I miss him so much. I want my grandpa. I don't like life without him. I don't like that Mae has to ask me if I'm crying again. I want my grandpa! I want him I want him I want him!

I feel bad for going out and enjoying life. I feel bad for having a couple drinks with friends and the kids all playing.

I feel like I don't know. I just know that right now, right this second. I miss him so much that it hurts and I can't let it all out.

It will get better, I know it will. But this second right now...I want him I want him.