Holy hell! Be careful what you ask for!  Lots going on and at the top of the list...he needs a job. Shit happens and add an unfiltered mouth...well you need a new job. 

He has an interview Friday and we have our fingers crossed. But because of circumstances things have shifted but not in a completely horrible way just I'm convient.

I know he was joking but it was funny because we were sitting talking and he goes well I guess I have to marry you now. You adopted Dad. Lol I looked up at him and said is that a proposal or an Oh fuck lol. Goofy guy.

Funnier yet lol dropping him off last night he's hugging me and drops the L word.  Basically he went shit I said that (pause) I mean it though. Awww I wormed my way in. 

But at the moment we have some hoops to jump through but hopefully it works in our favor because we need to get them out of their neighborhood and some place a bit better.

Everything about this is crazy but it's working.  Only one thing I'm not looking forward to... football season. Ugh he's determined to get me into it. Little does he know others have tried and failed lol.

Ok well enough already guess it's time to drive more and then take a friend to the doctor.  Pretty sure he's hungover lol and needs the doctors note lol.

Never dull in my world lol.

Dear God lol this is seriously getting stranger and stranger. It's like the boat ride in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. 

So I go to work today and get a kiss goodbye...aww...aww ND then worked for 4 hours that seemed like 6. Then I get home at 215 and holy hell! 

My trees have limbs that got knocked down in the storm and took out my power box. I have absolutely no idea what the hell was up with the storm but it fucked my shit up.

So now it brings me to the point that I had to share him with my blood family.  My mom is not going to help me out at all. He talked to her and handled her. Thank God because I was totally not in my right mind.

He hands me the phone back and she starts. Who is he? Does he live there? Why not get money from him?

This is why I was keeping him away from people. Yes I know how fast were flying. Yes it's crazy. But I'm 40 years old. I get to have a life. I get to have a life with my child. I get to have a life with a man. I get to have a life with my friends.  No he's not living here...yet. that's just a matter of weeks. 

It's crazy that all this stuff is being thrown at us at once. Like one thing on top of another. And they aren't little things. Big money fml things lol.

So I was supposed to be sleeping in my bed alone in the ac tonight. Well that didn't work out lol. I was going to be strong and resist temptation and do some adulting lol. Well we did some adulting lol we bought a second fan lol.

So bottom line he gets to prove he's the man he says he is very quickly. Is this a test?  Is it a trick? What the hell did the universe think by giving me beauty then trashing my house?

I do the 3 am donut shift tomorrow that's why I wanted to be home lol. Guess it's another night away from the lonely kitties.

Now time to let all the sleep meds kick in and shut my brain off. Living dead girl tonight lol.

I'm choosing to put my faith and trust into Isaac. It's the first thing that's come up. So let's run this shit. Together I think our personalities can get along enough for us to run this shit lol.

I looked at him this morning and told him...........................
..

.








........

.......
I like you😊

Well here it is 5am lol and I'm awake. Not a bad thing just pretty early when you don't have to be at work til 10. But tbh today I don't mind.

We did some talking yesterday while watching movies. God really? Wow the difference between those before and him is really night and day.

Half jokingly he said he was getting used to my mood swings lol. I had to laugh because who says that lol and is serious about they're not bad lol.

It's looking like for real we're going to move in. Yes yes I know fast but damn when I'm actively trying not to sabatoge something you know it's big.

He was so supportive yesterday with all the crap going on in my life. Just to have him call me baby and draw me in to hug me is worth so much.

 I'm trying and not trying to keep him hidden because when you share your happy some people just have to crap all over it.

But he might get to meet Mae this week.  He said he would go with me when I drive to visit her. It's going to be interesting lol because she'll be all about the boy lol and forget her mama lol.

Tonight I have to sleep away from him because I have a donut shift Friday at 3 am! I've only spent one night without him since we physically met. I can't remember the last time I was loved on like this. Affection is so good. I'm eating it up with a spoon and it tastes wonderful. I don't know how this happened but I'm running with it. Soon I'll start posting on Facebook.  But for now fuck Facebook.  I get all the validation I need from him, by him, and with him. Yup...I'm falling and it's gonna leave a mark😊

This is the strangest relationship yet. The "problem " is i just got everything I wanted. How the fuck am I supposed to process that in 7 days? 

I'm already not used to a 50s style man. Like how do I not push it away because it's scary and wonderful.  How do I let go of the scary and turn it into 100% exciting scary?

He talks to me if I ask questions.  Not wishy-washy answers but blunt answers. I asked the universe for this and I got it. 

I don't really want to go home because he won't be there but I keep trying to go home. I'm not going to do anything but be pissy because I left.

He held me so tight. He doesn't call me by my name. I get alot of baby. That gives me a thrill. 

Communication is happening.  Wtf? Really I have a man? Thank you universe for sending him my way. Thank you for the attraction.  Thank you for his patience because lord knows I'm testing it.

Again I am in serious like. So much so I asked why he wanted to move in so soon. He laid out his past on moving in with women and then why so fast with me. At one point he said I was sweet.  I couldn't say anything. 

