping at walmart and picking something up lol. I was like I said pg13 lol.

Pg13 didn't happen lol. And then my mother called and then I called her right back and then we went back to tearin apart the bed lol. He pulled my hair :) and he has other uses for his handcuffs other than work lol, he doesn't mind spanking. He's not into bondage..but thats ok. And the sex was good! I was a little concerned at first and then he showed me how he uses it lol. And i was such a happy girl that at 330am i wanted some but i was good and I didnt wake him up because he had to be up in two hours lol.

He told me that i could have woke him up lol I told him today that work before booty and he said he could do both lol. Thats when I informed him that the first time he was late for work because of booty he was cut off for two weeks. LOL he didnt like that idea lol.


So I have a boyfriend and he is a nice guy. You remember that list I had about what I wanted in a guy? Yea he has all of them lol. He has a job, a car, almost his own place(thats in july lol), child support that still lets him take me out lol and he's great with my kid! When I was dating that guy 2 years ago when he tried to tell Mae what to do I wigged out. Well this guy has had the chance to say something twice now and both times I wasnt wigged out at all. He is nice to me and my friends could see that he likes me.

So after the first initial questioning of me he asked last night while we were cuddled up. And I said yes and then this morning and then this afternoon asked for confirmation that he was my boyfriend lol. My mom asked me if he changed his status on his page that i met him on and i said no and then tonight i got a text saying that he changed it.

I think I was single so long because i let the submissive get in the way. Submissives can be happy even when they aren't in a relationship thats lifestyle oriented. I like this guy and I really dont want to lol. But Ive decided to take a chance and I am no longer dating. I have a boyfriend and he's coming over Monday for a bit and I think Friday overnight.

AND Mae likes him. She likes him so much that after the benefit she was holding his hand and said to us You can be my mama and you can be my daddy. And hes good with her. He doesnt let what she says phase him and thats a good thing. Now that ive said yes to being his girlfriend we will see if there are any changes in attitude toward Mae. I don't think there will be any.

I think that at this point in time Ive actually found a nice guy. I took a chance for some unknown reason when he first messaged me, and then I took a chance on meeting him, and then a chance on him coming to my house for a movie. And now here I am...yup I have a boyfrend....how freakin odd is that lol.

See I told you you needed to be sitting down with your helmet on lol.