He's home and in bed sleeping, or at least trying to go to sleep. I'm pretty sure he is happy to be home.

Tomorrow we are going to my moms house. Katie stayed the night to stay with grandpa.

I'm exhausted and I'm on my way to bed.

Ok so my post wasn't nice. But I think I just need to get over everything and really realize that I am forever going to be the one who has to be the strong one. I think that maybe that's part of why my sister is pissing me off so bad right now.

I don't get to say oh I can't deal or I'm sick or I have the kids, or just whatever and not have to deal with the situation.

I've already been told by my mom and her that when the time really does come...It's up to me to be there.

Seriously?

I guess that also since this is expected of me, being the strong one, it pisses me off that they still find things to get on me about. The one that I really truly like is about finding a job in my field. Still waiting for the bullshit from my marriage to leave my record. They want me to have a job job. Yes I want one too...but do any of them ever stop to think what that means if I do?

That means I won't be here with grandpa. When anyone calls and he doesn't answer...I won't be a call away to find out where he is. I do a lot to keep my mom sane where grandpa is concerned.

I want to have a pity party in reality, not just here in my blog. I want someone in my family to hear how this is for me. I want to have the luxury of breaking down. I don't have it now and I'm not going to have it.

God, I'm sorry I'm so whiny, I'm just tired of being the strong one. I'm just tired!

Today makes day 9 that I have been to the hospital every day. I'll be sitting there for hours. I'll also be EXPECTED to sit there after everyone else goes back home. I am not complaining about my grandpa. I am complaining about my sister!

I get on facebook this morning and people are asking her what's going on with grandpa. How is he doing, and so on. No, I'm not bitching because I'm not the center of attention. I'm bitching because the way she answered was like she had been there.

And the fact that My sister helped a ton. FUCK YOU! I have done more than help a ton. I have been there for every fucking thing! EVERYTHING! And your bitch ass couldn't bother to just get the fucking hotel room and go back to see your grandpa!

But you sure the fuck can jump in when the crisis has pretty much passed.

I don't care about the recognition. I care about the fact that I have sat up there and done my duty as a daughter and a granddaughter but she is here for the procedure and gone. OH wait she is going to be looking after him at my moms house. OH yea he's getting better and now your are a bigger part of it.

I'm just fucking irritated. Oh and facebooking me last night about Katie. FUCK YOU YOU DOUCHE! Like I don't know how to take care of a cut, like I don't know to look for an infection, Like IM GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO HURT KATIE!!

I really dislike my sister. It must be nice to be able to live hours and hours away and just come for the important part and leave because your sick. I need to stop before I get more worked up.

God, seriously, and she's the good daughter!

It looks good! They should have grandpa FINALLY sitting up. He has been on his back since about 9 this morning.

Right now they are watching the wounds because they were swelling but they don't hear any bleeding. He ate before we left and was loopy from the percocet tha Katie and I decided he should have. We're happy with it because they have to push on those wound sites for upwards of 20 minutes at a time when they do it. And he wasn't feeling any pain. Yay narcotics!

This morning was really rough for me. I was breaking down on the phone, I was very unsure of any decison I made. I even did a prayer blog here, but blogger decided it had to go down just as I pushed publish. My prayer was a real and honest prayer. I believe that the prayers that are answered are the honest ones. I was real and honest about how my prayers were for my own selfish reasons and said some stuff. And I cried as I did it. It's nice to be able to breathe.

My sister and the family made it to moms house about 330 this morning and then were up to the hospital a bit before 9. Mom called me to see what we were doing this morning and I was a wreck and asking her what she thought about Mae coming up to the hospital instead of going to school. I just didn't want to have her in school and not with her grandpa if it was going to be the last time she saw him. I would have felt awful guilt for a long time.

Through my tears and trying to get myself back to the strong one I decided that Mae was coming to the hospital. I'm glad that she did because she got to sit with grandpa in bed before he went to his surgery. He should now be sitting up. He's been on his back since about 9 am and they said he could sit up at 10pm.

Mom called while we were up there and then the nurse said to us that they were coming to get him in a minute. Mom was told that the procedure would be about 10am and they were just getting to the hospital, literally like pulling in. I called mom back and she freaked out and was calling my sister. In the time it took for us to hang up the phone the lady was there to take grandpa. I freaked out! Mom wasn't there. Noone was there but us!! This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. We were supposed to take a picture of grandpa with baby Myah!! I called mom and she freaked out. She didn't know where to go, what to do, how to breathe!

I told her to take the B elevator to the floor and take the long walk and ask them to escort her. Grandpa, Mae and I walked down. As I'm trying to not feaking lose it all over again and in front of grandpa. I told the lady hey go slow and look in every waiting room for them. She understood. Now it's a long walk from his old room to the unit that we needed to be on. I told her I'm sooo going to get yelled at, my mom is going to yell at me. Now we all know I have no control over anything but I know my mom and she would have found a way to make it mine.

THANK YOU LORD JESUS! As we walked down the hall the last double doors I saw my mom. I pretty much screamed there's mom!! I'm not getting yelled at!

We got through the doors and mom was on grandpa. Then there was Brianne and bad mom that I am, pulled Katie right up. I'm sorry, but I know what it is like to lose a beloved grandparent. I lost my grandma when I was real young, I know! Then the other kids came up and they got baby Myah out and on grandpa. I got the picture mom wanted and then one of the group. Except I wasn't in it, mom pointed that one out and was sorry. It was ok, I'm the picture taker...I'm not in a lot of pictures but I was there.

We had like 15 or so people in this itty bitty family waiting room. Everyone has come up to see him except one brother who doesn't live in state, and a brother from out of town who doesn't drive or something. But that's not unusual. We said a family prayer and mom and Brianne cried. Hell my mom even talked to my cousin Mary Ellen and she hasn't talked to her in YEARS! Been in the same room, and same conversation...but has not talked to her.

My nephew Logan gets car sick and was throwing up. The girls were loud as hell. Katie sat semi queitly, the rest of us talked. My sister ended being sick from both ends because of all the caffine and energy drinks on the way up. I won't apologize for the bullshit I'm about to spew!

My mom can get a hotel room for 50 bucks. My sister decided to drive the hour back to my moms house with the kids because she was sick. I looked at her and was like why don't you get a room today, go get better, and COME BACK AND SEE YOUR GRANDPA WHO JUST GOT OUT OF FREAKING SURGERY, WHO YOU CAME UP HERE TO SEE FOR MORE THAN 20 FUCKING MINUTES!!!! Noo she wasn't going to do that, they might do it tomorrow if they keep grandpa. EXCUSE ME!! I have been up here with grandpa for a week! I have been doing all this with moms help. I have been stressed out, depressed, and just plain fucked up in the head for a week. You are here for an hour and have to leave and only see your grandpa that long?? Oh fuck that bullshit! If it was me, I'd have had that hotel room and slept til I felt better and been back at the hospital to see him. Guess since he is going to mom's house that that is the best time to see him. Ok maybe it is, but I disagree. AND THEN I became the biggest selfish bitch I could be!

