My butt

My butt got put on display a little bit today. I also didn't kick anyone in the nads for doing it either lol. There was also a boy in my bed thanks to my back.

I dont know what happened yesterday but today my back was killing me. I couldnt hardly walk, bending over was a joke and i took as many drugs as i could get my hands on. It doesnt hurt as bad now but it still hurts.

Yesterday was the Guys birthday and I told him I wanted my plate back. I really didn't think he would give it back right away lol but about 10 am he showed up with the plate lol. Fortunatly for him lol my back wasnt working right.

He got here and I was in my bed. I wasnt getting out of it for anything lol. He was sooo nice and rubbed my back for me and watched a movie with me lol. I rolled over on my belly, yes i know thats the international sign for yes you can touch me lol, and he rubbed me some more and took the opportunity to peek at my behind lol.

And then of course a little bit of kissing and then some kissing that if my dad wouldnt have been home would have led to full on pants off lol. He apologized to me for going so far because i told him i wasnt ready. but i did tell him that i was getting there lol.

Soooo my bed saw a little bit of action lol and were having lunch tomorrow. Maaan i wonder how much my friend is going to charge me for an overnight gig lol.

No Sleep lol

I didn't fall asleep! Woohoo I made it all the way through a movie and didn't fall asleep! Though I'll be honest, I could have fallen asleep and not been unhappy. I was all curled up on the Guy on the couch lol.

He said to me that this is nice, referring to holding me, and i was like mmhmm. Why the hell would I admit that it's nice lol. When you do that things progress faster and Im not ready for faster lol. Hell at the video store we decided no horror and then I said and no pants around the ankles lol he said why and I said im not there yet lol. I know Im a horrible person but at least he knows where he stands lol.

Dinner really kind of sucked lol. The food, not the company. We went to the bad steak house lol overpriced and the food wasnt very good. If I would have been gordon ramsey id have been sending it back lol. I had steak soup that tasted like Chunky Cambells soup. Then they brought out our meals and I looked at him and said whats this lol. He said steak and we both looked at it lol. It was a halloween steak. Looked like a hockey puck lol. They didnt have the side he wanted so he ended up with soup. Which his was good lol thanks for the bite! And then the lady comes over and says shes taken care of our dinner. The way she said it it was like our whole meal was free, but it was only mine. So dinner ended up being cheaper than we thought lol.

So we chilled on the couch and it was nice. I could get used to that again. AND he doesn't smell like the kids dad did. I was laying there and he was breathing on me lol and i was like damn there are guys who dont have these problems lol. It was nice...really nice. And I probably would have gone further but he was a good guy and said something about the kissing we did after the movie leading to stuff. I told him no it wouldnt i wouldnt let it lol. Bullshit im bad when it comes to this stuff lol wed have been naked and in trouble lol.

All in all it was a great night. He said thanks for spending time with him and making his birthday nice. Awww thats so nice lol. Tomorrow he's going to lunch with me and the family since we will be in the town he lives in. Plus he got deviled eggs lol. I want to feed him lol he needs to stop telling me the junk he eats because it makes me want to feed him all kinds of good food lol.

Brenda, your welcome, thats why i wanted to share it because that kind of happy doesnt come around often enough and i think we all deserve a little happy even if it is living vicariously lol. Dawn...did you wear the letters off the keyboard yet? Are they imprinted on your forehead and cheek lol...no sleeping on the keyboard it wears it out faster lol.

Date Night

I have a date tonight! Im sitting here trying to figure out what to wear. How casual do I want to go. It started out as steaks but now it's probably going to be IHOP. Which I don't mind one bit lol but I have to figure out how casual a shirt and which baby makin jeans im wearing lol.

It's his birthday and his mom made him steak last night, so I might be sol on the steak lol. If it's IHOP i already know what im getting lol.

I went up to the gas station to buy a lighter for him, wouldnt you know it they sold out lol. So sitting in my fridge are a couple deviled eggs. He says he loves deviled eggs, and I told him awhile ago that I would make him some for his birthday. I dont know if he remembers it or not but I did lol.

