Yay one asshole apologized today! My friend called me today and told me some really exciting news for his daughter. She is no longer a little girl! Awwww....hahaha now he has to go to the dreaded feminine hygiene aisle.

But he did apologize for last nights fight and we got that all straightened out. Im pretty happy about that. Especially since part of the fight took place while i was on the phone with his woman lol. I guess she read him a bit of the riot act today for last night. Yay! LOL i told him he didnt want her to meet me, cuz um yea they all end up liking me lol.

So onto ASSHOLE! I swear to god Sundays are just going to be blogging about the asshole!

I am really really bordering on hating the asshole and wishing for a painful death of the asshole! If i didnt need the asshole as my weekend babysitter, id cut the asshole completely out of Mae's and my life! But unfortunatly i need a weekend sitter and the asshole is it. The asshole still hasnt given me gas money and today im just fed the fuck up!

I call and tell the asshole that we are coming to get Mae so WE CAN GO FOR LUNCH! Now in my world if you call me and say im picking up the girl so we can go for lunch that means: wash her face, brush her hair, and make sure shes clean, AND NOT SMELLING LIKE A FUCKING ASHTRAY!

This is a very big problem for me! It has been a very big problem for me since she was born. I knew the asshole would never quit smoking. I had hoped the asshole would listen to the doctor and respect MY DAUGHTER!

Ive never outright called the asshole a bad parent, today that changes! DANIEL MARTIN HUNDLEY YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT, HORRIBLY BAD PARENT! YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE THE TIME YOU GET WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND IF I DIDNT NEED WEEKEND DAYCARE I WOULDNT SEND HER!!!!

I believe, because of past experience, that your kids shouldnt smell like an ashtray. Their clothes shouldnt stink of it. That when you hug your kid your not supposed to get a cloud of smoke. When you hug your kid you should smell their stink or the shampoo you used on them, or if you have a Mae the perfume that she insists she get squirted with when you squirt yourself.

I have begged and pleaded with the asshole to not smoke around Mae. I have begged and pleaded with the asshole to do what the doctor says. Yes i smoke, BUT, MY DAUGHTER, when she is with me DOESNT smell like her mom is a smoker!

Why is that? BECAUSE I LISTENED TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR!!! The doctor told us when she was born that if the asshole had to smoke in the house, i wasnt smoking then, that he needed to pick ONE ROOM AND KEEP THE DOOR CLOSED!!! Guess what?? That really does work. The only room that smells of smoke in my house is my bedroom. The only person who smells like smoke in my house is me.

I understand that kids are going to be exposed to smoke out in the real world. but at home, a parent should be responsible enough and love their child enough to keep it away from them. The asshole thinks that standing in the kitchen with the stoves exhaust fan going is being in another room. Um hello the kitchen and the living room are one step from each other!!!

My mom says to let it go and thats why i havnt emailed the asshole with the choice ITS THE CIGARETTES OR YOUR DAUGHTER!! Thats what i want to do! Its horrible!

Hell the asshole wasnt even capable of giving her a bath! I dont know why i expected the asshole to at least try to be a good parent. But i did, i figured with as much as i love Mae that maybe the asshole loved her enough too.

Obviously the asshole doesnt! Im just really irritated that Me and my family are the ones who truly care about Mae. That we dont put her in harms way, EXCEPT for when i have to let her go to the assholes house.

GOD!!! SERIOUSLY!!! How did i end up being the good parent??

Heres to being good mama and daddy's.....May there be more of us!

I am so pissed off right now at this very moment its unreal! I did exactly what my friend wanted me to do and then i got shit on because of it. Yeah he may have been drunk but fuck that!!!

I did what he wanted me to do that he basically told me couldnt be done. I basically have a footing with the woman he wants to be with and then like a fucking man shit all over me!

We went out tonight and had a lot of fun and then the drinks attacked him. Ok so i get that a whole lot of apple pie shots is going to fuck a person up. Which is why i didnt do a lot of the big ol glass he had. I knew better.

So we arrived on a game plan to go to my cousins bar. I HAD A FUCKING AWESOME TIME! Despite the fact that i had to text the woman cuz he had no text.

