So as you know that the minute after I post a vlog/blog my world gets tilted upside down again! Not even an hour after I posted my vlog did my world just come crashing down on me. It hurt so bad that I got in my friends car and told my mom to pick me up after Dad left for work.

I had my friends car because I went to the DR with her and her daughter was sick so it was easier to just let me take the car and come back for her later.

Anyways...so my sister has decided that Katie will not be coming to live with us. Katie doesn't even know about it yet, but my sister told everyone in Joliet. So I'm hurt and disappointed and upset and just stupid.

Went to my therapist today and my mom hates her. Because my mom thinks that since I obviously need a break i should suck it up and provide for Mae at her dads. My therapist and the rest of my friends agree I'm doing it the right way. My mom also hates my therapist because she told me to write down how much I spend in money and foodstamps at the house because my mom doesnt think im pulling my weight and I have a sweet deal living here. Um hello I give you 324 a month in cash, i put food in the house with my food stamps(plus get whatever she asks me for), since I use the toilet so much Im in charge of buying the toilet paper, oh yea did I also mention Im the maid too. So I figure I'm putting at least 500 a month in for expenses...ooo wait did I also mention that every 3 months I have to pay the whole water bill. My mom wants to know what planet this lady is living on because there is something wrong with her.

NO there isnt. I think there is a problem with my mom. Hell she said thats not what i meant when I said. WEll honey saying something and meaning something are two totally different things.

Grandpas still dead and im still a basket case. Katie isnt coming to live her. I cant tell Katie she can come because I am not financially stable enough for her to come her.

So basically were down to I'm a shit person who doesnt have a job but has kids who I am mistreating along with my mother and father.

One day I swear just one day it won't be all my fault. I wont feel like a big whine baby and maybe things will look up.

Sadly Im ready to plant all kinds of seeds into Katies head just to get her here. Make all kinds of false promises so she wants to come up here. Yup Im a selfish bitch!

Oh did I mention that Ive been sick for almost two weeks and I tried to get Mae to go to her dads house? Yup i broke down like a bitch and tried to get her over there. Guess what? No answer from him. But everyone is telling me I'm doing the right thing but when I cant even take care of her properly because Im sick and because I have all this soul crushing grief going on...pick up the fucking slack buster and help the mother of your child out. Oooo wait I forgot Im the big bad bitch and thats why she doesnt go there anymore.

Anyways...its not horrible its not all bad it just feels like it and Im starting to look forward to the day my mom says ok we have the money lets go get you a trailer and then I can be on my own with my own.

Oh yea and I have a date coming up in two weeks. Yup Im trying to date but the whole no sex thing is pretty off putting to most men lol.

Ok so my fingers are going to hurt from this but I had to do something because at this moment im not a real happy camper but im faking it like a champ!