Let's try this again. A couple days ago Mae decided that she didn't want to clean her room, she didn't want to pick up her stuff, and she in general wanted to be as mouthy as she could be.

Mama had enough. I have threatened to take her tv away but never did it. You know sometimes just the threat of taking something away works; until it doesn't.

Well we got to that point a few days ago and while my crying and screaming Mae watched, I the big bad mama, took out the tv. She watched me undo the cable, unplug the box and pick that heavy sucker up and take it out of her room. The whole time begging me not to. The whole time I was telling her well then you shouldn't have done this this this and this and you should do this this this and this.

Oh you would have thought I killed the kid. Hell she's only had tv in her room for a couple of months. BUT I am not going to have my child be disrespectful to me or any other adults because she thinks that she can just do what she wants and then flounce to her room to watch tv. UT UH NO WAY! We all know parents who raised their kids that way and we've seen what they become.

She's been doing pretty good about not mouthing and picking her stuff up since then. Sooooo we are trying it again. Today while she was at school I went and hooked her tv back up. The nicest thing about it was that I didn't have to reprogram the channels. Thank god cuz its an old tv and sucks to program lol. So she has her disney, nick, abcfamily, pbs, and cartoon network. We will see what happens with the attitude.

BUT I am all prepared to take that bitch right back out of her room if she decides to be a royal brat!

I went to the grief counselor today and decided that unless I need to I won't be going back. I have other issues that aren't grief related that are being taken care of with other professionals. I love this guy he was so nice. I told him what had happened and ya know it's nice to have not only my friends but the professionals telling me I'm doing the right thing.

NOW the hard part! How do I ask my mom to come to Mae's school program and not kill each other and have to talk to each other about anything. I'm wavering on asking her because while I can avoid subjects she likes to poke them and pick them. Maybe after talking to my sister I'll have a better idea. I don't know though, I just don't know.

Oh well if I'm the only one there for the program at least someone was there!

I'm off to chill out while listening to the rain and praying it stays rain...no ice no snow PLEASE!!

It's sunday again! That means church in just a little bit. Some weeks church is my saving grace. I get to go and pray for those that need it, try to pray for me, and spend an hour with my Great Aunt.

Last weekend we didn't go because I just couldn't get my ass motivated. Funny thing though, Mae woke up and was like it's time to go to church with Aunt Berta. Ahhh the power of church and hanging with the Great Aunt.

Last week somewhere, some how I lost 10 pounds. What the hell is that all about? Well since I have a great start on losing some weight, maybe someone is trying to help me out, I will have to get out Miss Leslie and let her whup mine and Mae's butt. That's the nice thing about working out at home, when I do it, Mae likes to do it with me. So it's a double good deal. Though Leslie kicks my butt til I want to cry lol.

Remember my post about the girl who tried to friend request me? Well I asked my friend what the hell that was about. Guess what? No, he didn't ask her or the other girl to do it. Guess what, yet another blog about how she was the victim....but the story had changed YET AGAIN. So now I've read and heard three different accounts of what "actually" happened. Yeah, when you lie it's hard to keep them straight. He asked her why she did it and Ooops she thought I was someone different. HELLOOO same picture that's always been up on that site. I called bullshit, he called bullshit and then if you don't like us don't read us. Well if you invite me to your site, if you try to get my attention; you don't get to bitch about it when you get what you want. Suffice it to say, I'll be hanging with my friend and I don't have to hang with her.

Yesterday was pretty nice. We went and spent some time with my friends and just chilled while the kids played downstairs. It's nice having friends. Especially friends who live right around the corner from you and you don't have to travel to see them. Plus taking chocolate cake along helps out too lol.

Xanex is my new best friend! It works a lot better than the ativan that I was on before. It seems to take effect quicker, and it seems to help the anxiety MUCH better. It's hard for me to get prescriptions from doctors. I don't know why that is. If I'm in severe pain I get told tylenol. If I'm in moderate pain, tylenol. After surgery, tylenol. It's like I went to the doctors and always tried to get pain meds or anxiety meds. I have never been one of those drug seekers so I don't know what the deal is. BUT I know have the xanex and when I feel the anxiety start I get out a quarter of a pill and pop it. Not long after I'm feeling better. The tightness in my chest is gone, I feel like I can breathe easier.

