I watched a 20/20 show on WE tonight and it scared the crap out of me. It also makes me realize that even though it may seem wrong at times, keeping a child away from the other parent is a good thing.

This 20/20 was about a woman who married a violent man. He lied to her about the level of violence he had achieved. Hmmm, sound like anyone I know? He told her that all he did was slap his ex wife.

Turns out that he did more than that. A broken nose, and kicked her unconcsious at a school.

She hadn't seen that side of him until after she was already married to him. It never went to actual physical violence against her. It was emotional and verbal abuse. I heard part of a message he left for her. Hmmm, it sounded eerily familiar of things that have been said to me.

She finally got up enough courage to get a divorce and leave him. However, the kids were allowed to go visit him. Even after he violated his probration he was still allowed to see them.

Christmas he took the children and she waved good bye to them.

SHE NEVER THOUGHT THE ABUSE SHE SUFFERED WOULD BEFALL HER CHILDREN.

He called her a bit later and told her one of the kids wanted to talk to her. The little girl asked her why she wanted the dad put in jail and then she hears the other child begging her father not to do it. POP POP POP.

Both chidren dead by the man SHE NEVER THOUGHT WOULD HURT THE KIDS.

Parts of her story sounded so similar to the things I have had to go through with the kids dad. I have my trials with Mae. I have days where I just wish she would sew her own lips shut. Days where Mae and I are both lucky to have made it through the day and at the end of it all hug and kiss and be told I'm the best mom ever.

I am not prepared to risk her life. Do I think he would hurt her? Like the mother from the story, my answer would be no. But I have been threatend too many times with maybe you will get her back, no i wont give her back, to many times of him calling me nasty dirty names to her face to take that chance any longer. Do I miss having a big break from Mae? Yes I do. But would I rather face all the trials we do and still have her at the end of the day...overwelmingly yes!

It's sad when the other people in our lives have to agree with me. I can no longer subject Mae to the games he plays, the threats he makes, the abuse he still doles out when he well I don't know why he does it.

My friend said...if she ever does get to go back over there I'm going to have to take her aren't I? I told her yup, BUT the bad thing is you have to deal with him. You will have to figure out how much to charge him for gas and it will be on you. Guess what? She may change her mind and not do it. Why? Because noone wants to deal with a psycho.

I was talking to mom today and told her look we may have Margarita Monday but that is one day out of 7 that I have her. We drink responsibily, we don't over indulge, and we smoke outside. The house is clean, we don't put the drinking over her, and she is getting to an age where she repeats what goes on over there. I don't want to hear anymore about Coop and daddy drinking beer. And I don't have to find out that he had a sex offender over there. If that's going on...what else is that I dont know about.

I'm really glad I saw that show because it just reinforces that I am doing the best I can for Mae. It's my job to keep her safe and I take it seriously.

AND...I may have lost my free weekends, but school is starting soon and that means every day I will be Mae free for over 4 hours. We will be getting the break we need from each other. And I know that all over the world summer vacation is the worst time for parents and kids. We all get on each others nerves and take each other for granted.

Mae and I are starting our life together. Free from drama and bullshit that come from a mentally unstable man. It will just be another thing I have to explain to a kid. Lucky for me I have enough witness's to the story to back it up, plus truth is a powerful thing.

And if you follow me on facebook you know that the best times of the day are the new thing she is doing. Coming up to me, throwing her arms around me, and telling me I love you, your the best mama ever!