Adventure through Hell

I'm at home right now waiting for my clothes to finish drying so I can get back to the hospital. I know Dawn I said I didn't feel like blogging, but like we talked about yesterday....I need to get it out and out and out lol.

As a lot know my grandpa is very very sick. He had a catheter put in yesterday so they could begin dialysis on him.

He has been in the hospital since Saturday morning. His condition has deteriorated very bad. He was coherent when we first got there, he was coherent til sometime Saturday after I left to go to work.

Then the creatinin(sp) levels, thats from your kidneys, started going up. It went up then went down some point of percent. Then yesterday we find out that it has gone to 5. For my grandpa this means kidney failure. We had two options die from the kidney failure that would lead to multisystem organ failure OR go to surgery to start dialysis.

My grandpa was not capable of making any decisions for himself. Hell he wasn't even there most of the time.

He was so full of poison that he wasn't sleeping(not sure if that was the poison or just being sick) and he was violently moving around. Think grand mal seizure type of moving around. SCARY! We(cousins, mom, me, my friends,) all trying to keep him in bed, all trying to keep his hands occupied so he wasn't picking things out, keeping them occupied so he wasn't just reaching and pointing at things.

For a while it helped(late saturday night) that we just held his hands, then Sunday we were still doing that but then late Sunday we had to give him things to hold and play with in his hands so he wouldnt throw all the covers off.

I apologize this will be all over the place.

Like I said before my friend Tammy was with me and my mom all night after we sent my cousin home because she didn't know if she could get work off. Not judging at all because we all have to work even when our family is in crisis sometimes. My work is taken care of for at least this and next week. Thank you Kimmi for doing that for me.

Well I got to have an hour of rest/sleep...i dont know what it was.

Sunday night though we arrived at the gates of Hell. I now know what a true form of hell is and I am not driving that bus or even showing my ticket for that ride!

(excuse the caps youll see why they are there)

WE DID NOT LEAVE MY GRANDPA ALONE FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN THEM COMING IN TO HELP HIM POTTY AND FOR TESTS THAT WE COULDN'T BE IN THERE FOR!! AGAIN WE DID NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR ANYTHING WE DIDN'T HAVE TO! WE DID NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!

The nurse had come in Sunday to take his vitals and the family all hustled out of the room. I mean the cousins and stuff who were there. My cousins wife Melissa and I were still there, why I dont know or care, but he had to go potty. So WE DID WHAT THEY TOLD US TO DO! We pushed the button for a nurse. We got a SRN...S is for Student!

She came in, we said we'd be right back. We had the good room. Nurses station 2 steps out the door to the right, public restroom 2 steps to the left. PRETTY FUCKING PERFECT ROOM! Down the hall about 10 steps is the waiting area they have divided into 4ths. 1/4 was the computer and dining tables, 2/4 was a partitioned area with some chairs, 3/4 was the tiny vending area and like a breakfast bar, 4/4 was the area that had a tv a small couch and some chairs. ALL WITHIN STEPS OF OUR ROOM!!

When we left for him to potty, I walked down to this area, remember STEPS AWAY! I played with the baby for a minute, talked to my neice for a minute, walked to the partitioned part and said something. Then went to see if he was done.

THE DOOR WAS CLOSED! This indicated to me, BECAUSE WE NEVER HAD THE DOOR SHUT BEFORE UNLESS HE WAS GETTING SOMETHING DONE, that he wasn't done. Take a quick turn and I went potty. I pee fast. Really like abnormally fast lol. I opened the door and his door was still shut.

I thought, well I'll just peek in and see. I FOUND HELL! Nobody EVER wants to go to hell like I did.

When I opened the door, SLOWLY because I didn't want to startle or disturb. I became the startled and disturbed.

I FOUND my grandpa laying on the floor with some puddles of blood around him. I FOUND MY GRANDPA LYING ON THE GODDAMNED FLOOR WITH HIS BLOOD AROUND HIM!!!!!!!!

I tried to pick him up, i was shaking so bad, i was trying not to lose it. I couldn't pick him up. I couldn't get him up, i had no strength. Our nurse was in the next room doing the vitals of that patient and I ran to her. I don't know if i was screaming at this point or not. I NEED HELP MY GRANDPA IS ON THE FLOOR HELP ME!!!!!!

Her and like 3 other nurses rushed in. I tried to help them. I tried to help my grandpa. I COULDNT DO IT. I was HELPLESS. I couldn't find the strength to help. I had to let them do it. Told them I can't help, they were soooo not upset lol cuz yea not my job theirs. As i was running out of the room i said...my mom is going to yell im sorry. Because well wouldnt you?

Mom told me this yesterday when I asked what I did(trust me I couldnt remember). She said I came running down the hall yelling grandpas on the floor hes on the floor!!!!

My mom took off running, my sister too. I ended up holding the baby and i was shaking so bad. So very bad that i was afraid Id drop the baby. I begged Melissa to take the baby, because thats all i could do. Anthony her husband had to tell me to talk lower so i wouldnt scare the kids, sorry i was freaked.

IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED. THAT BITCH LEFT MY GRANDPA ALONE. SHE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT HE WAS DONE. ALL GODDAMNED DAY WE NEVER LEFT HIM ALONE. NEVER NEVER NEVER!!! He has a fall risk bracelet on. They have procedures for fall risk people!!!!!!!!!!

