So basically I have accepted God back into my life. I don't know how long He's going to hang out or I'm going to let him hang out; but for the moment God and I are on good terms. Or at least I'm on good terms with God. Either way it's all good.

So all good that I've lost the awww crap it's Saturday night which means I have to get up and go to church in the morning feeling. I don't mind getting up to spend an hour in church and with my great aunt. It's good for me and it's good for Mae and it's good for my cousins who don't have to get up to take there Mom to church in the morning. It's win win for everyone.

For awhile, even before my Grandpa died, I've been concerned about Mae and God. I may not be the "ideal" Catholic; I may also believe a lot of other things from other religions and walks of life; I am what God created lol but at then end of the day when it's all said and done I am a Catholic. Mae isn't baptized;Katie is. I don't remember all the little details about that time, but I know I had Katie baptized because that's what you're supposed to do, in my world, is get your kids baptized. I feel very strongly about this. I feel strongly that Mae needs to be baptized.

Problem is that I don't know anyone really who I would want for her godparents that are Catholic and have gone through all the stuff. I know one person but I'm not close enough to ask that of her. Though if it comes down to it I'll bite the bullet and ask this huge favor.

Along with this need to have her baptized is the need to have her go to Catholic school. I want, need this; and I really don't know why. Besides the fact that Grandpa would have liked it, I just know and feel strongly that Mae needs to get to her first communion. Today at church she said she wanted to walk down the aisle with the cross. The Deacon/Priest (I'm not sure which one he is) told her that she had to get to like 4th grade before she could do that. Hell I only wanted to get her to 2nd grade and her first communion lol. If Mae wants to do that well then I guess she will go for longer, if I can get her in. I have to get a better job so we can afford this.Her preschool teacher says the smaller class size would be good for her.

I am a very proud Mama! My 4 almost 5 year old little girl can say an Our Father almost perfectly! Today she even said it in church. My GAunt told me she heard her saying it. I was so proud! We have only been doing it for a week and a half maybe and she has it almost all the way down. She can't say thy for some reason lol so it's my lol but she is so cute saying it. I can just imagine how big the smile would have been and how proud my Grandpa would have been of her. That is my true regret that my Grandpa didn't get to see this because I didn't go to church with him. I should have and I didn't and I will regret it always. BUT when I did offer to go with him he always said no because of Mae lol so at least there were times that I offered to go. I get credit for trying Right?!?!?! LOL

I told my GAunt in the car this morning that she could do that and she asked me about a Hail Mary. OMG! I hadn't even thought about teaching her that one lol. Hell lol I had to say it out loud in the car with my GAunt to make sure I knew it/remembered it lol. She said it along with me and I did it...go me lol. So now we have another goal for Mae and that's to learn a Hail Mary.

Today at church I thanked God for being with me and for what He has helped me get through. Without this refound/renewed/reorganized faith that I've gotten since my Grandpa died I don't think that I would be as ok as I am now. I know that I have lots of issues with the Catholic religion but I believe that if God made us in His own image then He is the only one who can tell me I'm living my life wrong. And obviously I'm not living it to badly to be where I am at. Yes I have things to work on in my life. But I know I have it in me to do it. I am not one of those who will never be found. I've strayed off course but I'm still on the path enough that I'll more than squeek by when it comes time to add it all up.

Happy Sunday have a great week from the crazy churchy girl lol

It's hard to keep the good mood going! But I'm doing it! I like being in a good mood and sometimes you just have weeks that are good. This is one of those weeks.

Mom got tired of the "little" tv here so she went out and bought a HUGE tv. But it's not good enough in true mom fashion lol. She wishes she would have gotten this and that and the other lol. She keeps asking me what I think of it and all I can tell her is I'm happy we have tv period. As long as it isn't a 13 inch model I'm all good, but yes I like her tv lol. It's big and nice and now I want to watch some NASCAR lol.

