Ok so I totally know it's been forever and I don't even know if this will post. But I had to go somewhere that's mine and put down some things.

So first let's start with Mae.  Currently she is in a group home because I can't effectively parent her or keep her safe. So she will be there for 6 weeks up to 6 months. It breaks my heart but it's what's best for her. She's 10 right now but what about 13? Get ahead of it before there isn't anything to change her.

Now for the second new thing. As you know I've been dating and enjoying the dates that I got. Well last Monday I did something I never do. I messaged a guy first because his pictures just called to me. So I said something like this is me saying hi first. A few hours later I got a short message back. Well before I went out I put up a status about who I wanted to meet. Well I'm sitting in the bar with the guys and I'm randomly answering messages.  Well one guy said he couldn't because he took an ambien. So I get home and not long after I get a message from the person I messaged.  And we started talking and then later that day we met. And that was it. For the past 4 days I've been with him. I was his girlfriend by the second day. Now it's looking like we're going to move in together.  How fucking insanely beautiful it is. This man makes me feel.  He's a man. He's been open about everything.  He is my physical and personality type. He works. He has no baby mama drama. Monday is my Dr's appointment so we  make none of those.

There are two seriously funny things about this. The first is literally an hour after he went to work Tuesday after we texted. I got my period.  Seriously lol but I told him I think that was a good thing because we couldn't jump any further. So we're both a little frustrated but it just means we talked. The second funny thing is the ambien guy....is literally his neighbor and friend. I saw him today and he is toootally not my type. I told him I'm glad his friend didn't show up because I'm mean and would have most likely been rude.

Now for him. He's 6 foot 4 with short red hair. Beautiful blue eyes. He is a man and that will be an adjustment because I've been independent for so long. He's affectionate and seriously just makes sense when he talks. His touch or thought of him is electric.  I am in serious serious like with him.

Earlier at the bar I complained to a friend that the boys were gone. Then I found exactly what I asked for. This is going to be the last major impulse I make. I don't care if I'm wrong or how I'm judged. This man is capable of being with me and has a way already of just making me snap to". 

It's not a d/s relationship. He's just a man who is a man. I finally stopped fighting him about gas money. I let him buy dinner. I've never had a man. And he's just like me and my friends.

I am seriously in like. I am seriously insecure.  And a little anxious.  But I see something that I haven't seen in many years.

Soon to be back in bed with the man I like like.

Library sitting

Ok so I have no idea how long its been since ive been on this site. Oh wait yes I do. It was the last time I had time to kill at the library. Kinda like today! I have to be at the doctor in a half hour to see what the mri said about my arm.

yes I get that im typing and yes it hurts but im only here because I had to get some paystubs so I can get help with my rent and water from the VA.

The only good thing to come out of the kids dad. Sooo since all the bs went down with him I have been a royal bitch. I only contact him when the kiddo wants something that I can't afford. Well I couldn't afford milk because hello I haven't worked in 2 weeks. He informs me that to keep helping us he needs visitation. AND THEN proceeds to tell me when he sees the girl that hes going to tell her to quit lying and to stop ruining his life and blah blah blah. HELL NO that girl isn't going anywhere near that man. Who in their right mind would send a child who says she was traumatized back to a place where you were just told she would be traumatized. Duh not happening!

So even with being off work I happened to see how much my bonus check from work is. Im not even going to tell you because it will just piss you off to no end because your jobs aren't investing in the great jobs you do. But its a good check and it will make Christmas Christmas!

ok phone rang and now I got to go lol damn I wanted to type more lol but just know im still reading what I can on my phone. love yall.

Well this is going to be short and sweet because I really am having a shit time of it. Feb 15...seizure with concussion, couple er trips after and then another last Saturday which turned into bells palsy. That's where part of your face freakin goes paralyzed basically.

I cant talk because my tongue still swells up from where I tried to bite the side off. My eyes are all fucked up from the seizure/concussion and now one eye doesn't blink cuz of the bells palsy.

Im on a medical leave of absence from work...oh and all my customers who I like saw me bleeding and a blithering idiot when the paramedics carted me out of work. I found this out just a few days ago.

Katie is living with me and and mae. We love her and even with all she has put others through shes my kid and I support every fucked up bad choice she makes cuz shes my kid. My mom asked how come I have so much faith in her...um shes my kid. yall had a big hand in keeping her out of my life well now im in and I think Katie sees what the real deal is and that even though I sound and act like grandma sometimes...im not grandma and I really do have her best interests at heart even if I don't like her choices. Shes working and thanks to her job lol we wont have to worry about the cable bill lol. She agrees that since out of everything lol that's what she likes the most she will contribute there.

Im very emotional and very disturbed at the moment and hopefully getting back to the therapist will help. And after the newness of Katie wears off...I don't know.....its like we should have just been together always...ooo wait we were supposed to!

Anyways I lied not short n sweet but it felt like it was going to be short and sweet. Im alive I just really really don't want to do much of anything  but keep my eyes closed  but the life of a mom never stops....even if you have someone to help a bit....grrrr...I just want to be better and back to normal!

Its always few and far between when it comes to my blog. Because fixing my pc isn't one of my priorities right now. I have all kinds of bills and stuff that come first. Plus the hours that I keep if I had a pc, work would be impossible because I'd be on a bejeweled kick lol.

