I am hiding out! Right this very moment I am hiding from the phone, Mae, my grandpa, I am in hiding lol. Today has been one of those days! One of those days I'm going to have to borrow like 20 bucks because it's only 938am and I NEED A DRINK!! Not want one, need one lol.

There is nothing like waking up to finding out your bank accounts are WAAAAAAAAAAY out of wack! Trying to find charges you know you made and figure out which account has the right amount of money in it. Oh hell, I'm going to have to pause and go look at one of the accounts again, because now I'm worried about the 18 bucks in gas I got the other day. Insert elevator music here.

Ok that was another mistake!!! Seriously.. I don't understand how hard it is to add and subtract funds! They need to figure out a better way with the authorizations and the actual pulling of funds! Now my account shows that I have 3 bucks, BUT still isn't showing the phone payment. But my gas is covered lol.

Then I go to another account and I'm racking my brain to figure out if I used it. Do I really have 20 bucks in there, or is it an illusion!!

Then my mother!! OOOO seriously!! My mother! She ordered almost a hundred bucks worth of Pampered Chef. I just need to pick the check up. I have no idea when the stuff is coming. She's having a day about money too! So she's off on well that's bull and this is bull and I'm like here's the number call!! I got a text and I got the info. Now she's ok. Except for the next flurry of calls I got from her!!

Mae...do I really need to say anymore? I don't know what the hell her problem is besides she's spoiled and thinks she is the boss. I put her ass back in bed for a lil bit because I was tired of a tantrum every 2 minutes. She knows the word No, she hears the word No, the word No is applied to her daily...still...she has a tantrum.

I was freakin done!!!! She had a timeout in bed, which I know isn't the "correct" way. BUT I sent her there, made her lay down, told her she could get up when she could get up in a better mood.

We had the counseling services here yesterday. I asked what she thought about ADD and she just kind of nodded and said Yeah it kind of looks like that. Ohhhh joy! So now to wait for a real diagnosis from professionals. BUT she is going to come and see about helping me and Mae.

It's Friday! It's not supposed to be this hard this early lol. I have laundry in the washer, Mae has been fed, and I have about 15 more minutes that I can hide out! I'm going to enjoy my 15 minutes and then I have to face the music lol.

Have a great weekend everyone. Dawn...I sure hope you get better soon! I can kind of sense your frustration.

There isn't much going on in our world. Just some things that I figure I better not talk about too much, you know that whole jinx factor lol. Still worried about money, and now that taxes are here, Ive realized...Even after taxes ill be broke.

I was getting a few thousand back, but this year i only made about 3 grand..yea i know big freakin difference in pay.

I had gotten excited about a room meet. Then after the excitment wore off and i THOUGHT about it. Realized that there was no way I can justify spending that kind of money on a trip. I want to be totally irresponsible with the money I might get. BUT when its not very much, bills have to be paid first. Which means, Maybe lol Ill have enough for a trip to Des Moines lol. Yay Des Moines lol.

Today I was disappointed by MamaNature. I was praying for school today lol. I was really really selfish and i think thats why it didnt happen lol. We were supposed to have a spa day, stress reliever at the school for the parents. Yea the weather turned nasty and we have a two hour delay which means...No school for Mae lol.

Im being flirted with a lot, but its sooo stupid. I think the dude thinks i just turned the net on for the first time. The rule is if hes flirting with you, hes flirting with 20 other people. DUH LOL. Then this guy from earlier posts decided to email me. WTH...seriously, and then!! LOL. And today i wake up to an email from another site. This one is one of those Adultish sites. Asking me why he hasnt seen me at the video store. Ummmm kinda scary, but kinda pissin me off lol. Why wait til now to say something to me lol.

Such is life lol. Like i said nothing going on with us right now. Though to be honest lol I really wouldnt mind finding someone to hang with lol as long as they're appropriate lol. Right now Im holding a secret about one of my best friends man, and i just cant bring myself to tell her what ive heard. I think I need to, but seriously...noone wants to hear the story I was told. Hopefully the phone call my friend made to the guy gets him to straighten up, if not...All i know is Im waiting till after the party in February to talk to my girl! I dont want to ruin something fun for her.

Yayyyy its a boring life, but im living it!

