I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go, I don't know! Yes it's another one of those days!

Mae was supposed to go visit her dad for a minute today but that's not happening. No, we aren't fighting. Mae is the issue! She decided that last night was the night to not sleep AGAIN!

I really don't know what her problem is! I don't know how to handle her. I know how not to handle her. Spanking does no good, slapping her hand does no good, yelling at her does no good. I just don't know what to do. Sometimes it works if you get right into her face, but that works for a minute.

The doctor has suggested she is add/adhd but they don't diagnose til later? I'm not sure. And then you add the having to put everything in her mouth still. I can't even go to the bathroom for longer then it takes to pee or she is into everything.

The only break I get is when she finally falls out for the night, OR it's Friday night and she is all her dad's! I know that he thinks I only use him for a sitter. Truth is, yes it's great to have him as a "sitter" but I NEED him to take her. I need the break to sleep. To turn off the mommy ear and to unwind.

Mae's behavior is enough that with a lessor person she would be one of the millions of abused children. Spanking her could easily turn into making a person feel better instead of being a punishment. Yelling at her has turned her into another generation of yellers. I can live with that because eventually you can fix it. BUT yelling at her has no effect.

She is sneeky. Used to be she would duckwalk to make sure noone saw her leave her room. Last night was a new one. She put herself up against the wall, face first, and like slinked along the wall.

What kind of child does this? I mean I already knew she was sneeky and manipulative, hell I got that self diagnonsense also from the DR. But I am really at my wits end! I don't know what to do.

The school told me though that she isn't retarded or autistic. Thats a good thing. Though I admit it would be nice to have a label for her. That way maybe I can find a way to parent her effectively.

I am tired of looking at RyderMae and telling her how angry I am at her. I can't yell or spank because they don't work, but to make me feel better I can look at Mae and say " Mommy is really angry with you right now" and then move on to the next thing.

It's a hard job, it's my job, and I'm doing it. I did call a place that does counseling and such. I am waiting for them to call me back and set up an appointment if we qualify.

And as I type this...Yes, Mae is now sleeping!!! Seriously! Now she sleeps?? God I hope this doesn't mean that we are up again all night. I don't think I can deal with that. At least this time though she stayed in her room, destroyed it, but didn't destroy anything of value.

I need help! I have reached out for the help I need. The next step after this place gets back to me is to call the Dr and see how you test for PICA. Mae will put in her mouth anything and everything. Edible or not. I threw a whole box of crayons away because I was tired of her eating the paper and trying to eat the crayons.

Heres to knowing you need help, asking for help. and the follow through.