I am not real happy at this precise moment. I woke up this morning puking and shitting like my whole body wanted to turn inside out. To make it even more fun the puking started while the bathroom was occupied.

Nothing like puking in the sink and there isn't much you can do but try to keep your hair out of the ick and water.

All it is is the 24 hour thing I had a couple weeks ago. BUT it's not fun. You feel queasy pretty much all day, your insides feel like at anytime they could come out and you just want to sleep!

I tried to get someone to work for me tonight. There were 2 girls who said WE WANT HOURS...even gave the days and stuff. Do you think they worked for me? Hell no! One had an apptment when I was to start working, the other...not one peep out of her on 3 different numbers. Now luckily for me, the boss's girlfriend is covering my shift.

BUT why should she have to give her night up? I was all prepared to go into work tonight. Yes, I know sick and food just aren't a good thing. BUT i was fucking scheduled to work and I was going to go, even if it killed me. Why? because i was scheduled and its my responsibility to get there.

I slept all day, hell I even asked daycare to take her after school just so I could keep sleeping so I could go to work tonight. Yes! As fucked up as I can be, I do have a work ethic! So I spent the day in bed sleeping.

But you know how that is, the phone rings and texts and your just left going ahhhhhh. BUT today the only call I answered was from my mom. I was so sick that I didn't even call or text my friend to tell her I was sick. Just kept rejecting the call.

When I found out that I wasn't going to work, I went to pick up Mae and stop at the grocery store for dinner for gramps n mae. I didnt have anything because I was sick and planned on being at work lol. So at the store I call my friend and find out she's all worried about me. I told her you know i didnt even think to text you i was sick, because i was sick and just wanted to close my eyes lol. So also with me not answering the phone, there was the facebook message and then the silence by me lol.

On my facebook I put that I was hoping for good news. Yesterday I got a text from my bio dad, which i freaked at first because i didnt realize it was bio dad, i thought it was my dad. Then freaked again because its my dad. Yea crazy but it makes sense to me lol. He had an angiogram today and Im waiting to hear about that.

So my friend was a bit freaked. I didn't mean to do it, my head just wasnt cooperating lol. My body won the fight and slept lol.

But now I think Mae is going to Mcdonalds with the daycare lady and her two kids. Sooo nice! I have a feeling Ill be asked to watch the girls sometime. But thats ok! She did me a good turn. LOL if anyone wanted to assume i was faking monday sick lol ask my daycare lady.

She said not to be mean but you look sick lol. She said i always have color in my face and today nut huh lol.

Yay for being sick, yay for boss's girlfriends and fuck the bitches who want hours but dont!

Seriously I was ready to beat down the bitch who decided she needed to confront me in Wal Mart today!

Here's the thing, I was introduced to her one time. Alooooooooooong time ago. So long ago she doesn't remember. That and I'm not involved in her world. Her friend however is an acquaintence of mine. This person was once considered a friend but was downgraded in status because, well to be honest, she is fucking insane! No, medication wouldn't help this kind of crazy!

Anyways...one of my friends is banned from WalMart. Like so banned that if he goes there he gets a free ride downtown. They have his picture and shit. How do we know this? Because after he was banned he thought it was a good idea to go to WalMart.

I'm checking out and I look down the aisle and there is my friends son. So I yelled out to him, BIG smile on my face, and said Hey your not supposed to be in walmart. AND I LAUGHED. He yelled back no that was his dad and was smiling.

This bitch with them decides that EVEN THOUGH THE BOY HAS ALREADY ANSWERED that she needs to show how big and bad her short skinny ugly nasty pink dyed nasty self should come on down and get in my face. IN FRONT OF MAE AND GRANDPA!

Ok so by being willing to beat her down in front of god and everyone that makes what she did worse, but still! She's in my face talking about i dont know her and i cant tell her this....whatever the fuck she was saying. At that point I was just trying to get my shit together because Mae wanted her hair cut and was buggin me. I looked at her and told her no you don't know me and you need to step off because whatever else I said. She said some more shit and was talking big as she walked away and I of course dont shut up easily.