So remember that catalog I ordered the Christmas boxes out of ? Yea they sent me a new catalog today! Now I know that they don't know I have a girl named Katie. BUT Somehow I think someone tattled lol.



I always buy Valentines for the kids. My sisters, mine, and my brothers. I'm cool like that lol. I love WalMart at Valentines because they have tons of stuff kids love. Well this catalog is candy candy candy lol.



Im getting suckered into buying from them again!! I did't want to be pulled in but I sure was. Doesn't help that the name Katie is on a ton of the things lol. Right now my cell is blinking with a message from Katie. I had to text her to get her view on gummi bears.



I hate not having money and wanting to send gifts lol. Spending this money means we don't get a trip to the video store. But it's so worth it to see them smile because they got a present. I like giving gifts lol. I'm stupid like that lol.



Well back to the catalog and see what the verdict is on the GB's.

Ok checked the text...they are her fav no joke lol. That's what I got back. She isn't a little girl anymore, so I can't buy for her like I do the other kids. Eventually they will all be too old for it lol. BUT they have a tin of freakin gummi bears and I thought she liked them but you know how kids are. They get older and leave stuff behind. I love my girl...guess Im going to have to shower her in gummi bears lol

Heres to raining bears

Looking out my window this morning, my gripe was that I had to brush my car off. Then my gripe turned into...WTF!!

Looking out my window this morning, it looked like any other winter day. Cold and grey.

Bundled Mae up and threw my flip flops on for the 40 second drive to school.

Pulled up as two other parents pulled up.

Walked down the hall talking and ready to drop off kids. The Custodian stops us.

Didn't you see the news?

Hell no, why would I watch the news this morning. Nothing outside indicated to me that the weather was anything other than Iowa in January.

2 hour school delay! Ohhh joy! 2 hours for Mae means no school.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who tried to send their kid to school today. As we walked out the door another mom was pulling up.

Let me tell you, I wish I had a video camera then because it would be nice to show these kids later that they cried when school wasn't happening lol.

Heres to the fog clearing up, whereever it is!

I have said it before and I'll say it again! I want to be able to just bring baby after baby into the world. I want to not be selfish and stupid and (insert your word here) and just keep bringing kids into the world.

I love babies and kids. I would have a dozen of them, IF I COULD. Physically I am able to bring lots and lots of babies into this crazy world. I'm also able to produce enough milk, lol, to feed a small village. BUT

I don't have the means to support anymore kids. I am having a hard enough time as it is. Doesn't mean that I wouldn't love to have more kids. I just know enough to go to the doctor's every 3 months and bare a hip.

Where did this rant come from? It comes from the fact that my brother is going to have ANOTHER baby. He isn't even divorced from the whore who told him the kid was his. Turns out the kid isn't his. I saw the whore yesterday and fell out laughing. Did everything but point and laugh.

Anyways thats not the point. The point is my brother keeps having kids with people and then doesn't want to be responsible for them. Oh wait I hear someone mumbling what about you and Katie.

That situation is completely 100% different! I have done everything in my power to be there for Katie, and to provide what I can for Katie. I am being forced out of her life a day at a time by my sister. Unfortunatly for her, Some bonds can never be broken, only delayed!

Anyways..so my brother decides it's totaly over between him and the whore. He gets a new girlfriend. AND is very inappropriate with this new girl. He brings her to my moms house to introduce her and he's talking about 6 months down the road with her and he loves her. Blah Blah Blah! Like a week or two later, they broke up.

Thanksgiving comes...ANOTHER new girlfriend! We had hopes for this one. She goes to school, she is age appropriate. She looked and acted like she had her shit somewhat together.

Then at Christmas, I missed this one, but guess what? We're having a baby!! And expected everyone to be all happy. My mom said that she isn't going to get close to this baby either. She hates when the kids get taken away.

He has a son, who he sees, but it's drama city. He has a daughter from another whore, you can see her on girls gone wild screwing in a dumpster, who he has given his rights up to because he didn't want to fight anymore with the mom. And now the winner of them all:

The girlfriend wants him to get DIVORCED NOW because she doesn't want to have a baby with a married man. UM HELLO!! What the fuck do you think you just did? He's married and your pregnant. You ARE having a baby with a married man. Doesn't matter if he gets divorced now or not. You fucked a married man, even if seperated, and are pregnant. Do the math.