I did what he needed! i wormed my depraved self into this girls world. I DID EVERYTHING I COULD to make sure EVERYONE understood what they were getting into.

Then the fucker shit on me because he was drunk. hes been my friend for almost 15 years so he gets a little leeway! But i will not let his drunk ass shit on me, especially when i did what he needed and wanted me to do!

AND PEOPLE WONDER why ive put men as a very low priority! FUCK THIS! i told him call me tomorrow and see if im not mad.


Because fuck this, im not going to do my best to get along with the new girl if your going to be a dick to me. I have more then him as a friend. But he places so much importance on my opinon of this girl.

GOD alcohol is not some peoples friends. Hell it was my family who bought like 3 rounds tonight! So fuck you buddy! Till tomorrow at least!

Fuck me its 230 and i have to pick Mae up at noon. Jeez....oh well in 10 hours it will be cool. Too bad this friend of mine doesnt realize that ill be the one saving or destroying his new relationship! Ahhh but again im a good friend and ill do my best to make him happy!

Heres to alcohol...the stuff that fucks up what you want because you cant stop your addictive behaviors!

Second Friday that ive seen 1230 and gone sooo this is what 1230 looks like lol. Im broke! Seriously i had 2 dolla when i left the house this morning at 10ish.

Worked like 6 hours and brought home ten bucks in tips. Woo yay us! That meant we had 30 bucks in tips before we split them.

It was a rough day. Mae when we came home was just a handful. It was made more difficult by the fact that i was tired and was sore. BUT im the mama and thank god i only had to tough it out till 9 lol.

My mom and dad stayed in town tonight at a hotel and they invited me for drinks and treats after i dropped Mae off. It turned out to be a really great night with my parents. I have great parents. It helps that they still like to party a bit lol.

We had a drink at the hotel bar and some treats. Then we went and had food at Doughy Joeys. Seriously let me tell you, the food was good, but not as good as the bill. The drinks really killed the bill. BUT we had a good time and i got to spend time with my folks.

I have great parents! Hell they even loaned me 20 bucks for gas!!! OMG seriously?? I was telling my friends about it tonight and i looked at my friend and with all seriousness told him, i would ask him for money before my folks. He was shocked as shit. My parents do not lend me money. I do not ask them for money. They dont give it! I get it! So when my mom told my dad to give me 20 bucks for gas i was in shock! Greatful as hell because my car was a tick from in the red and the light coming on. Tuesday is payday and im sooo glad i took todays shift. It means ill have at least 20 bucks after babysitting and paying them back.

My friends are trips! I love them to death. As i mentioned i had 10 bucks from my tips, so after i left my mom n dad, i stopped for a drink with my friends. I told them, look im staying for one and then im going home. 2 out of 3 believed me. My one friend called a bit ago wanting to know where i was. I was like um im home, i went out with my folks and had a good time lol. He was like YOU BAILED!! Said it like ive never gone home early on a friday night. Um sometimes im responsible! LOL he was like ok i get it, but next friday lol. I was like yea next friday ill be out because i dont have to work till 5 lol. Gives me pleanty of time to sleep the alcohol off.

It was a good time. Though i will say this, im surprised that people talk to me lol. I dont hold anything back. If you tell me that your a booty call to someone, im not going to tell you that your not a booty call. Dont come to me if you dont want my honest opinion. This one girl was telling me something, that i dont think ive known her long enough to tell me stuff, and i was giving it straight. I went hold on, hey im heather and dont ask me stuff unless you want the blunt answer. She was like ive known you long enough thats why im asking you my friends are all sugar coating it. WTF? Why sugar coat with your friends? I want the truth from my friends because sometimes i make bad choices lol.

So tonight was a pretty great Friday night and i still have 3 episodes of TNG to watch!!

Heres to Friday nights where you know what 1230 looks like!

Ahhh the weekend is almost here. Tomorrow at 9 my faux weekend starts. Why do i say faux? Because i have to work at 11 on Saturday which means i miss friday out with the guys. Thats ok because i dont think my liver can keep up with them lol. Then i get off at 5 on Saturday and im pretty sure im going to be a bit tired.