The doctor wants me to take 3 pills a day. There is absolutly no way I can take 3 pills a day. For whatever reason a whole pill will knock me out. A half a pill I can function for a little bit then I'm ready to snooze. But a quarter of a pill does the job. I know people that take them recreationally but jeez I don't know how. Do I want to know how? Not really. I've taken them before, semi-recreationially, but at bedtime for sleep.

My car tried to die on me! I have a coolant leak somewhere so I will have to keep an eye out on that. My dad and Katie came to town yesterday to go see his mom and Mae and I tagged along.

We went to WalMart because Dad wanted some of these storage containers. He was going to get me a set for Christmas, BUT I found something even better that was NEEDED.

Child support only goes so far in paying the bills, getting food, getting gas, and entertaining Mae. Some how this month, even with the holiday, I got child support on time. Well there went the phone bill and I was going to buy Mae this $14 coat they had. Well thank you Black Friday! I found a coat that was originally, and the day after, $35 dollars. It's a real nice coat with a zip out liner so you can wear the inside during the spring. Well after paying for antifreeze and the coat, I had a choice to make with the money. But Mae the $15 dollar snow pants, or put food in the house. Seriously, it shouldn't be a hard choice to make, but if you have kids you know it is.

My dad and Katie walked up as I was trying to coat on her and I asked my dad, Hey for Christmas can you get Mae a pair of these snow pants. They go outside at school in the winter lol she needs snow pants. He asked how much they were and said yes! Oooo thank you to my daddy!

After we went to see his mom, he had to stop at the bank. Ahhh the bank that is right next door to the Fareway! He dropped me off and I got the last $30 I had in groceries. Funny he saw the pizzas, that were on sale btw lol, and I was like look we have 3 lunches to get through til I have those all important food stamps lol. I think he forgot to look at all the white packages I had too lol. Bought stuff for spaghetti, meatloaf, and beef stew, ooo yea and the yummy yummy roast I had cooking at home.

It was a pretty good week, if you minus the freaking panic attack that sent me screaming into see the psych doctors. I don't feel bad about going to see them. I have a lot on my plate and I have a lot of stress that I just can't deal with on my own. I'd rather go see someone then sit here at home, like some people do, and ignore the fact that while I'm ok, I could be better.

Well it's off to church we go. Have a good sunday everyone!

One holiday down, one to go! I've already got a place lined up for me and Mae to hang out at on Christmas. Mom decided when Grandpa died that we should have Christmas at the house. I don't know what happened to the house, but I think it's shrunk. I remember there being lots of people for a holiday, but now...there are just way to freaking many of us to fit into the house.

How do I know this? Because last weekend I threw two of my closest friends a dinner birthday party. I made meatloaf, mashed potatos, corn, and best of all a triple chocolate fudge cake with triple chocolate fudge chip icing! There were four adults and two little girls (4 and 5) and it was a squeeze. So much so that I had to ask my oldest friend if she could possibly leave the two teenagers at home because I had no idea where I was going to put them.

My mom has invited, including her and my dad, like 15 to 20 people. I have no idea how they are going to fit in here. Plus if she wants the kids to eat in the living room she better buy a damned sheet of plastic to put on the floor. In the summer you can get away with that many people because for the most part we hang outside. But Christmas? Yea, I'm not holding out much hope.

Anyways back to yesterday. I fought all day with myself about going down. Like I said, I really really didn't want to go. But I got up took my medication and chilled out for a while. Got up, got the two of us ready, picked out enough clothes and then sat on my ass. That's when the text messages started lol.

Are you still coming? Are you coming for the 1 to 3 like you said? Dad says he will bring Mae into town so she can stay the night. So I jumped on that one lol. I'm sorry but a little break from Mae is always welcome. Come on she's four and four year olds don't know how to STFU lol.

Drove the hour down and the car was fine. Driving the hour back the car decided it wanted to work on over heating and oh yea NO HEAT. Maaaan, I tell you what!

