Its a little earlier then im usually up, so you know i either have wicked heartburn, had funky dreams, or just had something get stuck in my head. Its the latter lol.



Im waiting for Mae to get up and im doing farmville. I was accepting all the pretty presents to make my.....holiday tree grow.



Im sick of holiday trees and happy holidays. Its Christmas time. You are never going to change the fact that December means Christmas for a huge part of america. So im saying merry christmas instead of happy holidays. And ill be ignorant and teach my child that its Christmas. We celebrate the fat man, yes i know christmas is supposed to be about Christ. BUT...its all about the fatman when your little.



Now onto the real thing that is stuck in me. The holiday tree. Hell the white house has one. Heres my bitch! What other December Holiday uses a tree to put presents under?



Maybe there is a kwanza tree, i dont know. Maybe theres a Muslim tree, i dont know. Maybe theres a chaunaka tree, ok there isnt.



What other tree gets presents under it? THE CHRISTMAS TREE!!! If your putting presents under it then call it what it is!!!



And thats my bitch!



Heres to saying Merry Christmas because my tree has Santa presents under it!

Yayyyy my kid is back to smelling like an ashtray! Wooo hoo! The smell and tales my daughter carries back now are just nuts.

At least i know her imagination is working. I dont know what goes on over there and im sure if i did know what goes on over there i wouldnt care for it. So im going to keep believing that the things Mae tells me on Sundays are just that...an active imagination. Did I mention that she lost 2 lbs this week? Yea she came back 4 lbs up!!

Picked up Mae and then we ran over to CF to look at her new bed. If you follow me on facebook look for the pictures coming soon of Mae at the bed store. Mom had gone over and seen a daybed and really liked it. I couldnt think what a daybed looked like or if it was big enough for Mae.

We get over there and downstairs is the bed. Oh its cute. White frame and nice mattress. It will work well in her room now and in future rooms because its not so big and it will set up against a wall. BUT wouldnt you know it lol...Mae wanted the black one. The black one was 400 bucks plus whatever 2 mattress's would cost. Oh did i mention it was bunk beds lol. Yeah my daughter, the girl who falls down like the rest of the women in our family, wants to climb and play. Sure not happening this year lol.

Now i just have to figure out what bedding i want to get for it. Im thinking that maybe we will go with HM because shes still stuck on it, but who knows, she might surprise me lol.

Now i just have to empty her room of all the stuff that we have just hanging out in there. Hopefully freecycle will help me get rid of a chair. The rest i just have to get over that instinct to horde and just throw it out. Also im sure the HUGE TOTE of stuffed animals will find a good home in no time.

Heres to living in ignorant bliss though you know better.

These are the bi-polar moments of our lives. I think that should be the new commercial. Two friends sitting down, doing whatever, talking and as they go to take a sip of something thats what you hear.

Weeeeeeeeeeeee my life is good! Well lets end the week with a bummer drag moment. No job at Subway for me. But like i commented back to Jan, maybe its not such a bad thing. They have uniforms and stuff and its all pre sliced and litte. At my work i rock the slicer, get to be goofy, get to wear my funky hat(its really so cool lol), and not be all formal structured. So while a bit disappointed, im not completly wrecked over it.

Did something i havnt done in awhile. Had a girls night on Friday. My poor girlfriend K, she has it rough. Like i mean the for real rough. I dont know how she makes it. Ok so i do, she busts her ass doing everything she has to to make things right.

So we sat in her room and pow wow'd. The girls played in the living room with a variety of movies to choose from. Maaan that girl needed to vent. She tried to apologize later and i was like man dont trip lol you needed that. It was like you could see it just come pouring out. After she took Mae to her dads for me we watched a movie. Thats when my phone started going off lol.

First my grandpa, i answered that one. Then the guys called. I ignored that one. Till after the movie. Hey it was girls night and grandpa is the only one who gets answered.

I caught up with the guys and they were toast lol. They missed me though. Aww its good to be missed. Ive got great friends. We hung out after i got off work last night.

BUT that was strange! My guy friend K has a roommate. That roommate is my ex G. He has Heather Issues like you wouldnt belive. OMG does he have issues! I get along with almost all my ex's. Theres only one who i dont. G drinks...ALOT. Yes he is truly the A word. Sometimes he gets the bad drunk. Last night was one of those times.

My friend K and i had a conversation before G moved in. I asked him if i had to be nice and blah blah. Ive done really really well. Ive had to sidestep affections, sidestep potential drama, ive been fucking good! Last night though i dont know what flipped his switch but it was really really uncomfortable. He was making comments that just made my skin crawl and was just all in the hint hint i want you, hint hint i like you. Fuck hes even told K how he fucked up with me. Well what happens when G gets this way with that much beer in him, his next step is being mean to me.