After dinner i think were going to rent a movie and check it out. I dont have enough money to take him to the movies, but I can rent one lol. Yay for a man paying for dinner lol. Too bad its not steak lol, but if i really want steak ihop has that lol but i want the crepes if we go there lol.

Think since Ive got an hour an a half before he gets here Ill just chill until about 730 and then get dressed and do the makeup thing lol. Baby making jeans and a tshirt i think! lol

Happiness

With everything we all have going on in our lives I thought I would share some happy. The kind of happy that you can see it, feel it, and cut it with a knife! Yes, that omg put you in a diabetic coma happy it's so sweet.

There is a couple who come in at my work and they are very nice. They are a year or so younger than I am but are happy and you can see the love they have for each other. It should make you sick lol but it just kind of gets you too.

Well before I hurt myself at work they were coming in a lot and i was working alot so we talked alot lol. They have fertility issues and couldnt have kids together. So they decided to adopt a baby. I don't blame them they have a lot of love to give and they wanted kids!

At Christmas we started hoping that they would get him then. Then January it was red tape. February still red tape. Then I stopped working lol.

Well Friday I was at work and I went in back or to the bathroom, I dont remember, and I come out and there they were. But instead of 2 it was 3!!!

We did everything but jump up and down, I know we giggled lol. I knew they had gotten the baby but the girl I asked about it wasnt to enthused so I didnt hear anything.

But that baby is CUTE! He has big eyes and big lashes and tight curly hair! Oooo he is soooo beautiful! They adopted him from Ethiopia and he is 13 months old and is doing wonderful with them.

He didnt want to come to me at first but lol Im a bad person I took him anyways lol. Yes the mom and dad were ok with that lol. She told me how he used to go to everyone but now hes a mama and daddy s boy. He can say mama and he is just sooo happy! They are so happy. Again we did everything but jump up and down lol.

They were glad me and Amelia were working because they wanted us to see the boy. Ooo that boy is beautiful! Im telling you it was the first seriously unadulterated moment of happiness that ive had since my grandpa died.

It makes me want to cry how happy the family is. They are blessed and I am blessed to get to share in it even if its just to be happy for them . I hope my boss watches the tapes lol and sees us two girls going gaga over that boy lol.

Hell the happy carried over for the rest of the night. Hell we giggled about it after they were gone, and hours later when we were cleaning up lol. I love happiness that is so infectious. Especially when you get to share in the joy of a new baby and a new family and new dreams for people who deserve it.

I cant wait to see that baby again and see how happy the parents are with him. Since they have had him, he got home in April, he can now sit up and say mama, and do all sorts of baby things that a little nurturing and love brings out.

So i know some of us are having a rough time, so i thought id share the happy. I wish i had a picture of the 3 of them, you can just see the happy and joy shine on all of them.

Open Bar

Two of my favorite words! Especially when they are stuck together! Open bar! ooo those two words are glorious lol. I have never been to a baby shower that had one before but im so glad today i did lol. We got our drink on in the back of the room lol.

My cousin got married a year ago and they are now expecting a baby. He works at a really nice restraunt and thats where they held it. My Aunt, his mom, loves her family lol and loves her morgan lol so there was an open bar.

My mom, and my uncles girlfriend Sandy went and I drove. On the way there bloody marys were mentioned and that my dad gave mom money lol. Well we got there and Sandy and I stayed outside to smoke and when we got in my mom comes over and tells us that she asked how much a bloody mary was and the guy says Open Bar...omg! Hells Yea!!!

Sooo right now Im on the tipsy side lol and I may go all the way to fucked up lol I have 3 bottles of wine in the fridge, supper is in the oven and bedtime for Mae is really truly just around the corner(since she has school tomorrow lol) we will see lol.