First I said to Katie (this isn't the selfish part) that I hadn't gone and gotten our rings and maybe we could go get them while people visit. I asked my sister if we could, because you know im going to run off and do something bad to katie, and she was ok with that. *selfish part now* Then when the going home with the kids came up, I jumped the fuck up and was all...Hey Katie can stay up here with us if she wants. I will take any opportunity I can find to be with Katie without everybody else. OMG they said yes. So as I type this my girl is in the next room working on sleep.

The bestest bestest part of Katie being here! She is grounded from her cell for 2 weeks. Brianne doesn't like her being away without the phone blah blah blah. Bitch doesn't want to be able to not ask her what we're doing and is she ok, is everything ok, blah blah blah. I'm so nice. I told her hey um hello I have a cell phone. You have the number, you can call the number, I can hand the phone to Katie. Whatever I HAVE MY KATIE FOR THE NIGHT!

We went for lunch, picked up my check, she went for a carousel ride with Mae, and we got our rings. And a laugh at poor Mae who was not having any of the Easter Bunny lol. We went back to the hospital for about 3 hours and got grandpa all changed and percoceted out lol.

They gave him the percocet for the pain when they pulled the line out of his groin area. After they gave him that he was having some funny visions. The holes in the ceiling were either dancing or bugs moving around. It was funny. Poor grandpa but he didn't have pain when pushing on the sites.

Ok so I just lost my train of thought and I've noticed I'm begining to ramble, badly. So I'm going to end this with...Grandpa is doing ok, they are looking at the swelling in the sites, and right now we don't know if he is coming home tomorrow or thursday.

All is right in my world tonight, and I'm loving it!

Not Good

It's not good. I am working my way into my own meltdown but I don't get to have it until I get off work. I had a mini one on the phone with one of my besties, but I was able to hold it together. Tonight will be a half a xanax night for sure!

As you know I slacked off and played online for a bit before going back to the hospital. I'm sure glad that I went and picked Mae up early from school. They didn't come and take grandpa for close to one, so Mae had a good chunck of time to lay in bed, under the covers no less, with grandpa. We went downstairs to get some lunch because they said it was still going to be awhile. Halfway through lunch I look up and they are taking grandpa zippin down the hall. Mom ran after him with Mae and I picked up our lunch stuff.

Then got totally lost and a nurse helped me find my way to the waiting area. We finished lunch, watched some tv and then the doctor came out.

It's not good news.

Excuse my lack of medical technical terminology. So you have 3 arteries to your heart. One in front, and one on each side. I can't remember which side they said which was on so just bear with me.

When my grandpa had his first heart attack almost 16 yrs ago it left one on the side blocked. Well that one looked pretty good. Go figure! Well the one on the other side is 100% blocked. Yea we had a mini freak out, but the doctor stopped it by telling us that he wasn't so worried about that one because it looked like it had been that way for awhile because it had grown or whatever your does to help itself new ways for the blood to flow. Then we come to the kick you in the fucking gut, shoot you in the gut, and drag your ass out to the woods with a trail of honey part.

The artery that runs in the front of your heart......99% blocked. That's the one that gives you the big heart attack. This gives you two options. Open heart surgery or putting in stents. Both procedures have good and bad points. But that OHS is the bad one.

The doctor did his best to explain to two stressed out women and a 4 yr old what all would happen, could happen, this, that, and the other. He did really well but we were both left in just fucking shock, awe, and disbelief. All this time the chest pains that he has been having is because of this.

I'm a tad pissed off at his regular doc at the moment, because he told us it was ok, there was nothing they could do, that he's almost 90. Well fuck that! My grandpa could have died and we wouldn't have known that he had a chance. Ok so maybe I'm being dramatic....I've earned it.

I called my friend and I broke a little bit. I'm not breaking yet or I won't be able to stop. I need to cry and vent and process. That way I can get back to let's do this thing Heather.

I told my sister, and then my cousin because we needed to ask her if she would come and sit with grandpa tonight. She's coming. I didn't like telling her because she really loves my grandpa. My sister on the other hand I give myself a lot of credit for because in the back of my head all I could hear was " Tell her what a bitch she is for keeping the kids away, tell her how much you hate that grandpa misses the kids, that you can take your fucking car to branson but not to iowa, how when I asked for katie so she could see all of us you said no, etc. etc. etc.." I did real good and I just told her what was going on.

I left with Mae, obviously, because grandpa was pretty out of it, mom was staying til 6, and I needed to get Mae home for a bit before work. Oh yea, I needed to not be there in case I lost it.

Just like usual the minute you leave the doctor comes back up. The surgeon was there and we have taken OHS off the table. It would take grandpa months and months to get back to himself and it's just not advisable due to his age and kidneys. So we have decided on going with the stents.

I don't know and I don't care....JUST MAKE MY GRANDPA WELL SO HE CAN COME HOME TO ME AND MAE!!!! Sorry mini meltdown. There are risks for his kidney and stroke with the stents. I just am so scared and unsure. But I don't get to show it because I am not allowed that luxury. It's ok because one day I will be allowed and thank god I have the friends I have.

It's not good, but I guess it's not horrible. I just don't want to be the one to tell grandpa he can't drive anymore, that I'll be the one doing the laundry, that depending on how this goes he may even lose the one job that I know he considers his...taking out the trash. He just lost the job of cutting the lawn...he doesn't mow...he cuts the grass!

Thank you for your prayers and support....I just have to remember it's ok to still live my life even though my grandpa is sick. (hope that didn't come off as selfish)

I dropped Mae off at school this morning and then went to the hospital. Looks like they aren't taking grandpa til about noon. So I came home to shower and get ready for work. Yea I fucked off and played on the computer.

I just really want to escape from reality for a little bit. Yea going out was good, but I want to just be able to sit around on the computer, lay in bed, and just not answer the phone. 2 weeks and I'll be able to do that, unless of course I have to work Saturday night lol. I don't want to have to think about a thing, just be brain dead all day.

Im leaving in just a minute to go pick Mae up and we are going to go back to the hospital and see grandpa before they take him in.

I hate reality lol. But I am forced to live there so Ill make the best of it. Ahhh hospital and work what a fun fun day!

Delayed Blogging lol

*waves hi to Dawn* Giggles* Kinda funny that usually I'm the one waiting on a blog lol. I do so love your blog. As the title says...delayed blogging lol.

As you know I am STRESSSSSSSED lol and Dawn, I don't know how you didn't go to that clocktower....the waiting is the bitch. AND we took your advice to keep ourselves ok lol.

