Ok so my post wasn't nice. But I think I just need to get over everything and really realize that I am forever going to be the one who has to be the strong one. I think that maybe that's part of why my sister is pissing me off so bad right now.

I don't get to say oh I can't deal or I'm sick or I have the kids, or just whatever and not have to deal with the situation.

I've already been told by my mom and her that when the time really does come...It's up to me to be there.

Seriously?

I guess that also since this is expected of me, being the strong one, it pisses me off that they still find things to get on me about. The one that I really truly like is about finding a job in my field. Still waiting for the bullshit from my marriage to leave my record. They want me to have a job job. Yes I want one too...but do any of them ever stop to think what that means if I do?

That means I won't be here with grandpa. When anyone calls and he doesn't answer...I won't be a call away to find out where he is. I do a lot to keep my mom sane where grandpa is concerned.

I want to have a pity party in reality, not just here in my blog. I want someone in my family to hear how this is for me. I want to have the luxury of breaking down. I don't have it now and I'm not going to have it.

God, I'm sorry I'm so whiny, I'm just tired of being the strong one. I'm just tired!