I got my w-2 finally and immediately set out to get that big ol refund! Because lord knows I need this one time a year where I'm rich, to me, and am not struggling as much lol. Well for whatever reason when I did it the first time I only ended up with a refund of like$1600. This made no sense to me because I made more money this year. So I hopped over to the H&R Block site and plugged my stuff into it. They had me at like $3600 and I was like whoah! So I went back and did it from scratch and got what HRB was showing. Took me like 4 tries to get them done right lol but got them done I did. After bills and things are paid I will have about $700 for myself. Which if I'm smart I'll take a $150 and give it to my mom to hold onto for Mae's spring/summer clothes. Dang, I just keep thinking of things I need to do with all that money and my pile of it keeps shrinking lol. Why o Why can't I be irresponsible with the money lol.

I'm closer than ever to the 30lb mark of weight lost. My mom looked at me last night and told me that my pajama pants were just to big on me lol. I told her hey they fit in the waist lol gotta love elastic it stretches or contracts according to waist size lol. Other people are noticing it too, I'm not to worried about that because I know what kind of person I am. I'll get thinner for awhile and then I'll slack and get bigger and then be big for awhile and then get thinner lol. I know how I am. But I am doing really good right now. When I first noticed I had lost weight I decided to actually be conscious of what I was eating and try to reduce my hand to mouth disease lol. It's hard freaking work. I hate being hungry because it sucks. I hate that I can't eat a whole twice baked potato and a huge plate. I love food. It is one of my biggest addictions. Hell I have to give leftovers aways if I have friends over after I've cooked supper. But I'm on the downward slide and it's nice. Though the whole pants sliding down at work thing sucks lol.

Mae sucks! She still won't stay in bed, stay asleep, and just stay in her room until it's time to get up. But what are you going to do? If we can't get her under control then I'll ask about a sleeping aid for her, but right now we just deal.

I'm telling you it's been a great week. There have been a couple times that something tried to take my good mood, but I fought valiently and I have kept it going! I propose a good mood year!

I'm carrying my good mood on into tomorrow whether tomorrow wants it that way or not! I know it's only Tuesday, but I'm having a great week!

Tips have been decent, I got my attention whore fix this morning, and now I'm working all day shifts this week! Woohoo!

Bring it on! I'm ready to face the week!

I'm not questioning my good mood, I'm going with it and enjoying it. Only one little snag and Mae is always a snag lol so I'm even dealing with that lol.

Anyways I figured I should put down for posterity that yes I do have good moods lol.

I decided to take a trade yesterday. After I took the trade I realized that I fucked myself lol. I didn't have to work with the chick I don't want to work with this week. Then I traded and now I do!



BUT I don't have to go in until 5 tonight! The boss's girlfriend is working til 5 and she never leaves early so that means I don't have to leave home til 20 til 5! Woohoo!



And I already have warning that the bitch is going to be bitchy so woohoo me!



BUT today has been pretty good to me! And I'm going to carry that over into tonight and tomorrow morning at work if it kills me lol. Tonight though if we are slow the bitch will have something else to bitch about lol. I plan on doing prep for tomorrow morning tonight if I can. I want to clean onions and wash the tomatoes and peppers so I don't have to do it in the a.m. when I'm all tired and moving slow lol.



ALSO there was drama at work this morning that I got a call about because my friend who opened forgot I didn't work last night and they took a party sub order but didn't do it anywhere close to right. She only knew there was a party sub because she saw the bread. Well it's being picked up at 5 and since I go in at 5 I don't have to do anything with it. But the 4 pm girl does, welcome to your payback lol. She hates having to come in to work no matter what lol and now she has to work with me who she obviously has some issue with lol and work with karen, and the opener was the only regular shift person lol. Ooo thank you for the laugh! And if she's mad enough she might rip all the paper we need ripped lol.



The only thing that I'm not digging on is the fact that I'm getting a period! I don't get them often but when I do...oooo baby! I've got cramps and I'm bloated and ugh lol. But even that's not going to slow me down because I have two days of work and then a day off lol. Woo the weekend is here and I'm working my way to being off for it!

