One day I will let go of the anger I have surrounding my Grandpa's death. At least I hope I will. My mom got a letter the other day from the hospital about the incident. Well she let me read it but only after she was well and gone out of the state. She was very very right in doing that. My cousin who came over to do some work on the bathroom, she wasn't so lucky. She read the letter and so did her man. Her man agreed with the way I read it. So I'm a bit happy about that.

The letter was basically a it wasn't our fault letter. BUT the problem I have is in this letter, the way I read it and the way he read it, the nursing staff LIED to us about the use of restraints.

They told us that it was against their policy and the law to use restraints. That they couldn't tie the patient down. That hell they couldn't even put all four bedrails up because it was considered restraint. Hell one nurse told me that they couldn't put all the rails up but they couldn't stop us from doing it. Hell me and my cousin both put them up after that was said.

But the letter said that it bothered the patients family about the restraints and that's why they don't do them. Um hello my granpa fucking fell because he was able to get out of bed. There was no fucking bed alarm hooked up. Oh and we aren't going to see or know what happened from their investigation.

I am angry as fuck! I have never had to be put in the psych ward and if this fall hadn't have happened I wouldn't have had to then either! But because of all the stress and not being able to restrain him. We had to do it, I fucking broke down with a panic attack and needed admitted.

I want a fucking lawyer to take them to court. I don't want a ton of money, I want enough to cover my medical bills. They are almost $5000 and the bills just keep coming in. I want them to pay for that, I want them to awknowledge they had a fault. But you know it wont happen.

I am angry angry angry angry. I don't know when it will subside or if it ever will. I apologized to my cousin for being so angry. I don't know! I just know that this letter says, the way I read it and her man read it, that they could have used those restraints!

God how much better for us would it have been for him to have been tied down instead of us having to hold him down, fight him down, yell at him, cry to him, beg him......I don't know...all I know is that there is some ambulence chaser out there who will work on contingency and I may as well do it!