We just spent the last couple hours at the mall. I am done with mall shopping! I only found one thing for Mae and that was because she just had to have the Jonas Brothers tee. It was just over 4 bucks on clearance.

I dont know what the deal is but the clothes in her size the section is like the size of a dime. Its small and the clothes, well, i hated them. I dont know what mom has time to make sure the collars on some of these shirts are all straight and not wrinkled and dont look like crap after another wash or two. I dont have time to spend ironing clothes, and making sure they are properly aligned.

And leggings. When the hell did those suckers come back into fashion? My mom bought Mae this cute pair of shoes and i cant find squat that will look nice with them. I should have insisted she buy her the brown flats but hey you have to have some kicky shoes.

So the money that we were going to spend at the mall will be spent instead at WalMart or Target. They at least have clothes that i know Ill like and Mae will fit into and will fit our budget. It sucks that clothes are so expensive, especially when some of them are so impractical its unreal.

I guess it will be a jeans n t shirt kind of life for Mae for awhile. I just really want to find 2 nice(r) outfits. 1 for the first day of school and the 2nd for her pictures. I dont want Mae looking horrible and i dont want her overdressed, but damn! Seriously whats with the fashion designers and buyers for these stores.

Besides some of the stuff inappropriate, it doesnt fit. A sales lady asked me what size is Mae. I couldnt answer her because shes a different damn size at every store. Hell even in one store she could be 3 or 4 different sizes. Lucky for me Mae likes to play dress up and doesnt mind being prodded and poked as 18 different shirts are tried on.

God and if im bitching now, lets see how bad it is in another year, 5 years, 10 years...yea heres a big ol FUCK YOU to the designers, buyers, and manufacturers, hell lets even add the government for not regulating that a size 6 should be a size 6 across the board!

Did i happen to mention that i also figured out a good thing for working with the self proclaimed bitch of my work? I bitch a lot when i blog, that way i dont have to bitch a lot when im in real life. But today i was obsessing again lol. This time i was obsessing over the fact that the chick i texted to see if she could cover my shift, NEVER GOT BACK TO ME!!

My mom taught me that when you ask someone you had better be prepared for no. I can take being told no. It would have been nice to have gotten some kind of response back. I called 2 other girls and they told me no, no big deal. I was prepared to go to work no matter what answer i got.

So i bitched about the chick being inconsiderate. Seriously, i worked for her when her brother died. I worked for her once when she was too sick. I worked days that werent convienent for me. I have told her no too, but i texted her right away with the answer, BECAUSE IT HELPS TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO!!

Bitching to the bitch was great. She gave me what i needed to get over it to some extent. Spite sucks because it gets you too. And with what i want to do is not work for her when she asks me to work for her. But i like money so i wont really know what im going to do till it happens.

Now im here bitching. My ankle really isnt feeling the greatest! I made it through, but man, i need to get off it for at least 24 hours, i dont see it happening. Maybe ill get lucky and be able to stay in bed after dropping Mae off tomorrow night. I dont have to work til 4 on Saturday.

I just want to stay off it, and a 3 yr old kicking it, poking it, falling on it. Do you know how hard it is to not wack a kid because they touched your booboo's? Hell her and Alli have both tried to pick the sore on my knee lol. Seriously i want some adult down time. I can rent a movie and kick back. Oh wait im awake now, i dont have a straight shot of hours lol.

Heres to bitching and may the ankle get better PRONTO!

Obsess Obsess Obsess! There are reasons why people do it. I know one of the reasons i obsess about the bad things in the past and i vent them out here. Because i need to get it out. Things that happened in my past when i try to talk about them with people, they dont want to hear.

They dont want to know that it was worse then what they saw. They dont want to believe that someone as smart as i am would allow myself to not only have gotten into that situation, but that i stayed for as long as i did. They dont want to know.

I dont blame them! Who would really want to know what happened in your friends life. That even now things that were seen by my friends are sometimes thrown out at me when im going to do something stupid, im trying to do something stupid, im in a bad situation. Your not supposed to be able to do that to your friends.

Others have been through much worse then me, and that i asked for it, or something and you just cant put all yourself out there like that. It hurts when you get the truth. It hurts when you just cant figure out if some things were really worth what you put yourself through.

Obsess! Yes, I am human and i obsess, but its about the past. Its my past and i can obsess if i want to!

(Oh, this blog is the direct result of watching an episode of Roseanne. It brought up stuff...so ya know.)

I know ive said this before BUT Im sick of fucking head lice! What the hell! Why wont this shit just go away and leave us alone???

I just got back from my friends house because now her kids have it! Mae fortunatly is still free. But because those of us who have it or had it like to share...now everyone seems to have it.

Thank god Brigitte doesnt have it because i dont want to pick through her head! She has gorgeous long curly hair. I went through it while it was wet today for her and she is clean. I went through the littlest girls head and picked out nits. God that was soo much fun! Shes only 2 and she did a really good job holding still while the big mean scary Heather pulled and prodded and pushed and did all kinds of nasty things to her head. BUT i got what her mom missed out.

So Mae, Me and Brigitte are clean.....were keeping our fingers crossed and our hands in each others hair searching. Her two girls have it and it sucks because well it just does. On top of it though her oldest is 9 and one of the summer kids is her age and a friend. Maaaaaaaan i remember now why i dont like kids! There mean and nasty...maybe thats where mean and nasty adults come from, noone taught them compassion as a child.

All i know is this girl was cracking jokes and being a shit to Toni who was ready to cry. I told Brigitte you better just mayo that girls head to. She wants to make fun of and be a snot, well then fine you can look like an idiot too. After a text from the girls mom, yup, Mayo right on her head along with the nifty lil shower cap! Maybe that will teach her a lesson before shes too old to be taught one.

SIGH!!! What the hell! I guess its better to hopefully get the kids in our county clean before school starts. Because the schools dont keep you out for lice anymore. You go home and if your lucky they send a note, and then treat a kid and they can come back. Thats no good! I know parents who will treat a head and thats it. No picking, pulling, or prodding. Just some RID/NIX and back they go. No laundry done, no toys put up. God why cant we have more good parents.

All i know is it sucks to be me because daycare wont take Mae today because shes afraid of getting it back. Mae is clean! Im surprised Mae hasnt called DHS on me herself because of all the digging ive been doing and continue to do in her head. She cries and cries and when i say let me see your head, shes hysterical. Hopefully this girl at work will cover my shift, if not i have to send her with my friend to a 4-h thing and thats not going to be fun. Trying to keep Mae corraled, yeah me!

All i know is that if this chick at work doesnt take my shift tonight, for whatever reason, i wont be working any shifts for her again. Ok i better not say that because you know me im a money hungry bitch! BUT i will think twice before i work for her!

Seriously....would one of the scientists out there please figure out how to kill roaches, head lice, and the psychos that live and breathe(ill be blogging about psychos later, cuz man im sick of them too lol)!

I love the internet. Im still addicted in some aspects, but it isnt ruling me like it did when i first started. The internet has changed in the ten years ive been on it.

I started out with aol and then found yahoo and my camwhorehood. That was fun, ill admit it. I had a great time on yahoo and my addiction was really bad then. With the closing of user rooms and when i went out on the road with my exhusband i kind of lost yahoo.

Then yahoo gave us 360...wooboy now that was fun. I miss 360 and the people i met. Im also glad thanks to 360 my eyes were opened beyond open, good and bad. I think that yahoo really screwed up when it closed, but im thinking maybe with all the psychos that were there that it was a good thing. Maybe thats why vietnam got to keep theirs, less psychos cuz they kill people indescriminantly sometimes in that part of the world.