Maybe after a big nap ill be able to find something to do. If not ill just zone out with a movie. I still have Obsessed to watch and i splurged a whole big whoppin 9 dollars on myself lol. Yea i bought myself a dvd with the best of STTNG. i love the borg episodes lol.

I need to not be so busy busy, but when everyone else works during the week and you work weekends, its interesting trying to figure out what to do.

Im going to do my best again this week to not pick Mae up until later. I just have to refuse the invitation for breakfast with grandpa lol. He likes Sunday breakfast out with Mae. BUT seriously lol i need a few hours alone lol.

Mae has been pretty good lately. Today she is working on my nerves. Its like she has several really good days in a row and then BAM shes back to the naughty child. Sighs i love my kid but man i need my time off just to recharge so i can get back in the swing of things.

I think tuesday we are going to start a new potty training situation. I dont think it will work, but my mom swears it will. We will see. Maybe by the end of the month she will be in big girl panties. Ugh who am i kidding im going to be changing the diapers of a 7 yr old.

Im really moody im assuming its some form of pms. I just feel all icky and edgy and just want to be nasty to people. Too bad there isnt anyone to be nasty to lol. I suppose if i really wanted to be a bitch i could accept psychos invitation and leave comments on her blogs. But i just dont have it in me to be creatively bitchy especially when its the same old tired subject.

Heres to moodiness...the natural state of the female.

There are two women who read my blog who have either lost a child or have a very sick child. I have a very healthy child. I feel guilty sometimes that i sit here and bitch about Mae.

It makes me feel like i should just be greatful that shes healthy and with me. I cant ever know how they and other mothers feel. I know its probably stupid, but sometimes i just think about that.

How it must be hard for people to read others blogs. How im greatful that during all my bitching, that all those mothers who have read my blog never said to me....just be glad you have her, just be glad shes healthy.

Im extremely greatful that i have Mae and she healthy. Im extremely tired from doing everything i can to be a good mom to her. Thank you ladies for the comments you have left about my mothering.

I think also that the month of August kind of brings out the pity party in me, like youve just been reading. Maybe its not even a pity party, but whatever it is its stupid. Katie was born in August and in August she wanted to live with my sister.

I have two very distinct memories of August. Extreme joy and Extreme pain. I want so much to write Katie a grown up letter. But shes not grown up enough. I know if i write that grown up letter i could lose that microscopic piece of her i still have.

I want to tell her how the biggest mistake was letting her go. The hardest thing is keeping her there and not fighting the battle to bring her home. How i hope, wish, fantasize that her motivation in calling my sister mom was to hurt me because she was hurting. How i never thought that id never have her.

And then i bitch about what Maes doing. I hope those that read know that its not bad with Mae. I just throw out the stuff to bitch so that i can open my eyes in the morning and go...Ooook its another day, lets see what happens.

And then i go back to thinking about other moms. I think about some of the moms that are blogged about and i wish those kids could write their moms the grown up letter. Knowing that they cant because they arent ready for it and it would just go right over that moms head and she would turn it against the step mom. Just my opinion.

Ive been thinking about moms alot. Im obsessed i think. There are a lot of moms i wonder about.

Maybe its not just what happened in August, maybe this is all just a hormonal girl thing. Whatever it is, its really strange. I know that i need a good cry, i just really dont feel like doing that. Ok so id rather read a book then watch one of the movies that make me bawl. I just cant let all that emotion out scripted. I think maybe if one of my movies was on tv and i flipped to it, id watch. Maybe im just lazy.

Things arent bad right now. Nothing is the matter, except i miss my katie. I wish my mom and others who think there are wrongs in the situation would all have like an intervention and say hey this sucks to my sister. Hell ive even made tentative plans to go out with John to the movies.

Life isnt bad, im just kind of meloncholy i guess. Now im just babbling, but it feels good to babble and just blab away. Im pretty sure the zig zag from one conversation to the next isnt fun to read. But hey, im kind of all over the place.

Heres to going to WalMart at 515 in the morning for hair dye and the best of Star Trek: The Next Generation.....yea im a freak like that lol.

