Soooooooo! Let the games fucking begin. As you know my tribe and I are close. Some relationships a bit "closer" than others.

Well I'm not stupid enough to think that Isaac hasn't figured out who the players were. But he is smart enough to know that it's not happening anymore. Not one of my guys has touched me in an inappropriate way since I got what I wanted....Isaac. 

Well there is one person who for the longest time got nothing from me but unbreakable friendship.  A couple drunken times inappropriate shenanigans occurred. However not like with my 2. 

The other 2 I would flirt outrageously with, hug on, take pictures with, hell when I'm 70 there's a wedding planned. BUT since Isaac it has gone back to family/trube/friends.  Neither of them is trying to pull any of my happiness away.

So last night I do what I've done hundreds of times in the past. Shoved a guy out the way so I could pee. We've known each other for over 25 years in some cases. It's no big fucking deal.

Last night it turned into one. I took a quick drive with Danny and when I came back things seemed fine. Until we left and got in the car.

Isaac looks at me and says you're not allowed around kenn unless I'm there. I was like um wtf did I miss. I'm getting better so he proceeds to tell me what happened the moment I was out of ear shot. 

He made my taking a piss into something not normal. He was like yup she followed me right in and dropped her pants. Trying to piss him off. 

I'm all well and good with what Isaac asked. Because kenn is not my friend if he's pulling that shit. No mention of the fact last time I was there I was pissing outside damn near people lol.

Isaac thinks it's because I'm no longer available for him to take advantage of our friendship.  I know it's not sex because he wasn't in my playlist. But he did say something about a game when I got there and he makes the rules. 

Who the fuck tries to ruin your happy? I got exactly what I wanted. What I asked for. I'm fighting myself to not push him away. I'm doing my best to be in a relationship where in the short 2 months it's been I haven't got hit. No fists, no pulled back hands, no grabbing.  This is as healthy a relationship I've had.

So now the real fun begins.  I should have known something was up when he took that picture of us that I like and snarkily said....never thought I'd see the day heather looks up to a man. It took me a moment to reply bit I said well sometimes you have to. And I smiled up at Isaac. 

I don't know why but I love him and if doing one thing helps us stay strong.  Well I'm good with that. Nobody but kenn has tried to fuck my shit up. I'm glad Isaac understood but sucks for me because now I have to watch my back and not kill the fuck before Isaac gets his turn.

It's my day off. I'm going to watch American horror story and then nap before I run down the road for his lunch.

I hate my crazy. It really is making life difficult for me at the moment. 

Nothing is wrong.  I know there is nothing wrong.  But my brain or whatever refuses to accept that and let me just be.

Hell I even went back on my depression meds to help.

Ugh I hate my brain some days!

So first night with all of us here. I freaked out.  I actually had the beer for the wrong reason lol. Generally if I'm feeling I NEED one then I probably shouldn't. But last night I had to medicate myself because my brain refused to accept that nothing was wrong and that everything really was ok.

Fucking hell it was hard to not micromanage people and just go with it. My snapchat has a couple things on it that are good. But damn it's hard on my anxiety introducing everyone into the house. 

Single for a long time makes it hard to give up your whole freedom.  But it is what it is and my doctor prescribed xanex and it's my friend and it's doing its job.

Tonight I'm making Mae a meatloaf lol I hope it turns out lol. At least I know the potatoes will turn out lol instant is hard to screw up lol. 

Well back to the movie and my kid. I think it's time for my second dose of the day.  I'm taking halves that way I can function yet still get rid of the anxiety. 

Well lol this weekend got flipped upside down lol. First he was coming home. Then he wasn't. So I made plans to get Mae for the weekend. Then I get a call that's he coming home.

The judicial system is a pain in the ass. I swear it's ridiculous. 

So now for my birthday both my loves will be home. However lol I wasn't planning on introducing her to him yet lol. Guess that went out the window. 

Had to get a loan for $150 bucks just to cover maes visit.

This is going to be the strangest birthday weekend to date.

Wish us luck as we start the blending process. 

Sooo I am that girl. We all know that you can't communicate via the phone. It really only works face to face.  So after a crappy nights sleep I found myself at his work before he started.

We got to talk for about a half hour.  Which was good because now I know wth he was trying to talk to me about yesterday.  I'm sooo ready to figure all this out.

I still have to find the time to go see Mae. I need to do a family therapy session but when you're getting weekends off there isn't a way to have that session. So who knows how that's going to work.

