My mom and I are fighting. I am no longer going for Christmas. I have also been uninvited from the February party. This is the text I got, that started the last blog, from my sister who wasnt even involved in the fight, till this:

Can you do me a favor and either text or call Katie and provide her with this info. It gets really old having to tell her how much of a fuck up you are. Not that she cant tell that on her own already. Way to take advantage of Viking Plumbing. Get over yourself and grow up. By the way is this going to be like Thanksgiving. I bet it is. You should try to prove me wrong. Please lose my number and katie's Just like kelvin she is better off without you. Gpa is getting older better do something fast. See ya in the papers. Peace.

Ok so I guess I didn't realize my child was better off without me. Though it does prove 2 things. 1. She(my sister) does want me out of the picture, like i already thought. 2. She has been bad mouthing me to my child. I may blog a lot of shit about Mae's dad, but I DO NOT do it in front of her!

I dont know wtf she is talking about with Thanksgiving. I yelled at katie because after 4 times of not answering or mumbling an unintelligble answer. I took Katie, my nephew and my mom out for lunch. We saw a movie. WTF did i do at Thanksgiving? Oh wait, I helped out, I didn't run off and leave my mother to watch the kids....What did i do?

Im so upset its unreal. It really makes me think that Katie doesn't know that i have been trying to see her, that ive been trying to visit her, that i have been trying!! And to say she is better off without me...maybe i should tell her that im glad she lost that baby she did. Maybe i should have just punched her in the face and told her she was just the bitch raising my daughter.

I didn't see my daughter alone for 3 1/2 YEARS! I couldnt even go to the goddamn store alone with her. I havent done or said anything in so long its unreal. But I am held accountable for every last single solitary thing.

Now they want me out of Grandpas house. Well what they dont understand is that i have been looking for a better job. I just havnt been hired or gotten interviews. I told Grandpa i would do my best to be out of here by the end of March. He wanted to know who said i had to leave. I told him the truth mom and my sister. So Im going to have to kick it up into high gear and find something even if i have to work 3 or 4 part time jobs to make ends meet. Mae will suffer but i wont be whatever the hell it is they think i am.

I do so much for my grandpa. I am with him all the damn time. My sister sees him maybe 6 times a year. MAYBE!! She never calls him unless its to ask for something(money). Mom threw a fucking fit when I told her how hard it was for me to take Grandpa and Mae to his appointments. So she takes him to those. EVERYTHING else! I do! I cook, clean, pay attention to him, order his medicines, pick the meds up, do my best to keep gramps off the road. And im the fucked up one.

This hurts so fucking bad because I DIDNT DO ANYTHING!!! I believe in consequences for my actions, but i and my friends just cant figure out what I did to deserve that text. And to have my daughter taken away. She left me another text after i sent the text saying i would just forward her text to Katie. I got back : Please stop texting and calling me or my family. This is the second time ive asked you there will not be a third I hope I have made myself clear. This is it.

What the hell did i do?? Why cant i figure out what i did? Hell my mom went so far as to say something about doing nice things to get something nice back. Um hello...i told her you dont do nice things to get something back. You do nice things because theyre nice.

Hell tonight i cleaned off my car, my coworkers car, and the other business's car. Why? Did i want something? Did i desire something? No I did it because I was going out there. And if i was doing mine why not do the 2 that were there?

Im just so hurt and upset and i dont understand. I dont know how much more trying I can do. Hell Mae just asked what was wrong. I said my heart hurts. She goes Ooo no, Im sorry it hurts you!

I have 2 kids! Why cant i be with both of my kids. I never beat my child, i never neglected my child, i didnt do any of those things you do to lose your kids. But i feel like im being treated like that. Hell ive never not let Mae's dad see her out of spitefulness or vindicitveness. Always the result of direct actions. Well if i had done something i could deal, I just cant deal.

So now when taxes come I will be making sure Mae gets her own big big girl bed. Nothing wrong with sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Ive done it before. Mae will just think its a big adventure. Who knows maybe my mom wont be such a bitch and let me keep using her toddler bed until tax time. So come on tax time, I can buy Mae a bed, and I can make sure that my mother gets the money for the tires that were supposed to be a present for Christmas!

Here's to healing broken hearts!