Then there was myspace. God i loved myspace for a minute. Now im hardly there, i forget to go on over unless i get a blog update that i want to read. Heck thats one way i found out that high school games were still being played. I clicked a link in an acquanitences blog and let me tell you where it led me, im not real happy about. I have/had a choice to make a stink or not. Trust me, its easier to not make a stink at this point because i like the fact that the psycho sick fuck assholes arent part of my life now. Though it makes me wonder why would you keep that up? And not having it private? I guess some people just dont give a shit about other peoples kids.

And im blaming my mom for me finding that lol. The only reason i was on myspace was because she wanted me to contact a long lost cousin again. I was like mom if he doesnt want to talk to you its ok. She says its ok but she doesnt mean it. Shes obsessed with our family and thinks we should all talk i guess. I dont know but its annoying lol.

Myspace scares me a little i think lol. I find out high school drama psycho bullshit. I see it being played out and that leads me to my newest addiction: FACEBOOK.

I love my facebook. I love the games that i play on there, though im not a big fan of the applications like farmtown and such. I just dont know how to play them, and would rather play the games that are mindless. I just like to click lol. But Facebook has been a really nice change of pace. Out of all the places ive been i think Facebook is the sane one.

My face book is high school classmates, family, and my real time friends, and some crossed over from yahoo(only the sane ones lol). I know the net isnt reality but Facebook is my piece of reality in this land of chips and electrical surges.

Where yahoo gave you license to be as fucked up as your neighbor, for me Facebook is my key to getting my life back. Im not as fucked up as i could be and its nice to just be me. I fell into a world i wasnt prepared for when i got the net, now im finding a way back.

I dont know maybe im just bragging about facebook. i resisted it at first, but now im enjoying it. I guess what Facebook has taught me is the people you add are the people who help shape your day.

I prefer my day shaped with fun, love, real life and the mess that comes with it over someones psychotic rationalizations of how it should be.

Yay Facebook.

Do you know how hard it is to try to rest your ankle with a 3 year old? Oh wait, theres a lot of single moms out there, OF COURSE YOU DO! I think id probably be resting it more if i was at work.

It seems the harder i try to keep it up and stay off it, the harder Mae works at doing things that recquire me to get up and not beat the holy hell out of her.

I know I know, its all my fault. BUT it still sucks ass lol. I just know that i will definitly be watching the sidewalk instead of my friends when walking.

Though it was funny watching Hells Kitchen tonight the guy basically did what i did, except my other ankle didnt give out, my knee broke my fall lol.

Ahh heres to Fat Girls Not Bouncing.....

Im enjoying my time off from work. Im not enjoying the fact that my ankle is really sprained lol. Yesterday my foot was also pretty swollen. Guess this means i need to not talk and walk at the same time lol.

It doesnt help that sunday we went to my moms house and i tried to do to much. You cant take Mae to my moms and not go swimming. Unfortunatly Mae isnt content to just wade lol she wants to jump and play. Mamas bum leg didnt help.

Though back to the asshole and the asshole not knowing she fell down and hurt herself. She cries when she scrapes her leg. How do i know this? Because she pulled a mama and fell down in the rocks at grandmas and scraped her knees. Not as bad as her arm, but scraped them she did. AND she cried! So im going with the asshole just felt the need to be an asshole to me and now i should be done with the topic of her scraped arm and the asshole who claims to have no clue how it happened.

The worst part about my ankle is that i cant pick up any extra shifts. To be honest, i dont want to do anything but stay off it. Yesterday Mae spent pretty much all afternoon in my bed watching tv so i could have it elevated. Mae loves spending time in mamas bed, sometimes i can get behind it lol, but she wanted to bounce yesterday.

Im telling you the worst movie i have let her watch has got to be Garfield because of the cannon ball. Yes she launches herself with a cry of CANNONBALLL! Then of course when the phone rang she had to be climbing and bouncing on me.

I swear you would think that i dont give this girl any attention. Especially the way she plays with me sometimes.

She is so lovable to, yesterday it was kiss mama day. The worst part of that though was trying to convince her that its not ok to kiss mama on the chest or toes like she wanted to do. Seriously, kids have the strangest quirks sometimes.

I love her though and today is payday and that means a trip to the video store for her!

Time to go rest till the monster gets up. Have a great day!

For the record, Fat Girls Dont Bounce! Thats all im saying lol. I wish fat girls bounced though, would make life so much easier sometimes.

Last night i decided that i should drink lots of vodka and sing bad karaoke and have the shittiest set of boobs shook in my face. That was so bad i feel like i owe my friend the 5 bucks he threw up there for me.

We had a great time at the first two bars. Things were good. We were drinking but keeping it together. UNTIL...we had the bright idea to go to the strip club. Why do all bad things start with strip club lol.

I want to make this clear, it was NOT the alcohol that made me fall down. It was the fact that i was laughing and talking and looking at my friend and not where i was walking. Now where i was walking i knew that i had to watch out. There is one spot where the sidewalk is uneven because of a planted tree and poor upkeep. Now add the fact that im really really having a good time and not paying attention and have bad ankles. I busted myself bigger then shit. My ankle is really swollen and im pretty sure its a decent sprain. My knee is really really scraped up. Im glad i was wearing jeans and tennis shoes because i have a feeling if i had worn the shorts and flip flops i was going to, i would have ended up with a broken ankle and nasty cuts.

I would also like to say that my scrape looks just like Mae's scraped arm did. Im going to say here and now that if you dont know how she did that or didnt notice you were not paying attention to Mae. That hurt! I mean if mine hurt as bad as it did and STILL DOES....Mae had to cry, Mae had to have said or done something. The only reason why i didnt cry is cuz i was around a lot of people and i was already embarassed as it was. I wasnt going to totally humiliate myself.

IT WAS A FUCKING AWESOME NIGHT! I really really did have a fun time, i could have skipped the fall lol.

I saw friends and we had a good time. i met knew people and had a good time I needed to have a good time.

And i even stayed the night at my friends instead of trying to drive myself home. Ill be honest though when 8 am finally rolled around driving home was not fun. I had the biggest headache lol. Got home downed some tylenol and passed out for like another 3 hours till my phone started ringing.

Im glad that i dont get to do this all the time lol. I dont think i could survive. I think the reason i play so hard is because i dont play during the week. I dont do much of anything during the week, but the weekend is mama time.

Now im just rambling and have no rhyme or reason, hell maybe i didnt when i started. But i survived and damn it sucks that fat girls dont bounce!

You know one of the best parts of having a job, even if its a piddly ass one? The fact that you dont worry about money as much. As you know ive basically been living off of child support and my income tax, which ran out a couple months back. Ive worried about money so much that i even stooped so low as to basically beg the asshole for gas money. Which the asshole doesnt do with any kind of regularity.

I get paid on tuesdays and this tuesdays check was only 2 days. Lucky for me i had picked up a shift because last week i had taken a day off. So ive been sweating the money this week.

Ive gotten so used to having that piddly ass 40 bucks or so that i get from work, that i completely lost track of child support payments.

Wow, what a feeling that was to find out that the piddly ass 40 bucks gives me room to breathe. That i have a little wiggle room. That things, while not great, are at least looking up.

This in now way absolves the asshole of the 40 bucks im asking for in gas money, but it does make me feel better.

Part of the reason that i stopped seeing John was because i couldnt carry my share of the load. The little ass paycheck now would help that. I dont like being the one who isnt pulling her own weight. Thats never been who i am. It was just nice to wake up today and try to figure out the money and try to figure out daycare bills and go....Whewwwwwwwwwwwww!

I can still breathe and i can still pay bills and its not all crashing down around my head.

It hasnt been horrible to live within the budget constraits im under, except the fucking bill for gas in the car, but its been interesting! I just need to figure out a way to move on up. I need to find a job thats going to pay some money. I hope that by the time the bullshit from my ex husband is sealed on my record, that i havnt forgotten too much of what i learned in school.