But I got down there and said hi to my dad, my uncle, kissed all my neices and nephew. Said happy thanksgiving to my mom. Ooo did I forget to mention that I had to take part of a xanex 20 minutes into my trip down. Its only an hour drive!

As I got closer to the 15 minute mark of the trip I could feel my chest getting tight and I could feel it just rising. I was a smart girl this time and my medication was in my purse. I stopped at a stop sign and broke one into 1/4ths and by the time I got there I was feeling better.

I'm glad I only stayed long enough to have a smoke and give my uncle and sister the pictures I had for them. My mom said hi but wouldn't look at me. Then she sat at the other end of the house. Let me tell you, AWKWARD! Mom and dad went to do something and I figured I'd make my escape then.

I didn't even have a beer with my Uncle because I was leaving so soon.

I kissed everyone good bye, hollared bye to Katie who was in the shower, and then to my Dad.

I get outside and here comes my dad. He tells me happy thanksgiving again and that it will be ok. I looked at him and told him I hope so.

I knew that my mom wouldn't be able to handle it and I knew it would be awkward. So I'm glad that I left and she got her house back. Hopefully since I didn't go to Thanksgiving and I have no intention at this time to be here for Christmas she won't tell me I can't go to the hotel in February.

My three good sets of friends are going, wouldn't it suck ass if I got uninvited?

So thanksgiving at my house wasn't all bad. I made some hamburger helper, I watched tv, and I freaking slept off and on til I finally went to bed. Sometimes I think the whole not sleeping thing is what makes the anxiety and depression worse. But now I've got a grief counselor, a therapist, and a psychiatrist who can help me process all that I have going on.

The funny thing is, is I know what I'm supposed to do. Hell the therapist just kind of laughs and says your right that's what you should do. But my mother...ahh my mother disagrees. Good to know the person with the degrees says I'm doing a good job at avoiding the conflict.

Anyways...that's about it. I'm going to either take a nap in bed or hit the couch with the remote in hand. Wait for Mae to get back and then just chill. I think I may have enough money left after getting gas to rent a movie. Have a great weekend.

Today has just been one big emotional day. I was really not prepared in any way for this day. It was probably one of the crappiest days I've had.

Though, it wasn't all bad. I did talk to my sister. She did some talking with mom and of course it wasn't pretty. Mom denied saying what she said. Brianne didn't stick up for me, she just stated the facts. You can't stick up for anyone with my mom, but stating the facts is a very fine line between them. I didn't want her to stick up for me, I wasn't talking to her to use her as the go between. I just needed someone to talk to.

I know that I needed to apologize to my mom for THE WAY I said what I said. I won't apologize for saying it because it's what I believe. She called tonight while I was at work to apologize and she didnt mean it the way I took it. She sounded sincere. I don't want to fight with my mom. I love my mom. But I can't be around her for extended periods of time face to face or on the phone. I did apologize for the way I said it.

They want me to come for Thanksgiving. I don't want to go. I really really do not want to go to my moms house. I have to go though. It's not fair to Mae. I'm doing a shitty compromise, but if we do go, we can go for a couple hours and get home before dark. I want to be with them, I want to stay the night. I just don't trust myself to do it. Am I blaming my mom? No, this is about me not her. She doesn't get it.

My sister gets the reasons and that it's not to hurt my mom. My mom doesn't get that. If I wanted to hurt my mom this isn't the way I'd do it. Hell I don't even know how to hurt her lol thats how much thought ive given it.

I have to figure out how to go and not go insane. But truly I don't want to go. I want to stay home in my pajamas and rent Mae a movie and do nothing but just breathe.

My mom has always been like this Brenda, just not to the extreme she is now. Yes I know she is grieving, but damn it, pick a better target, pick a different target.

I had my appointment this morning and was so upset and spilled so much that before the time was even up, she had me in with the prescribing doctor.

So now I have prescriptions for prozac and xanex. Im supposed to take 3 xanex a day for the anxiety and the prozac for depression once a day. I'm hoping they help.

How bad is it that you have two grown daughters; they are both in therapy, and both of their therapists tell them they need to limit their contact with their mother? That the only way for us to get better is to limit contact?

