I had the most awesome night! I had sooo much fun and even took pictures!

Oh i love my friends so! And some how i ended up not buying anything but one beer lol. I was going to be nice and buy my friend an irish car bomb, but then when they said 5.50 i said um no! love my friend but not that much lol. Went back and told him and he was like, well id have bought it. Told him how much it was and he gave me money to go get him one lol.

There is no way EVER that i will consume one of those. There are not enough drugs, alcohol, brain damage, or whatever ailment renders me fucked up to get me to drink one of those. Even I know my limits. I dont even want to imagine what it would be like to drink one of those. Luckily for me after seeing my friend lol i know that i was right in my NEVER EVER on drinking one of those lol.

I had to work tonight so it was a bit after 10 that i met up with people for cocktails. I love my Friday nights! I go out with my friends and we just have a great time! Tonight was no different.

I had a drink with my friends and then we went to have drinks with another friend. After that it was just a blast, with a few minor issues.

I met my friends friends and then we ended up at the friends house for a house party. We had oooo so much fun! It was like hanging with Shawn in that one little room. Hell it was even ironic that the friend of my friends name is also Shawn. LOVED IT!

BUT you know theres always an issue lol. So the friends friends girl was kinda stranded out in CF. Maaan not one of us was going to get her lol. We were enjoying ourselves and driving to CF is not a trip anyone wants to make unless someone is literally dying on a friday night. So we arrange for a cab. But i have to call from her mans phone. Oooo she tried to go all bitch on me. I diffused that so fast it was awesome. Got her all straight and a cab ordered.

Then i was a nice friend and told them all that when she got home it wasnt going to be pretty. Yea i was right. She was all you have seconds to get out of my fucking house lol. Yea we got out lol. Though i was already on the way out when she was throwin people out lol.

I was the smart one lol i stopped drinking way before. LOL..yea im not stupid lol. Got my friends home and stopped in for a minute. Yea that was fun but there were issues there with my ex.

Im not being conceited but my ex has issues with me. Im not sure if its wanting me or trying to figure out how come he couldnt control me. he actually said the word control. I was like...well some people can. It was quite awkward. Because while i may not have Someone, when i go out with my friends, did i mention their all guys and they are all kinda alpha maleish lol, i get to let the subbie girl out a little bit. You know fetch, serve, pay attention to, build up...i know cheap thrills right? Maybe but i dont think so. Theyre my friends and we all get things from our friends, thats why were friends. And if i can get my lil whatever when we go out, have a good time, and not hurt anyone...im going to enjoy the lil drop i get. BUT my ex who was watching all this...just didnt get how come he couldnt control me.

When we were driving to the other bar my one friend said wow how come your listening to what hes saying. And i didnt realize how strange it actually was. Never once did i listen to what my ex had to say to me or anything. But my other friends they dont even have to ask i just kind of anticipate their need and i get it done.

I dont know but its not my hangup. I just have to figure out how to keep successfully moving the conversation to neutral topics and not fall into the trap of well this happened this long ago lol.

All in all though.... i had a most awesome time. Im not all drunk, but i had a great time. I had fun with my friends, i just had a really really great time and yes im going to brag about it.

Heres to bragging about how great a night you had!

Thank you H1N1 for altering Halloween plans! Before that bitch popped up i had planned on asking the kids dad if he wanted to go with us. Well then as you know the bitch popped up and had to insert drama where there hadnt been any.

Well thanks to H1N1 now we will be trick or treating from the dads house. Yay im so excited about spending time with him. Yes that was sarcasm. As we all know together we are toxic.

BUT because of the stupid H1N1 my plans had to change. I hate that ill be spending any amount of time near him, BUT, im sure Mae will enjoy it. All for the good of Mae. That will be my mantra on Saturday.

Seriously thank you H1N1 for putting me near the idiot!! Oh well i can do an hour right? I am strong enough to resist the button pushing he is fond of. I am strong enough to resist the comments that come out. I am strong enough to let all his bullshit roll right off my back!!!

Heres to the fucking H1N1...may they eradicate you like the other fuckers!

I dont know why i do the things i do. I dont know why i let myself get my hopes up time and again. I dont know why but i guess its my life and as long as i can look myself in the eyes im doing ok.

Yea its wednesday, and it kind of sucks. I got an email instead of a text or phone call. Yay me! Im stupid! My friend is trying really hard to understand how i tick. She gets some things and others she just sighs lol. But shes being a good friend just by listening. And hey its nice to have someone face to face to talk and bitch with lol.

Today is kinda of bitchy. Mae was in some kind of foul mood this morning. I swear to god im so done with that girl its unreal. Im tired tired tired of all the crap thats going on with her. I know i know its my job and obviously im doing it. BUT seriously...i am sick of the drama queen crying and acting up.

Yesterday we got movies and 2 out of 4 of the brand new movies dont work. Its like i went to my old place of employment and grabbed the discs. So before i go get Mae from school ill go ahead and beg them to give me new movies. Hell i spent 15 bucks in movies yesterday the least they can do is work lol.

Im thinking im not going to like the Orphan but i started watching it and would like to see it lol. Ice Age 3 skipped and stalled and id like to see that one too lol. Seriously is it too much to ask that a movie works.