Grandpa is doing ok, the angiogram is scheduled for sometime Monday. I worked Friday night and me and mom got the scheduled fixed for the days that would work for Grandpa coming home. Im waiting for my boss to ask why I told him I needed Monday off and now I'm working Monday lol.

I have spent every day since this started at the hospital for MANY hours. I was able to get a couple small, very small, breaks in this week. Well yesterday Mae had her first swimming lesson and after I took her to see Grandpa. Well she didn't last more than an hour and a half. She needed to be out of the hospital. She had a good time with my Great Aunt n Uncle, but she needed to be able to just play without being shoooshed. I took her to her dads and hit the hospital again.

EVERYONE but me thought I was going home for a few hours. I didn't know that was allowed! I thought I was supposed to come right back. Well I ended up going home and was supposed to be back at one time and totally missed it. I set my freakin alarm wrong. BUT I did get a pretty decent nap in.

We stayed with granpa until 7 and then My Wonderful Mother whipped out the credit card and we went out! OMG I needed it! We stopped at one bar to see my cousin and I had a vodka cranberry.

Like the last time I drank that tasted soooo good. Too good, enough for me to slowly drink my drink and only have one. When they taste that good, that can mean trouble. And I was responsible for not only me but also my mother. After that we went to another bar to get food and my mom a Blue Moon. She reaaaaaaaaaaaally loves her Blue Moon. We had food, and drinks, listened to the band. And two of my friends showed up to drink with us.

I had to run home and pick something up, so my mom walked across the river back to the hotel with my friends as escorts lol. Ohhhh it was funny and cute. My mom is almost 58, had on her shoes from Paris France, and was walking across the river on a Saturday night lol. I told her later lol must have been like when she was a kid. Downtown used to be the shit lol. I told my friends that they were not to let her fall down, fall in the river, and not walk to fast! She was walking better then them lol. Personally lol I think it was a collective effort lol.

I called my sister to tell her to call her mother and ask her what she was doing. I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE AND FUNNY!!! My sister was laughing right along with me. THEN MY MOTHER CALLED! I guess what was funny when she was on the phone with me wasn't funny when she was talking to my mother. My mom wanted to know why i called and i was like it was funny and blah blah.

I get another call on the way back lol from my best buddy. He's like your mom misses your dad, get here!!! LOL sometimes taking care of my mom can wear on you if your not used to doing it lol. (ok that sounds bad, but its not like its an all the time thing just enough that you know what to expect when the person parties) I told him Im pulling up right now!

Get in there and my mom is all happy because for once they have Blue Moon on tap. My friend is telling me how my mom stopped on the bridge and was arguing with my sister lol. Ohhh it was funny.

So we partied and went up to the room and pow wow'd. My friends left and our destressing(maybe tipsy drunk)selves went back to the bar to wait for my dad. He works 2nd shift and thats about an hour and a half away from town. He got there and the party continued for a little bit.

Mom thought her room had a couch in it and I was going to sleep there. No couch...I was sad, next thing I know mom is asking if i want a room. Hell yea! I ended up in the room across the hall from them.

It was a good night of destressing and was needed. Now I'm taking my break from the hospital and will go up there this afternoon with Mae for like 4 hours and then bring her home because she has school tomorrow.

Whewwwww we are almost to the procedure and maybe some answers.

I blogged to soon! But that's ok! My mom just called me with a bit of good news. I am now breathing just a little bit easier...thank god.

You have no idea how stressed I am. Ok so I know you do, but it's my pity party and I'm the only invitee this time around lol.

We didn't think the vascular surgeon was going to be getting to our case before midnight. His surgery either went really well, or it went really bad, because the nurse said he would probably be in it til 10.

Mom decided to call up to the hospital and see how grandpa was. Now I feel bad for leaving earlier then the other two nights. Because you know how it is, you leave the docs come.

He reviewed the ct and even though the anuerysm has grown...IT IS NOT BIG ENOUGH TO DO SURGERY ON!!!! Oh that is good news!

His cardio doc came in tonight and was telling us how by doing that surgery it could trigger a heart attack. Could be a little one, could be a big one. You just don't know. So before that surgery could be given the ok, he wanted the angiogram because that would tell them if there were other problems that would make that surgery a no go.

So now we know we aren't possibly having a surgery. Ooo that is sooo good to not have hanging over our heads! Now the anuerysm can still rupture. BUT..that's how it is with any anuerysm. People have them burst and they die and your left going but there wasn't anything wrong with her. So it's not like there is any added danger. That's how I spun it to my mom anyways. And that's how I look at it, because it's the closest truth I want to get next to.

Ohhh I like breathing!

Day 3 of the hospital stay is where we're at. I had to go back and reread what I had written because Dawn commented and well I was a bit confused lol. Now I'm all caught up and ready to catch everyone else up.

Sooooooooo basically the pneumonia hasn't actually totally been 100% seen. But they think that's what the chills and fever were.

Chest pains, Chest pains with headache those were the other complaints. So yea...Grandpa did have a heart attack. But it wasn't one of the ones that kill you. It's so tiny that any of us could have one at any time and go about our business.

Problem...aneursm(sp) that has grown. Problem it's not the nicer variety. It's the sakkulent(sp) variety that can burst/rupture at anytime and your dead. Greaaaaaaaaat!

There is a surgery for that! Woohoo...oh wait...grandpa has kidney failure. This means more testing. This means more mucomist(sp) to help the kidneys.

Oh yea did i mention its either angiogram or angioplasty...im freaking stupid at this point. That means grandpa is in the hospital til probably at least tuesday.

They want to make sure his heart is ok, and if it is, and the other doc thinks he needs surgery for the anuresym(sp) yea.

SO bascially im running on empty, im trying not to kill innocent bystanders from the clock tower, Im handling my mother, spending all my time with gramps(not complaining btw, not yet anyways), and then we take a break for an hour today and this:

My daughter who is such a pita, so mouthy, and just plain evil sometimes...who is also the sweetest nicest most wonderful brat a mom could have....bursts out crying. Sobbing and crying and wailing. Im like whats wrong why are you crying wtf!!!!

She turns to me and tells me I'm worried about grandpa! OMG that was it. Hugging her, holding her, rubbing her back and bawling myself. Trying to reassure this little almost 4 yr old girl that her gramps is going to be ok. This is after that terror of a girl spent all day in bed with her grandpa. Who after we went back and had supper with him and was again laying in bed with him told the nurse in her most no nonsense voice..Dont you hurt my grandpa!

Im so lost and drained and just blah! So instead of having pneumonia to get over. We now have heart issues that we have to deal with. Yesterday the Dr said that now was the time to go look where as before since hes so old they didnt want to unless they had to.

I love my gramps and I dont want to be strong anymore. I want to be 4 yrs old and have my mommy tell me its going to be ok, whether its truth or lie! I want my moment to breakdown. Thank god for my friends! They have listened to me ramble and just be all WAAAAAA out of my head.

