Alive

I feel kinda like crap so it's a mental health day. Paid the electric bill and then paid my library fine. Soon Ill be back home to sleep. I am sooo tired and i have no idea why lol.

Life is good, the basement rocks for partying. You can dance and everything down there lol.

Kiddo is good, still driving me nuts with all the questions she asks.

Work is good, thinking Im going to interview for a new position and if that doesn't happen I will interview for yet another position lol.

House is filthy lol I really need to clean the bathroom and swiffer the shit out of the kitchen floor. Though I do think the smell we were smelling was the rugs cuz i dont smell jack now.

Did i mention im tired lol. Ok so nothing new to report except damn those pork tenderloins are freaking awesome!

borrowed

so i should have been grocery shopping right now but my friend had an emergency and so im sitting watching 2 kiddos. My friend is so nice that she even turned the laptop on for me to fart around on lol.

I had 3 wonderful days and nights off work this past weekend. Hell I even had a night without Mae. Yes I got fucked up lol. Once again the guys in my life came through and funded a night out. Which turned into going back to my house for beer and dominoes. God we had a good time. We were loud,drunk, rowdy, and then we were just fucked lol. Since Mae wasn't there i got to sleep til almost noon. What a wonderful way to start the day!

Saturday night we went to church and then trunk or treating. Mmmm candy lol. After all that fun I put Mae to bed and since I had such a long night the night before I decided to xanex and ambien so my butt would go to bed. Well I went to bed all right. Except I think I need a stronger ambien cuz i keep waking up and even the vibration of my text messages wakes me up.

Mr. Awesome is my late night friend lol. And what a friend he is lol. Im talking move the bed across the floor, leave ya bruised from tossing me around the bed lol. The only problem is lol i have to run away and hide for 10 minutes to get him to go ni ni lol. He thinks im banging lol but i think thats cuz im an old lady and hes a young stud lol. Ooo its so nice to have a good booty call with nothing to worry about except being awake when the call comes lol. If i miss it oh well lol Im totally enjoying the 2 to 3 hours of goodness lol.

I had to just bite the fucking bullet cuz i love my friend and call my mother, I have not spoken to her in over a month. Not one word, one text, anything! Soooo i opened up the fucking door. Not happy about that lol but im going to have to keep backed off if i can help it.

My dad gave me my credit card yesterday and didnt like it lol. Sorry i have shit i need money for lol and i just dont have it. Soooooo im going to have to be real real careful about using it for nonessentials.

Life is really good on my end. Yay me lol (this blog was written a week or two ago and blogger wouldnt let me post it lol)

In need of a break!

Please please please someone come and steal my kiddo for a day or two! I am in need of a break. She's 5 years old and all 5 year olds do is run there mouth ALOT lol. No matter how late you put her to bed she is up at the butt crack of dawn lol.

I keep debating about calling or emailing the kids dad but everyone tells me the same thing and I have to believe it. It's not worth the hassle. I am sick to death of having to explain to Mae though why her donor doesnt come see her.

Then I realize that if he even cared about her one little bit he would get a cab to get her, he would furnish food for her and he would make an effort. Hell my parents are even on my side in this one. I mean it isn't my responsibility to make sure she is fed or gets over there. Its my responsibility to let her go if and when he decides to show up.

But then again when talking about it last night with my friend she reminded me of all the reasons why I'm greatful he doesn't get her. I don't have to go through with the name calling, the threats of not getting her back, the possibility of having to call the police to get involved.

So as it stands life at my house is stressed lol but thanks to friends that come over and friends that have kids coming over we do all right. Thankfully with my job I am able to afford the little things in life lol.

The direct tv though is going to mean I have to probably stop smoking lol. Maaaan I really hate when I have to stop smoking lol. Thankfully Im a cheap drunk and a bottle of wine can last for more than a day lol.

The truth hurts more than anyone can ever know and that makes people bitter and angry. Though lol i do love how people still believe everything they are told online lol.

Its been almost a month since Ive actually spoken with my mother and life is great. I miss her sometimes but then its just like the ex I dont have to deal with any of the shit that comes out of both their mouths when they don't hear what they want.

My sister is pissed off at me because I told my daughter the truth of the matter that my sister is not her mother but is her guardian that she knew me her whole life as her mother. Now Im supposed to never contact them again. Ok fine but eventually she's going to want to know whats up with us. Hell my sister even took me off facebook.

The best thing about being blocked by people is that you don't have to look at their lies, issues, hypocrisy, and their need to make the world think everything is perfect.

I have had perfect moments in my life but nothing is ever perfect. Thankfully for me I don't have to hide behind anyone else, I dont have to hide from my own mistakes, I dont have to lie to myself and others just so i can be the victim.

On the work front things are going great! I have customers who look for me, my priest comes through all the time, and the managers like that Im constantly smiling and doing my best. Ok so Im still lazy lol but I do do my job and have even had several of the csm's tell me they think I would make a good one. So I guess now I have to decide do I want to be lazy and just be a cashier or do I want to actually move up the ladder and see where that takes me.

All I know is that besides having a nonstop running commentary from Mae life is good. There arent many extras but hey thats ok because we live in a nice, clean house that is ours and we are doing ok!

Aughh! Its my life

As we all know I have depression and right now it's trying to rear its ugly head. I have no idea why except to think it's all the stress of moving and getting settled, the newish job, the having a mortgage you know life! Nothing is seriously wrong Im just a little out of control right now but Im working on it. Pretty sobering when you realize you had to much fun and didn't save money for bills. Luckily though for me I started putting money into the bank when I first got the house. So Im up about a hundred that will help with the bills.





