Another day another virus! I don't know how I get so many virus's and other people who are on the computer more than me never catch one! It's really rather irritating. Especially when part of my birthday present ends up having to be my computer getting fixed. To top it off my virus protection was corrupted. WTF?? Seriously?

Oh well I had other things to occupy my time. You know work, trying to cut the grass, laundry, housework. All the fun things in life!

It's quickly approaching 3 months that Grandpa hasn't been with us. I don't know if it's grief, or my body, or what but I've been having trouble sleeping again, nightmares, and hearing my Grandpa call out for me waking me up. It's so bad that I should just be taking the damn ambien when I want to go to bed. But I've been taking one at 2 am. Fall asleep around midnight, wake up at 2, take a pill, wake up at 5, wake up at 7, and you get the picture. I don't know how people get through grief and move along, but they do and eventually I will to, but for right now I deal with the consequences of his death.

Next Wednesday mom and I are going to the grief counselor. Let's see if that helps anything. I'd rather go on my own, but I don't think my mom would go without someone. This is the first time she has mentioned going and if my going gets her there then I'm going. She doesn't understand, or see, or get how she has turned into a raving bitch at times and how she is hurting the people around her. I get it your dad died. I get it my grandpa/dad died. I get it! Ok I really truly get it! But that doesn't mean you get to just bash everyone around you. If you did that's what I would be doing on a regular basis.

In the moving on process I've decided to have another party! I think that 35 deserves a nice celebration. I'm going to have a mexican fiesta. Full of mexican food, people, kids, a pinata, and DRINKS! It's over a month away but I really do like my birthday and to pull this off I need more than a week to get it all together lol. My friend Tammy is going to help me with the cooking. Should take a day and a half to get all the food made. Thank god for crock pots!

I really don't have anything going on in my life. Just taking care of Mae, trying to scrounge up hours at work, and trying to find work. Life just keeps moving on, but I tell you sometimes I'd just like to get off the ride. Today I got the bathroom half cleaned, the yard half mowed(ran out of gas) and since I don't work til 5 tomorrow...I'm taking the rest of the day off. When I get up tomorrow I can do laundry, clean the shower, vaccum, and do whatever dishes we use tonight.

I hate life right now. I'm not used to these bipolar days of my life. I'm used to normal and sane. But trying to deal with the good days and the bad days and the in between days is really taxing. Thank god for books, tv dramas, and all the other stuff that keeps me occupied or else I might just climb a bell tower.