Its crazy to me, but what else is there?

The doctor told me today that if I was abusive then I wouldn't be worried about it. That I would be blaming everything on someone else, I wouldn't feel all upset, and I would just go on. I guess that makes me feel better, but then I talk to my sister.

She tells me that mom says she never said that. Again how very convienent that my mom says she didnt say it so it must be true. First thing my mom asked her was how big a bitch I told her she was. I didn't tell my sister that, I told her that I told mom she was being a mean bitch. My mom is never going to change, and she will never accept the change within me. So I need to limit the contact I have with her.

My sister says she will try to be there, but she has a life. I just think that sometimes I cant be the only one trying.

I have to get through the holidays and get through the grief, but i don't have to feel like I do. The therapist said I was right in the leaving that I do, the not talking about something I dont want to. That yes of course I have issues, but I can't take on someone else's issues.

So the cycle of medication begins, I really hope it works because I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to do blogs about how I just want to not wake up. i want me back, or at least the best me I can be since I dont have that one man in my life who made it all ok. Thanks Brenda, I know what you mean about losing that one person. It sucks ass on so many levels that we shouldnt have to be dragged through someone elses'

I am not ok. I havn't been ok for awhile. All I know is that I don't know how much longer Mae can be my reason to keep going on. I mean would it really be that awful for her to be raised by her dad. Ok so I know the answer is Yes it would, but more days than not I just pray that I go to sleep and don't wake up.

I can't slit my wrists because I don't want to die in pain. I don't have medication that I can take to zap me out. I just keep going because of my girl. She is the only reason I keep getting up and keep trying.

I can not be the horrible person I am feeling like. I can not be so worthless and useless. I refuse to belive it, sometimes. Otherwise I walk around feeling like this horrible person who is so awful that there is nothing I can do to make it right.

My mom had gotten to be a mean bitch who says horrible things since Grandpa died. She doesn't see it, she doesn't care all she cares about is if I'm giving her money, if the house is clean, and what can I do for her and how fast can I get it done.

This weekend was the last straw. I can not feel like this anymore. Especially now that I find out that I was abusive to my Grandpa. I don't recall being abusive to him, I don't recall doing the things that could be considered abusive. My sister said I had said some things she didn't like, but she never thought I was abusive.

But my dear mom told my friend that she wasn't going to take my abuse anymore not like her dad did.

I didn't know that everything I did, all the times I tattled, all the times I had to yell at him to not eat the food that was 3 weeks old, that that was being abusive. I didn't know that by taking him to his appointments, cooking his food, trying to keep him off the road as much as possible, was abusive.

I am a horrible person that I couldn't see the harm I caused my grandpa. I can not live with the fact that someone out there thinks I abused my grandpa. I didnt, I know I didnt! But if thats what people are thinking and saying...well I guess I did.

The house is an issue. Who comes into someones house and tells them how good it looks, then looks for dirt? Then says oh you were doing so good about keeping the house clean? It takes me an hour to clean my house. Thats doing the bathroom, the living room, and the kitchen. An hour to make it all sparkly. If the house was so horrible how come it takes an hour to put it back together?

Money...I can never give enough money to my mom. I give her every damn dime I have. I will make my bills late so that she has money. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I can't find a better job. She doesn't understand that. I keep looking, I keep getting rejected. Well I guess that just proves how horrible I am, if even damned KMart wont hire me.

All these favors, I do them. If I can't do them right away I get hounded about when its going to be done. This picture of Grandpa my mom was going to take away from me because I hadn't gotten to WalMart and made another copy in the size she wanted. Who does that? It's like if you don't do something for her right that minute then your awful and horrible.

She wanted a collage of the pictures that I have. I offered it to her, I can get my own later. No no no, but hey why not go get another one made. Ok but then I have to pay for it and I dont have a lot of extra money.

The carpet in the house. We got new carpet. My mother hates(hated) it and proceeded to tell anyone who would listen that she hated it and it was all my fault. Then all my friends were liars and not wanting to hurt my feelings and thats why they said it looked nice and they liked it. If she didn't want it then she shouldn't have gotten it. She never hasn't gotten what she wanted so why start now?