In a way I'm way jealous. Why can't I just go out and be irresponsible and have as many babies as I want. Why can't I just have sex with no thought to the consequences. Hell as it is I'm not even having sex but I keep getting the shot because maybe I'll have a moment, or drunken encounter and need it. BECAUSE I have some kind of conscience!

I guess this rant is all about how I love babies and have to play with everyone else's because I'm responsible. Can I please not be responsible?

Here's to everyone else knowing

I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go, I don't know! Yes it's another one of those days!

Mae was supposed to go visit her dad for a minute today but that's not happening. No, we aren't fighting. Mae is the issue! She decided that last night was the night to not sleep AGAIN!

I really don't know what her problem is! I don't know how to handle her. I know how not to handle her. Spanking does no good, slapping her hand does no good, yelling at her does no good. I just don't know what to do. Sometimes it works if you get right into her face, but that works for a minute.

The doctor has suggested she is add/adhd but they don't diagnose til later? I'm not sure. And then you add the having to put everything in her mouth still. I can't even go to the bathroom for longer then it takes to pee or she is into everything.

The only break I get is when she finally falls out for the night, OR it's Friday night and she is all her dad's! I know that he thinks I only use him for a sitter. Truth is, yes it's great to have him as a "sitter" but I NEED him to take her. I need the break to sleep. To turn off the mommy ear and to unwind.

Mae's behavior is enough that with a lessor person she would be one of the millions of abused children. Spanking her could easily turn into making a person feel better instead of being a punishment. Yelling at her has turned her into another generation of yellers. I can live with that because eventually you can fix it. BUT yelling at her has no effect.

She is sneeky. Used to be she would duckwalk to make sure noone saw her leave her room. Last night was a new one. She put herself up against the wall, face first, and like slinked along the wall.

What kind of child does this? I mean I already knew she was sneeky and manipulative, hell I got that self diagnonsense also from the DR. But I am really at my wits end! I don't know what to do.

The school told me though that she isn't retarded or autistic. Thats a good thing. Though I admit it would be nice to have a label for her. That way maybe I can find a way to parent her effectively.

I am tired of looking at RyderMae and telling her how angry I am at her. I can't yell or spank because they don't work, but to make me feel better I can look at Mae and say " Mommy is really angry with you right now" and then move on to the next thing.

It's a hard job, it's my job, and I'm doing it. I did call a place that does counseling and such. I am waiting for them to call me back and set up an appointment if we qualify.

And as I type this...Yes, Mae is now sleeping!!! Seriously! Now she sleeps?? God I hope this doesn't mean that we are up again all night. I don't think I can deal with that. At least this time though she stayed in her room, destroyed it, but didn't destroy anything of value.

I need help! I have reached out for the help I need. The next step after this place gets back to me is to call the Dr and see how you test for PICA. Mae will put in her mouth anything and everything. Edible or not. I threw a whole box of crayons away because I was tired of her eating the paper and trying to eat the crayons.

Heres to knowing you need help, asking for help. and the follow through.

Hey Dawn, it's story time!

So I'm minding my own business and I'm just floating around the net. Decide that I'd like to see if the lingerie place in town has a website. Find lots and lots of links that go no where. Then I find a yahoo thing. There is one review. ONE FREAKING REVIEW!! You are never going to guess which crazyass from my drama life was there lol.

Whole other website a couple days ago. I'm floating around, looking at things, and then the status's. Fuck me right there on top was the crazyass that contacted me about the kids dad. Oh hell!

The net is not big enough anymore lol. So there I am minding my own business when that ONE review is from the crazyass!!

WTF I'm telling you it's crazy weird. Hell there are people who I deleted a long long time ago and for some reason yahoo is asking me to connect with them. On facebook same thing. When I delete people I delete them the right way. All contact information is gone, thats what delete is for lol.

It makes me wonder what kind of crazy shit the universe has in store for me next.

Or maybe it's not me getting unlucky and its the kids dad lol. From the lil tidbit he told me about her the other day lol..i hope for his sake not lol.

Anyways..thats the strange in my world. Time to go back to hiding in my room from my mom and grandpa lol Mae's snoozin lol.