I knew the disappointment was inevitable! I knew that something would come along and fuck up all the plans i had for Katies visit! After drive time the amount of time we have out of the car is going to come down to about 3 hours, 4 if the new schedule stays the same.

I had the whole fucking day planned. I had it planned from 730/8 am until 430 pm planned. I had it all scheduled out. I had EVERYTHING in place. I was going to make this day as special as a person can make 8 hours.

How do you make 3 hours special? I mean really how do you? We have to drive an hour and a half to pick her up. We have to drive an hour and a half back to waterloo. At 1 oclock we have pictures. Now we have to skip pictures with grandpa because of time constraints. 3 hours!

I guess it was too much to ask for that i get a day with my daughter. It was too much to hope for. Im glad that i knew that i was being set up for disappointment. I know its not their fault that my BIL's boss didnt give him the time off. I know that....but how am i supposed to stop the hurt and disappointment.

To be honest i would really rather she not come up at all since its only for that short an amount of time. I mean really, here i was all excited for a whole day and now i get mere hours. Hell the asshole gets more time with Mae then i ever get with Katie. And im not anywhere near what the asshole is like.

I know i know i have to own all my responsibility in this. BUT i dont think i should be punished for living my life when katie wasnt living with me. Was i supposed to stay home and pretend that my child was with me and live my life like that? If i was i wish someone would have informed me.

I cant help but be hurt and disappointed. Hell my mom has spent more time with Katie. I have begged pleaded screamed and everything else to spend time with her...finally after 3 years i was getting a chance. And now the day has been snatched away because of a shit boss. And im left with 3/4 hours.

Its not the same spending time with katie at her house or my moms. Everyone is there. Everyone is watching. everyone's expectations of katie is the same when shes at home. With spending the day with us, she could just be katie. The daughter i love and miss. The girl who i want to just look at and know when she says mom its me shes talking to.

Hell one visit she kept saying mom mom mom and finally MOM. It took me that long to realize she was talking to me. I had gotten so used to hearing her call my sister mom and it breaking my heart.

i had one full day to be mom and know that when she said mom it was me!! Im hurt im disappointed and i cant say anything because its all about not hurting katie and doing whats best for her.

Just once id like to not feel like this. like i have to forever pay for whatever the hell it is im paying for. I just wanted to spend the WHOLE day with my girls and my grandpa. I just wanted to have breakfast, lunch, and hell i could have done an early dinner. I just wanted what i cant have. I dont think its too unreasonable to have wants of my own.

Heres to disappointment...a friend i wish i didnt know so well.