It sucks knowing i have my medical secretary diploma, 15,000 in student loans and i cant get a job in my field. Im going to keep doing what ive always done. Thats try to keep my head above water and just keep moving.

Im glad to know that no matter what i have my family to back me up, im glad that i have MY DAUGHTER, and im glad that i have the FRIENDS i have.

This morning i told one of my friends how it is at work. She helped get me the job and because of that i feel i have to work harder. I have to make sure shits done. I have to make sure that its done right. Because im not only working on showing what kind of worker i am, im also a reflection on her. I told her that i respect her and love her too much to put not only my job in jeopardy, but hers as well. It may not be big and glamorous but its a job and its paying the bills. I know what loyalty is, i know what a confidence is, and i know that without any of that, i wouldnt have what i have.

Thank you to everyone in my life who helped me become the person i am. Its hard enough in life with the idiots, psychos, and assholes to not lose yourself. Im glad those who shaped me had a head on their shoulders and the mistakes they made and ive made are all learning experiences.

Heres to an early morning ramble! 32 hours until the next shift at work, im going to enjoy them!

A day off! OMG im actually going to have a day off! I didnt think id make it but this week is almost finally over. I have stated before that i am a money hungry bitch and i know where to get the money. WELL....here i was just waiting for the weekend. I wanted to go out, have a couple drinks, maybe grill out, yea....what was i thinking!

Tonight at work i was talking with the woman i work with and she was talking about wanting the other girl to work for her saturday but she had to work. I was like how come you didnt ask me. She thought i worked already. Um nope not me. Hell as it is i only get 2 shifts a week. This week i found 3 extra ones. So now im working Saturday! The only good thing about working that day is that i dont have to pay daycare.

Im so sick of every penny i earn going to daycare. But that 20 to 40 bucks i have in my check after that bill is really nice to have. I was thinking on the drive to pick Mae up tonight that man i work 5 hours and i pay daycare for 6. How fucked up is that lol. Im paying for an hour that im not even paid for lol.

To make matters even funnier i end up buying food at work, even though i get a free half sub. Mae is addicted to those damn meatballs. So much so that she tells daycare that i dont wanna eat, my mama bring me meatballs. OH LORD! My child my child lol.

Im taking Mae to her dads tomorrow night at 9 and if im smart ill come home and go to bed. If im stupid ill take the couple bucks i have left from my check and have a drink. I dont have to be to work till later so i should be ok. As tempting as it is, at this moment, im thinking fondly of just coming home and laying in my bed till its time to shower for work.

God how the hell did i end up like this lol. I mean seriously what is my problem? I could just be a lazy ass and do nothing but work my itty bitty shifts and relax. But oh no i have to keep going and be productive and blah blah blah.

Oh and Mikki thanks for flooding my inbox lol i felt a little special. And as for calling the asshole asshole to MY DAUGHTERS face. Not going to happen. I learned a long time back that she repeats things. I made the mistake of being on the phone and saying the asshole was stupid and she repeated it. I had to deal with my moms hatred of my bioasshole and i didnt care for it. The best policy we have around here is that the asshole does not exist. We dont talk about the asshole in any way. The only time the asshole is mentioned is on Friday when i tell her...Look Mae stop driving mama crazy or your not going to daddys lol. Not an effective threat but hey it makes her stop for a nano second till she laughs and i still go crazy!

Heres to all the money hungry bitches of the world....may we not drop dead from exhaustion and let the money stick around.

She has healed just fine. No fluid in the ears and her throat is good. Yay for a good follow up appointment. Now we just go back in November to see how the tubes are doing. Hopefully then they are still in and we wont have to do them again.

My mom is about an hour from home! She said she cried a little when she saw the welcome to iowa sign. I dont blame her one bit. Shes been gone for a couple weeks and thats long enough to be away from home and your husband.

Baby Myah is much better! They are putting her in a car seat today for an hour to see how she handles that. Then if that goes well she will be going home tomorrow! Mom broke down and told grandpa about the babys problems and he took it well. Now we just have to wait till September to get a peek at that girl.

AND I GOT!!!! Yes i took a minute for myself and got something. My bank has green debit cards and while a debit card doesnt have any special value or meaning...its always nice for a change. A couple weeks ago at work a lady paid with a PURPLE debit card! OOOOOO i was head over heels. I wanted one i needed one i had to have one! The only kicker was the only place you could get them was in Cedar Falls. Now thats not really anything to drive too, its like 20 minutes, but im never over that way. I dont go to CF unless i have a reason to be going there. Getting a pretty purple debit card didnt seem like a good reason to waste the gas lol. Oh hell lol i could have gotten it a couple weeks ago when i took Mae swimming...DUH...cant believe i just thought of that now lol. Anyways...our doctor appointment was in CF and i thought hey i have time to kill before i have to work. We popped on over to the bank and i am now the proud owner of a purple debit card.

Funny the things that makes us happy. It really is all about the little things!

I blame my mother! I even told her that i was cursing her today! Its all her fault and damn it she better take the blame lol.

What im talking about this time is the fact that my mother instilled in me that you have to work! No matter what job it is, how many or how few hours, YOU HAVE TO WORK!

So i am a money hungry bitch! I cant help it! I know that without money you dont get to play! Hell as it is with pretty much a third, if not a half of my paycheck going for daycare i dont get to play much. But i do what i can with what i have.

Today is Mae's follow up appointment and i had my friends reminding me that i couldnt be money hungry today. That if the money call came in i had to ignore it. God how i tried to ignore it! I really truely did try!

But when you get a text saying i just found out my brother passed away, um, well you kinda morally have to go in. I mean how crappy would it be if someone close in my family passed and noone would work for me? I called up to work to make sure that i was able to work with whoever was working and that was cool. But then i was told the chick anytime she has to work with someone she never worked with before calls in. Hmmmm....wth? Then my friend was like well it would be crappy if it was true. I mean we have no reason to doubt it, except we all know people who will lie about a death to get off work. Hell i know people who took 3 days bereavement just because they could even though they werent on speaking terms with a person.

Here it is an hour before the appointment and i havnt even cashed my paycheck yet. Then find out that my bill at daycare is like 45 bucks and my check is only 73. Thankfully my daycare is understanding and this time instead of putting my monday on last weeks bill she will put this monday with the next one. So next week ill have to pay like 60 to 65 dollars. Im telling you for the extra few bucks this gives me, it sure sucks to watch it all go out to daycare. Especially when the kids dad doesnt want to chip in the 40 bucks for gas a month im asking for.

Hell thats cheap considering what it would cost him in cabs to get her here and back and him here and back. But who am i to bitch i mean after all he is sooo deprived and the beer he drinks really must be on his budget. Wish i had it where i had play money. BUT I DIGRESS!

Im hoping that the bug put into the boss's ear will actually wriggle and wiggle its way all in his brain. I hope that the fact that i come in at a drop of a hat will show that im dependable and reliable and willing to go the extra mile. If that would happen, damn maybe i could actually get some kind of state aid and not have to shell out as much for daycare. Im not holding my breath for state aid.... Not everyone qualifies and surprisingly i dont lol.

Anyways im just ranting and venting because i really really wanted my day off lol. I was also hoping that i would have a little more cash so i could do something this weekend. Guess it will have to be bonfire and grilling out, at least i hope lol.

God i need to get over it lol im making my life seem all depressing when its not bad, im just grouchy cuz i didnt want to work today lol.

Baby Myah is doing better today! Im just waiting to hear back from my mom about what the doctor said. They had to take her to another hospital that is equipped to deal with respiratory problems. She was having trouble breathing yesterday and they tubed her. Today they have the tube out and shes breathing on her own. She also is starting to suck so they are going to try giving her a bottle. So at least thats looking up.

My sister is sore and my mom is coming home on Sunday. So life is getting back to normal.

I am seriously seriously tired! Working again and Mae who is full blast is starting to wear on me a little bit.