I got back to the room when I had myself partly under control and they had him sitting in the chair, but to me it looked like he was still sliding out and noone was right in front of him. Obviously they were within an arms reach so if he slid they would get him. BUT NOWAY WAS I SEEING THIS!!! So i helped keep him in the chair, i talked to him, tried to make sure it was ok.

Head wounds bleed ALOT even if they are just scratches. He hit his head we think on a drawer handle. Well they went to take him to CT and YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS I WAS TROTTING ALONG WITH HIM. They told me i needed to leave the room for the ct because well i have to. They locked the door i couldnt get out. So i got to stand there while they did it and i saw his brain. I'm glad that i was locked in because I got to hear the Tech tell me with his 16 yrs experience he didn't see anything.

I'll be honest i trust the nurses and techs like that more than doctors. It turned out nothing was going on. THANK YOU LORD JESUS!

We got him back to his room and people started leaving. It was me, my mom, and Maryellen(my cousin) and we were fighting to keep him in bed, we were fighting his arms, we were trying to talk to him.

We got a few moments of funny during this time. Thank god or I think we would have hurt ourselves.

My friend came up after she left and I told her what id just been through. Got the lecture of next time tell me why your calling calling so i can just leave my walmart cart and come up! Yea i know i have great friends lol.

She helped all through the night, and I was able to get a lil sleep, my mom was able to as well. But it just got worse and worse.

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY, sometime after the sun came up he was out. They said they didnt know if it was sleep or lack of oxygen. But it was a short time we didnt have to fight him.

Sorry I didn't get to the 2nd stage of hell. My friend had to leave at like 630 to go get her son up from school, thank god she literally lives across the street from the hospital. Mom and I were with grandpa and he was in the chair.

Fighting us the whole time. Finally my mom broke. What we had been dealing with, what we were in that moment dealing with. Him saying things. She broke.

Ever see terms of endearment where shes screaming to give her daughter the shot? We had a moment like that! I don't know what exactly my grandpa said but it sent my mom over the edge.

She wailed deep from her soul, she moaned deeper from her core, she screamed and cried. I lost it! I started crying and sobbing BEGGING my mother to please dont lose it, you cant lose it or Im going to lose it.

We both lost it completely 100% lost it. Luckily my mom had gotten us a hospitality room and I literally hugged/dragged her and my sobbing sorry asses to this room. Shaking while i tried to fit the key in the lock.

We cried and sobbed and called my dad and I guess i just went talk to mom and handed the phone off. I called Tammy who had been gone not even an hour and she came flying back up. I called Kimmi who came flying up and rearranged her schedule. My Girls took care of business. Tammy helped my mom, Kimmi took care of Mae, DJ took the day off. They rallied round the family!(yes, i stole that from RATM)

They took mom's blood pressure, they told us we had to rest. They did everything they could. Then Adventure 3 took place!

I finally laid down about 1230, but my friend Kenny had come up. So i visited with him for a half hour maybe. Took him to say hi to my gramps. He recognized all 3 of my friends in his moments of lucidity. I told him kenny was going to cut his grass for him. OOo that set gramps off lol. We told him no no no not today just later he would. Gramps was good with that.

So after all this stress and trauma they give us a sitter for the room. Yayyyy we don't have to worry! I can stop making side comments about now tell me the minute i need to come back and dont you leave til im here!

Yea what a fucking joke the sitter was!!!!!!!

Remember that we have been boosting him up on the bed cuz he slides down til his feet are at the end and pushing. My cousins boosted him without help, me and my cousins boosted him, the fucking nurses came in to help us boost him. NO BIG DEAL TO BOOST THIS MAN UP!!! NO BIG DEAL NO BIG DEAL YOU HEAR ME NO BIG DEAL!!! til the sitter came!

My sister and cousin MaryEllen were with him, I was sleeping, even though i didnt think iwas lol. And they asked for a boost for him because he had slid from the last boost. THE SITTER TOLD THEM WHY HE WILL JUST BE DOWN THERE IN ANOTHER 10 MINUTES ANYWAYS!!!!!!!

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BITCH! We want him boosted. My sister said well its 10 minutes hes comfortable! THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH! So the lazy ass bitch boosted him up. Ok remember i wasnt there because i was sleeping because i was sleep deprived like the rest of us. THEN later they tell us not only did she say that....SHE FUCKING FELL ASLEEP!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU GET THE LUXURY OF FALLING THE FUCK ASLEEP AND WE DONT!!!!!!!

Mom came and got me as I was just getting ready to come back out of the room. It wasnt a restful sleep it was a sleep just for my body for a minute. I had washed my hair in the sink, did the whore bath and was talking to DJ before I went out. I had an alarm set. But mom came in and told me I had to go help. My sister couldnt do it anymore.

OMG it was fucking worse than ever! Now not only was he combative, not only was he violently moving, now he was verbally assaultive as well. My sister sat there crying through it all, I did what i do best. I yelled back at him. I told answered him like he was talking to me.

I told my sister, cousin, and nurses....Im sorry you have to hear me yelling at him, im just trying to blah blah blah. I guess I wasnt as bad as i thought because they all told me no no its ok. I just wanted to keep him with us. I wanted to keep him fighting. I wanted i wanted i wanted!!!

So now my clothes are done drying, Im going to take a shower, and get back up there. He already has had a bronchoscopy done. He doesn't have pneumonia he has a mild case of bronchitis. So now its up to the dialysis, its up to his heart, his mind, and the ability to come off the respirator!

I have some really good friends. Online and Offline!