I don't know...i know i should probably blog better about this because Ive been there for everything, but i just cant bring myself to type it all out. I just want to have a lil downtime thats not hospital related. But its not the worst of news and its not the best of news....Im still praying!

I was dreaming that I couldn't breathe. That really wasn't a very pleasant dream. It woke me up somewhere between 3 and 4 a.m. I got up, hit the bathroom, and then fell face down back into bed.

This time around the dreams were much more pleasant. AND I MEAN MUCH MORE PLEASANT lol. I was in such a deep sleep that I was woke up to my grandpa actually yelling my name. Yes, it scared the crap out of me!

He was like didn't you hear me? I was like no I was out out. That was either a little before 7 a.m. or just after. Remember I was just jolted out of a dead dream filled sleep.

He went back to his room telling me that he had woken up with the chills and chest pains, like probably somewhere between late 5 and early 6 a.m. I asked if he had called mom and I misunderstood him and I had to call her.

If he hadn't told me that he had the chills I would have freaked out thinking he was having a seizure. When I went into his room he was under the covers and shaking violently. It hurt to see him shaking like that.

We decided to take him to the ER. Poor Mae this morning. First grandpa tells her to get out of his room and go back to bed. She said I don't want to. I told her just go potty and go to the living room. Then I don't know how I managed, but she ended up in clean clothes that matched, and her shoes, WITH her hair brushed in probably about 6 minutes flat! Grandpa not feeling good is yelling at me that I have to start the car so it's warmed up. I wanted to snap back, but I didn't. Because seriously starting the car one minute before we get in it, isn't going to do a thing. BUT he was sick and not in his right mind.

Dropped Mae off at daycare and sped up to the ER. Grandpa got out of the car and when I got up to the door he was coughing into the garbage can like he had been sick. Thankfully it was just before 8 a.m. and we got in right away. Mom didn't see the chills like I did.

We stepped out of the room while they got him into a gown and I looked at her and told her that I hoped like hell they were going to admit him. That if he has to be this sick, that they let him be sick in the hospital. She told me the truth and god it sucks! That insurance may not let them admit him. THANKFULLY! I know how bad this sounds, really I do! But thankfully they did admit him.

They aren't for sure but they are thinking it's pneumonia and that we are catching it right at the begining. The chest pains though don't seem to be that serious. Or maybe it is, because I'm not a freaking doctor who can understand what was said. I understood most of it. I think the Doc did a good job explaining. BUT it gave my mom something else to obsess and freak over. Ok so yea I may be freaking a bit too. Because the doc said something about like stress from an infection in a person who has a blockage could lead to stress on the heart giving you a very small heart attack but it might not show up for hours afterwards in the blood work. Sooooooo basically they can't say if he did or didn't because all the bloodwork isn't in yet. Joy o Joy!

I was greatful that daycare took Mae this morning and after school. Silly woman told me she wasn't charging me for the couple hours. Sorry, I appreciate the offer, BUT you did a service for me. You did your job and you're getting paid. Duh lol.

Then the kid's dad took time off work to watch her so I didn't have to pay for daycare. Very nice, very unexpected. I did not ask for it. I had it covered ya know, why disrupt anymore peoples day. It was nice though and I appreciate it.

I know my mom will call the hospital a million times tonight, so I'm going to curb my urge to call and check on him. It's not like it will stop the worry.

He seems better though. His fever is down, oh yea that was 100.5 at home and spiked to 103 something at the hospital. But it's down now. He ate some dinner. But he was sleeping most of the day. That deep deep sleep. The sleep that made my mom say something to me that SUCKS ASS ON ALL LEVELS.

He was the worst in the ER, and mom just looked at me and said something to the effect of...When it's his time, I won't be able to be there. You're going to have to be there. OMG...are you kidding me!! I'm already terrified that he will go at home and I'll be the one who has to do all the calling. Ok truth...I have accepted the fact that most likely this type of scenario is what will most likely happen. It also SUCKS ASS ON ALL LEVELS. But to know that mom won't be strong enough is even worse. Because I don't know if I'll be strong enough. Now, THANKFULLY, that decision has been taken out of my hands. I know that's strange but it makes sense if you can get to my level of thinking lol. I told her ok, and then volunteered 2 of my best friends, without them knowing lol, to be with me. I called one of them back on the way home and told her.

She laughed and made a joke of it, BUT bottom line is...she would be there for me if I need her. I have such great friends. Another one called me tonight and was like what are you doing. Told him and he was like oo and said something funny about him being at the bar. Then told me that he loved me and would let me get back to grandpa. Maaaan...my friends are the best. My friend who went to Mayo in Rochester today and had all kinds of crap injected into her and was tested on, texted me back. I had texted her telling her i was sorry for bugging her but she was on my mind and my gramps. She texts back...something something and then all about my grandpa. Without my friends I would be very alone.

I left the hospital at 9 tonight and as if I didn't have a rough day already it got better. Yes, sarcasm. A Yellow Cab with a driver who looked as old as my gramps was ahead of me. STRADDLING BOTH LANES!! This one car zoomed on up thinking he was going around....BREAK LIGHTS....he figured out real quick why I was hanging back. I was not happy and I called the cab company. Sadly, they did not seem very concerned, until I said WTF do I have to call the cops? Duh your driver is out there endangering the lives of others!!! The last thing my grandpa said to me besides I love you was to get the baby home safe. So that dudes driving was unacceptable.

Now I am sitting here just trying to unwind and process what the hell is going on. I was gone from the hospital for about 2 hours today. I was able to grab a shower, and when before I dropped Mae off, I picked up my check and food for mom and me. I am hoping that tomorrow is a much better day.

Hope everyone had an uneventful day...Dawn, this pos pc is working its way to the postal plus for weighing and measuring lol. Brenda...you are a much stronger woman than me.

Spring break is over....HAPPY DANCE HAPPY DANCE!! I love that girl of mine, but maaaaaaaaaan she is a handful lol. I've gotten real used to 3 hours of morning me time and weekends either working or laying in bed.

Though my weekends are now going to be slightly different for HOPEFULLY(keep all your fingers and toes crossed) for the next 16 weeks.

As you know my mom lives on a lake, we take trips to hotels for the pool, we go to the waterpark. Bascially we're around a lot of water in the summer. Mae is not one of those children that will do what you tell them to the second you tell them to do it. She can do something over and over knowing she isn't supposed to and then do it 5 seconds after you have let her out of time out. She is a very sweet kid, just very very strong willed. Because of that she has missed a lot of the fun things my family does. BUT she is getting older and hopefully things will start falling into place like they should. Again cross your fingers lol.

One thing my mom made sure my sister and I had when we were kids was swimming lessons. My grandpa took us summers until we were done with the classes and could go to the pool without drowning ourselves. Well as a responsible parent, and one who is scared to freaking death about EVERYTHING, I looked into swimming lessons for Mae.