Yesterday we went swimming at Joys place and had a blast. Have to love a heated pool! After swimming we had supper with her. Mae did so good and ate her eggs and an ice cream cone. Mommy on the other hand felt pretty bad after eating a very greasy but good sandwhich lol.

Hell Joy and i even played bowling on the WII. Shes pretty darn good! Guess maybe i should see about a WII...ok i wont, but it sounded good lol. But by the end of the 2nd game it was time to take Mae home because she was getting pretty grouchy lol.

I stopped by brigittes last night and gave her her birthday present and then brought my tired ass home. Funny how everyone thinks that once Mae is gone im the party girl lol.

I came home and it was just a little after 10, my grandpa was like your home early. If id have known you were coming home so early id have turned the light on and unlocked the door for you. I was like gramps, i told you id be back in just a little bit lol. Guess he thought since it was friday night id be out living it up lol. Nope not last night lol. I was out by probably 1130 at the latest.

Hell my phone was ringing about 1am and i opened it and hung up. It rang again lol. I answered it and got another incredulous...your sleeping? Um yea lol i do that sometimes lol.

BUT today is the party day! Im taking it easy right now, gathering up my strength so i can go out and have it all zapped away lol. Its Brigittes birthday today and were headed up to Spicolis for drinks, bands, and fun!

Tomorrow will be hell though lol. Try being hung over and headed to a meeting at 1. Sheesh...sometimes it just doesnt pay to have fun lol.

But im in need of some time off. Hopefully it will be as fun as i hope. Im even going to remind John about it. I dont want to because of last weekend, but i will because i mentioned it to him. Also there is someone that my friend might try to set him up with. God if he does show up, i hope he puts on his happy face. I broke John and i didnt mean to. But at least im still trying to do the friend thing, i just dont think he will be able to.

Out of all my ex's, which there arent a lot, he would be only the 2nd who isnt able to be around me. At least with him its not bullshit, its just him being sad and depressing.

Soooo heres to everyone having a good weekend, Im ready for music, drinks, and a whole lot of fun!

WERE HAVING A BABY TODAY!!! WOOO WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR WE WILL HAVE THE NEWEST LITTLE ADDITION TO OUR FAMILY!

WOOOO WE ARE ALL SO EXCITED. FINALLY THE QUACKS IN MISSOURI DID SOMETHING RIGHT!!

Heres to my sister having an easy C section, a good recovery, and most importantly a very healthy Myah!

Sometimes i wish my mother hadnt taught me respect for our old people. When i say old people i mean like the great aunts, the grandmas, the granpas. You get where im going.

My mom instilled in me that you take care of them. Its what you do! You do things you dont want to do, and you do things they want. You do what you have to do to make them happy and smile...oh yea its kind of like reverse parenting.

Why am i blogging about wishing i didnt have that respect? Because Sunday at 1 after a hard night of partying with Brigitte for her birthday, we are going to show our respect!

GAWD!!! I dont know why Brigitte calls me sometimes roflmao! We talk about everything and anything. We talk, bitch, vent. Were more like sisters then friends. She does for me, I do for her. Our families have become entwined for about 2 years plus some.

She has come to my family parties, she has come to my rescue. Ive gone to her family parties, ive come to her rescue.

She has given me advice, ive given her advice. We have tried to deal with the assholes that are the sperm donors of our kids. We have dealt with health issues. We have dealt with death. We have done everything families do.

Hell maybe i should actually blame Mae for this one too lol. Brigitte said to me why do i have to be a grandparent magnet, or something similar. Thats what Mae is too lol. One day when Mae was still a daycare kid of Brigittes, her grandparents had driven down from Iowa Falls. Mae being the sweetness that she is went up to Brigittes grandpa, hugged him and told him she loved him.

That was it, it was all over! Then awhile ago out of respect for Brigitte and the old people i did something i never ever thought i would ever do! I went to a Jehovas Witness meeting.

Were catholic, even if nonpracticing, at the end of the day i believe in the Catholic Jesus. Well i had no idea what a Witness was and to be honest i still dont get it. I do know that I dont like there Jesus! He is a very unforgiving and mean one. But out of respect for my friend and her family i went to a meeting because her Grandpa was the speaker.

Well today Brigitte calls me and goes My grandpa invited me to a meeting on Sunday because hes speaking. Oh yea and he told me to invite/bring your friend Heather.

GAWD DANG IT GAWD DAMN IT!

The first thing i said is...fuck! We have to go. She about died! I told her i dont know why you tell me these things lol. She was trying to have the delusion that i would say oh no its ok we dont have to go. Though i know deep down she knew! LOL i think she may have told me because she knew i would do the right thing lol. I did lol.

So now there will be 2 hungover people at the meeting. Soooo not in with their teachings. The only reason we are going is because her grandpa is the speaker that day. Its the right thing to do. Its the respectful thing to do.

Hell at the first meeting i told her grandma that it wouldnt kill me to be there. We all need to be enlightened and try different things. But maaaaaaan i never thought that i would be invited back to a meeting! I drink, smoke, have sex and swear. If Jehova was my god i would be sooo outed!

BUT because i was taught respect, because this is important to her grandparents, because at the end of the day its the right thing to do even if its not my bag of tea, we are going. I just sometimes wish i could be the bad guy.

I just dont have it in me to help disappoint her grandparents. Hell today we are going swimming at my grandpas girlfriends living facility because she wants to see Mae and only invited us a million times.

While i dont hold a lot of respect in recent years for this woman because of the things she has talked my granpa into(driving long distances, making him tie her shoes, driving her around and around...all against everyones advice) i still have to have respect for her and my grandpa.

I have to do things that i dont want to do because its the right thing.

Respect....sometimes it would be nice to be a callous unfeeling psychopathic bitch!

We are hoping that today is the day! My sister has been in the hospital for like a month now with a high risk pregnancy. They did another amnio yesterday and if the numbers are up from 2 weeks ago then today between 1 and 2 we should have a new baby.

My mom has been down there since the 5th of july. She is ready to come home. Brianne is ready to get the baby out and go home. We are all ready for this baby to get here.

Its been nothing but daily phone calls to find out how things are going. Phone calls that were filled with hope, then filled with disappointment.

Today we have our hopes up again. We are hoping that the numbers for the baby's lungs are up because that means its time for our newest family member to join our crazy ass's.

Hopefully today will be the day! Hell my mom and dad are missing each other. The break for them while stressful has made them i guess appreciate each other more. My nephew said he wanted his family back the way it was and my dad said he wanted his wife back.

Sometimes my dad really surprises me! Also today we are going to keep hoping that my dad will be able to transfer to this other plant. They announced a couple weeks ago that the plant he works in is closing.

My dad found out that they are taking his machine to this other plant. While the machine is going they dont know if that means my dad will be going also. We are hoping hoping hoping beyond hoping that he will be taken with. That would be such a good thing! It was hard as hell for me to find even the little job i have now. I cant imagine trying to find work at the age my dad is!

Keeping our fingers crossed for a lot of good things!
*So i just got a phone call minutes after posting this!

My mom called and now the tests wont be done till 3 pm. Also the damned doctors down there cant get there acts together. One doctor who isnt her doctor is saying one thing and her doctor is saying another. Now the numbers that they have been telling everyone for 2 weeks have all of a sudden changed. Now instead of having to be at the level they first said, now that number is higher.

WTF?? How hard is it to make a decision. How hard is it to give a straight answer. Hell thats why you have malpractice insurance so you can give a straight answer!

Seriously, i wish my sister was at a different hospital so she could get her damned tubes tied and stop having babies. She has never had easy pregnancies and they always put our family through this kind of hell.

Seriously seriously seriously....someone give us a good answer!

I had planned to rail against the asshole for once again not giving me the gas money that is needed to transport Mae. Then i did something i just refused to do before.