I am falling,falling,falling. I'm not sure about the landing but the fall won't kill me. The landing is another story. 

Went and got birth control.  No babies here. I want to enjoy this. I don't want kids. I have kids. I want to be selfish and when Mae turns 18 it's just us. No little one running around. Thank you depo lol.

I guess I should get all ready for bed and find something to watch and go to bed. Though it's nice having arms that want to hold me.

1950s here we come.

So here I am...again. personalities are starting to come out and there is actual talking about these things. He did two wonderful things for me today. 

He mowed my yard and bought my brand of cigarettes instead of what I thought I was getting.  I didn't question it more than once and just said thank you.

You know how there are people who say that's my job I'm the man?  Well that's him. And he follows through. 

I should be asleep but the need to pee was strong lol. Oh my Oh my I'm so glad tomorrow is the Dr's appointment.  I have decided that there will be no babies or talk of them except to just say no lol. I want to be selfish and not share with more than I have to.

Still not ready to post a picture publicly. But I've opened up to a few people and have gotten some great advice and words of kindness.

I'm going to just go with this because in the end we end up in my bed not a twin air mattress.  Guess this is the part where you support so you end up where you want.

It's not love but it's serious like. And I'm loving every insane moment of it. It's interesting to get to know him.  A man...I forgot they existed.

I'm keeping him for as long as he wants to be here.

Ooo it's bedtime and I'm going to try and curl up with my sexy tall skinny ginger who is going to steal me. 🎵👣👣💋

Ok so I totally know it's been forever and I don't even know if this will post. But I had to go somewhere that's mine and put down some things.

So first let's start with Mae.  Currently she is in a group home because I can't effectively parent her or keep her safe. So she will be there for 6 weeks up to 6 months. It breaks my heart but it's what's best for her. She's 10 right now but what about 13? Get ahead of it before there isn't anything to change her.

Now for the second new thing. As you know I've been dating and enjoying the dates that I got. Well last Monday I did something I never do. I messaged a guy first because his pictures just called to me. So I said something like this is me saying hi first. A few hours later I got a short message back. Well before I went out I put up a status about who I wanted to meet. Well I'm sitting in the bar with the guys and I'm randomly answering messages.  Well one guy said he couldn't because he took an ambien. So I get home and not long after I get a message from the person I messaged.  And we started talking and then later that day we met. And that was it. For the past 4 days I've been with him. I was his girlfriend by the second day. Now it's looking like we're going to move in together.  How fucking insanely beautiful it is. This man makes me feel.  He's a man. He's been open about everything.  He is my physical and personality type. He works. He has no baby mama drama. Monday is my Dr's appointment so we  make none of those.

There are two seriously funny things about this. The first is literally an hour after he went to work Tuesday after we texted. I got my period.  Seriously lol but I told him I think that was a good thing because we couldn't jump any further. So we're both a little frustrated but it just means we talked. The second funny thing is the ambien guy....is literally his neighbor and friend. I saw him today and he is toootally not my type. I told him I'm glad his friend didn't show up because I'm mean and would have most likely been rude.

Now for him. He's 6 foot 4 with short red hair. Beautiful blue eyes. He is a man and that will be an adjustment because I've been independent for so long. He's affectionate and seriously just makes sense when he talks. His touch or thought of him is electric.  I am in serious serious like with him.

Earlier at the bar I complained to a friend that the boys were gone. Then I found exactly what I asked for. This is going to be the last major impulse I make. I don't care if I'm wrong or how I'm judged. This man is capable of being with me and has a way already of just making me snap to". 

It's not a d/s relationship. He's just a man who is a man. I finally stopped fighting him about gas money. I let him buy dinner. I've never had a man. And he's just like me and my friends.

I am seriously in like. I am seriously insecure.  And a little anxious.  But I see something that I haven't seen in many years.

Soon to be back in bed with the man I like like.

Library sitting

Ok so I have no idea how long its been since ive been on this site. Oh wait yes I do. It was the last time I had time to kill at the library. Kinda like today! I have to be at the doctor in a half hour to see what the mri said about my arm.

yes I get that im typing and yes it hurts but im only here because I had to get some paystubs so I can get help with my rent and water from the VA.

The only good thing to come out of the kids dad. Sooo since all the bs went down with him I have been a royal bitch. I only contact him when the kiddo wants something that I can't afford. Well I couldn't afford milk because hello I haven't worked in 2 weeks. He informs me that to keep helping us he needs visitation. AND THEN proceeds to tell me when he sees the girl that hes going to tell her to quit lying and to stop ruining his life and blah blah blah. HELL NO that girl isn't going anywhere near that man. Who in their right mind would send a child who says she was traumatized back to a place where you were just told she would be traumatized. Duh not happening!

So even with being off work I happened to see how much my bonus check from work is. Im not even going to tell you because it will just piss you off to no end because your jobs aren't investing in the great jobs you do. But its a good check and it will make Christmas Christmas!

ok phone rang and now I got to go lol damn I wanted to type more lol but just know im still reading what I can on my phone. love yall.