Sometimes you do good and nice things because of what it will get you. This is a story of doing something because it's the right thing to do, it's the nice thing to do, it's something you would appreciate being done for you. And because you want the credit and the warm fuzzy feeling you will get when the person gets what you have done for them. That's what this story is!

You know I have mommy issues. Big Bad Scary Ugly Mommy issues. Put your ass on medication mommy issues. Never forget though that I love my mother very much and it would kill me if something happened to her. See...psycho scary mommy issues.

Anyways, my mom and dad are staying in town tonight. She took the sheets home with her a few weeks ago to wash them and brought them back Sunday. They didn't stay Sunday night but are staying tonight. The bed wasn't made. I was in their room talking to my dad a little bit ago; bullshitting and getting shit from him; a good time ;) And I looked over and saw the bag of sheets.

My mom and I are in a honeymoon period right now in the abuse that is known as our relationship. And I would have done it anyways. I wouldn't have done it the "right" way, but I would have made my moms bed for her.

Today though, I made her bed the "right" way because I love her and I know she would appreciate that and it would make her like me for another day lol. No seriously, not sarcasm lol.

My dad said he didn't want to do it know, he'd wait til later. But like with that stupid driveway when you go to clean a path, you're already out there might as well do the whole drive. I figured I'd do the bed the right way.

Thanks to a little help from my dad the bed is made the right way. He helped me put the sheets on, the underskirt thingy and then was out of there lol. He came back a few minutes later and was like your still fighting it lol. I just wanted to do it the right way.

Sometimes it's the real little things that make your day better. I know my mom is having a rough time with Grandpa and then her boss at work, his dad just died. So I'm pretty sure that my mom is at some place on the emotional scale that I don't even know about and should probably steer clear of. This is the time to show my mom I love her and do something nice lol.

The significance of making the bed "right" is that mom has a way of making the bed. You can make the bed all day long; doesn't mean that it's right! I know how to make a freaking bed. Let me tell you what! And to make the bed "right" you are only fast at it if you do it all the time. It took me like 20 minutes to make the damned bed lol. But I made the bed "right".

Put the underskirt thing on, even made sure it was all straight and nice. Now that was fun times with Dad lol one of us holding the bed up while the other one straightened it out. Then got the sheets on and got them on the right way so when you see the little decoration thingy. I don't know I just know that Dad had to show me the right way because I had that lil part messed up . So the bed is a big deal.

Hell with the sham thingy I even put a pillowcase on the pillow inside that so you could take the sham off and have a pillow.

I better get a fucking hug is all I have to say lol.

And in the doing things for others catagory lol I also made a very nice lunch for my Uncle Larry. I made meatloaf with onions for him. Heated up some leftover fideo and served that on the side. It was nice having lunch with Mae and my Uncle at the table. Then Dad came back and I made him a plate.

I'm telling you sometimes you have to do nice things for other people to make yourself feel better because you know that it was appreciated. Yup, I am that kind of person lol.

People are coming over here soon! My house is clean. I know it's clean. But my mother is coming over. I can feel the anxiety starting. It's pretty bad!

So my mom calls me to tell me something and I had to stop her and explain to her all about how her issue with the house effects me and how any tone or whatever she thinks she hears in my voice its not what she thinks it is. That my anxiety was going up that here was the reason, that she wasn't at fault for my feelings because she can't control those. And that I was going to have to take a pill lol.

It actually went really really well. Because I'm telling you this medicine Im on is working. Don't ask me to explain because I can't, I just know its doing its job.

And my mom is almost ready for meds herself. She needs them lol but SHE is almost ready to think about it. because her reaction or action disorder i can't remember what she says its called, she can see it turning into depression now. I told her take the prozax, it works. take the anxiety medication, it works! Hell I'm all mellow now that I took part of a xanex lol.

I needed it because I could feel myself getting wound up. And to top it off the vaccum stopped working. It worked Friday when I vaccumed but today nothing lol.

People are here yay!

Everybody has a story that proves God is a funny man. That He does things for reasons we don't know and then there are the times we know it is just so He can laugh his ass off at us.

Here is my God really loves me (yes that was sarcasm lol) moment.

You know that website people of walmart? Where you can see some of the most outrageous freakish things, people out there. At least there you can whip out your camera phone and take a picture.

Yes, I know it's not right to make fun of other people. BUT ALOT of US out there do it and do it with guilty unabashed pleasure. Yes, I have issues lol.

So today I go to church with my Aunt. It's a whole different experience to me because it was so short. Anyways in comes this man with the most horrific toupe on his head. It was a OMG there is no way, let me take a picture kind of bad.

It looked nothing like the hair that you could tell was real, it had outside clips, I thought it might have been a hat, but no it was a bad bad toupe. Like if you saw him at Walmart you would be required to take the picture and post it online.

THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO!! BUT God loves me(yes sarcasm) and put it in front of me at church. In his home, his place of worship, the place I wanted and needed to be at today, the place where todays message hit home...God gives me this poor man to totally crucify(pun intended) and I can't do it.