Maaaan let me tell you what, ghetto fuckin trash like that is why I pray to god that my kid's are smart enough to stay in school.

This is why I think and know I am better than some people. Why i think and know I am a better parent then some people.

Seriously...you think its appropriate to have to prove your big and bad or whatever that you cause a scene where there was nothing to make a scene over? And to someone you don't know. Hell I could be an escaped mental patient just waiting to do some damage. I could be some sociopath who doesn't have a problem wacking you. I could be some serial killer who would follow you and you get where I'm going.

And to do it all in front of my family. WTF...I was joking with someone I knew. Who knew I was joking with him. And now there's fucking drama!

I tell you what if I have to beat down 2 skinny bitches I'm going to be pissed because that would mean I would have to go to jail. And I make it a point never to go to jail! Holding cells don't count lol

Just a bit pissy

I got my computer back on Tuesday, twice! I told my cousin I've seen you three times now and I should only see you twice a year. Once for my computer and once at my moms house for the family reunion.

So far this year Ive seen him 4 times! Did I mention I take my computer to the company he works for? LOL, No...well then maybe I should so you don't think me a bitch lol.

Thankfully he is nice and gives me a discount on my virus removal. Because this year alone I've now had 2 of the same fucking virus. You know that wonderful antivirus virus, THAT NOTHING IS STOPPING, yea that's the one I've had twice now.

He told me though that even his customers that don't visit high traffic sites like I do are getting this virus.

I am pissed off at the makers of this virus. Go get a real fucking job if you need money. Don't try making it off unsuspecting people. Luckily for me, I'd never give my cc out for somethign like that. My cousin told me that not only are they making money on the removal, but he has had clients who paid for the bogus shit.

I'm pissed off that these sites don't take a minute more than they do to make sure their sites aren't compromised.

I love playing around on Yearbook, but now I know that I can't go much past the homepage. I've also implemented a new rule. If i see a yellow bar at the top of my page and I didn't click on something then I'm closing my browser right away, no extra clicks, just hit the red X and open a new page. I'm hoping this works!

Tax money won't be around forever and I'd like to stay online lol. I use it for entertainment but for also looking things up for my mom, staying in touch with family, and cmon I'm a bit addicted lol.

But in all honesty I'm pissed because these virus makers have nothing better to do then steal hard earned money from people. Get a fucking job! Get a fucking life! And most definitly stay out of my fucking computer!!

Breastfeeding while on the clock

I am a huge fan of breastfeeding babies. I don't care if you do it for a day or for a year, but I believe strongly that every baby should be breastfed for sometime. I don't come down on parents who decide that's not for them. I just believe in the power of the breastmilk.

Why am I such a believer? Because in this day and age of sanitize at every turn I don't think a kid's immune system is all that. Do I have any medical knowledge of what I'm talking about or about to say...Hell no, just experience.

My two children were breast fed. One for about 3 months and the other 8 months +. My oldest I just wasn't mommy enough to give her more than that, I was after all all of 19. RyderMae however got the boob til she was done which was about 8 or 9 months. Both of my children are hardly EVER sick with anything other than the common cold and ear infections. When Ryder gets the nasty puke stuff, which in almost 4 yrs has been a handful of times. I credit the breast milk because hello we are over sanitizing the world. My comparison comes in the form of my sisters sickly children. They weren't nursed, and though she thinks she's breastfeeding them, they have gotten way more formula because she does the pump n dump so she can still drink.

Her kids are always sick with something besides the common cold. So thats where I'm drawing some of my opinion. I have read lots of articles that tell all the things the breastmilk helps promote and what they think it helps promote.

I also have NO PROBLEM with a mom whippin a tit out to feed her kid. I don't care if its covered or not. Most women cover because well in our society it's what's at least expected.