BUT Sandy lol brought up Margarita Mondays lol. OMG i was seriously just thinking about that lol. Soooo tomorrow come rain or shine lol we are having the first MM of the season lol. Shes bringing the tequila, Im getting the mix, and someone else will have to bring ice lol.

Then after the shower we went to the bar next door lol. Jeremiah Weed was our friend...well at least 3 of our friends lol my aunt and mom had beer. Except mom had a shot. Ok so anyone ever done a shot at a baby shower lol well i have lol. My mom actually texted my sister to find out how to make the shot lol. So we drank it lol. The bar next door couldnt make them cuz they didnt have all the booze lol.

Then we were sitting there and almost ready to order a 2nd round and my dad texted me telling me to come and get my kid lol. Did i mention my dad watched the girl today lol. And then he drove us all home lol. My mom is drunk, Sandys almost drunk, Im tipsy and one more would have put me over the edge lol.

Hells yea for a Sunday it was pretty good...now to see if the wine makes it....and i may be back blogging later lol lets see what happens when the boozy girl gets her drink on lol(in case you were wondering...Mae is all taken care of lol we have meatloaf cooking and then its bedtime lol...no matter what im a decent mom and my kiddo is taken care of!)

All Righty Then!

Blogger and my computer are not in synch at the moment! I tried to comment on Dawns blog and it wouldn't let me, it let me comment on Brendas blog, it let me blog twice, google told me it was too big to show up and wtf lol seriously! I need my blog! Especially since I have my fingers back lol. Im ready to exorcise the demons within lol. Seriously though, I just hate when my shit doesn't work when I want it to work lol.

Tomorrow is my first day back to work! Im nervous as hell. Its like my first day all over again except I know what I'm doing lol. And then Saturday I'm going in at 6 to make 8 six foot party subs! Holy hell, glad I listened to my mom and asked for pain meds just in case. Because technically I should still be off work because the doctor was going to put a second restriction on me but by doing that I wouldnt be able to work. So he left that off and now I'm back to working lol. Tomorrow should be interesting!

Jumped on the bathroom scale this morning and I have lost a small child! 58 pounds is gone and all I really want to lose is like another 5lbs so I can maintain my weight. Yay me!

Talked with the guy yesterday for like 2 hours and then texted all night lol. He likes me lol. Told him as plain as possible that this is who I am, this is what I won't tolerate, and if I want to be in a relationship with you I'll say something. He agreed with everything I was saying because as his profile says...he's looking for friends he can get together with and if anything comes from it cool. That's what dating is! I did make him promise me something lol. I made him promise that whoever else he decides to date please make sure they understand the concept of dating because the quickest way for me to leave is to have other girls coming at me for whatever reason lol.

Tonight is the graduation for Mae's preschool! School isn't out til june 1st lol but they are doing it tonight. Im going to have to figure out what shoes to put her in but im letting her wear this summer dress and I have to get a hair tie so I can put her hair up lol. With a little girl youd think id have hair ties but i dont lol.

Well i guess thats it for the moment lets see what the day brings lol.

Seriously

This is the reason I don't date people from the internet! PSYCHO BITCHES!

Here I am having a good time with this guy and I know he's not my boyfriend, I know that he is talking to other people, I know that he is dating other people and when you date someone that means you can go out with other people because youre not in a relationship.

Well I get home from doing therapy today and there is not 1 but 2 psycho bitches coming at me because of this guy! One is pissed because I made a smart ass comment on his page and the other straight messaged me to find out if I was dating this guy.

Then when I asked her why and what exactly is it she wanted to tell me she comes back with not wanting to step on toes and wanting to date him and dont tell him i talked to you. I was very very nice and wasnt a bitch like i can be! I told her i dont keep secrets and then when he texted me after his work meeting lol I told him we need to talk.

Um seriously thats not something you need to do at this stage of the game. I shouldnt have to talk to him about anything. Sooooo there was a huge discussion and I explained to him again that i dont play this game and that if he wanted me to run away all he had to do was let these bitches keep coming at me lol.