There is no way I could go to church and do that. Like God's watching all the time, but if you go to his house you know he's watching. So yea God has a great sense of humor. But then again maybe that's the message that I shouldn't be so judgmental and stuff. Hmm something to ponder.

BUT the reality is .... It was so horrible I really really wanted to share and this is all I could do and if I could do it, I'd get that man some new hair because noone should be allowed to go around looking like that...some people would actually say something to his face instead of randomly blogging. Sigh...thanks be to God ;)

Money makes me happy. Yes, I am that shallow. I do know that money won't keep you happy but if you have no money and you get some unexpectedly it really makes you happy. If you have ever been broke you know what I'm talking about.

I don't know how or why, but this year Christmas shopping wasn't stressful. Not like last year where I didn't know how I was going to do anything or get anyone gifts. This year the money has just worked out right. Before the holiday season really kicked off I ended up with some extra unexpected money.

I bought Mae some Christmas gifts. Then I came into another bit of extra unexpected money; and bought Mae more Christmas presents. This time though it was the one that HAS to be under the tree or her Christmas will end up sucking for her lol. Then I got the bills under control and paid in advance and had a chunk of money I wasn't expecting to have.

I went shopping that day and finished off my shopping for everyone. Oh and I did put about 41 bucks on my mom's toys r us charge. That doesn't have to be paid til May; thank you tax money!

Then I got my bonus at work and I spent that on getting Mae her picture with Santa. Thank you to my boss because without his bonus I wouldn't have been able to afford it!

Well this week started with money being really REALLY tight for me and for my friends. Tammy who does my daycare had enough gas to get home on Monday night but not to get over on Tuesday. Tips really have been shitty lately. Monday night people were really generous. So I made enough in tips to get a pack of smokes and give her about 7 bucks for gas.

Should have been no big deal! Should have been an easy fix because Tuesday is payday. Checks didn't come in on Tuesday. I had no money. Ok I did I had about 4 bucks between two bank accounts. I texted Tammy to see if she needed a ride and she did. There goes my gas faster.

We decided she would stay the night last night so Mae didn't have to get up and we could just get my check today and I'd take her home. Well at this point we are both broke and have a total of 8 cigarettes between us. I told ya lol I've been going without. So fortunatly I made enough in tips and with the help of the credit card was able to get us into smokes til today when I was supposed to get my check.

Well when we got home yesterday I checked my mail. There was a christmas card for me from my cousin. And it was in the shape of one that is a money holder. You know the ones I'm talking about you just can tell that's what they are. But I wasn't expecting anything, I got hopefull lol but wasn't expecting anything.

Inside they told me how they appreciate me and Mae taking their mom to church on sundays and that they know she likes the company. And to have a merry christmas; oh yea, and by the way here's a check for $40!

Oh my! I was literally in shock and didn't know what to say. I go to church with my Aunt because I want to, because I told my dying Grandpa that I would start going to church, because church is helping me a bit. I don't go to church with her to get anything. Ok again I lie, I like how it makes me feel when I go to church with her. I like being with her. Sue me! I don't do it for gas or anything. But they wanted us to have something a little extra! So I took that money that in the memo said Christmas and went out and bought Mae a present.

When I got to work last night the Toys R Us ad was out and it had a toy that was like half off called Splatster. I hadn't ever heard of it but it looked really cool. You use a wand and can paint on the tv. 29 bucks and some change! I saw it and I showed it to Tammy last night and decided that the money was going to get Mae something cool.

Roll around to today and it just seems like all I've done is been on the go today. I wanted to go to church today because I don't know when services are where I will be at. So I asked my Aunt if she wanted to go and we went. I had Tammy keep Mae and when my Aunt got in the car she was all where's the little one, I wanted to take her out for lunch.

Maaan lol that sucked lol. We got to church and Wednesday service is different. It's shorter and it feels rushed. BUT today what they had to say was what I needed to hear. It was about how its the unexpected that we have to deal with and how we deal with it is how we shape ourselves. Something like that. I just know that when I sat there and listened, it made sense. It was what I needed to hear.

We ended up going out for lunch anyways. I had Tammy get Mae ready and we ended up at Pizza Hut.

It was a nice time, I like watching Mae and my Aunt together. Mae is a very likable young lady lol. While we were eating my phone rang and I hadn't taken it off silent from church and it was a call telling me that nope checks still werent in.

I had a quarter of a tank of gas, I needed to drive all the way across town in 3 directions, 2 of them twice, I had a friend waiting to get paid, and money to give my mom. NOT GOOD!

Well somewhere along the line it got decided that we were getting Grandpa Christmas money. OOOOOOO ty ty ty Grandpa! I got gas in my car, paid my daycare, and will have enough for a pack of smokes. This also means that when I do get my paycheck I will be able to buy my brother and nephew a gift certificate to my work and pick up a piece of crap gift bag for his girlfriend.