The ones at the local pool don't start until May and the YWCA's start THIS WEEK!! Guess what we hustled and got done today lol. Grandpa is giving Mae the swimming lessons as her birthday present. Starting Saturday we have 8-weeks of lessons.

IF...IF IF IF IF IF she can pass the Level 1 class, then she can advance to the Level 2 class. Do I think that this will make her a real good, real strong swimmer? Not at all. I think that this will give her enough skills that she won't panic (and hopefully me) if she ventures out past where she can touch. No matter how close an eye you keep on your children, there is always that one instant where something can happen. And having a child who doesn't listen, it can happen often.

I am soooo glad I looked up the swim info today. If she can at least get some skills she might actually get to come to the 4th of July party. God help us all!

We made it back from our vacation with all our limbs intact!! But the fits trying to get back on track at home kinda suck lol. But she's sleeping now so yay!

Some how the kid's dad got the complete wrong idea about our trip and our visitors. I explained it truthfully but you know how people are. They hear what they want. He was under the, mistaken, impression that my friend that I was meeting was staying with us in the hotel for two days. Yea, I know...I don't know how he got that impression because when I told him what we were doing I explained it the way I did here. I'm not going to even waste my time on that one, except for telling him no you got it wrong.

The biggest problem was driving home, I got lost. Went way the hell around because I got turned around. We made it home ok lol. Just a bit later then I wanted to get home. We left real early today because I didn't want to deal with the fit when Mae realized the pool was open and we were going home lol.

Sunday we left moms about noon and with a speed limit of 70, plus, we were there before we knew it. Got to my dad's house and spent some time visiting with him and his girlfriend and the bevy of cats they have. Mae took to her grandpa real quick. She loves easy. Poor girl that's going to hurt her later in life.

Because I forgot to tell them about the change in plans they thought we were staying with them. I felt bad but sometimes I have dad issues. He's an alcoholic and I havn't seen him drunk in a long time, but I didn't want to find out how he is now. He was very good with Mae though and wasn't drunk, just drinking...which is no big deal I just have issues is all.

I also have a lot of guilt about visiting him. Because of my dad and mom. Mom still says shit about my dad, but says she doesn't hate him, has no feeling. I called bullshit because of all the years of stuff said and even now. I don't blame her, she had it rough with him. I get it. BUT even if she calls him my exdad, he is still my dad. And for whatever reason I feel a bond and love and that's my cross to bear.

I don't want to be like my sister and not have spent time with him before he dies and then feel shitty. But then I've always wanted a connection with him, even though my dad is the greatest.

So now Mae has met her grandpa and I don't know how to deal with that one. It's strange because while it's not a competition It feels like one when talking to my mom. I told her I love my dad and I love my other dad. But it's hard on me, and I'm an adult. I don't know, I guess I just do what I feel is right and try not to hurt my dad or mom's feelings.

Sunday night my friend brought his daughter and we swam FOREVER. Then the girls had snacks and watched movies. It was a fun night. Mae and the little girl were fast friends. There were hugs and i love yous. And at the end there were tears! OH WERE THERE TEARS! The little girl wanted a sleep over and to stay. Basically it came down to no lol. But he said something about and when your mom asks what you did lol yea if I was her mom I'd have thrown a fit lol. It's one thing to go swimming and have pizza. It's a whole other thing to spend the night lol. Playdates have an ending lol.

Monday my dad and his girlfriend came swimming with us. She's much older, like 15 years younger than my grandpa who is almost 90. And I deal with my grandpa's moods all the time and I may have snapped at her, but it wasn't bad. She wasn't liking the pool warmth or the hot tub hotness. I popped off with I'm sorry your not having a good time. Kinda snotty like. Im sorry don't ruin the good time lol. My dad has heart problems and is on medication and gets tired easy. Well some how he got it in his head that it was ok for him to climb the stairs of the big waterslide.....WHILE CARRYING THE ALMOST 60 LB CHILD!! I told him he needs to do like we do...make the girl walk!

Mae loved her grandpa and he took her down the waterslide like 5 times. And ever the competition he made a comment about my dad. I'm telling you sometimes it just sucks! lol thank god I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions even if they leave me feeling guilty.

Otherwise...we had a great time! We went for supper at my dad's house on monday night and I liked being there, I just know that it wouldn't be like that if I saw him everyday. On the plus side lol if I ever want to move to DesMoines lol I have a room lol.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

How do you know your truly friends with someone? When they call you and ask how your doing and you say maaaaaaan, i got a pain and its gas and they go....DUDE you too? And then for the next half hour you proceed to just talk poop lol.

Did i mention that yesterday was one of the best days ever? I probably didn't because I was too busy blogging about stupidity. That's ok though because you know it's been awhile since anyone started shit with me. Thank you lord jesus for me finally doing the deed...whats it been 2 years now or is it 3? Eh doesnt matter same result...peace!

So what made my day the best? Well first let's start off with I finally FINALLY got better! Spent 20 bucks to find out that I was better lol. BUT I was better. AND AND AND I can afford to go to the doc! Thank god for sliding fees! Still I get to go to the docs!

Then there has been an issue for awhile that has RESOLVED!! Remember the whole bed incident with my mom? Yea well know Mae is getting the bed for her birthday. We have been round and round and round about this stupid damned bed!

When I got my tax money I started looking right away for a bed. Well after searching the web, I hit the always reliable WalMart.com. I found the bed I wanted. It screamed Mae. If your a facebooker you've seen the link. It is pink and pretty and girly. We belive in the power of pink lol.

This bed was just under $200 and site to store is free shipping. The bad thing.....OUT OF STOCK ONLINE. Only available online. Oooo so sad. So that ended that. Time to start looking for beds. You should see the beds my mom wanted to get her. I just didn't feel any of them. None of them screamed Mae. Even with her rolling around in them.

Periodically I would look to see if it was in stock. I obsessed over it. I talked to people about it. I bugged walmart employees. I bugged my friends mom also an employee. I did everything but hunt down the fucker who bought the last one lol. Pretty much giving up hope that we would ever posess this bed.

Last night while I was feeling better I decided that it was time to look at the site. OMG! I about fell out my chair. I about ripped everything off my desk to get to my phone. Called my mom and she all but ran to the computer to look again. I told her that I don't think I liked the other beds because it wasn't the bed I wanted to get.

After fighting with the site for awhile we finally got that bed ordered! So hell yea Mae is getting her girly princess bed and it was cheap.

Now to just get all the junk out of her room and that new bed in stock!

How much rope does a bitch need to hang herself? How big a push before a bitch jumps off the deep end? Not a whole hell of a lot it turns out lol.

Drama Drama Drama..I havn't had a good dose of drama in awhile. Not that I've been looking, but you know how it is. Anywaaaaaaaaaays me and the pen that Mikki is so fond of went to work yesterday morning.