I watched an episode of 16 and pregnant. I have seen snippets of the show before and basically i just wanted to slap these girls and boys.

Some of the things that i heard in the snippets was just soooooo...soo! I had a baby at 18 and at that age i knew that a baby changes everything. I knew that my life was basically over.

Hell the one snippet that made me just cringe was when the pregnant girl was trying on like prom dresses and was like this baby is making things hard. WTF? What did you think it was going to be easy?

At 18 i was finishing high school and had my prom dress made for me because i was pregnant and they dont make maternity prom dresses. If they ever do start making them then we should probably think about sterilization for the population.

When i had the Bug it was the hardest thing i had ever done. Being her mom was even harder. It wasnt easy and when she decided she wanted to live somewhere else it was harder yet. The years since that choice have been hard. They have been fueled by anger, resentment, sadness, heartache, and grief.

I may not have given my child up for adoption, but it was close. Harder yet was the fact that i actually parented her for part of her life.

The episode i decided to watch tonight was the hardest thing to see. A mother and father giving their child what they knew they couldnt. Being unselfish enough to be able to let go of a child.

I knew a girl in high school who did that. It was hard for her. Though it was the right decision.

Ill admit while watching what i did of the show i thought they were going to break the adoptive parents hearts. Change their minds and take the child home.

Fortunatly they did the right thing. The right thing for everyone involved. This young girl and young man knew they had no way to give their child the life she deserved. Over and over thats what i heard. When the baby was born he was saying she's going to be loved and have everything.

All those tears and yes i shed my own. It was a very moving moment. At the very end the girl said she was at peace with her decision. I think she did the best thing she could. She talked about how her life wasnt the greatest, that her mom wasnt there for her and she knew what she had to do.

I still think the show isnt great. I do think its a good thing to show someone doing the hardest thing. I saw parts of other shows where you just know that poor child isnt going to have anything but hardship. I saw kids with kids and went damn even they know they arent ready.

It takes a very unselfish moment in a persons life to let their child go somewhere else. It takes a good look at yourself to see beyond yourself. I think that at some point there is regret on birth parents parts, but as long as the child has what you know you couldnt give, it makes it all worth it.

I hope those young people really are at peace. I really hope she does go to college like she wants. And she was very right when she said that when shes older maybe then she can have her own babies.

Heres to being a real parent....its harder then you know and it lasts more than 24 hours!

STAKE ME RIGHT NOW! JUST STAKE ME THROUGH MY NASTY LIL HEART!!

Oh the horror, oh how i prayed this wouldnt happen. The only good thing about it is its Lionsgate and our CGI is really awesome nowdays!

Oh it hurts so bad and i do not want another disappointment! God it was bad enough that i paid 17 bucks for True Blood and while again i did enjoy it i was disappointed.

Now NOW they are going to do something for Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake series! Oh the shame of it all!

Now this is the one HBO should have gotten ahold of, theres A LOT of sex in her books.

Oh my poor little heart is broken! While i will wait for whatever it is to come out and i will see it, i will be saddened with the fact that books are always better then the movie. Unless of course its Misery and that one was a good book and movie.

Sheeesh....not everything has to be made into a movie. Maybe this is why our kids cant read!

I dont understand how its so hard for people to be good parents! This whole head lice debacle just leaves me scratching my head, no pun intended.

I know where ours came from and i was lucky that i caught it when i did. I havnt had to deal with the actual bugs that can result. Ive just been pulling nits, which is bad enough.

Though to be truthful i would like to go and whup up on this womans ass who brought her kids to daycare with bugs. Not once did she do it but twice!

I stopped at daycare for a letter i needed and i saw my daycare provider going above and beyond her job. She shelled out her own money and was redoing the kids heads. She spent hours picking nits out of hair that wasnt hers.

Then the kids went away for a day! 1 freaking day! After she had spent all that time and money on the kids heads. Then yesterday the came back and they had bugs crawling on them! How bad does your house have to be where your kids come back with it full blown again?

How do you not be a good parent and do the freaking laundry, vaccum the floor, and treat your kids head, and keep picking out the damn nits???? I dont get it!

Its not hard to be a good parent! Ok so its hard, but this is a health thing! Some kids get it so bad that the shampoo and stuff doesnt work. So the kids end up having to take medicine to kill them from the inside out.

I have spent a week plus still going through my girls hair. She cries horribly, she begs me to let her go, she begs grandpa to save her. I mean really if i can do it why cant other people do it!!

We got lucky and there havnt been any live bugs in her hair. Thats why its been, in a sense, easy to get rid of them. I dont know if i washed the live ones out of her hair, or if fell off where she got it. I dont know and i really dont care! Im just glad that we havnt had live bugs!!!

The nits havnt had a chance to hatch. Then again i did coat them fuckers with chemicals and mayo. Then again i took the time to go through her hair more than once.

Im tired of blogging about lice and nits. But its whats going on with us right now!

Daycare has decided that they are not allowed back now without a doctors note saying they are all gone. Daycare isnt going to put anyone else at risk. Daycare is calling the health department on the family so they can get some help.

Responsibility....some people have it and others just dont.

I spent 17 bucks to watch True Blood. That was renting the whole season of course. I think that i would have enjoyed it a whole lot more if i had never picked up one of the actual books.

The books were good and unless its my swiss cheese memory, i dont remember that much sex. Then again HBO is the one producing the show.

As we all know sex is what sells. For the price of an HBO subscription you dont need the video stores backroom. While you may not see full frontal male, or penetration...it was pretty damn close!

Not that im a prude or anything, i just was hoping for better. This is why your not supposed to read a book then watch the movie. Your always somewhat disappointed.

Im not saying the show was bad, i just had preconcieved notions of the characters. Next season though i wont be spending that much money to watch it. Next season, if the video store gets it, ill wait for it to move to the dollar shelf. That or hope that the vid store i frequent now gets it because there you rent the whole season for a much much much much lower price for 2 days more.

I enjoyed the show, and maybe next season ill be able to enjoy it more. Was it worth spending 17 bucks...no, am i upset that i did it? not too much. I just wish that they would have been able to do more story and less sex.

Heres to HBO...the porn kind next to FX's Nip/Tuck.

Well i found out the other day that the whole bug problem is going to be extended. Yes, i know, i hate them fuckers too! Though you just cant get away from it when you have little kids.

I guess since there will still be a chance for her to get it, now is the time to get her used to having her hair done daily. The only thing i can think of to help keep her from getting it again is to keep her hair in a ponytail.

Mae really hates her hair messed with. I dont know why, she just does. So that has made the last week horrible. Every 5 minutes ive had her in my lap and i go through her hair. Thankfully though, because im a good attentive mama, i caught it at the very begining.

Noone can get every nit out the first go round. Thats why you have to be hypervigilant and keep going through it every single day, as many times as you can. While i had hoped i had gotten it all the other day, there was a day that i wasnt able to go through it. Fortunatly when she came home, mama got at her head again.

Everytime i think ive gotten it all, i move a strand of hair and find a itty bitty nit. BUT as the days have gone by its gotten to where its almost totally out of her hair. Thankfully there werent any bugs and since ive been digging through her hair, nothing has had a chance to hatch.

Thank you to whatever higher power there is for that small favor!

Oh maybe i should mention why the hunt for bugs will continue. I got a letter in the mail the other day saying that Mae has been found eligible for HeadStart! Woooo Mae will be starting school in like August. Anyone who knows anything knows that school is the start of it all. So we will be ponytailed up!

Im sad and excited for my baby girls first day of school. Yes, i know its not real school, but it is preschool! It has school in the name so it counts! Im already trying to figure out what kind of outfit im going to buy her for school. She is going to eventually have so much fun! Shes going to learn the things that i havnt been able to. Im hoping that school will help her with her seperation anxiety.

