One way to hide from depression, if you aren't medicated for it, is to keep yourself so damned busy that your to damned tired to figure out if your lack of caring is because you don't care or because you just really don't care. Anyways, if you havn't figured it out yet, today was one of those busy days.

I was running from the time I got up til a couple hours ago. But then I was on the phone with my mom. That wasn't as pleasant as it could be. She really really is into this one house. The only thing I really like about the house is the yard. I'm sorry I just don't like the house. Ok so the living room and partial dining is good, but it's the bedrooms. I just don't like them. It's like she is trying to talk me into liking it because she likes it so much. I get why it's what she wants us to have. I really really do, it's also the reason I would live forever at a place I don't like. Yup! You guessed it .... Mae!

So now she is going to let me go an look at places. I have to do something she says. Here's the problem, what I like she won't. And if she does that means we are just looking at a dream house. Mmmm hmmm yea...so who knows how thats going to go.

I picked up an application, printed out an application, wrote a letter of introduction, and printed out 2 resumes today. All while finding out something that I DID NOT KNOW! lol.

Today was the intake for therapy. At the end she goes...so do you want therapy. I was like um yeah, I'm not all kinds of broken, but I'm still kind of broken. She told me no I'm not crazy, which is what I've been thinking since I had my incident lol. She informed me, and I also found out EVERYONE ELSE DID TOO, that what I had wasn't a psychotic break or anything like that. What it was was a good ol' fashioned panic attack. I don't know why noone else told me this! But that's what it was. That if I hadn't said anything about the thoughts of the days before I went that they would have kept me in the ER for about 6 to 12 hours for observation. Well WTF!

So once again it is nice to have confirmation that I am indeed NOT riding the crazy train. Though the kids dad today wanted to make jokes about it. I don't know how to get through to him that he can not joke with me at this time, about anything at all! I am not capable at this time of understanding or getting other peoples humor. Heck even my friend today was feeling bad because I totally missed the joke. Yea...I'm not all broken but I'm still a bit broke.

Tomorrow we have shots for Mae and lead testing. My girl will be going to the psych doc in July for the pica...I can't remember if I mentioned this or not. But while I'm there I'll be asking about other things in her personality.

I'm tired. I sleep for a couple hours and then wake up. Then am up for a bit and then back down. I am sooo not digging this. But hopefully soon I'll have the medication to help everything.

Here's to confirmation that you are not riding the crazy train!