Now let's remember the big rule of the internet! If it doesn't say your name then it's not about you, Even if it is about you lol. Your job as follower is to just bite the bullet and stfu. Right? Ok so something like that. BUT let's also be honest. Just because Person A B and C know something doesn't mean that Person D E F & G will have any idea what your talking about.

Which was very apparent yesterday. I put a status up that I was saddened to learn that my child had met a person who was a registered sex offender. I got 2 comments from 2 people saying it was sad and they were sorry. Did those two people know who I was talking about? In return comments did I say her name, did I give any identifying details. Nope, I kept everything generalized because I wasn't calling anyone out.

I had been threatened with being called out...so I upped the ante and proved that No you really don't want to fuck with me.

Ohhh it was such a fun lil game. It kept me occupied while Mae was at school. The best part was the so called Master was all up in my box begging me to stop begging me to this, telling me he didn't know what the problem was blah blah blah! I told him look 1. I didn't say her name, don't assume. 2. Keep her on her leash. 3. You befriended me not the other way around and you know how to fix that. There were a lot of other things too.

Bottom line...the dude apologized to me, AND THEN!!!!! Wanted to know who I was on an adult site!!!! Um didn't your whatever's jealous snit just prove to you that maybe you arent allowed to talk to anyone else lol. Oooooooook Whatever! And then telling me she told me your name but I forgot, I won't tell her you gave it to me. ROFLMAO and this is the man she thinks I want lol.

Anyways back to the chick. I never once outed her. Nope not me no never! I just said that i was sad. Just because she was right in her assumption doesn't mean that I was doing anything more than letting her know go ahead and try to destroy my little world(life), cant remember which word, those were her words. Oh yea bitch, it's on like donkey kong.

Except...it really wasn't because literrally she is a stupid bitch. She went and blogged about it. Told everyone and then had the nerve to be pissed at me. Look bitch I didn't out you for what you are! I didn't tell anyone who the person was. Would I have? I don't know, I only told 1 other person, besides yall here, and that was because we laugh at her.

You don't get to be pissed when you out yourself. And I spent a minute with the kid's dad yesterday so they could see each other, mmmm steak was yummy my body needed that , because she isn't going over there this weekend. He agrees, I'd be crazy trying to get ready and it's just easier for her to stay with me. I grilled him about what actually went on with this girl.

Not that it was any of my business but since she has made a habit of trying to do whatever she's tryin to do with me, I wanted to know! And it's soooo funny that I read her blog and then got the story she told him. Wow! You know it's funny....but when someone rapes another person and that person tells the police they have been raped by not 1 man but 2 or 3. Um yea they usually take you to the hospital and your not charged with whatever the code was she was charged with. Because it is not unheard of for underage males to rape older females. Rape knows no color, age, sex...it's just rape and rape is about violence. Oh and alcohol, being drunk. Yea that doesn't stop them from doing a rape kit and taking a statement.

How do I know that lil tidbit? Because when I was like 16 I was raped. I had 3 sips off a beer, and the next thing I knew, yea it wasn't happy. BUT the police and the hospital didn't not take my statement and do the kit because of that.

I was just astounded at the tale that was trying to be weaved. The problem with lying is you have to remember all the lies you have told. And while some of the details were the same...wow so many weren't

I guess the bottom line is don't start shit with someone unless your willing to have your shit called out. And then try to get sympathy for yourself. Ooo she's trying to ruin my reputation. I don't know you, I have never mentioned your name in anything...so yea spin that shit again. She was just a bitch who tried to fuck with the wrong person....over a stupid website that everyone comments on!!!! Oh and the best part....Her man has a penis that is either as small as my exhusbands, possibly a bit smaller!

And this is why I'm not dating men off the internet lol

You know how I worry about RyderMae going over to her dad's because I don't have any control of who she is around over there? Well it was founded!

As you recall on another site I got an email from a bitch being a bitch. Now on another site she's threatening to call me out on that site and the other site. Oooo I'm so very scared of her doing that. Oooo you have to be big and bad to call someone out online. It only makes yourself look ignorant, especially when the other person(that would be me) has never posted anything about you. Unless you count here, but unless I'm mistaken, she doesn't know I blog. Which is probably a good thing, because I may feel compelled to make up a whole lot of bullshit blogs to drive her crazy self even further over the deep end.

Anyways back to the founded part. Now I'm going to assume the reason the kid's dad didn't tell me the lastest news about this bitch because he knew I'd go ballistic and have to rethink his visitation with RyderMae. Yea, I'm the big bad bitch who will stop visitation if there's something fishy going on.

I am going to choose to believe what the kid's dad is saying. If I don't then poor Mae will suffer. I am also going to choose to believe that the kid's dad learned his lesson about people around Mae. Which again is why Mae isn't around anyone I havn't known for more than a minute. This weekend is the exception. However, the difference is 1. it's a public place 2. noone but Mae and I are staying in our room 3. I've checked the registry already about the person who is coming to the pool with us.

So this bitch continues to get bent over the fact that her Master is on my friend's list. Um I was there before you so obviously he wanted to be there lol. I'm sure she'd be equally bent to know that 12 hours ago, after her insanity flared up, he was buying my pictures lol. Obviously I'm an issue for her, not for him. But hey if he wants to be a Master maybe he should act like one and put her on her leash. From what I gather, yes that's sarcasm, Dominants do not like being topped from the bottom. But then again, what can I say about wannabe's that hasn't already been said. Which brings me back to the point of I DON'T WANT YOUR MAN! I don't do posers well. It's like stupid, I don't suffer that well either.

Anyways...So I messaged the kid's dad yesterday to tell him that his "ex" is starting bullshit and I have no idea why. Ok so I know why, she's insane and insecure and is probably not taking the proper dosage of meds. I am in for the shock of my life!

See the kid's dad, like a few others I know, like to give me ammunition to use against other people. I just have a way with words sometimes and I can say fuck you real pretty without saying fuck you. Kinda like I went to charm school lol. Well I'm busy doing something, I think I was rolling the kid's head up in those pink sponge curlers. BTW...almost 4 yrs old and pissed off that 2 pieces of hair aren't curled and throwin a fit...joy o joy.

I get the phone and there's a voicemail. It's the kid's dad. He was telling me he left something nice for me on my messanger. After a while I come back to my computer and what is there waiting....Iowa's Sex Offender Registry link. And whose picture do you think I'm looking at?

You guessed it, the stupid bitch's picture. Seems that she's not supposed to be around kid's because at 23 she had sex with someone who was underage and obviously their parent's cared enough to press charges. Now this could have been a male anywhere from 14-17. BUT it does not matter! She is on the sex offender registry, she has to update her address, she has to update her picture. And unless I read the code wrong, it says she isn't supposed to be around kids. And yet she has the nerve to try to talk to me about my kid? About my relationship with my ex?