So how do you feel about going into buy a sandwhich at your favorite local sub shop and walking around is a worker nursing her baby. Not just nursing the baby in a quiet out of the way spot, BUT walking around for all to see knowing what she's doing while the only other employee tries to work down a line by herself?

I would be pissed off. Especially knowing that this is a mother who suppliments with formula. There is no reason for her to have her child at work to be fed. The girl who was working was pissed off. She helped a big line of customers and made 4 bucks in tips. Which the breastfeeding mom wanted half of.

Hello...you weren't working. You were nursing your baby, on the clock, doing nothing that resembled work.

Yea i know its a stupid bitch, but its a gripe none the less. The other girl didn't want to speak up, i made a phone call. HOpefully its been addressed. If not, god help the girl if she ever tries to do that to me!

Anyways it was a short rant. Bottom line...dont be nursing your baby while on the clock at work and expect me to be ok with doing all the work. Its work not a daycare!

Sick! It's my turn! We got to the motel Friday after a crappy drive. Wouldn't you know that it would have to start snowing a couple hours before we left!

Driving down my gramps informed me that I wasn't to do more than 60 so we didn't end up in the ditch. The funny thing is at the time I was doing less than 50 lol.

Kimmi and I had a great time! We ate way to much lol. Had drinks in the hot tub. Ate way to much again lol. Had another couple drinks and more time in the hot tub.

I took along the dvd player so we could veg out in the room.

When we got there Katie pretty much dropped what she was doing to give me a hug. I gave her and my nieces and nephew their WalMart crap. They loved it. Would have been better if everytime I tried to hold the baby my sister and bil didn't come to scoop her back from me. Or the time I was trying to talk to the baby and my sister reached down and pulled the baby on the other side of her. I'm going to try to pretend she didn't realize I was talking to the baby!

Spent some time with the family, but mostly relaxed! It was a good time, even if the badness hadn't happened.

This morning I woke up about 5 and was just freaking sick! I was throwing up so bad and then the back end started! Good lord it sucked ass! Kimmi was sick last night. We ATE WAY TO MUCH FOOD!

Though for me it was more than just food! I just wish they would have stopped saying I drank to much. BECAUSE lol I hadn't had much at all in the way of drinking. Hell Kimmi drank more than me, and she doesn't drink that much lol.

But she was such a good friend. Heard me puking and wanted to bring me a washcloth, but they were in the bathroom with me lol. I told her on the drive home I appreciated it because I don't have anyone to take care of me when I'm sick. But I have a Kimmi!!

We made it home in great time, especially since I felt the need to puke and shit again! Oh joy o joy! Thankfully grandpa watched Mae while I passed out for another 4 hours. Yea I'm not real happy.

About an hour ago I finally ate something. And now I'm just praying that in the morning I feel much better lol.

At least I got the 2 days of hot tubs n margarita's in before the sickness found me.

It was a great time with family and I can't wait for next year. BUT FIRST....a trip to Des Moines with Mae during spring break to go swimming at a hotel's waterpark!

Hopefully I won't find myself sick that day lol.

Hope everyone had a good weekend, and welcome home Dawn, now get back to bed lol!

I'm pretty sure that I said I was prepared for a No. I lied! I had a big ass fit, and my mother got the brunt of it. Yes, I apologized.

I've been bringing up spring break to Katie since Christmas. I've expressed in a dozen different ways how much it would mean to me, Ryder, and grandpa if she chose to come up and visit us.

Her answer was I have to see what's going on around here then. AT THE TIME up until like,oooo TODAY!, there wasn't anything going on. Not one god damned thing! Hell from what my mom told me Saturday/Sunday my sister wanted her to watch the kids so her and my bil could spend some time together. I guess there fighting.

I was trying to grab a power nap and everyone kept calling me. I basically shopped all morning trying to find shoes and a swim suit. I got a cheap ass pair of shoes and some pretty good chinese. Yea not real successful.

