He is willing to communicate.  He is going to have to learn that I may need 10 more minutes then him to process. That and I need to learn to shut up and just listen and not interrupt. Doesn't matter who it is I'm an interrupter lol.

I also have to learn to not vent to his dad about him. We can talk about him but I need to find the boundary line. This is a lot all at once.

My house and garage are a bigger wreck than before.  Cleaned it just to fuck it up again lol.

We have so much work still to do and I'm sooo over moving.

Tonight he kisses me, hugs me, and says I love my baby. I just looked into his beautiful blue eyes and he held my gaze and said I do.  And hugged me again.

I'm a very insecure person when it comes to men. I don't know how to just trust. I don't know how to communicate.  I don't know how to do this. I haven't done it in like 10 years.

I'm processing all of my emotions and trying to not over think things. Because if I'm honest with at least myself I started falling for him the minute I looked into his eyes. I tried to be slow. I still am. But I do love him. I just don't know how to love without waiting for it to go away.

How do you let decades of bullshit go just like that? I guess I'm going to have to figure a way to explain it to him in a way a guy can process.

I'm scared and nervous and insecure and immature. I have to step up if I want this. And yes I want this. Time to start over. He doesn't deserve to be punished for the asses who came before him.