Distracted Mommy Moment

My mom is going to put a birthday thing, at least thats what i think it is, for Grandpa in the Sunday Celebration section. I uploaded photos to WalMart and called her to see if she would be able to meet me outside her office so I could drop off the pics I had of Grandpa.

While talking to her I had to talk her down from what i consider irrational thinking. We're all guilty of it, sometimes you just have to share. She was feeling bad because not only did she sign the papers for hospice, she was feeling like she should have told him we were taking him there.

I told her hell no. You did nothing wrong. That would have just been cruel to tell him that we were going to hospice. The last coherent thing, besides the hug and i love you, said to my Grandpa from me was an out right lie! So if your going to feel bad about not telling him he was going to hospice then I should be feeling lower than(insert the name of your favorite crazy person here) because I lied to my Grandpa on his death bed!

I told her Grandpa would never have been that cruel to us. He would never have said ok I love you and now we're off to Hospice. I know that's not how mom would say it, but by saying it like that it helps chip away at the irrational thought. I told her, he had to know that he was very ill. We had told him that much, and cmon...like i said to my mom, Grandpa experienced A LOT of death in his lifetime. He spent many times next to a bedside saying all the i love yous. He had to know it was bad because ALL of his brothers and sisters(except david...i dont get that one except he's the youngest and probably didn't have the connection to Grandpa we all had) were with him. They were in the hospital every day if not every other day. All any of us did was tell him how much we loved him and tried to have conversation while we had him.

I reminded mom that at the end with Grandpa, we didn't have a fulltime Grandpa. We had moments of Grandpa. Small pockets of time that we had Him! Would she have wanted to waste one of those moments being cruel to him in a way he never would with us.

I got her to feeling better and she said that made sense. Grandpa wouldn't do us like that, and she was feeling a bit better.....THEN IT HAPPENED!

All this time I was talking to mom, I was also getting Mae ready for her last day of school. Yes I play the role of Distracted Mommy and I also win the worst mother of the day award!

Got Mae into the car, got the car out of the drive and to the school. Got Mae out of the car, and POPPED THE TRUNK because I needed a sack to bring all Mae's papers home. Still talking to mom, and I SLAMMED the trunk lid down.

It bounced back up and that's when I started screaming! I slammed that trunk. I slammed it hard! And the reason it bounced back up, because Mae's hand was in the way. OMG OMG...I screamed and they heard me inside. I was freaking out. Mae hadn't lost it yet, I think my screaming was disctracting her. I hustled her into school, just out of my mind. I was scared I had hurt her bad.

I wasn't even paying attention. I just slammed the trunk.

Thankfully, at this moment, nothing is wrong. There is a big scratch/dent type thing on her hand, it's red, and I know it's going to swell. I am the worst mom today! I feel so god awful horrible. Not only did I hurt Mae, I had yelled to mom I gotta go i gotta go and just hung up all panicked(ok someone spell panicked for me lol).

I called her back after the teachers got me and Mae all calmed down. The parents were even concerned about us. When I scream...I scream. When I'm scared I scream louder. She said she was so worried, she just started praying real hard because of the way I ended the call.

Ooo this morning is such a wonderful day(sarcasm), well it's not all bad. It's just the first few minutes were too exciting for me lol.

Mom asked me for a line for the thing in the paper. I came up with one and the revised version(since this thing is from all of us) is...Your memory is our salvation