I just don't know what to do. I just really do not want to wake up again. I just want it to all go away because I am not strong enough to handle what my mother is dishing out to me.

I don't know why I'm her target but I am and I am just supposed to take everything she says and not resond. Well Saturday I responded.

Responded so hard that my friend came and dragged me and Mae to her house. Popped me a half a xanex and then found out that I was abusive to Grandpa.

I told my mom I think she needs counseling. I told her this before Saturday. Finally Saturday I told her that she has become this mean hateful person since her dad died and she needed to get some grief counseling.

Yea, I was abusive. And she isn't going to take it anymore. Oh wait she is when she wants something. She called yesterday for money, today she called because she wanted I don't know what. I told her the truth I want to kill myself and I can't talk to you until I'm better.

I am pretty happy most times, at least I think. I don't bring my problems to everyone, I listen to them, and I do what friends do.

I just can't take the criticism from my mother anymore. I don't understand it. I do all kinds of things for her, and make sure when she is here that there is stuff she can eat and drink, but I'm rotten and horrible, and abusive.

I don't understand how doing the things I do makes me this kind of person. I am always putting everyone else in front of myself. If you ask me to do something I do it, I don't tend to hesitate. Even if I'm sick, not feeling good, in a bad place, whatever it is...I tend to do it.

I keep saying this but it's the truth, I don't get how if I'm this horrible, rotten, abusive person I have close friends, who aren't afraid for me to be around them or their families. If I'm so damned horrible why did someone at work tell me I had a very pleasant personality. I don't get it, I don't get it.

What I do get is that I want it all to just end. I want it to just stop. I want to make everything go away. I keep hearing I'm a strong person, yea well I don't feel so strong. I just feel fucking miserable and that nothing I do will ever be good enough and if its not then what the hell am I hanging around for? How long can I make Mae my priority. If I'm so horrible awful and abusive, maybe I'm doing it to her and I don't even know it. Why should she have a mom who is like that?

What's the use really? I just don't know what is wrong with me? What exactly did I do that was so horrific that I have to feel like this? I don't like feeling this way. I know that something has to change and until I can get someone to hire me at a real job, then I'm stuck.

I have an appointment with the therapist this morning. I hope she can help, I just don't know. I'm tired of crying over this, I'm tired of feeling worthless. If she is hurting this bad why does she have to dump it on me? Doesn't she know that I'm hurting too? Doesn't she know what it's like to come home and it just be 2 instead of 3? But I guess I'm just making up my feelings because an abuser doesn't care about anyone but themselves right?

Maybe one day it will get better, but I don't see that day. I used to feel like my life was spiraling out of control and I couldn't see the drain. These days I don't feel like I'm spiraling, I feel like I'm actually trying to hold onto the drain lip so it doesn't suck me down.

Other than that, life is just grand! I love my girl, I love my friends, I just don't love me anymore. But then who would, abusive people get what they deserve in the end and I guess i'm finding the end.

Here I sit procrastinating again. I don't know why I get myself into these things. This time, again, I did it to myself. It always seems like a good idea at the time, and then the actual work begins.

This week two of my friends had birthdays. I am one broke bitch! Let me tell you what lol I am a broke girl. I'm so broke that I paid my car insurance ahead of time so next week I can give my mom more money then usual. Since I am broke, and can't afford gifts for my friends, I decided that I would give them a party.

Thankfully I was a smart girl and it will actually be a small dinner party. I only invited the birthday girls, the boyfriend of one of the girls, my mom, and the two little girls. My house is kind of little when it comes to getting a lot of people together and you have to be inside. Thankfully my one friend understood because I had to ask if she could leave her two older kids at home. Not that I didn't want them here, but we just don't have a place for them to eat at. With the new carpet in the living room, kids don't get to have anything in there.

So far today I've baked the cake, picked up the living room, cut the onions for the meatloaf, got the laundry together. I've been pretty busy. So now all I have to do is get the laundry downstairs, the bathroom cleaned, the meatloaf made, the cake decorated, and my mess cleaned up. That's just the stuff I have to do in the house lol. I have errands that I have to run today too.