I still dont know where that anxiety comes from. Ive never once left her and not come back for her. Ive never once denied her any attention she is seeking. I guess maybe she just feels more secure with herself when shes within mamas reach.

I may bitch alot about being a mom, but, i know that im a good mom. That feeling is something that you cant describe. I have made many choices in my life, but the choices i have made regarding Mae; I know they are the right ones. I know that when she is a teenager her and i will battle. I know that i will have the right advice and she wont listen. But i will always know that i was, am and always will be the ONE person she can totally count on. The One and only person who will always have her back. I will be the ONLY person who can honestly say ive done everything in her best interest.

How sad it will be for me when my little girl becomes a young lady and then a woman and im left behind. I just hope that by being there for her she will always want me to have a place in her life. That she will always know that her best interests are all that have ever mattered. And with luck and a lot of guidance from her family she will know that just because some people werent there for her, her family loves her and will never ever let anyone hurt her.

May all our children never know nothing but love.

Im thinking that the next few thousand blogs should be a bunch of lies mixed with some truth. Lies about the asshole and what he does now and then. Lies about what he might do, might not do. I mean the asshole is so engrossed in my blog that the asshole even quoted part of it to me today.

I think that maybe i should start about the assholes sexuality. I think maybe i should give the asshole what the asshole wants. make it all about the asshol.

Maybe after i talk about the assholes sexuality, i start telling about things from the assholes childhood. I mean after all the asshole wants to be apart of my life and continue to keep tabs on it.

Maybe after that ill talk about what the asshole did to a pregnant woman. What the asshole did to a teenage boy!!

Maybe ill spread lies about the asshole to anyone that comes in contact with me that knows the asshole. I mean you can only say certain things so many times about a person before someone comes lookin for you, and not in the good way.

Maybe i should get a few people together to show up at the assholes house and beat the crap out of the asshole. I have enough friends and associates who would be willing to step up.

Maybe i should call the police on the asshole and be an annoymous caller and say that i heard the screams of a woman coming from the apartment. Better yet call the police and the assholes property management company. Better yet, maybe i should pay the neighbor kids in the assholes building to cop knock on the fuckers door at all different times. You know how kids are about easy money!

Maybe the asshole should do like ive done....Get the fuck over it and move the fuck on! I hate to have to move on and make another blog. Ive gotten to where i like this one. But if the asshole must continue to obsess over the goings on in my life, well then, i guess maybe ill have to finally do something my mom wanted me to do. Turn off the blog and just play games.

Too bad that my mom doesnt get that this is my place to vent. This is my place to go off and this is my place to pour it all out in.

Im a masocist, but damn i never knew the asshole secretly craved all that the asshole dishes out, because why would you want to read about how good things are for your ex? I dont go looking for the asshole, because im over it. I dont go bugging anyone with omg the asshole said this or that online.

I just wanted to have a nice place for me and i wanted my friends to be able to find me. However it seems like the asshole once again has to feel like the asshole is important in my life and Mae's.

Careful Asshole....your closer to losing my daughter then you think or know!

We survived! The weather held! And a bit over 5 hours later we are finally home!



Maaaaaaaaaan Mae had a blast. Mama had a good time. And Mae only tried to drown herself 3 times and she only tried to break her ankle once.



It was a successful outing! This year was much different than last. This time she actually let the big bucket of water fall all over her. She went down the lazy river and let the water hit her. She was just a big ol puddle of joy!



All i know though is that im truly totally exhausted and Mae will be going to bed real soon so that mama can chill the fuck out!



Ahhhh the sound of tired children not yet cranky!

I think ive figured my weekend out! woo me! Today since the storms have left and the sun is out and its near 80 im taking Mae swimming!

Finally able to get her outside and wore out lol. Saturday she will go to her dads and ill hop my butt up to work.

After work i think, if i dont find friends lol, im going to come home and watch True Blood. I had read in people that they were going to do the series, but honestly, i dont hold much hope for it.

I hear its good and the people at the video store were raving about it. My problem is im a big ol snob! Ive read the books. Well there may be one or two new ones i havnt yet. But ive read the books. I enjoyed the books immensely and ive seen one too many books made into movies or shows and the outcome wasnt good. But im going to give it a try.

Im waiting though for Big Love season 3 to come out. Thats the show i really like. That and criminal minds. But im going to be waiting a while for that one. Also im waiting for Sons of Anarchy to come out.

Ive spent most of the last almost 3 years working, going to school, and taking care of Mae, which hasnt left much time for watching much tv that i like. So this weekend i think im going to put show after show after show in. Relax in bed and do nothing till sunday when i pick up Mae.

Well i better get my butt in gear before the weather decides to change on us again. God id hate to have to disappoint Mae!

I work at the bestest place for a fat girl! I make subs. NO i dont work at subway, thats the bad place. I work at the bestest sub shop in town. We have huge subs. Like seriously as big a heiffer as i am, a half sub is enough to make my stomach literally burst.

Im currently enjoying my big whoppin #26. Mmmmmm sooo good! Provolone cheese, proscitini, deli ham, turkey, roast beef....mmmmm...topped off with tomato, lettuce, mayo, salt, pepper, and oregano. MMMM oh god its soo fucking good. Ill have to remember to take a picture sometime, we have the bad place BEAT! And for not much more money.

We slice everything in the store, and nothing is pre cut, unless you order a party sub.

Thats the best part of the night, my free half sub. Mmmm it makes trying to slice my fingers off worth it. BTW i have all my fingers lol.

Though tonight kind of turned into...WHY THE FUCK ARE MEN SO STUPID! Why are they so insecure. Why do they need their ex's to validate them. Why are men so whiny and just stupid.

Hell its not even the asshole that im talking about right now, though the asshole falls into all that.

I was talking with a friend and it all comes down to GAWD!

I dont know, maybe this is why i dont want a relationship now too. I mean i have enough trouble keeping my Mae happy and healthy. I dont have time to tell a man he did a good job. What a good boy you are.

Im not stroking anyones ego. Well, i do, but not some stupid man! Thankfully there are good men out there. Most of them arent in my life lol, but ive met them, some are my family, and ive seen it. So i hold hope for man.

Though the stupid ones really fuck it up for them. I dont know, not really a rant just one of those things. Im tired and im on my way to full.

Mmmmm a #26 my fav!

Mae is excited! I dont know though if she realizes that mama has to go to work lol. Because of the buggies we are banned from daycare for a few days and i had to find someone to watch my girl. So i did what thousands of women before me and thousands of women after me will do...I called one of my best friends.

I was like hey what are you doing friday, then it changed to today. You could hear the leariness in her voice lol. You know its never a good thing when your friends call you up out of the blue and want to know what your doing lol.

I told her what i needed and why. Of course that lead us to talk about back in the day. Yea back in the day we picked nits too. God did we pick nits. Sadly none of us were boys and had to pick. Her oldest was lucky he just got a buzz cut lol.

But shes coming over and shes bringing her son Aric with. Mae Mae loves her some Aric! I mean she totally loves that boy. We dont hang out much but when we do, god help Aric. Remember my nephew harley getting stuck with kids, well Aric gets stuck with Mae, BY CHOICE lol.

If were at a baseball game he takes Mae looking for Bucky. At the carnival he took her on rides. And now shes all gaga because Arics coming Arics coming.

Its good to have friends who will come to your rescue. I dont know what i would do without my good friends. LOL now lets see if Tammy can get Mae to eat supper and even go to bed lol.

Im trying to figure out what to do with my Saturday afternoon. I havnt checked with my friends but Friday paychecks will most likely be toast by the time i get off work Saturday. So i guess its going to come down to whos having a bonfire and if my meager contribution to the party is acceptable, which it will be lol.

Im looking forward to my time alone. It seems like it goes so fast. But then again when you have been picking nits out of hair for what 3 or 4 days now, its time for a mommy break. Sunday Mae is going to be hating her mama again, because it will be back to picking at her head.