Funniest thing is, is that him and I never have said anything online about going out. So these two psychos picked me out of the bunch of girls. Maaaan wrong girl to pick.

So all the fun may come to a crashing halt because stupid people dont get the concept of dating and im not playing psycho games! Maybe he will bring me ice and lemonade lol

Breaking the Rules

Bite me Dawn! LOL, blogger wasn't working for me at all! Until I did something and I dont know what I did so don't be surprised when the UPS man shows up with a package from Iowa lol.

Ok let's get down to it! I have absolutly no idea what I blogged last and because I'm afraid blogger will crash on me I'll just start as close to the begining as I can.

Not that long ago on MYB I decided to talk to a guy. It started out with messages on that site and then I gave him my yahoo. Well this went on for a little bit and by the time we had exchanged almost 60 messages and a couple talks on yahoo I said look you want to meet me this is where I'm going to be at this time.

He showed up and even though his paycheck hadnt come in he still had enough cash for gas and to buy me a couple drinks. He was a really nice guy and just didnt give me any bad vibes.

So after that it was text messages and trying to set a time up where we could just go out on our own. I had him meet me at a bar where my friend was having a birthday party the first time. So after texting and such we set up a date for last Saturday.

We went to Olive Garden and saw the movie FastFive and he brought me a rose. We had a good dinner and during the movie he was shaking just a little when he went to hold my hand. That date was the begining of me breaking the rules.

I told him in no uncertain terms that I DO NOT PUT OUT. The last guy who dated me never got anything lol so dont expect anything. I told him about my extracurricular activities and he said no problem.

At the movie I rubbed his neck for him because Im the girl who wants to make people better lol. At the end of the movie he walked me to my car and we hugged and I pecked him on the cheek.

Well I don't know what got into me but I invited him to dinner Monday. Supposed to be his day off and he got called in. Again I dont know what got into me but I texted him yesterday to see if he wanted to come over and watch a movie.

I broke every fucking rule I have! He got to meet my mom, dad, and Mae yesterday. Mae loves him. She wanted to cuddle right up next to him the minute he sat down. She had to sit by him when he moved to the chair. And then he actually got off the deck to show her the white dandelions. And then was chasing her around the deck.

He left to go be with family and then texted saying he was close by. I let him come over again and this time he met my mom.

Just like I knew she would do she interrogated him lol. I was texting the poor guy from the bathroom apologizing for not giving him warning about my mom. If Mae hadnt had to go poo lol he would have missed that lol.

Yesterday I let him kiss me three times and let him kinda touch me, no not dirty touches lol. And he said it twice that if i start cooking for him he probably wont leave. and i said ok and lol.

This is probably not the ONE but right now everything just feels right about it. Hell I even know when we will have sex if I decide to lol, see im a stupid girl!

Then I realized it was a full moon last night and that had to be why I was breaking the rules.

My mom doesn't mind him, she doesn't find him offensive or creepy or anything like the kids dad lol and my dad didnt mind him. My kid loved him soooo Im breaking all the goddamn rules and Not apologizing (outloud) for it lol.

On another note my first day back to work will be Friday and possibly a couple hours on Saturday. Life is moving on and on and on and now theres a guy lol. Good luck to the guy lol.

On top of the rule breaking of mine I broke relationship rules lol. You know the one where you dont put your insecurity out there, your fucked upness out there, i laid it all out and he didnt run lol. Soooooo lets see what happens lol

Dawn

I did it again! I texted you and totally forgot what it said! I remember texting you though I don't remember what it said lol. So I hope that whatever I'm sending you has the intended effect lol.

I do remember saying I'd remember this text, but damn if I didn't go ahead and forget. So I'm thinking that I'm just supposed to be sending you random text messages to confuse you, make you laugh, shake your head, or just pray for me lol. My mission is to have textblackouts lol.

Ok so hope this finds you well and I tried to call you because I figured I'd distract you with some girl talk. But now you're just going to have to wait til I blog late tonight or tomorrow lol.

Have a great one!

