You know one of the best parts of having a job, even if its a piddly ass one? The fact that you dont worry about money as much. As you know ive basically been living off of child support and my income tax, which ran out a couple months back. Ive worried about money so much that i even stooped so low as to basically beg the asshole for gas money. Which the asshole doesnt do with any kind of regularity.

I get paid on tuesdays and this tuesdays check was only 2 days. Lucky for me i had picked up a shift because last week i had taken a day off. So ive been sweating the money this week.

Ive gotten so used to having that piddly ass 40 bucks or so that i get from work, that i completely lost track of child support payments.

Wow, what a feeling that was to find out that the piddly ass 40 bucks gives me room to breathe. That i have a little wiggle room. That things, while not great, are at least looking up.

This in now way absolves the asshole of the 40 bucks im asking for in gas money, but it does make me feel better.

Part of the reason that i stopped seeing John was because i couldnt carry my share of the load. The little ass paycheck now would help that. I dont like being the one who isnt pulling her own weight. Thats never been who i am. It was just nice to wake up today and try to figure out the money and try to figure out daycare bills and go....Whewwwwwwwwwwwww!

I can still breathe and i can still pay bills and its not all crashing down around my head.

It hasnt been horrible to live within the budget constraits im under, except the fucking bill for gas in the car, but its been interesting! I just need to figure out a way to move on up. I need to find a job thats going to pay some money. I hope that by the time the bullshit from my ex husband is sealed on my record, that i havnt forgotten too much of what i learned in school.

It sucks knowing i have my medical secretary diploma, 15,000 in student loans and i cant get a job in my field. Im going to keep doing what ive always done. Thats try to keep my head above water and just keep moving.

Im glad to know that no matter what i have my family to back me up, im glad that i have MY DAUGHTER, and im glad that i have the FRIENDS i have.

This morning i told one of my friends how it is at work. She helped get me the job and because of that i feel i have to work harder. I have to make sure shits done. I have to make sure that its done right. Because im not only working on showing what kind of worker i am, im also a reflection on her. I told her that i respect her and love her too much to put not only my job in jeopardy, but hers as well. It may not be big and glamorous but its a job and its paying the bills. I know what loyalty is, i know what a confidence is, and i know that without any of that, i wouldnt have what i have.

Thank you to everyone in my life who helped me become the person i am. Its hard enough in life with the idiots, psychos, and assholes to not lose yourself. Im glad those who shaped me had a head on their shoulders and the mistakes they made and ive made are all learning experiences.

Heres to an early morning ramble! 32 hours until the next shift at work, im going to enjoy them!