I went down to the basement to chill out. I had to get away. G was playing his im drunk n depressed but still want to seem cool music, was being kind of an ass, and anyways. I ended up downstairs. K followed and i told him what was going on. That the next step for G was to be mean and say some stupid shit to me. I told K that if and when he did, i was going to go off. I was going to do it the right way, but i was going off. He understood, because G was creeping him out too.

Lucky for us the hiccups, im going to puke, mode came on lol. G went to bed and T kicked out some good tunes. I leaned into T and thanked him for music lol. T needs to be slapped a bit i think though.

But they missed me lol. K missed me so much when he left me my message friday he said love ya at the end and then caught himself and was stumblin trying to get back to peace out lol. I love my friends.

Today im going to pick Mae up about 2 so we can go to Cedar Falls to look at a bed for her. Thats going to be her Christmas present.

Ok so i think im done, enjoy the pics on facebook my friends.

Heres to being missed by all the right people.

I share all the good bad and ugly that goes on in my life. Sometimes theres a lot of bitching. Thats what its been lately, but this one is a good one. I was just sitting here and all of a sudden i was like i should share the best part of my day.

Today was screwed up. First the bajillion hours on the phone with target, and then my friend K calls me and needs to use the friend card because of her car. Working with the new girl and we got out a bit later then normal. Ok so maybe not all screwed up, but i told K today that we just seem to live our life in crisis lol. She goes we cant find any serenity lol. We try hard to laugh in the face of life because we dont have the luxury of laying down and dying lol.

Anyways...back to the the best part of my day. I dont know if i blogged this or not, but back when Mae started school the other parents didnt or wouldnt dance with their child. I didnt get this and i still dont. However as the year has gone on they are getting better. Now when you pick up your kiddo from school the last thing they do is dance to Shania's song Up. You can really boogie to it.

As im fond of telling everyone.... I have no problem looking like a fool and taking you with me. Well for adults that can kind of suck if you cant just let loose. But if your a 3 yr old....wwwwwwoooooooo buddy! They like that! They can get down with the sickness!! LOL.

Well i dance with Mae a lot at school. The only reason i wont dance is if we have to be somewhere right away. Other wise its .. "Maaaaaaaaama come dance". Well today it wasnt just Mae wanting me to come dance.

J grabbed my hand and wanted me to dance with her too. Then S came over and joined in. Then two others who i dont know there names joined. Well when i dance...I DANCE! You know the end of Footloose where KB screams Lets Daaaaaance, yea well thats me lol.

I twirl, i dip, i shake my butt, i jump, i go in a circle, i dance! I may not know any fancy dances but the kind of dancing im able to do...well noones complained lol.

So there i am ive got one who i was twirling and one who was falling lol. Then when the other kids came over we all held hands. We danced in a circle. We danced forward as a circle. We danced backwards. Then we danced in the opposite direction of the circle. We tried to do the wave. WE DANCED!!

Ohhh it was such a good moment. You know one of those moments you hope you hold on to forever. The kids were smiling and laughing and just being kids.

Its those moments that i live for. The moments when you just let go and everyone is happy shiny. Sure we may leave a bit late, maybe not make it to a friends house on time, get distracted and forget. But damn its worth it.

Heres to dancing without fear.

Sometimes you just dont see what other people see. Whether its the good the bad or the ugly. Sometimes you just arent seeing what others do.

Yes im back on the christmas help kick again! Im sorry, its just been kind of one of those things.

B at the school gave me umpteen reasons why she suggested us for help, D and B and C here have said many nice things about me. My friend in life B also has said a lot.

I just dont understand why i cant see what they see in me. Hell even at work last night i didnt get it. The boss's daughter was telling me no you cant leave me. Hell ive seen that girl come out of her shell a bit, at least around me. Found out today that i guess, im one of the few people she will open up around. This girl would just sit at the table and read and not talk. Now shes laughing and joking right along with me.

I know deep down im a good person. I may not be the most moral or whatever, but when it counts and when it matters...bottom line is im a good person. I dont live my life the way others think i should, and maybe their right. But im living it without turning into a raging psycho bitch.

Just because i know im a good person doesnt mean i can fully believe it. Though my words and actions towards others and even those im close to should make me believe it.

Yes, im going to hell and taking the RV, but ill have company of the best kind. Even if its just as a ride for them to get to the good place lol.

I have been blessed with the kindness of others this holiday. I appreciate it. I may not be able to stomach it because i put myself there, but i appreciate it. I am accepting it, and im just so greatful.

The company that adopted my family this year called today. She told me how they raise the money for their adopt a family program. They save popcans all year and then cash them in. They also donate a little bit of their money as well. It makes me glad that people will do this. Ive contributed in the past and even though im broke this year, im throwing loose change into the red pots. Still trying to teach my kids the value of people and doing good things.

This will give me a chance to teach my child about generosity. To teach her that if your fortunate enough to have stuff you should give back. To just pay it forward. She may only be 3 but by the time ive gotten her raised ill have talked enough to her that all those little lessons will be engrained into her head.

Heres to seeing what others see, be it good or bad!