Mae is having issues at school because of her freaking pants and the fact that she doesn't have a problem with her butt crack showing. I have to get some money from my dad out of my money so after school today we can go running all over hell and back to try and find pants that are elastic waist for her.





I let a friend come back over and he tried to take control of my house. Um hello no! I just got out of that situation lol youre not turning my house into whatever you think you can turn it into. Thats our house, me and Mae.





I think what would help is if I would just go ahead and hook my computer up in the living room and blog offline just so I have a place to put stuff lol.





Though I do admit to feeling better after I F bombed the fuck out of dish network and their people. Tell me how the fuck other people get dish on my street with trees in their yard but I cant. Oh guess what directv works...so i went with them and it costs me less the only thing i dont get is tv in the basement. Thats ok cuz I cant find the damn remote for that tv lol.





I keep meeting inappropriate men lol. Love em but man they are young. Like 25 to 27 lol what the hell is up with that lol. Oh well.





Life isnt horrible and nothing is wrong just a case of the poor me's or some shit lol. Thankfully work is good. I am such a WM girl it's unreal lol. Still liking my job, still doing decent, hell Ive had 2 csm's tell me I would make a good csm...hello a whole extra dollar for a whole lotta headache...but fortunatly i have to be there 6 months before i can apply. Im thinking Ill be ok lol.





Ok so now its time to read blogs and see if my dad has my moolah lol hope everyone is happy and doing ok.

Yet another rant

It's been over a year since Mae has seen or spoken to her dad. Lately though she is bringing him up more and more. She wants to see him, she knows/remembers going to his place for the weekend. She is being mean to me and my friend sometimes about us not taking her and how we have to take her.

I am sick sick sick SICK to death of having to explain to my kiddo the reason why she doesn't see him. She doesn't understand that he is a selfish prick who has no concern for anything other than himself and what makes his life good. I explained to her that mommy told your dad that he had to come pick you up, drop you off, and feed you while you were there. She doesn't get why he isn't coming to pick her up!

How the hell am I supposed to explain it to her when I don't even get why a man who lives in the same town just refuses to find a friend, or pony up cab fare to come get her! I never NEVER said he couldn't see her. I just outlined the ways he could go about seeing her. Because obviously we do not communicate effectivly if at all.

Im just getting tired of having to watch her as she tries to comprehend why someone she obviously loves and feels a need to be around wont come see her. Hell even my dad is making an effort to see her. Next week when she's out of school he is coming to take her to lunch. And thats her grandpa but her dad can't do shit to see her?

Its good to know and sad at the same time that my stopping the bullshit of enabling him showed him for who he is, unfortunatly Mae has to deal with it.

Ok rant over! The house is still rocking out! We now have tv lol but I have to get cable before Thanksgiving since Im having thanksgiving at my house lol. Finally got off my ass and sent in all the paperwork for trying to get daycare assistance through the state. If that comes through then woohooo ill have an extra $300 a month and that will go A LONG WAY to all those extras we all want.

Brenda....i read your blogs and just didnt have enough time to comment on all of them. Bottom line is hes a doucebag who is totally getting everything he deserves and the next chick who he gets to live with him will definitly be an eye opener for him because i dont think there is anyone as understanding and nice enough to stick it out like you did.

Ok time to go read a couple more blogs and to get home. It's field trip day and of course I have the day off so Mama has to go to the pumpkin farm! Mama is having a nice big glass of wine with our leftover chili tonight lol.

Oh yeah and I joined Golds Gym for two months with a gift certificate lol. So now I have no excuse to go home and go back to bed lol. Plus they have a play area for kids so if I can get unlazy on Saturday I can go use their elipticals and Mae can play. Seriously lol id be home sleeping now if I hadnt had to go to a meeting at work.

Have a great one everyone!

House is great, kid is great, dishes are done, I need a swiffer and a rake and a shovel. My dad is bringing the vaccum today , the living room is clean, there are no clothes in drawers yet lol i lost my ambien and ive only drunk 3 bottles of wine. And not all by myself.

The booty call is crazy as fuck lol but thats ok because he's an idiot who is convient for the moment.

My friends are slowly making there way to my house and loving it. The mother is staying away and not calling me.

I still want to know where the other money is that was left over from the grandpa money. Because if it was 14 grand and they only had to put up 12 grand that means theres money. Why cant i have that money!

Still no cable no internet. Had to bring a movie back to the library so I decided to hit the computer. I use my phone but not as often as I would a computer. Facebook sucks but hey I have a house, wine, and everything else I need.

My kids happy, she loves her house and room. Her friend came over yesterday and they are both excited about 2 beds in her room so they can have sleep overs.

I have other friends coming over this week and eventually im just gonna put it out on facebook that its time to party bring some booze cuz I can't afford it and lets drink lol. Bring your kids let them play, dont get to drunk, and if you do better make sure you brought blankets and pillows cuz my bed doesnt sleep more than 3 lol.

And thats it in a nutshell.

Home sweet home

This is going to be real quick because im at the library and I have to go get Mae. The house is fabulous and we are totally loving it. Unfortunatly right now I am nursing a hangover and lack of sleep because well ya gotta christen a house lol. So we drank, had a good time, and then Evan came over lol.

Yup a good time was had by miss heather and poor evan, well if you dont get off before Im ready to pass the fuck out lol then to bad so sad lol. he really is kind of a doucebag lol but i find him very amusing and well hey i want a house to myself and him lol cuz yup it would be on like donkey kong!

Im slowly getting unpacked, my mom is pissed at me cuz of how im moving, and shes just like that in general. i dont care ive lefter her alone now she should leave me alone lol.

Well not much else to say except work work work and bills bills bills and i have food in the house finally!

Eventually Ill be back back but for now ive wasted the half hour before Mae gets out of school lol. Have a great one!