I've said it once I'll say it again...If my Ex won't claim you as an ex then your problems are pretty big. I have never heard him deny ANYTHING like he denied her. That's why I am believing him when he says....i looked at her and it was jeri reincarnated. Which it's begining to seem like.

So now that she has decided to play games with me, yea I think I'm going to be the bigger bitch and just wait til she decides to say the wrong thing, and then I'm posting everywhere the link for this bitch.

You fucked up your life so you have to try to fuck with mine? I know I'm not always innocent. In this case...I have no idea what her fixation is with me, but it really needs to stop. If you want to know what I'm up to read all my stuff, but stfu. That's the beauty of openess on the internet. You can read who and what you want for whatever reasons. But the minute you cross the line and start putting your 2 cents in where its neither wanted, needed, or useful...then your fucked in my opinion.

So here's to always checking the sex offender registry before you think about jumping into things.

I'm kinda breaking the rules of Mae. Kinda but not really lol. In the last, probably, 3 months I've been chatting with this guy. I don't often add people to my yahoo messanger, because well they are all stupid!

So I don't add to my lists much. So I've been talking to this guy for a bit, and no I'm not trying to get with him lol. He has a daughter who is like a month younger than Mae. How cool is that? Pretty cool by the end of this blog lol.

The rule I'm breaking is that Mae doesn't meet ANYONE! Let's go back to the John situation lol remember he didn't get to meet her til after a minute lol. I do not believe that Ryder has to see all that mommy does. That's why when I go out, it's when she's at her dads. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves my all and she gets a lot of it lol.

So I decided awhile ago that we(RyderMae n I) were going to go to a hotel waterpark because she missed the party. Ok so she isn't invited to go to the party because she's a wild child lol.

My original plan was to take her to Wasserbahn(look it up and check out the family suites) and get the cool room with the bunkbeds. Somehow though the rooms I wanted ended up being close to 500 bucks! Um hell no! I can't justify that! No way!

So I was all upset about not being able to do what we wanted and then my mom steps in and tells me about the hotel waterpark my cousin and her family went to. They have little girls like Mae and they had an awesome time! The only difference....Wasserbahn is like an hour away and the Ramada Tropics in DesMoines is two hours away! Aughhhhhhh!

Well I had also told my biodad that during Mae's spring break we might come down and visit. Sooooooooo now instead of the original hour away we are going two hours away. And that's where I kinda not really break the rules of Mae.

My friend and his daughter also live in DesMoines. So I thought what the hell we have four passes for the park, why not invite them to come along too. Not only would I meet my friend, but our daughters would have someone to play with. Ok so Mae would have a playmate since she is the one doing the pool lol.

So our plans got changed but we get to meet new friends and go see my biodad. Who is having some health problems. I don't know how bad but knowing my dad it could be a ploy for attention, or he really is sick and wants me to know.

I don't know. I just know that by Sunday I should be back to 100% and we are going to have a good time!

Do you think I'm breaking the rules, or is it just kinda since our plans originally never had anything to do with the guy n his girly, or is it just plain breaking the rules....

Stupidity! I hate it! I also hate when women are stupid....OVER THE INTERNET! Im on a lot of different sites that you leave stickers and stuff for other people. Ive also befriended people on those sites who I will never speak to, meet, fuck, or anything.



I just add or deny depending on my mood.



Well if you remember a while ago, some bitch that that she should contact me for whatever reason about my kiddo and my ex.



Well guess what...he told me she was psycho and omg is she psycho! She thinks I want her new man. Um this is the same chick who has had several men and an engagment all in the last 3 months, i think im being generous. How do i know? because she is one who puts the stuff up where anyone can see it. On the front page. So i dont have to go and look.



Now she is saying that i tried to stop people from talking to her. Um hello, i dont even fucking know you. How the fuck could i try to get someone to stop talking to you? Oh yea and as far as my ex being her ex...um he denied the shit out of her. So you know there is crazy.



Fucking someone doesnt mean you had a relationship!



Also Im supposedly trying to take her Master....Um hello...if the stupid bitch had any clue about who I am, she would know that Im not looking for what shes looking for. I don't have time for a Master. I want one, yes, but I don't have the time to devote to One. I have Mae, she is far more important than me hooking up with random people because they call themselves a dom and a master.



Yea, you know im on the mend when the stupid just keeps rolling!

Brand me a liar! It's not the 24 hour thing I had last week. Now I have developed a low grade temp, along with the chills.

Chills that shake you so hard that it hurts. Then just when I finally am able to find the rhythem of the chills...here comes the hot flash!

I've been able to be up for about 15 minutes at a time, while I'm all hot, and then it's out of it again for an hour plus at a time.

I'm telling you this is really fun. My mom is all over me and I even drove my dellusional ass to the store.

I have been out of it! I havnt been able to form many coherent thoughts. Right now is a good period lol, then ill go back to no lucidity.

It's absolutley crazy. I am having a hard time with Mae because I can't stay awake and on top of her. But so far so good.

Well here comes one of those wonderful hot flashes, which brings along the addled brain and then the bone shattering chills.

Here's hoping I'm way better before our trip on Sunday!

I am not real happy at this precise moment. I woke up this morning puking and shitting like my whole body wanted to turn inside out. To make it even more fun the puking started while the bathroom was occupied.

Nothing like puking in the sink and there isn't much you can do but try to keep your hair out of the ick and water.

All it is is the 24 hour thing I had a couple weeks ago. BUT it's not fun. You feel queasy pretty much all day, your insides feel like at anytime they could come out and you just want to sleep!

I tried to get someone to work for me tonight. There were 2 girls who said WE WANT HOURS...even gave the days and stuff. Do you think they worked for me? Hell no! One had an apptment when I was to start working, the other...not one peep out of her on 3 different numbers. Now luckily for me, the boss's girlfriend is covering my shift.

BUT why should she have to give her night up? I was all prepared to go into work tonight. Yes, I know sick and food just aren't a good thing. BUT i was fucking scheduled to work and I was going to go, even if it killed me. Why? because i was scheduled and its my responsibility to get there.

I slept all day, hell I even asked daycare to take her after school just so I could keep sleeping so I could go to work tonight. Yes! As fucked up as I can be, I do have a work ethic! So I spent the day in bed sleeping.

But you know how that is, the phone rings and texts and your just left going ahhhhhh. BUT today the only call I answered was from my mom. I was so sick that I didn't even call or text my friend to tell her I was sick. Just kept rejecting the call.

When I found out that I wasn't going to work, I went to pick up Mae and stop at the grocery store for dinner for gramps n mae. I didnt have anything because I was sick and planned on being at work lol. So at the store I call my friend and find out she's all worried about me. I told her you know i didnt even think to text you i was sick, because i was sick and just wanted to close my eyes lol. So also with me not answering the phone, there was the facebook message and then the silence by me lol.