She really really hates it, but damn it, it has to be done. A mama's job is never done nor is it easy. You just keep doing what you can. But let me tell you what, im sick sick sick of nits! im tired of having to grab her and 5 minutes at a time go through her head.

Shes tired of mama grabbing her and going through her head. It just sucks and its a process that drives everyone crazy. Poor grandpa hates hearing her cry and only so much candy will bribe her into sitting still. Yes i know bribery is bad, but oh friggin well!

Maybe its time i start looking for a man so i can have help with the nit digging lol. Oh wait lol thats not a good reason to go man hunting. Damn, and i thought maybe i was getting a break lol.

Who knows, i just know that im tired of picking picking picking and im ready to have a few hours that are totally mine mine mine!

Fourth of July at the lake was rainy! It was cool, and i spent a lot of the day with a wet backside. But it was a good time! When you go to my moms house for the 4th your asked to contribute food. She does the enchaladas and everyone else is supposed to bring something.

This year since i was taking a friend, we went in on WalMarts BBQ Chicken Chunks. They are a real crowd pleaser and a little pricey. But when you split the cost its managable. Well this year i spoke up and made mention of bringing chicken mole. Well then that sparked the we need to have fideo, mexican spaghetti, because you have to have it lol.

Well i decided that this year i would try my hand at making the fideo. The aunts wont be around forever, so we all need to learn to make the good stuff.

Friday night my friend came over and we proceeded to cook our ass's off. While she was peeling, slicing, and mixing the stuff for deviled eggs. I was getting my first clue as to how much work goes into making fideo.

The actual mixing of the ingredients was the easy part. The hard part was frying up the fideo first. Fideo comes either loose, broken up like spaghetti. Or it comes coiled up in nests. We used a combination. Then the next day i found out why my recipe had me sending Brigitte to the store for more chicken broth. Because i didnt know the difference between nests and packages. I bought 8 packages, but what i really needed was only 4 because 2 nests come in a package. We overcame that!

My grandpa supervised a little bit, but the point was for me to make it. When i started he came in and told me more oil. I added more. He said more. I added more. He said dump that in and cover it. What he meant was to basically deep fry it. BUT dont get it too brown. The first couple nests came out pretty dark lol. But in the end it turned out really really good and the family loved it.

Chicken mole we cheat on. We buy the jarred mole. Its good stuff man! Easy peasy until you add the mole. That stuff is so clumpy and thick. I ended up putting a bit to much mole in and had to scoop some chunks out. By the time it got around to being put on the buffet the Joliet side of the family was in heaven. My cousin Chrissy and her man Jerry were in heaven. They had had some at a restraunt not long ago and it was crap. But they all ate the shit out of my mole.

So it looks like i will be making mole and fideo lol.

The fireworks this year really kind of sucked. Normally the fireworks at the lake are pretty awesome. This year i dont know what happened, but hell it didnt matter because by the time the fireworks were going on , id gained 10lbs and had heartburn like noones business lol.

My friends and i were able to sneek away a couple times and once it was all of us because my cousins watched the littlest kid for us. FOR LIKE 15 MINUTES! We all know to watch our own kids, but its kind of one of those things at my moms, if your sneeking off for 15 minutes, theres always someone to say sure ill keep an eye on the kiddos. BUT you come back right away for your kiddie and take your duties back.

We were sitting by the fire after the fireworks and it seems like the drunkies lol got a good idea to put 5 adults on a paddle boat. That soooo didnt work out. Next thing i know my uncle is back dripping wet, my aunt is wet, the boys are wet, and one iphone was pretty much toast! Oh they were funny funny people.

I ended up with some really wicked heartburn so i didnt drink as much as i would have liked. Everyone else drank for me lol. I swear i made about 8 drinks and only got 4 because of having to get up and do stuff. But hey at least i didnt fall in the lake and ruin my phone lol.

The next day was absolutly gorgeous. I actually lost track of the time and when i looked at the clock we only had an hour before we had to leave or else id have been late picking up the Mae.

Sunday i took Brigittes kids in the lake right away because they were itching to get in. It was fun playing with them, but ya know sand and girls isnt pretty lol.

The strangest thing of all though was that brigittes 2 lil white kids LOVED the mexican sausage(chodeso, thats my phonetic spelling thats wrong lol) and eggs. Her little girl was crying because noone would put some more on her plate lol. We fixed her right up. Her little boy was all about it too. Of course there wasnt anymore by the time they were ready for more. But Brigitte will be making it for them lol.

My 4th was pretty decent. I laughed, ate, drank, had a pretty good time! I hope everyone else had a good one.

Seeee im not all doom and gloom lol, i just get off on a tangent sometimes!

Whats a family get together without family drama? Not my family get together lol. While the drill is No drama at my moms house, some how there always is. I was not a drama starter, though i think for a minute my mom thought thats what i was trying for. Until she heard it from everyone else, even people who arent family family.

First bit of drama was concerning my sister. She is and can be a first class bitch. I have my own issues with her, but since she wasnt there i was happy camping. I didnt have to see her, hear her, or have to guess who Katie was calling mom. It was also my sisters birthday the day before, and shes knocked up in the hospital with noone. So im going to go maybe that gives her an excuse for her bullshit. Ok so it doesnt i was trying to be nice.

My mom never asked that the her 2 kids, yes thats right she has 2 kids with a 3rd on the way(someone needs to set her straight on that one) to come to the 4th of july party. Shes not stupid, there wouldnt have been anyone to watch them. When your at my moms house your supposed to watch your own kids.

Thats one of the reasons i dont have as good a time as the rest of them. Im usually busy watching Mae. Which i would have been doing but the asshole is so good about reading my blogs, the asshole fucked up and called on the day i wasnt going to send her. My mom again told me to send her there, thank you mommy! But thats the rule, you watch your own kids. Remember i said that because it comes into play later.

My mom did ask that the kids come sunday when everyone had gone home. Well after my mom n dad had watched these kids the last few weeks off and on, NOW my mom couldnt be trusted to watch them. She might drink, be hungover, Jerry might fall into someone and have to apologize. The list was bogus and then they used the line they use on me EVERY FUCKING TIME I TRY TO SEE KATIE....Theres a church thing and we dont want them to miss it. What a crock of shit. So mom was devastated and hurt. She hung up with them to let them discuss it because honestly the decision wasnt a hard one.

My mom would die before her actions did something to hurt those kids. Its just a fact. So they call and say well wed rather them be there. So its not ok to be at her house but its ok for her to drive them almost 5 hours when she has issues with driving that makes her uncomfortable even driving Mae an hour to her house.

It was all a bunch of bullshit. Then my sister called and said she had a bad night because of it. I told my mom her guilt over making the wrong decision wasnt her problem. They made their decision and it was supposedly the right one for them, so why was there any issue for them? Because they are lying manipulative and just stupid.

Though because of this i did find out something i didnt know before. My mom thinks that Brianne is in the wrong for keeping katie from me, and not letting me have more contact with her. Its good to know all my screaming ranting and sobbing hasnt been for nothing. I really thought that i was the only one who felt that way about the situation. Now she didnt say it to me but she did say it to one of my best friends, and she doesnt need to lie to me.

So that was drama number 1, drama number 2 also involves a sibling. My brother married an 18 year old and i think shes 19 now. They have a baby named Michael, but um that baby is probably not his, but he loved the tramp, err girl and wanted her and so he got her.

My brother also has 2 other kids. Harley David is either 12 going on 13 or 13 going on 14, and is very sweet and has had a rough go of it. He had to deal with drama from his dads daughters mama. It was bullshit pure and simple. And i cant stand when a parent stoops to that level. Especially when the behavior implied has never once been seen on any other occasion.