Then since I will be out and about I'm going to go to the mall and get my sister's Christmas present. I have a Kay's card, I don't know why they gave me one lol. But I have one and I've been paying on it faithfully. So I have a lot of credit on that card. I think I may also buy myself something nice. Unless of course I decide to get two of the cheapo gifts and give them to the girls.

But I want something nice lol so maybe I'll have to buy all of us girls the cheapo diamond earrings.

Ok I guess I had better get my butt in gear lol. I love my friends, and I love parties, and I love food. Today will be a great day and if the food tastes like shit thats ok, I have 2 bottles of Moscato chilled in the fridge!

I'm online for my enjoyment. I am on lots of different websites, so I can say a bunch of different shit and either elicit a response or just post because I want to. I look at what I want and I comment on what I want. I'm not generally afraid to say something. I do know when it's better to not say anything at all if I have a differing opinon(Brenda, I have a different opinion about then your other friends....thats why i just said hugs) because noone likes to be jumped on.

I will say shit about the way you look, act, dress, things you post publicly...If you don't want someone to comment then don't share. I say all these things as a generalization. I'm not going to totally fuck someone's day up, unless of course they ask me to. And when you put shit out for the public to see you can't expect everyone to agree or be all rosey.

So that being said! Remember awhile back when Mae's Dad had some girl and she in turn came at me through another website? How he told me that she was a convicted sex offender. Yea well I left that one alone. Ok so I looked at the psycho bitch, and yea she's a psycho even on paper. Anyways! I have a friend from high school and now he is hooked up with her in the lifestyle.

How do I know this? Was I "stalking" her profiles? Was I scouring the net for some peice of information? Was I have no life of my own and obsessing over someone that was taken care of a ways back? The answer to all is no. I was minding my own business, saying all the bullshit I spew on a daily basis, and then I got a friend request on another sight from someone I didn't know. On that other site I don't add very many people as my friend. I think at the moment I have 3 or maybe 4. I don't feel the need to friend EVERYBODY. I just dont, so I look at anyone who requests me.

Oooo lawdy lord! It turns out to be the crazy psycho. The girl who tried to start shit with me and the kids dad, the one who is sooo fucking stupid that she tried to say she was forced to have sex with a 15 year old because it was tradition, she couldnt say no. Blah Blah Blah! She was the one arrested and charged because she was the one in the wrong. If she had been raped the police would have also charged that person with rape. Guess what? They didn't they charged her. Anyways! She has a new Owner, she has a new girlfriend...blah blah....and the Owner is my highschool friend. What the hell?

If you want me out of your internet life...why invite me into it? Why poke me? Do you really want me to be the big bad bitch(as if lol)? I have no problem saying a lot of bullshit, I can taylor what I spew out to make you think I'm talking about you, but in reality you only wish lol. So I'm waiting to see what my friend says to my email.

I can be friends with him, I dont have to be friends with her. So I sent him a question. Asking why his pedofile assed psycho is sending me friend invites when she has already started drama in my life. I'm hoping the answer is he told her to, not that he didnt know. Because seriously...why do you want to fuck with me? I don't have anything, I don't do anything, unless of course something that I've written has felt like a poke against her.

I don't know, bottom line is sometimes you cant fix psycho.

Tonight I'm giving in and ordering some chinese! The pizza sucked so bad even Mae didn't eat it lol.

So it's chinese tonight and hamburger helper the next 2 nights and then a big ol roast on sunday!

I have a blog somewhere in me I just can't figure out how to make it appear.

So you get a fake blog. :)

I had a great weekend! My mom and I went to Joliet for my cousin's 50th birthday party.

Oooo my lord it was a great time!

Some of it is too hot for the net lol.

Sadly the big long blog that I could write about this, is kind of stuck and it's time to grocery shop lol

Some days you just can't believe what your hearing. I was told awhile ago by another person that Mae's dad was telling people that I was telling her that he was dead. That I am such a monster, I told a 4 year old, who just lost her great grandpa, that her dad was also dead.

