Im a bit disappointed tonight! Its ok though life happens, and it was nice to see that life happening isnt cause for traume and drama!

This week was 2 months of seeing John and this is the first week that we wont be hanging out. This morning Mae woke up at 137 in the am and i was treated to vomit and a 103.7 temperature!

I am very concerned about Mae but i am disappointed that the weekly dates got a hiccup this week. We were supposed to go over and have supper with John. I asked the doctor about it and she told me 72 hours is best and since there is a 1 yr old where he lives, that Mae absolutly shouldnt go over.

The whole time though im making sure to get a reason/excuse from the doctor. Leftover bullshit from the kids dad. It pisses me off that i still feel like i have to have a reason that can be checked and verified and to prove im not being a bitch or whatever!! Its not fair that i cant get rid of all the past bullshit. Im trying very very hard and sometimes i think im doing better then others.

Im just glad though that John was understanding and there was no trauma drama to come out of it. I need to keep telling myself that John needs to have his own fuck ups with me unclouded by other peoples fuckups.

Gawddd im telling you this really is tougher then it should be and its all because of my baggage. Plus i really really think its time we sped up the whole physical aspect of this thing!! He needs to hurry up and actually decide on a place to live! Though im thinking lol that going out all the time will end, but thats ok, we can watch a movie!