On my facebook I put that I was hoping for good news. Yesterday I got a text from my bio dad, which i freaked at first because i didnt realize it was bio dad, i thought it was my dad. Then freaked again because its my dad. Yea crazy but it makes sense to me lol. He had an angiogram today and Im waiting to hear about that.

So my friend was a bit freaked. I didn't mean to do it, my head just wasnt cooperating lol. My body won the fight and slept lol.

But now I think Mae is going to Mcdonalds with the daycare lady and her two kids. Sooo nice! I have a feeling Ill be asked to watch the girls sometime. But thats ok! She did me a good turn. LOL if anyone wanted to assume i was faking monday sick lol ask my daycare lady.

She said not to be mean but you look sick lol. She said i always have color in my face and today nut huh lol.

Yay for being sick, yay for boss's girlfriends and fuck the bitches who want hours but dont!

Seriously I was ready to beat down the bitch who decided she needed to confront me in Wal Mart today!

Here's the thing, I was introduced to her one time. Alooooooooooong time ago. So long ago she doesn't remember. That and I'm not involved in her world. Her friend however is an acquaintence of mine. This person was once considered a friend but was downgraded in status because, well to be honest, she is fucking insane! No, medication wouldn't help this kind of crazy!

Anyways...one of my friends is banned from WalMart. Like so banned that if he goes there he gets a free ride downtown. They have his picture and shit. How do we know this? Because after he was banned he thought it was a good idea to go to WalMart.

I'm checking out and I look down the aisle and there is my friends son. So I yelled out to him, BIG smile on my face, and said Hey your not supposed to be in walmart. AND I LAUGHED. He yelled back no that was his dad and was smiling.

This bitch with them decides that EVEN THOUGH THE BOY HAS ALREADY ANSWERED that she needs to show how big and bad her short skinny ugly nasty pink dyed nasty self should come on down and get in my face. IN FRONT OF MAE AND GRANDPA!

Ok so by being willing to beat her down in front of god and everyone that makes what she did worse, but still! She's in my face talking about i dont know her and i cant tell her this....whatever the fuck she was saying. At that point I was just trying to get my shit together because Mae wanted her hair cut and was buggin me. I looked at her and told her no you don't know me and you need to step off because whatever else I said. She said some more shit and was talking big as she walked away and I of course dont shut up easily.

Maaaan let me tell you what, ghetto fuckin trash like that is why I pray to god that my kid's are smart enough to stay in school.

This is why I think and know I am better than some people. Why i think and know I am a better parent then some people.

Seriously...you think its appropriate to have to prove your big and bad or whatever that you cause a scene where there was nothing to make a scene over? And to someone you don't know. Hell I could be an escaped mental patient just waiting to do some damage. I could be some sociopath who doesn't have a problem wacking you. I could be some serial killer who would follow you and you get where I'm going.

And to do it all in front of my family. WTF...I was joking with someone I knew. Who knew I was joking with him. And now there's fucking drama!

I tell you what if I have to beat down 2 skinny bitches I'm going to be pissed because that would mean I would have to go to jail. And I make it a point never to go to jail! Holding cells don't count lol

Just a bit pissy

I got my computer back on Tuesday, twice! I told my cousin I've seen you three times now and I should only see you twice a year. Once for my computer and once at my moms house for the family reunion.

So far this year Ive seen him 4 times! Did I mention I take my computer to the company he works for? LOL, No...well then maybe I should so you don't think me a bitch lol.

Thankfully he is nice and gives me a discount on my virus removal. Because this year alone I've now had 2 of the same fucking virus. You know that wonderful antivirus virus, THAT NOTHING IS STOPPING, yea that's the one I've had twice now.

He told me though that even his customers that don't visit high traffic sites like I do are getting this virus.

I am pissed off at the makers of this virus. Go get a real fucking job if you need money. Don't try making it off unsuspecting people. Luckily for me, I'd never give my cc out for somethign like that. My cousin told me that not only are they making money on the removal, but he has had clients who paid for the bogus shit.

I'm pissed off that these sites don't take a minute more than they do to make sure their sites aren't compromised.

I love playing around on Yearbook, but now I know that I can't go much past the homepage. I've also implemented a new rule. If i see a yellow bar at the top of my page and I didn't click on something then I'm closing my browser right away, no extra clicks, just hit the red X and open a new page. I'm hoping this works!

Tax money won't be around forever and I'd like to stay online lol. I use it for entertainment but for also looking things up for my mom, staying in touch with family, and cmon I'm a bit addicted lol.

But in all honesty I'm pissed because these virus makers have nothing better to do then steal hard earned money from people. Get a fucking job! Get a fucking life! And most definitly stay out of my fucking computer!!

Breastfeeding while on the clock

I am a huge fan of breastfeeding babies. I don't care if you do it for a day or for a year, but I believe strongly that every baby should be breastfed for sometime. I don't come down on parents who decide that's not for them. I just believe in the power of the breastmilk.

Why am I such a believer? Because in this day and age of sanitize at every turn I don't think a kid's immune system is all that. Do I have any medical knowledge of what I'm talking about or about to say...Hell no, just experience.

My two children were breast fed. One for about 3 months and the other 8 months +. My oldest I just wasn't mommy enough to give her more than that, I was after all all of 19. RyderMae however got the boob til she was done which was about 8 or 9 months. Both of my children are hardly EVER sick with anything other than the common cold and ear infections. When Ryder gets the nasty puke stuff, which in almost 4 yrs has been a handful of times. I credit the breast milk because hello we are over sanitizing the world. My comparison comes in the form of my sisters sickly children. They weren't nursed, and though she thinks she's breastfeeding them, they have gotten way more formula because she does the pump n dump so she can still drink.

Her kids are always sick with something besides the common cold. So thats where I'm drawing some of my opinion. I have read lots of articles that tell all the things the breastmilk helps promote and what they think it helps promote.

I also have NO PROBLEM with a mom whippin a tit out to feed her kid. I don't care if its covered or not. Most women cover because well in our society it's what's at least expected.

So how do you feel about going into buy a sandwhich at your favorite local sub shop and walking around is a worker nursing her baby. Not just nursing the baby in a quiet out of the way spot, BUT walking around for all to see knowing what she's doing while the only other employee tries to work down a line by herself?

I would be pissed off. Especially knowing that this is a mother who suppliments with formula. There is no reason for her to have her child at work to be fed. The girl who was working was pissed off. She helped a big line of customers and made 4 bucks in tips. Which the breastfeeding mom wanted half of.

Hello...you weren't working. You were nursing your baby, on the clock, doing nothing that resembled work.

Yea i know its a stupid bitch, but its a gripe none the less. The other girl didn't want to speak up, i made a phone call. HOpefully its been addressed. If not, god help the girl if she ever tries to do that to me!

Anyways it was a short rant. Bottom line...dont be nursing your baby while on the clock at work and expect me to be ok with doing all the work. Its work not a daycare!