The Drugs

Thank you ladies for your encouragement. HOWEVER lol i've had this done before and the drugs that worked great for you ......sucked ass for me! I was awake during the procedures lol and i could feel both ends and was gagging on the endo one.

So Im hoping that the drugs work today since Im a lot lighter then I was before lol. But Im not holding out hope lol.

My sister told me i need to tell them to give me the Michael Jackson drug cuz that worked for her.

2 hours til its time to leave and im getting nervous because i dont seem to have gone as much as i did last time. And like you said they can tell, but i drank all the nasty and had some nasty lol but not much.

Could be because I havnt really eaten in almost 2 days lol. 1 pork chop on tuesday really doesnt mean a lot of stuff to digest. So maybe im ok...i just cant wait to sleep lol

have a great day guys!

Poop Poop Poop

Well 2 hours ago almost I finished the first of the prep. Now I'm just waiting for it to finish sloshing around in my belly so I can go read in the bathroom.





There is nothing fun about prepping for this! Ive run to the bathroom several times expecting the big one and nope its a false alarm lol. Good lord whoever thought this up needs to be smacked lol.





Whatever happened to a good ol fashioned enema lol i mean its basically the same thing right lol.





Ooo i hate the gurgling Im hearing and I hate that I havnt started poopooing yet lol cuz i want to go to bed lol.





Hell i even asked my mom if she would buy me a pizza tomorrow lol but i have cookies in case she wont lol.





im nervous about tomorrow because i dont know why but i am. i want them to find something easy and simple to fix. because if they find nothing i have no idea what the hell im going to do next lol.





well I guess the nicest thing I can say about this is that Im sure Ill be about 5lbs down tomorrow lol gets me closer to my goal of my high school weight lol. Im like 8lbs away from it so yayyyy if im lucky ill be 3lbs closer lol.





Now im obsessing about food lol maybe ill go and check out the olive garden menu since I have a date on Saturday and he's paying lol. Now to figure out what to get so he doesnt expect me to put out lol

Oh yea ya know I forgot the good part lol

Ok so Grandpa is gone, colon/endo scheduled, sick friend, family drama cuz you know there is always something...but I cant believe i forgot to be the tmi girl and share the bestest part of yesterday.....

...................WAIT....................
...............................FOR.................
...........................................IT!!!...........................

Yup, I got my fucking period! WTF? I'm on the depo shot, I have never gotten my period with the depo shot. So I'm left wondering....is my birth control working? Is there a test that can be done to find out if it is working? Because Id really hate to think I was protected and decide to do something stupid and find out ooops guess what lol yeah not on my agenda cuz you know it would be the wrong guy lol

So yea Im crampy and bitchy and just not happy lol....wtf? Seriously i had to get my period? Like I dont have enough issues right now lol did I mention that there is the date?? BUT the whole getting my period thing makes the sex issue a moot point lol

Lovely

So not only was yesterday the one year anniversary of my Grandpa's death it was also my doctor appointment with the gastro guy!

Joy o Joy guess what I get to do on Thursday! Yay its colonoscopy/endoscopy day for heather! wooohooo!

And in the first sentence of this blog I had to run away because my friend called and was fucking upset and sick and just not sounding good. Where an hour before she sounded just fine. Shes throwing up again, the migraine is on day 9 and she's had very minimal sleep.

She looks worse now then this morning, she feels worse, and she is hopefully now sleeping with the 2 amitryptiline(sp) that she took, i got her set up with a cool cloth for her forhead, changed the garbage by her bed and texted her husband to let him know what was going on.

Seriously....i hate my friend is sick! But i will do what needs to be done because thats what friends are for!

HAHAHAHAHA

Seriously I try to not blog because Ive been so good about not being anywhere near a keyboard that wasn't the size of a candy bar lol that its funny that when I come to just say hey I blog and now two minutes later I'm back to blog. I told you when shit fucks up in my world it fucks up lol.

Im pretty psycho right now and its ok because heather will be back shortly she just needed to take a break for a minute.

