Saturday was another mile marker in the death of my Grandpa. It was 5 months that we had lost him. I took the day off work because I'm just no good at this point on the marker dates.

I decided to go to my mom and dads this weekend. They were looking to get new babies for their house. I figured it would be nice to go along with them. Poor poor poor Mae! She thought she was going to get to take home a baby. We told her after Christmas we will go and get her a baby. She isn't old enough for a kitten but she is old enough for a year old kitty. They need love too!

On the way to my mom and dads though I ended up having a huge anxiety attack. Of course it happened once I was on the real busy road, and of course it happened at the time Grandpa died. And of course I didn't have a clue what to do. My medication for anxiety was in the trunk of the car, and I almost pulled over. Though Highway 30 isn't really a good place to pull over. I knew though from previous attacks that it would probably be better to just keep pushing through it. If I couldn't push through it then I could always pull over and make the call for one of them to come get us.

We got the babies, and then ended up a lil inebriated and Mae was in charge lol. Made dinner and the next day Mae hung out with her Grandpa Rex. It's good to see him stepping further into his Grandpa role.

This whole losing Grandpa thing is easier some days and harder on others. But we are pushing through it and trying to heal. It's going to be a while I'm thinking.

I got home yesterday from work and my mom had been here. She still thinks the fucking house is a disgusting pig sty. Funny she is the only one who thinks that. My friends all tell me how clean the house is now that Grandpa isn't here. Um he was a bit of a pack rat lol. But I had the house clean before he passed on. It's just never going to be good enough for my mom.

Hell I don't know. I just keep pushing along and hopefully one day it will be ok. It won't be but hey I have to have hope right lol.

Tomorrow is picture day for Mae. That has caused a bit of an uproar. To get Mae her pictures Mom has to not get any money from me. I was willing to go without them. She isn't! The problem will be next week when she goes well you know you didn't give me any money last week.

Augh! Money and the house being clean. I'm sooo over them. I give my mom pretty much every cent I get. I try to save my tips from the good days so that I can give her extra when I hand her money. BUT now there is a party she wants me to go to. Guess what? I have to take time off of work to go. Guess what that means lost money because not only do I have no pay I have to pay my friend to watch Mae!

Oh joy o joy! Other than money and the house me and mom are getting along good lol.

But this morning before 830 I had the bathroom and kitchen both swept and mopped. And I mean mopped the right way. You know actually moving the chairs off the floor, actually moving the table so you can mop under all of it lol. All I have to do now is laundry and the bathroom fixtures. Fun Fun Fun!

But this weekend we are going to the hotel so it will be worth it to do all this work and come home to a clean house!

Anyways I guess that's my same ol same ol!