I have done a lot of things, I may have been a lot of things, BUT one thing I wouldn't do is tell MY Mae that her dad was dead, UNLESS he was really dead. That's the only way you tell a child that their parent is dead, if they're dead.

Today I was talking to a friend of mine who mentioned that she saw Mae's dad not that long ago. And he told her that he heard it around that I was telling Mae he was dead. My friend said she was floored and immediately told him NO. She knows me, she knows what the situation regarding him is, she has been around me and Mae and knows what is going on with us. She knows I didn't do it and most importantly knows I wouldn't do that to Mae.

I find it pathetic and sad that this man would be going around to people and telling them this garbage. I love my daughter more than I can ever say or show. I would never hurt her like that. Why would I risk destroying a future relationship with my daughter over HIM!?!?

It is not my fault that he is unable, or unwilling to quit smoking or drinking to be able to afford to see his child. That is not my burden to bear. I do everything I have to do to make sure Mae has what she needs. Having kids means that you sacrifice for them. It sucks ass but that's how it is. Didn't want to put someone else first in your life, well then you shouldn't have had kids.

I don't know what kind of mental illness he has, but he should probably go see someone about the delusions in his head. It just proves to me that he wouldn't be above telling her I was dead if the situation was reversed.

I don't know, I just don't know.

Ok, so here's the deal. I did NOT vote for Obama. I did not belive one word that came out of his mouth. I did not belive he would be able to do anything he was promising.

I know nothing about politics and this is strickly my own words and feelings about this subject. I won't debate my feelings because I will never believe your right and I don't expect you to believe I'm right. So pffft! Anyways!

I don't know of one thing that Obama has done that I approve of. Maybe there is something out there, but I havn't run across it. Or I just don't remember because I hate everything else.

My family is Democrat ALL the way! My mom would say you'll go up in a puff of smoke if you vote Republican. Well, after years of voting straight Democrat, I voted Republican. I did not go up in a puff of smoke, didn't even see a half assed puff.

I voted for McCain and Palin. I was all for them because if Hillary, who even though she has issues, has for the most part been able to get some stuff done. Kind of like been there done that, now I get to be in charge, ya know? I figured that we had already lived through Bush, what was 4 more years!? And now I really wonder!

The bailouts! Oooo seriously the bailouts pissed me off! The auto bail out put business' in my state out of business. The houseing bailouts made me want to bitch slap a whole lot of people!

You have $1000 as your budget. That means you ONLY have $1000 to spend. If you KNOW that you only have a $1000 and go out and get a mortgage for $1500 you deserve to be slapped. I don't know how these people didn't understand that if you can't afford it, YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT so you don't get it! And any company willing to lend to them was stupid as well.

I get why they bailed the homeowners out, so we didn't have the homeless rate go way up. At least I hope that's why they did it.

But I still think that Obama is doing a shit job, and that's my opinion.

Today I voted Democratic because we need the people to work together until we can get someone new in office. But it makes me laugh to see that the Republicans are winning all over. Now lets see how bad both sides can fuck this up!

Because all I can see is a lot of bickering and a lot of standing around. I don't know whats going to happen, but I'm pretty sure it isn't going to be good. Does anyone know a good fallout shelter I could hide in til we get a new guy in Washington?

We survived Halloween! Sunday I took Mae and Sid trunk or treating down at the church.

That was a nice experience. I may have to look more into it next year. You know map out what churches are doing it when. Then I can just haul her butt around to them instead of freezing on the night of lol. Ok who am I kidding she won't be happy unless she goes out lol.

My friends older kids took the two little girls trick or treating Sunday night. Took them an hour to walk to the end of our block lol. So we sent them back out after they brought the girls back.

The girls got virtually zero chocolate. They did however get all that gross candy they like lol. The older kids went behind us on the next block and that was where all the chocolate was hiding out lol.

They brough back minis and regular size bars.

I was able to get a decent haul myself lol. Took a box of hostess to do it, but I did good lol. Well if your following me on facebook you know how well lol.

This weekend is my weekend. Going to go out of state with NO mae!! WoooHooo! So I have something to look forward to and Thursday is conference day at school. Joy o Joy!