Brittny and Brian dont watch Michael. Michael spent the majority of the time in the pack n play. It was so bad at one part Jerry , who isnt family family, said he couldnt take it anymore. He couldnt watch this boy be ignored. He picked him up. Robbie who is someone elses son and is about 10 maybe, was outside PICKING BUGS off Michael.

To make things even worse, they grounded Harley for taking a golf cart ride that my Dad had said was ok to go on, hell my dad tossed them the keys. Ok so i get maybe you would get a talking to for just running off. BUT there are a different set of rules at grandma and grandpas! If either of them say ok, well then its ok!

I came inside upstairs for something and there was Harley on the couch by Michaels playpen, which he was in, looking like he was going to cry. I love my nephew Harley, he always gives his aunt heather hugs and talks to me. So i asked him what was wrong and why was he sitting inside.

All the other kids were outside having a good time, even if it was raining. He told me he got grounded because of the golfcart and i asked how long he had to be there. His answer was until his dad was done being mad at him.

WTF?? But oh it gets better! Later me and brigitte are upstairs and we would like a little adult time, so we have to figure out what to do with her kids. Her son was asleep on the couch so it wasnt a big deal to sneek away for a minute. But her daughter was running around. My cousins were sitting in the living room and we got to talking for a minute.

We commented on how michael was stuck in that playpen all day and his mom n dad were out on the boat, in the lake, talking to family, doing whatever the hell they wanted. OMG you would have thought i was the queen or something. Tiff gets up and hollars give me some up top girl. Melissa and Tiff had been inside all day because theres a 7 month old baby who couldnt go outside in the yuck. Being good mamas. But they had been inside all afternoon and that baby was up there too, in his pack n play.

Then it comes out while we are all 4 talking that my brother had the nerve to look at them, laugh, smile and say...This is whats great about older kids, they can watch the younger ones. WTF? your job is to watch the kids, its not your kids job.

I told my mom what was going on the next day or maybe it was that day. hell i dont know its all the same because my mom was like what? Brigitte told her no Maggie, i was there thats what was said thats what happened.

Later i found out that harley asked my brother if he was good did what he was supposed to could he go tubing. My brother said "We will see, it depends on how good you take care of Michael", now that was heard by my cousin Chrissy! She was there, she told my mom. We have no reason to try to start bullshit because we all just want to have a good time!

Sunday poor Harley was in trouble AGAIN! Because he went for a tube ride with Grandpa Rex and the cousins. This time fucking Brittny told him no. We havnt figured out why but we all assume its because she wanted him to watch Michael so she could go. Hell Sunday was gorgeous. The sun was out it was hot and they proved again what crap parents they are.

They had michael out in the water and she yells up hey baby michaels starting to burn. Do they bring the baby up out of the water and under a tent? Hell no they just put more sunscreen on him and say Its the 90 proof blah blah. Well if your smart and have read anything in the last couple years. You know that anything really over 35 isnt anything but packaging to get you to buy it. Sunscreen has to block both of the rays and over 35 isnt any better. Babies when they start to burn need to be brought back inside not slathered with more sunscreen.

I tell you i dont understand some parents. Here i am with all my issues, but im doing my best. I have to not have fun because i chose to have a baby. Its what you do. Hell i know that Melissa would have loved to have been outside with everyone, having a drink, playing in the water, on the pontoon. But she has a 7 month old baby! Shes a good mama and knows what her responsibilities and priorities are.

Your priorities arent running around looking like your 8 months pregnant with horrible stretch marks, booty shorts, oiling up your flab and then coming to my mom with all your stuff hung out asking what do you think of my tan. You know what my mother said....She has no couth and i wasnt impressed.

But never fear i was a bitch! It was my turn to do clean up in the kitchen, and i got the sucky shift lol, crockpots from the night before and breakfast pans lol. As i was doing the dishes i realized i couldnt do dishes and dry them, id still be there. Well Miss Brittny who loves to send Harley in to do her share of helping didnt get out of it. I hollered and hollered out the screen porch till finally my brother had to make her answer me. Before she made it up the stairs my other cousin Andrea was like what if she sends harley, i told her id send the boy back out and send her bitch ass up.

Needless to say she wasnt happy about being drug out of the lake to dry and put away dishes. But damn it we all have to pitch in and i saw everyone else work but her. Hell i poured maybe 8 drinks and i think i got 4 of them because i was working.

My family is tolerant to a point, but when you fuck up, you fuck up. Just ask the asshole, hes not allowed down there anymore, and my sister in law is working her way to not being allowed down.

Ahhh family drama...dont you just love it (yes that was sarcasm lol)

The mystery is solved! I know where the head lice came from. The mexican family at daycare brought it in.

All three of the kids had them suckers BAD. It explains though why Mae doesnt have any bugs in her hair. She picked one up at daycare and it fell off somewhere else.

While thats a really good thing, it also means i have my work cut out for me. Last night i did the chemical treatment of her hair. Then spent going on three hours working through her hair. Let me tell you that was a very very fun thing.

Today we did the mayo, ive decided though im only doing that today. Im going to keep picking through her hair and then thursday if i need to mayo her again. That girl looked like she was getting a jeri curl done lol. She did very well with the cap on for 6 hours! She only pulled it off a couple times and at the end she started messing with it.

Then it was time for more washing and picking. Mae already hates her hair messed with! She is really not a happy camper. Though im being bad mama and bribing the shit out of her with candy. Last night grandpa stayed home and gave her candy and moved lights for me.

Its amazing what just that little bit of help does. Im glad he changed his plans to stay home with us. Im 100% sure he didnt want to be home last night!

My daycare provider is pissed with the parents. I dont know how you dont know your kid is infected. I dont know how you dont check when you see that itch. Because i know those kids had to be itching. How hard is it to be a good parent and do your job and make sure your not fucking up other parents lives.

Im a good mama and im tired....Ahhh the way life should be.

My family and friends agree with me that we dont know what to do about the asshole. The asshole continually uses the child as a weapon to push my buttons. The asshole obviously doesnt truly care about her. The asshole is using her in his sick mind games, twisted ways, and his deciet of himself.

We all have no idea what to do. The asshole is incapable of change. The asshole is incapable of learning. The asshole is incapable of telling the truth. The list of things this asshole has done and continues to do is long.

Together we can not figure out what to do about the asshole. Mae needs that tie. I get it, i may not be real happy with what comes from it, but i get it. Maes needs come first.

Choices have to be made. My choice is to blog and vent all the bad things that the asshole puts me through. My choice is to call the asshole what the asshole is, an asshole. My choice is that even though it kills me, i will use the asshole as the asshole has used me.

I will use the asshole to watch Mae. I will use the asshole for a babysitter. I will use the asshole for what the asshole is supposed to be there for; to help parent the child.

Sadly it wasnt the asshole who told me that she scraped her arm on the sidewalk. No it was the child herself. Mae was in her bed this morning and saying she hurt. I asked her what hurt her and she said my arm. I said what happened to your arm. I fall and crash. I asked her where at, she said the sidewalk.

From the mouth of a 3 yr old i find out what happened to her. The asshole couldnt do the right thing and tell me what happened. I know the asshole knows what happened because the asshole was supposed to be in charge.

I dont know what to do. I dont know what to think. I do know what to blog because its how i feel. Im going to keep on blogging and im going to know that the asshole has been lying to me not only from the begining, but the middle, the end, and even the after. What i dont understand is why the asshole has always and now feels the need to lie to me. Everyone knows that you get in less trouble or arguements if your honest.

I guess im just going to have to deal with the fact that the asshole has nothing better to do then push my buttons. What a sad sad life it must be when the only thing your good at or can do consistently is push someone elses buttons.

Le Sigh....Saturday will be here before i know it and ill have to let the asshole have her, lets hope she comes back in one piece. I hate that i had to start documenting her condition going to and coming from.