1130 at night and i just put Mae to bed. I picked her up tonight and she hadnt slept. Nor did she want to. I let her stay up for about 45 minutes because im so damned exhausted that i didnt feel like having it out with her.

Ive also come to the conclusion that Mae is hungry. She just cant eat. The stuff she can eat without it hurting, she doesnt want. They had taco salad at daycare tonight and did she eat anything that wouldnt hurt. Hell no, she just wanted the doritos. Stacy gave it to her and i dont blame her.

Thats what Mae was eating at moms house too. I dont get it though. She can eat chips but try to give her a chicken nugget and its hell. Try to give her a meatball in small pieces its hell. But scratchy ass chips, no problem!

I cant wait till shes totally healed. Maybe then life will get back to some what normal.

I did get lucky though and she didnt put up to much of a fuss when i put her to bed. I caved again though, i let her take her gatorade sippy to bed. I know I know...you dont send kids to bed with a drink thats not water. Well screw that! If going to bed when her throat still hurts with a sippy is what puts her in bed and out of mine SO BE IT!

I did get a half way decent sleep last night and im hoping to have another night tonight. Its just been really really rough and with the bullshit, that meant even less sleep.

Im so tired! I just would really really like to sleep for 24 hours and wake up and be all yay me! Unfortunately when you dont have anyone to pick up the slack or is willing to pick up the slack that makes for many sleep deprived nights and days.

I wouldnt trade Mae for the world, shes been a lil trooper, even if its been fit laden. Shes my girl and i love her and would do anything for her.

The funniest thing about her surgery though is that her voice has changed. I dont know if its because her throat is sore and will go back; or if this is the voice she is going to have for awhile. LOL its soo cute and funny. Its this half high pitched almost kind of whine, but not a whiney voice. Its softer but its so strange hearing this new Mae. It just makes her even more adorable.

I guess out of all of this i have learned: My family and I will be her only support system. I love her even more than i thought. I would never make her go through crap that she doesnt need to go through. I am the boss, even if we battle over it. And most importantly....i will fight like hell for her and her well being.

Mae is my life and no matter what kinds of things i want to do, what she needs comes first. I wish all parents out there could say the same thing. I dont understand how you up and leave your kids without a backward glance. I dont get how you dont put them first!

I am Mae's mama and I am proud of that! If i have to be her father as well, then i will do my best to do that role too.

Heres to all the single mama's who have to be mother and father, we have our work cut out for us!