From the dating scene~~

I think that this relationship is about to run its course. Its been a lot of fun and it was a great experience. The killer to this relationship? Sex.

I don't know what my problem is, I just don't want to have sex with John. I'm sure at some point I would, but how do you convey that to the guy. Hey i really like you,your great to me and my kid, your polite, your sweet, your blah blah....but I dont want a sexual relationship.

Im not trying to fall in love, though my friends are convinced that hes already there. I just am soo not ready for anything serious. Its serious enough that ive spent my weekends with him for the past like 3 months, but i just cant turn it into sex.

I know he really really wants to have sex, but i just am so not ready, or maybe its im not ready for sex with him. I have no idea. I just know that here is this really great guy and i just cant bring myself to go all the way and move it forward.

Its totally got to be me because he is always wanting to spend time with us and i just have my own life going on. I guess it really comes down to, i dont want anything serious. i dont want a boyfriend, i want what i have. Which is a weekend date. When does it become unfair to him and i have to give it up?

Why should i have to feel like i have to give it up. I never promised sex, hell i was a lil intoxicated the night of the birthdays and it went way farther then i wanted it to. All he can think about is how i sounded and when can we finish it.

Hell i dont even know how to have sex with a big guy. In the Cosmo subscription my mother gave me it says that you have to be on top either facing front or back. HELLO...... thats my least favorite position. Im pretty sure im just to fat to do it right, its not a natural spot for me. So how am i supposed to be comfortable. Im sorry im a vanilla girl a lot of times. I like missionary sex, i like being able to kiss and look into eyes, and well most men hate it.

What the hell am i supposed to do? Ive pretty much decided that no im not going to the wedding and because i dont want to have sex i cancelled on him for the trip to Adventureland. That was just way too expensive for a relationship thats just been dating.

Good lord, will i ever get it right?