Lack of

There is lack of trust and communication with Mae's dad. Thats why i have so much trouble with her spending time with him. Now that its imperative that we speak and try to hash out some kind of working relationship, i just cant bring myself to do it. I dont have the energy, patience, or time to deal with the inner workings of what he calls his mind.

Mae is having her tubes put back in, tonsils and adnoids taken out, and while i dont need him there for the surgery, there is a possibility i will need him for a few days after the surgery. Because of the lack of trust and communication i cant talk to him about it.

There is the possibility of a job on the horizon. Thats why i asked people to cross their fingers for me. However the person who is in charge of hiring can be wishy washy at times. Well this isnt one of those times i can be flexible with wishywashy.

I have already talked to them about the wednesdays i need off by 5 or 530 the latest. I have already talked about wanting the day of and the day after the surgery off. When starting a new job its hard to do it with stuff going on.

Well i told my friend that the bottom line is i would work. I have to work. I need the money. I never intended to sit on my ass for the rest of my life. It would be nice if they could start me the week after Mae's surgery. Truth is, i can see them not doing that.

So what i wanted to do was ask the kids dad to take 3 days off that week if he could so if i get this job Mae could go to his house instead of daycare. The problem with that is he doesnt deal with change AT ALL in a positive manner. He doesnt understand that life changes, life happens, and sometimes it happens many many times in a row!

I was talking to my friend and telling her if i could find out what this guy is thinking it would be good. My girlfriends that i talked to about this have said the same thing....Oh fuck...youll be the bad guy if you ask him to take the time off and then turns out your not working!

How crazy is that? I know its a maybe, but hey it would be 3 days of vacation, though we all know thats not how he would take it. It would be taken wrong and i would have done something yet again.

I have no doubt that my daycare provider can care for Mae after her surgery. She has her own kids and has been a daycare provider for a while! I just think its shitty that because there is no trust and communication that i cant ask for this.

I cant ask for this because of our crap and his crap. I get that life happens, that its full of uncertainty and that you sometimes take time off and dont get what you want! But then again this is the same man who said he was taking a week of vacation and didnt want to see mae because he wanted time to himself.

Its a catch 22 and it sucks. Im trying to do whats best for Mae and me. Its hard when the person who is supposed to help pick up the slack is so rigid in his sense of the world. How do you deal with that? The easiest way is to just not, and thats what ive been doing.

However life sometimes tells you that you cant do that. Now im faced with the dilema of trying to figure out a way to ask this and when/if it backfires that im not the bad guy, im not the fucking bitch, im not the myriad of things i have been called.

God being a parent sucks! I know everyone gets and understands that so im not going to elaborate lol.

Ive started the accumulation of food and stuff for Mae. Yesterday i got her 12 bottles of gatorade to start, a big box of popsicles, pudding, jello, and ill be getting the apple juice and sauce, and more gatorade and jellos, but i think i got a good start.

Im not worried about the surgery(yet) but i am concerned over the recovery period! This is when the scabs form, when they get tired of not having real food, when the scabs itch and i want to make her drink.

Thats what im worried about! Surgery is the cakewalk, the recovery is the oven.

Le Sigh....such is the life of a mom.