If you follow me on facebook you know this morning has been nothing but ARRRRRRRRGHHHHH!! Christmas brings about a bout of obsession. The obsession of finding the best deal. Returning things already bought just to turn around and rebuy at another store because it was cheaper.

I was on a freaking mission. I was obsessed about getting this coupon my friend told me about. ive spent 2 days already trying to figure out where the coupon was at. Finally i just called the store. They gave me a number to call for help finding the coupon. Cool, customer service SHOULD know their head from their ass! Right? Fuck no!!!

Almost 45 minutes later, after being on hold. After ranting on facebook because i couldnt yell at the lady anymore. Oh i yelled!!! I asked her do you have the same thing i do. Yes. OK i went step by step, very slowly(more on the reason why in a moment), i told them how far down to scroll, what the box said, what i typed into the box, what page it took me to. SHE HAD NO FUCKING IDEA!!! WTF!!! Are you serious!!!

By this time, i dont know how far into the call i was, after missing calls on my phone, im just pissed! Im asking for a supervisor, im asking for someone smarter, im asking for the damn seeing eye dog!!! Im pissed, frustrated and my phone battery is begining to die! THATS HOW LONG I WAS ON THE PHONE!!!

Finally FINALLY!! She transfers me to some other guy. Ive already vented to them about how im trying to give them my money, but i should just have stuck with walmart kmart and toys r us!!! 3 minutes into talking with this guy....HALLELUJIA!!! Ok i spelled that wrong, i dont care lol. There was the land of coupons!! Oh the obession has ended, i am in savings heaven!!

He said go to target.com, go to the bottom where it says store, click on grocery coupon. Voila, i spelled that right lol, there on the left hand side is all the places you can go for coupons. He took 3 minutes, got me there, got my coupon, and when i asked is this how i find the coupons from now on, yes...and i was off the phone. He apologized and apologized, thanks, but um why didnt she know wtf was going on!!!

I hate calling customer service because most in CS had to take the ESL class i swear to god!! See this is that moment i mentioned. ESL if you dont know is English as a Second Language. Im sorry if im calling for help i want to be able to UNDERSTAND what your saying, not have to ask 980394 times what? Ive dealt with accents before, but at least they hadnt taken the ESL class. Im sorry i want someone who speaks English that i understand. Hell ill even take talking to someone with an English accent speaking English over this chick. Why o Why cant they just spend the bucks and get people who EVERYONE can understand. Maaaaaaan if my grandpa had tried to call this number...fuck hed have stroked out while on the call.

Maaan am i frustrated!!! Plus my friend had to play the friend card today. More in another blog, maybe. Its been a Thursday let me tell you!!!

Heres to bitch and moan Thursdays....

Just got back from taking Mae to school and filling out what we would like for Christmas. The lady at the school told me that since we are a small family that the company adopting us might be able to help another family too.

Well i went in with a list of like 5 things for Mae and a list of 2 things for me. Why be greedy? Its not about being greedy. Its about just getting a few more things because i just cant do it.

Well um i guess your supposed to be kind of greedy when you do this. I have been trying to teach Mae and Katie when she was younger that you always put in the red pot. I feel horrible, not as horrible, but still horrible that im asking for help. The lady told me that i didnt need to feel bad since im out looking for a better job, im taking care of Mae, i get her to school on time and clean every day, and we try to do things with the school. That with all the things my friends here and in the flesh have said, im not feeling so bad. But i think i will always remember this as the Christmas that i just sucked!

Anyways i need to stop complaining. I just cant help it lol.

I got online last night and was looking at stuff for Mae. You know were all walmart shoppers lol. I found a couple things that i thought shed like. And then it wasnt enough for her list lol. We ended up putting books, and dolls, and barbies, and a new place mat. This is on top of the underwares and socks that you just have to put on there. I really hope that out of Mae's list they get her the pajama set. She would absolutely flip out over that! Its got jamas, a blindfold, slippers, and a carrying bag!

Then grandpa told me he didnt want anything, well the lady told me lol tough hes getting something lol. So i put down a sweater for him, and then of course taco bell gift certificates, and candy and pie lol. I told her he didnt want anything and when i started to tell him about it, he wanted to get lippy lol. Told him dont worry i only asked for blah blah, didnt tell him about the sweater lol. He was ok with that.

Then it came to me! I had only written down two things for when i got there. I would really like a zip front hoodie, and again my eyebrows waxed lol. Well i ended up asking for bedding, pillows, a gift cert to the vid store, pyrex, cookie sheets, and an electric skillet...along with deodarent and shampoo. Again...i wasnt doing this for me! I was doing this for help with Mae!

I think that with the last couple paychecks i have before Christmas...it will end up being nice. Thank you to the kindness of strangers! Ill feel a bit down but ill know that teaching the kids about charity is one lesson...learning how to accept charity when needed is another. Hopefully they dont have to learn that lesson for a long long time!

Heres to accepting!