Yesterday, and today I'm betting, sucked major ASS!!! My day started somewhere between 3 and 330 am. It involved chocolate and spankings. Usually two of my personal favorite things lol. Well yesteday they were my two most unfavorite things!

Mae decided that she needed to be up and into the drawer that had the reeses' peanut butter cups. I heard something and I don't know what I heard but I heard it lol and the result was Mae got a spanking and had to stay in her room til it was time for swimming lessons. Yes, when she decided that 6 was the good time to watch tv, I put her ass in her room! She was naughty no treat! The only treat she was getting was her swimming lessons and her dads house. That's what we do on Saturdays.

How I wish that was how the day had gone.

I didn't get back to sleep until 6 am. That whole time I listened to Mae babble and Grandpa.

His restless leg syndrome has been off the charts since he has come home from the first hospital stay. He jerks so bad his whole body moves. It's like watching a person with parkinsons. Not fun. We don't know if it hurts him, but it does stop a full nights sleep.

He also has been complaining of his legs hurting and not being able to get around real well. That was proved Thursday night when he fell in his room. He was just trying to throw something on the bed and fell backwards. Very Very Scary! I happened to be in the bathroom and mid pulldown I was pulling back up and running to his room. His room is about 3 steps from the bathroom so it wasn't a big run lol.

Anyways, back to yesterday. So I was listening to grandpa talk in his sleep, make all kinds of noises, cough...just about whatever you could think of. HOWEVER what I didn't know was that at some point between the time he went to bed and the time he got up....he took 3 nitros and had chest pain after the 3 nitros and it lasted about an hour AND HE DIDN'T TELL ME OR PUSH THE DAMN LIFELINE BUTTON!!! Oh it gets much much better!

I was getting RyderMae ready for her swim lessons and grandpa still wasn't awake yet. He ended up waking up right before we left, WHICH IS A FUCKING GREAT THING!!!

He's been really out of breath the last day or so. Thursday was when I noticed the start of having more difficulty breathing. He had cardiac rehab friday and i mentioned to them what was going on. But everything was fine they said. The nurses who come out here said he was fine. The machine said he was fine. He's not fine!

Before we left I , obviously, checked in on grandpa and found out something much more FUN! He had been coughing up blood during the night/'early morning. I didn't turn the light on right away so all I could see in the garbage can was the bloody coughed up stuff. But it didn't look bad at first, again lights off, so I called my mom to have her talk to him. That's when we found out about the damn chest pain and such. Yea we worry, Yea we were a bit ticked he didn't do what he was supposed to, but we love him.

I turned the light on after giving him the phone so I could get a better look at the basket. I took the phone from grandpa mid sentence and told my mom that I was taking him to the ER. The blood he was coughing up was not that old brown stuff you get sometimes. It was still bright red, not light pink, but red. Red is not good. Red means fresh blood. Red means ER!

Mom must have driven a 130 to get her, it seemed like she was here real quick. So Mae missed her lesson and we took him to the ER.

They did a chest xray and a no contrast CT. This is where it really sucks! He either has pneumonia or blood in his lungs...they couldn't tell because they look the same. But they dosed him with antibiotics and admitted him.

Obviously I can't recall everything, I just know that I came back from dropping Mae off and mom told me that the pneumonia diagnosis is what brought grandpa down. The doctor told him he could fight it and it wasnt a death sentence just because hes old.

I had to work yesterday. I half assed tried to get someone to work for me, but 1. i really need the money and 2. i really didn't want to be at the hospital all that time just worrying.

I AM SO GLAD I WAS AT WORK! Until...

I checked my phone. There was a voicemail from my mom. It freaked me the fuck out. I mean freaked me out and from then on out I was losing my mind because 10 pm closing couldn't come fast enough.

