The best thing happened today! Out of all this grief and misery, something wonderful happened to me!

They transferred Grandpa to the hospice house today. He did well in the ambulence ride there. I think because of the DNR/DNI they let my Uncle ride with. I didn't realize that mom and him hadn't gotten a chance to go visit the house. So it explains why they were so worried.

Mom feels like she has signed his death by doing this, but she didn't. After all that we have been through in the hospital, this is the right choice.

If you have never visited a hospice home let me tell you, ours is really nice. It's like a home. They have a kitchen, a family room, a living room, a room for the kids. They have a patio that you can walk out onto. The rooms are just like bedrooms. They have tv, dvd/vcr players. This room has a small loveseat, a chair, and a recliner. They also have those window seats. I don't know if it's a real window seat but it's big enough to sit in and I have.They only have 6 rooms and the staff is there for you and for your loved one.

I called my friend Tammy to come help me pick pictures. I hadn't done it yet, and just couldn't do it alone. While we were doing that my mom calls and tells me be nice to my sister she's coming over to shower. She didn't want to go to the hospice house. When she got her we hugged and cried. I told her all about the hospice home and how it was much better for Grandpa. He is going to die, we can not stop that. We can however make him comfortable in a nice setting.

My sister, the pharmacy, left me some of her xanex. Yay I'll sleep good, just waiting for it to kick in lol. But she was really upset and it's hard on all of us.

The reason I know about how hospice is, is because 2 years ago my friend Tammy's dad was there. I saw first hand how it worked, what they did. My cousin Sara works or worked for hospice but i don't think mom was really listening to her about how it is.

Well suffice it to say, everyone is as happy as they can be about it. The only problem we had, and I can't believe she didn't break was when we got there. The room my grandpa is in....is the one my friends dad died in. She was ready to cry. I told her go for it, cry with us. It doesn't matter that the tears aren't for my grandpa. She ended up calling her cousin who talked her down.

Grandpa was having a lucid moment when he got there. He asked where he was. I told him he was in a bedroom and look how pretty it was . I may have told him it was his, i cant remember. Then THE ABSOLUTE BEST THING HAPPENED!

I've been jealous of my mom for a bit because she got a real big hard hug from Grandpa before he went into the hospital the 2nd time. Well today, I leaned down as I was telling him I loved him that I was going to give him a hug.

HE HUGGED ME BACK! He hugged me sooo very hard! He didn't seem to want to let go. I lost it! I absolutly lost it. I was crying because I got my hug! I got an I love you and I got a hug! I never thought I would get the chance to have a hug from him. I thought I had missed out on my chance to have him hug me back. God gave me something to hold onto. I think its Gods way of saying sorry and this is what I can give you. I'm going with that lie, or is it truth? Doesn't matter though! I got a big hard long hug from my Grandpa!

They have him comfortable now. He was so peaceful. Of course that's the little bit of morphine he is on, but he isn't grimacing and all agitated. They took him off the mask because its uncomfortable and hospice is about making them comfortable. The doctor said that they thought the nose canula would provide the oxygen as well as the mask. Plus Grandpa really hated the mask and that was part of his agitation.

They don't have him under, but if he needs more they wont just give him a big dose. They will just bump it up a little.

I'm so very happy and so very sad. But at least he is comfortable.

Father Jose came today to do the annointing of the sick. They don't call it last rites anymore. I said my prayer outloud, my sister told him something in his ear, my mom spoke to him. We all cried. We all had communion as well.

Yesterday I bought my grandpa the last gift I will ever personally give him. I bought a rosary for him to take on his journy. With the priest there I asked him to please bless it. He asked if it was for my grandpa and I said yes. So my rosary has been blessed for Grandpa.

I'm so happy that I got a hug. He may not ever really wake back up, but they said he can still hear us. To talk to him, tell him what we want him to know. We do, I'm sure he's sick of us all talking lol.

My cousin Jen called me because she was worried about me. I have some great family. Just when your feeling like noone understands you get a call. She lost her grandpa almost 2 years ago. He looked almost exactly like my grandpa. For her it's been hard to see my grandpa because he looks like hers. But she called to check on me because she didn't realize he was as bad as he is. But it was nice.

I'm glad i have the people in my life that i do. Because it's easy to get lost in the shuffle. As the only person who is single this is hard for me because I don't have that person to lean on. But all my friends and the kids dad have rallied around me and I appreciate it!

I'm going to bed and hopefully have some sweet dreams, hell even dreamless would be ok as long as its sleep. Tomorrow I'm going to be there all day. I got real lucky and one of the girls at work decided to take my shift for me. She even called around for daycare for her daught to do it. I wrote a note for my work to express my thanks.

I don't know how long this process will take, but I am soo glad that we have him in the hospice home.

Sweet dreams and better tomorrows for us all.