That was me joking, scary that I can play a crazy person so well...oo wait i played with a few of them they rubbed off lol. Anyways...

So I'm broke. Flat ass broke! Bills are paid and I have a whopping 1.69 in the bank, i had 7 bucks on my credit card. I paid my itty bitty interest grabbing 15 buck payment thought id see if I had a couple bucks more than that lol yup i do lol.

The last thing I needed but really wanted lol was a credit limit increase lol. I have $222 worth of credit now lol. Maaaaan....psychogirl wants to go shopping lol. It can't happen! But hey at least I know I have some money if I need it...damn I want a pack of smokes lol back to lalala land

almost

I'm alive and breathing...I'm not locked up in a looney bin....I have no suicidal tendencies...But I have taken a break from reality for the moment. I'll be back soon. Oh that reality break also has included a break from the computer. The whole time I was at my moms all i checked was what i could check on my phone and it was on the charger most of the time..except for when in my hands texting like mad...ooo shit i drunken texted the date! Great I don't remember texting Dawn, but i remember texting the date. I love cheap wine, ice and oj!

Love,

Princess Ghettofabulous

So as you know that the minute after I post a vlog/blog my world gets tilted upside down again! Not even an hour after I posted my vlog did my world just come crashing down on me. It hurt so bad that I got in my friends car and told my mom to pick me up after Dad left for work.

I had my friends car because I went to the DR with her and her daughter was sick so it was easier to just let me take the car and come back for her later.

Anyways...so my sister has decided that Katie will not be coming to live with us. Katie doesn't even know about it yet, but my sister told everyone in Joliet. So I'm hurt and disappointed and upset and just stupid.

Went to my therapist today and my mom hates her. Because my mom thinks that since I obviously need a break i should suck it up and provide for Mae at her dads. My therapist and the rest of my friends agree I'm doing it the right way. My mom also hates my therapist because she told me to write down how much I spend in money and foodstamps at the house because my mom doesnt think im pulling my weight and I have a sweet deal living here. Um hello I give you 324 a month in cash, i put food in the house with my food stamps(plus get whatever she asks me for), since I use the toilet so much Im in charge of buying the toilet paper, oh yea did I also mention Im the maid too. So I figure I'm putting at least 500 a month in for expenses...ooo wait did I also mention that every 3 months I have to pay the whole water bill. My mom wants to know what planet this lady is living on because there is something wrong with her.

NO there isnt. I think there is a problem with my mom. Hell she said thats not what i meant when I said. WEll honey saying something and meaning something are two totally different things.

Grandpas still dead and im still a basket case. Katie isnt coming to live her. I cant tell Katie she can come because I am not financially stable enough for her to come her.

So basically were down to I'm a shit person who doesnt have a job but has kids who I am mistreating along with my mother and father.

One day I swear just one day it won't be all my fault. I wont feel like a big whine baby and maybe things will look up.

Sadly Im ready to plant all kinds of seeds into Katies head just to get her here. Make all kinds of false promises so she wants to come up here. Yup Im a selfish bitch!

Oh did I mention that Ive been sick for almost two weeks and I tried to get Mae to go to her dads house? Yup i broke down like a bitch and tried to get her over there. Guess what? No answer from him. But everyone is telling me I'm doing the right thing but when I cant even take care of her properly because Im sick and because I have all this soul crushing grief going on...pick up the fucking slack buster and help the mother of your child out. Oooo wait I forgot Im the big bad bitch and thats why she doesnt go there anymore.

Anyways...its not horrible its not all bad it just feels like it and Im starting to look forward to the day my mom says ok we have the money lets go get you a trailer and then I can be on my own with my own.

Oh yea and I have a date coming up in two weeks. Yup Im trying to date but the whole no sex thing is pretty off putting to most men lol.

Ok so my fingers are going to hurt from this but I had to do something because at this moment im not a real happy camper but im faking it like a champ!

10 minutes youll never get back lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvyd1a9O4eU