So I should definitely be asleep but I can't.  He's in my bed and I just want to cuddle and enjoy. Fortunately for me I took a huge cocktail and will have to sleep lol.

This in love thing has me fucked up.  But it's also showing me my weakness and I can correct that lol. 

10 years of stuff to unlearn lol

Surprise sex. And good sex. Best thing ever before it's time to sleep at 4 or 5 when you have a donut shift. 

Going to grab some cuddles before I pass out lol.

Damn sex is a necessity who knew lol?

Oh this communication thing is hard. Not being in charge of Everthing is hard.

Today sucked ass. A customer is actively trying to get me fired. If you dislike me that much...get your coffee somewhere else. Leave me alone.

Back to my house isn't clean enough.  Ugh give me a break I didn't have time to do it right because the move was so quick.

Thursday I'm going to the movies with my friend no matter what.  We had this planned before we were together.

It's just been a crappy Monday.

He is willing to communicate.  He is going to have to learn that I may need 10 more minutes then him to process. That and I need to learn to shut up and just listen and not interrupt. Doesn't matter who it is I'm an interrupter lol.

I also have to learn to not vent to his dad about him. We can talk about him but I need to find the boundary line. This is a lot all at once.

My house and garage are a bigger wreck than before.  Cleaned it just to fuck it up again lol.

We have so much work still to do and I'm sooo over moving.

Tonight he kisses me, hugs me, and says I love my baby. I just looked into his beautiful blue eyes and he held my gaze and said I do.  And hugged me again.

I'm a very insecure person when it comes to men. I don't know how to just trust. I don't know how to communicate.  I don't know how to do this. I haven't done it in like 10 years.

I'm processing all of my emotions and trying to not over think things. Because if I'm honest with at least myself I started falling for him the minute I looked into his eyes. I tried to be slow. I still am. But I do love him. I just don't know how to love without waiting for it to go away.

How do you let decades of bullshit go just like that? I guess I'm going to have to figure a way to explain it to him in a way a guy can process.

I'm scared and nervous and insecure and immature. I have to step up if I want this. And yes I want this. Time to start over. He doesn't deserve to be punished for the asses who came before him.

Well all the big stuff is now in my garage.  Tuesday I'll go to the apartment and do dishes and bring them back.

I was going to do it tomorrow but I realized I have a meeting at 3. So I'm thinking after my short Tuesday shift I'll do that. Tomorrow when I get home I'll bring in the stuff from today's haul that's in my truck.

This moving shit sucks! Especially on a new relationship. We're hot, stressed, tired and irritated.  Which has us bickering with each other.  I'm like seriously i don't know what the deal is...tell me so I know.  Same for him I'll tell you when I have a problem.

I'm just ready to be done.  If we're going to bicker then let it be about something not just because we're both stressed from this move.

His dad is doing really well. I did forget just a little what it's like living with an old person.  But thanks to Grandpa I'm adjusting. Hell I'm in my room right now chilling out. He's got everything he needs and if he wants he can get up. He's ready to tear it up lol a broken hip hasn't kept him down.

I really hope we can get everything settled so we can start this thing we're doing.  Because I'm ready for as close to normal as we'll get.

So there is  a lot of manipulation going on in the world of Ryder Mae. 

Her dad is making promises and telling her that she can this or that. 

Well as much as I don't like it. I played the game right back. 

The difference is that I can make sure the promises can be made and kept. So I pulled out all the stops and gave her an alternative. 

Funny she seemed to really like my idea. One day she'll be a mom and get it lol.

Yesterday got the cat and a bunch of clothes moved.  Tonight I think we're taking pictures off the wall and bringing them here. I'm packing knick knacks tonight.

Saturday I think is dishes and Isaacs stuff. And Sunday is the big stuff. He got at least one big guy to help and a guy to drive the uhaul so I don't have too.

This move needs to be done and over. I'm ready to start really living together and nitpicking because that's what couples do lol.

I hope I picked right. Because I really really like him. 

So texting with Brenda I think I've got my blog able to come out lol.

Yesterday showed me his insecurity and leftovers from previous relationships.  I'm thinking there may have been a few ladies who lied and schemed who came before me.

The school sent me an email and then called. Because I didn't want to deal with the voicemail I answered and hung up.

I don't know why but I told him it was just the school. Maybe because it was odd to answer and then hang up.

We'll about 5 minutes later I hear something like you're lying to me. I was like wtf are you talking about? And he repeats him. And I go again wtf are you talking about. 

Turns out when I flipped my screen towards him showing the number flash by he read it wrong.  He thought it was a cell and I was lying about who was calling. 

Told him dude I don't know what your deal is but I'm too lazy to fucking lie. I can't keep shit straight. Turns out the number he "saw" is an actual number to a guy named randy. I know a randy but not his # and he would never have mine.

So we had our first argument and no I didn't let that shit go. I even looked at him later and Told him I wasn't letting it go yet.

I'm not other girls. I use my words. If I say something you can usually take it to the bank. 

So this morning I have to go meet with the people at the hospital because the dad is coming home Friday.  Which means I have to get shit done at 2 places. 

Never again lol am I moving anyone like this again lol.

You know i love and live for this shit lol.