Tv is so bad that im ashamed to admit im watching Megan Wants a Millionaire. OMG did these guys not watch the other trainwrecks she was on? Seriously you want to take home to mama a woman who wants to be a trophy wife, and has all but admitted to being a gold digger...oh wait i think she did.

Though to VH1s credit lol they did throw in this guy that as soon as i saw him i knew he was the token. OMG seriously, why would you put this guy on there just to have her crush him? I mean the dude has got to be 50 or so and shes like late 20s. He looks to be perfectly frank, like hes the guy your told dont take candy from.

Sigh...another trainwreck and ive been sucked in!

Well the weekend is about over. Everyone else is going to be starting their work week, me not till thursday. Its been a pretty good weekend. Any weekend thats hangover free is a good weekend to me lol.

Last night at work i thought about slicing the shit out of my finger. But my brain registered a second before disaster that disaster was iminent. I have all my fingers, yay me!

The real fun began about 11 oclock. My grandpas girlfriend scared the shit out of me. She hadnt seen my granpa all night, and i had just gotten home. I FREAKED OUT! I was like ill call ya back. I was in the process of getting the phone book when who walks in the door. Yup my grandpa. Ohhh i could have wringed his neck! So now we are contemplating gps or lojackin that mans car.

Its not the first time that its gone on like this and every time it happens its terrifying. But he wants, needs, craves his independence. So we deal.

The search for clothes continues. Maaan...my girl is 3 years old and a size 5 and size 6 pants at the store dont fit her. The 5 is to small in the waist and both are too long, the 6 is weird it gaps at the back and is snug at the front. I GIVE THE FUCK UP!! Since the asshole doesnt think its part of his responsibility to help with clothes, im going to have to do what my mom did with us. She paid my gramps back a little at a time, and ill be paying her back a little at a time. I dont know why this clothes shopping business has to be so tough! Also the sets that would have fit her, yea of course there isnt any left in her size. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

We did WalMart today, its kind of become a sunday thing and they have a Cost Cutters there. Well Mae got her way this time. I finally broke down and said ok. Everytime we go past CC she says I want my hair cut, and she does it everytime!! Today was the day. We cut her almost middle of the back hair up to her shoulders. My friend brigitte wasnt excited lol. Shes always on me to keep it long and its beautiful and blah blah. Should have heard her when i chopped all my hair off lol. But Mae wanted it, we had the money and the time. She looks cute, its not a big cut or anything. Just to her shoulders and she still looks cute. Now i can use the barrettes in her hair without them getting lost.

Now i know i promised psychos, but man i dont know. I mention them and they come crawling out. Lets visit and old psycho shall we! There are a few people who read this who know that i just couldnt stop myself from commenting on a certain fruitjudycakes blog. Her pattern was to let me comment and comment and comment, and have my fun , till her psycho little mind couldnt take it anymore. She would close her comments, and leave comments i couldnt reply to. All the while im like whatever lol your my free entertainment. Also the whole time wanting me to go away, not read, not this, not that...well what do i find in my email today? An invitation to be a friend of hers on her blog. WHY O WHY do you want my attention lol, its like the asshole, you claim you want nothing to do with me, for me to go away, for me to be a grown up, for me to whatever else they want lol but then you come and beg for my attention. I never had her on any messanger list or friends list or anything like that so the excuse of i used their search to find my friends doesnt wash. So of course i checked it out. OMG its the same bullshit just a different site. Seems though that shes taken a page from anothers book and stolen peoples pictures to add to it. Seriously, you know i have an addiction problem, why invite my trouble lol?

The other psycho highschool bullshit involves my brother. His wife is a piece of work. I knew there was a reason that i never tried to be friends with her. She has an excuse, ok so 3 years ago she did. Shes 20 years old and using the whole myspace to fuck with his head. Its so stupid, i mean i may have only grown up 10 minutes ago, but seriously, you have a kid to raise and you dont even watch that kid. Now you want to get divorced and have my brother, who were all pretty positive isnt the father, support you with child support. Um...no thanks. If it was his kid then yea hes totally obligated. But if its not, well then hit the bricks sista cuz your brand of bullshit isnt welcome.

Ahhhhh life is sweet! I had a real good weekend!