Mae no longer has a bed. She is sleeping on the floor. My sister says I took advantage of the christmas programs. Funny I didnt realize that i had a lot of money. My sister also told me that she tells my daughter im a fuck up. Im so fucking done!

All because im sick and didnt want to go the fuck outside until i had to tomorrow. Tomorrow is my day off, i needed to get my paycheck and i needed to finish christmas shopping, which was 2 fucking things. a lipstick for my mom and a calander for katie.

I bought a present with my bonuse. i bought my niece and nephew one present each and i bought ryder 2 presents each. its what i had the money for after bills. I went in on a dvd with my mom and didnt get the money for that because part of that money was supposed to buy my dad a present.

I did not have money! And now Im supposed to call my daughter and tell her im a fuck up that im this im that.

FUCK THIS BULLSHIT!! I am not as bad as they think i am. I dont do anything. I leave them all the fuck alone. I have had to deal with the katie issue for 7 almsot 8 years now. And now i can see i had reason to worry. My sisters text said it all they tell katie im a fuck up. Im not a fuck up.

Im doing the fucking best i can. They think i sit here all day and never put job aps in. I have been putting job aps in for months. the first interview i get i get denied. Because of some bullshit my ex husband did i cant get a job in my field.

If im so goddamn horrible and such a fuck up why do i even bother trying. I keep trying and trying and trying, but its never good enough.

my mom had to nerve to say to me that you do nice things so people will do them for you. Um no you dont you do nice things because its the thing to do not so you can get something out of it!

i cant type im bawling to bad!