Money makes Christmas so much better! I had a lot of nice unexpected things happen to me. And I'm greatful because I have to have a good time for Christmas. I have a love hate relationship with the holiday anyways, and this year I wasn't so sure about a lot of things. But somehow it has all worked out. I really think this was my gift from Grandpa. Being able to keep trying and going even though I don't want to and doing my best to live up to my responsibilities.

I'm ready for Christmas....just not looking forward to the Christmas Drop!

Well I got all worried for nothing; but at least I was prepared lol. My Aunt called me yesterday and told me we weren't going to church today because she has shingles and the doctor said to not be around kids who havn't had chicken pox. Guess what thats us!

So I figured today I would do my normal house cleaning and skip the mopping. Oooo my wonderful daughter had other ideas for her mama though. Just as I was getting my groove on to clean, she comes out of the bathroom no pants on. She had an accident!

Well guess what, no skipping the mopping of the bathroom. Then I got to thinking well since I've got the mop out I might as well do the kitchen. Soooo the mopping is done.

In hindsight I should have taken the laundry downstairs first so I could do the vacuming. So the vacuming will have to wait til the kitchen floor is dry so I can take the clothes downstairs, put the chairs back and then finish the cleaning.

Lucky for me I've kind of been keeping up on it. So all I really have to do is vaccum, clean the bathroom toilet and vanity and shower. Oh yea and that pesky laundry. But I don't think I'm doing to bad.

But damn I wanted to be lazy today lol. Oh well, it just means I don't have to mop tomorrow. And then Wednesday the cooking will begin and Thursday I think will be the day to wrap presents.

Mae can help with everyone else's gifts and then when she goes to bed on Thursday I'll bring all her presents out and wrap them.

It's going to be a busy busy week and it's going to fly by. 2 days of work then the rest off. My friend asked if I was going to try to pick up any shifts. I told her not this week, if they call and you can watch her then I'll take an extra shift but unless they call I'm not doing anything lol.

Now to keep Mae off the wet floor and then to just enjoy the rest of Sunday.

The pica is back. I was pretty sure it was, but I was trying to live in the land of delusion. It worked for a minute.

I got home from work tonight and talked with my friend for awhile. When she left Mae got up to go "potty". Well good Mama that I am went to tuck her in. She was chewing on something.

Lately I have been finding wads of toilet paper wadded up and wet. She is chewing/eating(?) toilet paper.

When she went on the Concerta for the add/adhd she stopped eating things that weren't food. It was a very happy day.

She had a wad of toilet paper in her mouth tonight. I'm very proud of myself. I didn't yell at her, I didn't spank her. But I did tell her that I was very unhappy. Then I told her what could happen if she keeps eating things that aren't food. That she would get sick and she goes I am sick *cough cough*. I told her not that kind of sick. I said the sick that they put you in the hospital and they stick you with big needles and you have tubes in you. She got quiet and said that would hurt me. I said I know and I don't want you to be hurt that's why you can't eat things that aren't food. Ooo this is not what I wanted to be worried about.

I don't know if she needs more medication or if they need to test her for something else, but the pica being back is not making me very happy.

On the other end of things; had a pretty awesome night at work. Tips were freakin AWESOME and the guy I worked with actually worked and did more stuff. I feel like I didn't do anything at work lol but since I know I worked I'm not going to bitch about it. It was a good night at work and I don't have to be back there until 5 pm on Monday.

There are books to be read, movies to be watched, hugs and kisses to be given and I'm going to enjoy them...even if I have to pick up little balls of chewed t.p.

Panic has set in and is on it's way out. Thankfully I was able to think quick. And now I ask you, if you're broke and you forgot to get someone a present, is it ok to give them a card with a picture of Mae in it?

I was sitting here playing a game and all of a sudden I realized that I didn't get my Aunt Alberta anything for Christmas. We have been going to church pretty regularly for the last 7 months. In all the shopping that I did, I didn't think to pick her up anything. How horrible is that? So then I figure I know I can scrounge up a Christmas card and I'm pretty sure I have a school picture of Mae. That can be a present, right?

Well it better be because that's what I've got to give her. And even though it was a late thought, at least I finally remembered.

Sheesh this holiday is going to kill me. I don't want to go to Christmas. I want to be by myself. But I can't do that to Mae and to Katie. The Katie part is what my sister added because I'm assuming that even though Katie has issues it would be a bigger issue if I missed both Thanksgiving and Christmas. And my sister says it's not an option. Sooo I'm going to go with the crowd on this one and bite the bullet and go even though I don't want to. Thank you anxiety medication!

Yesterdy was Mae's last day of school til January 3rd. This week we are going to have presents to wrap, food to make, and do our best to not kill each other lol.

I really do like Christmas. I bitch about it a lot but I don't hate Christmas. I just don't want to go to Christmas because I'd rather be alone and deal then be with everyone and deal.

Ok so Merry Christmas and falalalala I'm going to be happy it's Christmas because Mae is beyond super excited about Christmas and I can't be the Grinch who brings it down for her! Let the wrapping begin and the naughtiness begin. Because you know that the week before Christmas is always when the kids are the naughtiest lol