Friday, August 6, 2010

I fell asleep AFTER 1230am. I couldn't stay up anymore. I couldn't I'm sorry I'm a bad fucking parent. I tried to stay awake because I could still hear Mae awake in her room.

But my body said no, and I fell asleep.

I woke up about 30 minutes ago and she was in the fucking bathroom. Into all the fucking cleaning supplies. She had sprayed down the bathroom in something and was "cleaning" it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to handle her. Obviously the medication isn't working, or maybe im just a shit parent.

Either way they better fucking legalize speed real soon so I can stay awake 24/7 so she doesn't hurt herself.

What am I supposed to do if I can't even sleep because she won't sleep. I think she's finally asleep. God I hope so because I want to sleep.

Maybe the spanking did the job, I don't know. And those parents who say don't spank...fuck them, they have the perfect kids. Mine...bad!

I just don't know what to do anymore. My mom will be here tomorrow night. I'm going to beg her and my dad to keep an eye/ear out for her so I can sleep. I wish I had help with her but I don't and I guess tomorrow I call the doctor to see if there is any suggestion because the Melatonin didn't work.

Fuck my life fuck my life! Oh and found out that another guy I used to work with died, my drivers ed teacher died...wtf....SERIOUSLY!!!
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2 comments:

  1. sassyAugust 6, 2010 at 8:53 AM

    I wish I had some motherly words of wisdom to help you out, but I have no idea what to do. Maybe ask the doctor about increasing the amount of medication? Had the meds been working? I know we hate to drug our children, but for her own safety you have to!
    I never had that problem with my kids at night, but during the day when my son was an infant, I usually fell asleep while nursing him and my daughter would get into stuff. I used to make her sit on my feet, if I felt her get up I would make her sit back down.
    Wish I could be helpful, I know being sleep deprived really sucks!!

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  2. DawnAugust 6, 2010 at 11:26 PM

    Yeah, I'm like Sassy...no great words of wisdom here either.

    When I was a single parent and the older girls had moved out, it was just Taylor and me. She had a bad habit of waking up in the middle of the night and wandering around. On top of already being stressed because of her seizures, I found her outside the apartment at 1 in the morning! I talked to the pediatrician and he told me to turn her doorknob around backward with the lock facing out & lock her door at night. If she had to go potty, she learned to knock on the door and I would open it. That was the only way I could get some sleep & know that Taylor hadn't wandered away outside where anybody could have taken her.

    Thank goodness she doesn't do that anymore. Even if she did, we put alarms on all the doors going outside so that when they are opened, they beep.

    Hang in there. Hopefully the doctor will have some idea.

    *hugs*

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