So i found out like 10 minutes ago that i got a raise at my 90 days. would have been neato to know about it before hand lol. So now I make more money then I thought and i still have less money then i want lol.

its hot here and i let the pool go green.  yeah fun fun, but the 15 yr old was sick of being hot so she got out there dumped the pool and bleached the green out and is halfway filled up that pool. they should be able to get into it today. Pretty good for a summer, only dumping the water once.

Kids dad is trying to die on me I swear. That or give me a heart attack, not sure which...either way it sucks. Drove him to iowa city to the va clinic for what was supposed to be easy peasy testing. Yeah while im on the phone trying to find a way to get him back the next week, i look up and he's gone. Next thing I know they are getting us and we're following him on a gurney as they get him ready for a cardiac cath. Good thing he didnt eat when we gassed up.

Mae was happy because he spent a couple nights with  us because after a groin incision who really wants to walk up three flights of stairs. Im not that mean.

so hes better but now Mae wants more time with him, but they are working him so much that he doesnt have time. poor girl.

Im all over the place and am lucky that im as stable as i am. im just totally hating on some things, loving some things, and basically i think i need two things...a good damn cry and a good damn drunk!

And the guy who just sat down next to me reeks of weed lol gotta love the library...or as some say libary lol

thats all i got i have to get ready to go pick up Mae. Early out cuz of the hot.

Still doing the blogging from the library. I had to come and get a paystub. Cant afford to get the computer fixed. Its ok to not have a computer though i miss bejeweled lol. i have facebook on my phone and can get to the rags i like to read.

Im keeping up with brenda's blog, but havnt figured out how to follow Dawns since i know she has a couple of them.

Kids dad and i are getting along as well as we do. He has stepped up monetarily so that Mae can go and do the fun things in town. I am greatful because all my money goes to bills and food. Our luxury is directv. Some of us cant live off mommy forever.

Thought we were done with his ex but after she moved to another state to be with his brother now that things arent going well shes trying to get money out of him. I told him he shouldnt engage  her because it will give her hope and as for the money his money hungry ex takes it all. She doesnt need to know what it goes for.

We went for dinner and movies, and then we went to fridayloo and listened to the band and took olive garden home.

Her adhd are out of control along with her pica. So we have been giving her half a dose to help control both issues.

My mom bought us a pool because she was going to send us on a trip but a  pool will get more use out of it.

I hurt myself bowling a couple weeks ago and of course it just doesnt want to heal on my time schedule. i cant kneel down and the muscle hurts and if i sit to long it pops when i get up, if i can get up.

But ive been going to work and doing what needs to be done. Except yesterday...i slept all day long, was up for like an hour lol. I told my friend why did you let me sleep til almost 2 thats when i start thinking about going to bed lol.

The bipolar/anxiety/depression rule my world at times and other times i cant tell if its me under control or the disease fucking with me.

And that my friends is whats going on in my world!

Ok so this is going to be pretty short. Im sitting at the library because i still have no money to fix the pc, or pay the net bill lol. As it is I'm in debt up to my eyeballs but soon will be able to pay it back.

Spent the last couple months doing a whole lot of nothing. Took care of the kid's dad while he recovered from his heart attack/pneumonia. Lost my job for FUCK and then a day later found another one.

I make more money and to get almost the same hours I have to work a different job but im now the donut girl lol. god its good to have a job even if its not what some consider great. Pays me a buck plus more an hour.

Oh and I found out through the kids dad that good ol psycho from texas is still obsessed with me and reads everything i write and those two have conversations about what i write. Pathetic if you ask me but then hey what do i know im a single working mom living on my own fighting the bill collectors.

the kids dads ex is psycho psycho. So psycho she had her son confront us and then called the police on us. Funny when we were chillin at the house we were harassing her by being in public there isnt anything wrong with her stalking him at work and bringing back stolen property lol.

Anyways life isnt horrible. cant wait for tax time that way i can get most of the bills taken care of. Plus its the kids birthday in April and she wants a party.

O and the chick is so psycho that even the kids dad gets why it might not be safe for Mae to go visit. Some people fuck it all up. 

Ok thats its time to get ready to get the kid and please dear lord get a nap....ooo wait i get up at 210am it will be bedtime lol

Orange Pee

I have orange pee...again!! It's not a uti though this time around they gave me a note for 2 days off work. It hurts so bad I writhe around in pain for at least 10 minutes. At work I made it to lunch yesterday and told them look Im off to the er I dont know if Ill be back. I could have gone back but Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan i didnt wanna and the stuff takes effect pretty quick but damn give me 3o not 6 lol.

this keeps up ill have to go to the urologist.

I think Ill be getting a change in my meds because of the tired and depression. I dont think the effexor works as well as the prozac. but what do i know. Nothing except im up im down im up im down. Works well with having to work. Lets hope they dont fire me, but ill have a lawsuit for them if they do.

And hopefully ill get the bonus this week and be able to pay the mortgage with it and then with fip ill pay all the other bills that always come.

anyways nothing else is going on except the neighbors mowing the yard looks like ill have to find some cash for my friends boy to mow mine lol.

have a great rest of the day.