I was talking to my friend on the phone this morning and I have come to a lot of conclusions and realities about the new living situation.

Any problem I have with my mother, her words, actions, or whatever; they are my problems. I can not change her I can only change myself. I can not control her, I can only control myself. This isn't anything new. This isn't something that I just woke up today and realized. It's what I've known about anyone in life. This is just the way life is.

I have choices in my life. I can choose to let whatever she says to me be whatever it is. I just have to control myself. There are ways to talk to people that will seem condescending but in reality you have to talk that way so that there is no chance for misunderstanding.

I have to be able to hear the criticism from her and be able to go; that's on her, it doesn't have to effect me. And then later I can always come back to her and say Mom I need to tell you that this is how I felt and you didn't make me feel this way I am responsible for my feelings but I need you to know this is how it makes me feel.

Yup good old therapy talk! I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to her like that because we communicate better if we do it that way. Hell I did it the other day and even thanked her for listening to me and asked if I handled the situation right. She said I did. Great green light to make this our way of communicating.

I have another blog on here as well and I am going to make that one private and I will have two blogs. Why do you ask? Because I believe that somethings in my life I want to blog about but to do so publicly wouldn't be a wise decision. I am two people, no not in the multiple personality way lol, but online I share only parts of the story publicly because somethings in my life aren't exactly kosher. And I don't feel the need anymore to share everything. But I do need a place to put the rest of the story or those things that weigh on my mind. So I need to know who wants to see the other part of me. No I don't have any dark dirty secrets. I'm not an ax murderer. I'm not anything crazy. It's just that part of me and my life that doesn't get aired in an online public forum. I'll need an email to send it to, so message me where its comfortable for you to do that.

So the family drama today lol is a carry over from a few weeks or days ago lol. I havn't cleaned something I was supposed to clean a long time ago lol. So I said I would do it today and some dishes the dishwasher didn't get clean. Well I figured I don't have to have any of it done until 330 this afternoon because that's when Dad would be getting off work lol.

Yeah lol lazy did not happen. I yakked on the phone with my friend for I don't know how long. I did however get the toilet and vanity clean, the kitchen/bathroom floors swept, I got the dishes done and am currently soaking the new wave stuff to wash, vaccumed the floors and moved the furniture. My dad needs to help me move the coffee table so I can vaccum under that. It's a heavy sucker. Hell I even vaccumed their room lol.

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't crack floating in the air in my house lol. I really intended to be lazy. Hell I even turned on the Real Housewives to watch and then realized as I stood washing dishes that I had turned my show on and it was playing and I was washing dishes lol. WTF lol I swear to god lol.

Then last night mom says to me we need to talk about cleaning the house! Oh HELL I told her i was sweeping and doing up my dishes today and that Sunday after church is when I do all the other cleaning. My dad was all on board with that lol mom has to think about it. Um this is why I have to talk to my mom like we are in therapy lol. It's an easy freakin solution. No need for drama. I know why my mom thinks I'm a pig lol but obviously she hasn't been paying attention to the last year to year and a half. Where the dirty room was my room. Everything else was cleaned or picked up.

Which leads me to another realization I had yesterday about the new living situation. With just Mae and me here I could get away with vacuuming once a week. Now that there are 3 adults and a child that can't happen. You have to vaccum AT LEAST twice a week. And while talking about that with my friend this morning I came to another realization. That even if I end up doing all of the housework all of the time with them living here.... I CAN'T GET MAD about it. I can not like it but I can't take it out on them or be mad at them. Why you ask? BECAUSE I would be the one doing it anyways if they weren't here. So nothing has really changed. As long as everyone picks up after themselves there won't be much extra work to do.

So today while I yakked on the phone and cleaned house, lost my lazy day lol I came to a lot of conclusions about things. And it was a good thing to have because right now we are in the honeymoon phase. We are going to get on each other's nerves and rub each other the wrong way. It's inevitable because we are different people....BUT there are some things that will help that lol.