Well I suppose I should get my ass in gear and start getting ready for work.  Thank God it's only 4 hours. Then tomorrow I get to work register instead of kitchen. I'm soo happy about that because Wednesday is pizza slice day. I hate that day. But I got lucky this time.
Have a great one.

So a week from today things go back to normal. I had 3 weeks of sort of normal and now 3 weeks of crazy.

I'm not ready, in this moment, to live with him.  I'm scared out of my mind to be here full-time. 

Living with his dad has been no big deal. But I can see their relationship with me around being an adjustment for both of them.

Before with them in the apartment i had my house for at least a couple hours a day. But now it's going to be 3 and then 4. 

What the hell was i thinking? What the hell did I do? Why the hell now am I feeling like this? I wasn't scared before. I was positive before. Isaac and I aren't arguing or fighting.  The worst thing at the moment besides the driving him back to the facility at night is I'm not getting laid because mother nature sucks lol. That was the only change . It's been a long 3 weeks of hard work on everyone's part in different ways to get him home. But as much as I've missed him in bed...3 weeks without I think I've gotten a little out of girlfriend mode.

Naaa I know what it is. I'm afraid he's going to change his mind once I get my shit together and relearn how to be a "family".

Next weekend I've been asked/told I'm staying home lol. He's planning a fire...we'll see.

Ok well I think it's time to be fat and see if there's any ice cream left lol.

So I'm sitting here waiting for him to call for a ride here. Today I'm doing some kind of laundry. Then tomorrow I get to work at 5 am and watch people go crazy because our company does kwik clean and that means a month of cleaning. Then all the stores are judged. We aren't ever first but we're never last.

Sooo yeah I don't know how to be in a relationship. I'm doing ok but man is there room for improvement. Things he's explained to me I didn't know.  Like this whole consulting each other about work things. Um wth...you mean we just don't do what we have to and then deal? Strangeness to me. But he literally broke it down and I was like duh...why am I just hearing this now lol.

We're going to drive each other crazy lol but at least our crazy plays well. I picked someone who's crazy is close enough to mine lol that man if we can't do this we haven't watched enough Dr Phil lol.

Ok so it's my day off again and I'm going to at least start his dad's laundry then mine.

Ugh! So it turns out  he's that guy. The scream at the tv and get all excited because football is on. I'm sooooo excited.  I'm so not the football girl lol.

So turns out we're both nuts lol. Found the crazy that plays well with mine.  Fuck me lol.

Going to try one more time for a promotion at work. If I don't advance then I'm just going to stop trying and be happy I don't have to work 38 hours a week.

So much pressure and stress. Still chugging along. Still communication. But lots of outside our bubble things going on that are irritating to all of us.

We all 3 broke Sunday . I got hammered and paid for it by being very hung over and had to work.

Now I'm praying this interview, that has me waiting and blogging to go well. This job is permanent and pays well. He wants to work. Needs to work.  And this gets everyone what we want and need.

Ok time to research some stuff and hope I have an ecstatic man in a bit!

Oh my jesus! He found my vibrator! I got up to go to the bathroom and next thing I know I'm being teased mercilessly about it. All while I'm trying to pee I can hear it on the damned headboard or some shit . Seriously?!?!  

But I won't complain too much because I had some fine ass sex hair going on later lol. It was funny I'm laying across the bed and his dad asks him what he's doing lol. Turns out lol throwing himself on me lol. Goofy bastard lol.

I asked him how old he is in his head lol. Turns out its the same as mine lol. I think our crazy will play nice lol.

So I found a bunch of knives in maes dresser. Crazy and I called the therapist. We'll see what comes out of that.

Pretty damn sure he has a new better paying job. The interview is a formality from what he said they said. They have like 90 some openings. We had to have the talk about what shift he should pick.  Opposite shifts suck but first shift is always nice. And since I have days off during the week we would get time apart.

Tomorrow I get to see Mae!  The kids dad is giving me some of his time. Thank God!  I need a Mae hug. I miss her. She's the reason why I'm working.  The reason I do things I do. It's all to take care of that girl. 

The movie last night was horrifically awesome. I got my aggression out just watching it lol. It wasn't a bad movie. Just sad we didn't get the videos other theaters got.

Ok it's time to sleep. I have to do some serious cleaning tomorrow. 

Oh I had a great night last night.

31 was just the right amount of violence and depravity in my life.

It wasn't the biggest theater but it was almost full.

It was a special showing and there were no previews and started right at 7.

Man rob zombie IA a mad man with violence and gore.

Awesome!