Still waiting for the 6 dollars i asked the kids dad for. I mean he wont pitch in for gas he better pay for the picture. I wont have any problems turning into uber bitch and keeping the picture for another family member.

Ahh its fucking wednesday! My week doesnt start till Friday. Not a lot of alone time for me this coming weekend. Picking her up Saturday for Halloween after work. Cant trust the asshole to take her the proper way. The one time he took her he took her to 2 houses. Yea better leave it up to me because at least i know it will be done right. Then i think she may go back there. Not sure yet, but since gas is tight she may have to just stay home with mama.

Ahhhh another bitch another rant i think its time to chill with a nap...oh wait i ran out of time lol

I think my next tattoo will have to be Forever the Stupid Girl. Yea i think that would look nice. Arched on my ass. Some light reading to keep the mood.

I swear if i hadnt just got done with my period i would think i have pms. I dont know i think im just deprived of calcium. Ive been craving milk like crazy. Then today the urge for big hunks of chocolate came over me. If i could get away with it id have me a tub of chocolate frosting and a spoon!

Being the stupid girl i keep falling off the wagon. I dont know why because the drop isnt all that fun. Thankfully your not always just dropped in the shit lol.

ive had two girl afternoons the last two days. i tell you what its been nice. sometimes you just need to have your girls with you.

Mae is doing pretty good. shes driving me crazy but shes so funny it makes up for it lol.

heres to breathing deep

Always searching always yearning. Feeling the insecurity and the hurt. I wont give up hope that there is someone for me. I wish i knew how to go back to what i once was. But that wont ever happen because doors were opened before me and i willing walked through.

Not understanding that once walked through there is no walking back.

The journey is just that a journey. There is no gurantee of a good time, a smooth road. Its just one of those things that you have to go with.

Heres hoping that the journey will be paved smooth more than ruts.

Well after getting the stink off Mae i was able to get her fever down rather quickly. I am THE MAMA!!

Half a bottle of gatorade, a popsicle, jello and a lil loving and she is sleeping with no fever! Lets just hope that it stays gone. I swear it has to be all that breast milk she had as a baby helping her fight all the sickness going around.

We watched a movie and a half and then we all, those who matter in my life, came to the conclusion that the only reason my 99% potty trained daughter would just sit there and pee all over the chair is because she had 2 days where she didnt have to go to the potty.

Its seriously frustrating sending that girl to that mans house. If she didnt have a need and desire to go there. Trust i would not send her. I think all my friends and family would agree that while the ass probably isnt the best for her, since i made the ass the daddy,and let her be part of her life from the begining that i know have to live with it.

Im just sooo tired of a dirty girl and all the crap that i wish i could just be a royal cunt and stop all visitation. BUT for her sake i cant. I know my mom would give me at least one weekend a month where i could be Mae free, but that doesnt solve Mae needing her daddy.

So its been yet another crappy sunday where i had to breathe the foulness that was the asshole. Seriously...cologne isnt to hide the body odor and the fact that your too lazy to give your child a bath. Please brush her hair more than once...and um yea a toothbrush is a good thing!

Now that im done ranting lets start another rant lol.

DAMN YOU MSNBC!!!! Im a true crime serial killer buff. Ok just to be honest....that does not explain a lot about me lol. I just like true stories. Ive always been fascinated by how these people's minds work and what happened.

Well its been 6 hours of true crime today. I watched part of Dahmer. At least once he was caught he was open and as honest as he could be about what happened in his interviews. Like he said nothing he can say will help, but at least the victims families have some idea of why it happened.

Then it was Charles Manson. I dont know why but thats one i always watch if theres stuff on. I still think that when the lady was dying from brain cancer and clearly not a danger to anyone they should have let her out so her family could pay the medical bills instead of the state.

Now im watching the tail end of Jonestown. This is the second one ive seen. It makes me cry everytime. The one on CNN, i think thats where Solidad is at, really made my heart hurt. In their report you could hear the children crying. Almost begging to not have to drink that stuff. Ive read things about this one before and the two shows ive seen have given more information.

I dont know how you dont realize that your being screwed over. I dont know how you dont listen to your family. But then thats brainwashing for you.

Im looking forward to this week. At least im hoping that there isnt some change in plans and i get to enjoy a couple hours for me before the weekend.

The journy is hard and the road filled with bumps and holes. But im trying and i dont know what i think of it. But i can tell you this....i think im enjoying it. If anything at all at least i will have had another notch of experience added to my meager belt.

Heres to having a good week.

Thank god its Sunday! That means Mae is home with her mama where she will be well taken care of. I swear to god how do you not know how much medicine you gave a child when you gave it to her less than 5 minutes after i called to say i was coming to get her?

I dont know but thats how some people roll.

Also just in case anyone didnt know but needs a refresher...Cologne and perfume should enhance you NOT OVERPOWER! My car and my child both stink like a french whore. Some people choose to bathe in perfume instead of soap and water.

Let the fun begin! Time to bring down a fever and doctor my girl back to health.

Oh yea and at 3 yrs old....they repeat what they heard and share what they did with their time.

Heres to being the mama...Sometimes shes the only one you have!