Here's to a lazy Wednesday!

Day one was survived, but I'm pretty sure that was because I went to work last night lol. Day two is starting off....well....it has started lol.

It started about an hour and a half before my alarm was supposed to go off. I was sleeping very nicely. I was snuggled into my covers and must have been in the right position because it was good sleep.

And then it happened! My mother! Yup she woke me up all in a tizzy and telling me since I've been going to church to say a prayer. You know it's never good when you're woken from a good sleep to pray!

Today is my Dad's first day at his new job. YOU CAN NOT BE LATE! Well luckily for them they are staying in town now because if they weren't my dad might not have a job.

I guess he had pleanty of time this morning and had some papers he had to take with him. Which it turns out he forgot. Resulting in me being woke up by my mom to pray. So I prayed outloud and then got my ass up to smoke OUTSIDE. Which is the drawback of them being here lol.

I came back in and got back under the covers. Almost to sleep and I hear my mom going noone gives a damn about your dad. WTF?! I yelled at her and it turns out she was talking to the cats who were lounged on the bed. Good lord!

I tried calming my mom down but it wasn't working. I guess even the guy he used to work with was calling him to see where he was. He got there with 6 minutes to spare! Thank god! Mom was going on about how if he lost this job we were all out of the house. Just how I like to start my tuesday lol.

So in about 15 minutes I'm taking Mae to school and I'm coming home to take almost a 2 hour nap and then go to work lol. I swear to god lol if this is how I'm going to be woke up everyday...I'll shoot myself lol.

Well I guess I better get the dishwasher unloaded cuz well they want it unloaded and if I do it now I don't have to hear about it at 530 when I get home lol. Have a great Tuesday and hey if you need a prayer said...I guess I'm your girl lol

I told you my house wasn't dirty! Like I predicted yesterday it took an hour this morning to clean it. Ok so it was actually less than an hour but I added a couple chores in that took us up to the hour mark! That included shoveling a path to the deck!

The only thing I have left to do is fold and hang laundry; do two more loads of laundry; watch all the tv I dvr'd last night; oh yea and go to work at 5 tonight!

I have to find a way to tell my dad to monitor my mom's phone calls lol. Because you would think that the house was FILTHY the way she only called me to tell me to clean the house. It took less than an hour and I got EVERYTHING done. The only thing I didn't do was mop because there is still shit in the kitchen for the counters that are being done. I can't even clean the counter properly because it hasn't been grouted.

So I guess it's a big ol FU to my mom for that call because I knew the house wasn't dirty. She just can't stand any clutter at THIS house; but dear lord go look at her house and the clutter is everywhere. I'm not saying her house is DIRTY but in my own opinion....mine is cleaner!

So I'm off to feed a kid, fold and hang clothes, and watch a lot of tv til it's time to go to work. That or my dad gets here and then more work lol.

And Brenda...my mom won't be doing much more than telling ME what needs to be done. For my birthday party she told me she would make enchaladas. Guess who ended up making them? Oh she helped a tiny bit but me and my friend did the work. Christmas again with the enchaladas...she couldn't help but a tiny bit because she is soooo old and decrepit. She's 58 freakin years old, she is nowhere near decrepit and old. Because let it be something she wants to do and she does it. What I find even funnier is that she told me the trunk of the cars used to get full when she had parties when I was growing up cuz thats where she hid the mess!

So No there will be no division of chores. It will all be me and how awful I am at keeping it clean. And I will immediately zanex myself out just so I don't kill my mom. The best thing; even though it's something else for me to clean, is the cats are coming with! We have been wanting a cat and I love their new cat Vinnie. He's one of those cats that needs attention and love CONSTANTLY and the other Vera...well we will see how she adjusts because she really isn't all that friendly.

Here's to a week that so far has started out good and gone just as I have expected. Please let work be good lol.