My mom was crying on the voicemail. The last time I never got any kind of message with her crying. We didn't do a whole lot of crying the last time. This time i get the voicemail. Grandpa had gotten up to go to the potty and something happened with his strenght and breathing on that trip that sent even my cousin basically running from the room.

I lost it at work! Not real bad, but still I lost it. I was putting my gloves on to help a customer and I just had to turn around and hit the store room and take a lot of deep breaths to get me back to coherent. I called mom and told her she can't cry with me right now, I can't lose it at work. Before I left for work I asked grandpa if he wanted me to come back up after i got off work. He said no to go on home. Mom's message said i should come back.

I got back up there and the first people i see are another cousin of mine and her man trying to work the stupid vending machine. She told me how it was scary and I could see on her face it wasn't real fun.

I got into the room and Maaaaaaaaaaan....he looked real bad, he was still coughing up blood, he was still looped out of his head, AND he had now started wheezing!!! So it looks like it is pneumonia.

Mom and I sat out in the hall while he used the bathroom and I told her how mad I am, how scared I am, how I prayed to god that he would give me back my grandpa and how i was a bit pissed that he isn't doing as well as he should.

He doesn't want to die! My mom asked, he told her he doesn't. So maybe that means there is fight left.

Today my sister and her brood are coming up. That should be wonderful. I'm going to get a shower and hopefully the kids dad saw the messanger status and has her all bathed for me. She has to go up and see grandpa. That will definitly make him feel better.

He has been real disoriented lately and like will ghost feed himself, be searching for change,(all while dozing or sleeping),and then you hear him talking to someone. Usually its his mom or Mae. He loves that little girl! So I'm going to make sure he and her and I get to be with him as much as we can. I don't think the hospital scares her because she always wants to go. So today she will get to go back up and we will see how it goes!

I'm hoping that it works out.

My friend Kimmi yesterday was a freaking lifesaver! I can never repay her enough. Ok so when she moves lol I'll be helping my ass off lol but honestly she has done so much for us in one day. Mae was getting her bed delivered yesterday and with the ER we didn't have anyone to be here for the delivery. We have been trying to get a bed for months lol. So I called my friend and I was like blah blah blah....she was like...come over after you drop Mae. She lives about 3 blocks from the ex lol.

I hung out with her and talked for a minute and she was coming to my house to wait for the bed and to tell them where to put it. Totally disrupting her day and I appreciate that!

Last night after I left the hospital my friend Brigitte called. I stopped at her house for a smoke. Oh yea did I mention that I quit smoking lol. So my two friends who I swore them to not let me smoke lol, chose the wise option of letting me have some nicotine lol. I was at Brigittes till almost 2 am. I needed to relax and decompress and have some girl time.

On the way home, I lost it! I was crying and singing along, badly, to the radio. A song I love and usually not one of my crying songs had me just going off. I had gotten myself under control by the time i pulled into my drive. I was thinking about putting on my facebook how great my two girlfriends are, or something like that. AND THEN I LOST IT AGAIN!

When you walk into my house, you walk into the kitchen. Well on the kitchen counter was a dozen white/pink roses and a bouquet of Dandelions and a note! When I first saw them I was confused. I was like who brought grandpa flowers. Oh kimmi must have let them in.

When I got to them, which is all of 2 steps lol, there was a very very beautiful note from my friend. She had given me the roses and her daughter had given me the dandelions. I lost it AGAIN! I called my friend i had just left and freaked her out lol. No warning on a phone call and my gramps in the hospital lol. Told her i was sorry and shared that I had gotten something real good.

All the while Im trying to hold it together. Yea not so much lol. Then this morning I go into the living room and my friend had also straightned it up for me. OMG I sooo owe her my 2nd born!

So here in a bit I'm going to shower and get ready for my day at the hospital. Hopefully the kids dad won't be mean and not let me bring her back later today if I need to. She can do the hospital for a bit but not forever.

So there's the skinny on our new trip to the hospital. I think that's going to have to do it for me. Cuz I just don't know!