So I'm the crazy friend now. It's ok, because my friend who calls me that actually saw me lose my mind. Saw what it's like when a person can not take anymore and just snaps. I'm starting to feel at that point again. I know what it is, it's depression. It's anger; it's rage; it's frustration. It's a whole host of things because of the way life is right now. No, I'm not crazy, but I can play crazy pretty well.

I picked up a day shift at work today, which I'm really glad I did. I havn't been sleeping again, thank you depression(i assume), and it's made me cranky and irritable. Add to that that I have quit smoking again. So much easier to just beg, borrow, steal the 6 bucks for smokes, but not the right choice.

I don't know if I could get through day 1 with Mae feeling like this. So yay for Mae; she gets to go to daycare where she will have fun.

Tomorrow starts the therapy. Hopefully something can be done to help me with the anxiety and sleeplessness and depression. I hate that I had to wait so long though. Oh well.

Adding to my depression is the whole not being able to find work. I'd really really like to know what it is about my resume that screams DO NOT HIRE HER!!! I have a diploma as a medical secretary, I have held a job for a lenght of time, I have decent references. But I just keep getting rejection letter after rejection letter.

My mom wants me to buy a house. But knows it depends on the job I get. Yea well I can't seem to get a job. But they expect me to pull one out of my ass. What noone seems to realize is that I have been looking for work. I have been trying to find a job. They either aren't out there, or they don't want me. So I'm under stress and pressure on that front.

I am seriously lost and just want to give up. Give in and not go to my 2 shift a week job, that I have to hustle to get to be 4 shifts. And then the 4 shifts don't pay shit! It would be so easy to just give in and give up and stay in bed.

A friend of mine is all over my ass because I went and asked for help from the damn psych unit. Fuck you buddy, it takes a much stronger person to go to the professionals then to sit in your living room and cut yourself up and be a bad attention whore.

So yea, I'm not at a real good place in my life at the moment. Thank god there are a bunch of silver lineings out there and how the hell do you spell lineing? That sure doesnt look right!

Sigh...One day normal heather will be back, and I for one can't wait lol