My mom calls after I talked to my cousin for a good 40 minutes and drops the fucking bomb.

Katie will not be coming up here for spring break.....BECAUSE.... my sister has decided she is going to take them to Branson, MO with tax money! WTF!! I have been asking and talking about spring break for like almost 2 months!!

She knew! THAT FUCKING BITCH knew that I was begging for time with Katie. And she picks that time to go. She picks then to just have to go, yea I don't care that her friend has a time share. If her friend has a time share today she will have it tomorrow. They went to fucking Branson last year!

I am sooo beyond angry. I am sooo beyond hurt. I am sooo beyond every and all emotions I can come up with. I can't get ahead. I can't win for losing. My bitch sister in that lovely text, all but dared me to prove myself. I have! Over and Over again! But it's like slamming my head against a brick wall.

I have to be done slamming my head into that wall. I am going to have to just forget having any kind of relationship with Katie. I'm going to have to get over my mother's guilt trip when I choose to not go to her house when my sister is there and it's just the immediate family. Oh but by doing that I'm spiting myself, according to my mother, but what she doesn't seem to understand is that I would rather miss out on those occasions to avoid all the uncomfortableness.

She says they all walk on eggshells around me. Um, seriously? WTF I go down, am on my best behavior like a 12 yr old who was threatened with no Wii for a month, and they are walking on eggshells? I don't go down to avoid bullshit but I'm wrong. I don't say shit to anyone about anything how the hell are they walking on eggshells? What have I done exactly to bring that on. Oh wait I know!

I was a teenager and a horrible person and Oh yea, now that I'm almost 35 I never changed. I never grew up. I never did anything except continue to be so horrible and selfish. Bah!

I'm tired of trying to make them see the changes. The harder I try the more I revert back to old habits and patterns. You can't make a person accept your change unless they are willing to let go and really look at the person as they are today.

So it was a Monday from hell, AGAIN! I'm so so tired of it all! I just wish that someone would tell me which sin I'm still paying for, because I'm tired of it.

See I do know a thing or two about the way things work with my mom. She tried to pull some bullshit with me and of course being so obediant, yes sarcasm, I went ahead and did it for her.

Hung over and just wanting to spend the day in my bed, I didn't do that til after 3 this afternoon. I ended up staying at my friends house last night. We drank forever and then both of us passed out for a minute in the living room. I woke up and went to the bed lol.

Well we were up early. By 9 we were having breakfast. By 11 I was standing in line for a sandwhich. After coming home and my friend trying to shovel my gramps out of the snow drift that he thought was a good place to park the car. We ended up having to call my brother to pull it out.

Then my mother wants me to go get beer thats on sale. I was like, I'm hungover and I really don't want to go back out again. Seriously, I was in need of some sleep.

She pulled the same old bullshit about how I don't do anything for her and I stopped her. I was like look I was there the last 2 Saturdays. THEN I turned that shit around on her!

I told her that I WANTED something for doing something for her. That's when she was all don't do it, I don't want you to. I told her I didn't say I wouldn't do it, but yes it was an imposition.

Told her I wanted her to help make get whatever Katie to come up for Spring Break. I don't care. Tired of doing the right thing. I wanted her to back me and push for it! Told her that we need to see her. We need to see her for an extended period of time. That if we were a fucking divorced couple, I would have that time, and regardless of her wanting to not come she would still have to come.

WTF am I the only one who sees this? Plus I'm still trying to pinpoint exactly what it is that I am wrong of. I have paid in spades for whatever I've done. I just can't figure it out, and noone says.

Sometimes I think it's easier for them to hide behind the good of Katie. Well you know what, what about the good of me, grandpa and Mae.

Anyways...I'm ranting. It was a weird night last night and today with my mom's attitude it sucked. Oh and of course I was the bad guy for not wanting to go do something. Yea I'm a bit aggravated and emotional. Katie does that to me. Sighs!